Chapter 648

Chapter 648: No More, No Less

Chirp.

The first sound I heard-chirp. Caught it midway, mid-tune, like my ears had only just started learning how to hear. Sweet, sultry smooth chirping from a songstress perched on a branch nearby.

Some kind of morning melody from some kind of swallow-mockingjay birdie or another that made its life aspiration to make alarm clocks redundant, I guess. And I was just there-all nice and comfy with a pillow on my head, unconsciously conscious, my mind flicked onto autopilot.

That’s when it all came crashing down on me, in that next second, that autopilot disengaging on me without my input.

Like a proverbial hundred feet tsunami crashing down to kingdom come-memories. I remembered seeing them, dreaming them, feeling them, living them. That Birdie Ellish outside chirped again... and I swallowed the teeming flood in a big, heavy gulp of air.

“Oh, fuck me...” was all I managed to whimper to summarize my entire predicament.

Y’know, I thought maybe after Ria, waking up sharing another’s lifelong memories alongside yours would be something I could somewhat get used to it, but hell no, you don’t... you never do. And in this case, it was far too much. It’s to the point where waking up as myself, being myself, and waking to reality... didn’t feel like reality.

.....

I felt like I really did just live a whole entire lifetime and then some. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it, it was all just a mess... a big heavy lump of feelings and emotions weighing down on my chest and threatening to suffocate me if I didn’t get a grip on myself.

But then I see those faces, I hear those voices-strangers. Some prick called Wilvur, that good samaritan Terra, the frighteningly devout Knight Tilina. Lenora’s haunting visage won’t stop flashing in my head. And this stinging in my heart, this almost overwhelming grief... Eshwlyn’s... and I just... I don’t know, I just...

“Ash...”

I knew it was irrational, I knew it didn’t make a damn lick of common sense, but when I turned my head, flicked my gaze over beside me, I almost expected to find myself sleeping alone... that she wasn’t there anymore... like she was also a mere figment of a long, long dream lost to waking reality.

But there she was. Yeah, of course she was. So just calm down, me.

Her soft breathing on my shoulder, cheeks faintly flushed with the red of winter fever, looking so peaceful, so calm... a far cry from the Elf I was with all night, honestly I don’t think I was fully prepared to have seen what I saw. Ash fast asleep, close as close can be, and the first thing I did was embrace her. After everything I saw, knowing everything I know, it was the only thing I wanted to do; until she wakes, until my arms go numb, until the end of the world-I didn’t care how long for.

She stirred a bit in my arms, her narrow ears twitching like a cat’s, and doubling down on the cat-thing, she even gave a purr-like moan as if subconsciously taking delight in my warmth. Always content over the simplest things... after a lifetime starved of it... now I know why that was, and really it just made my heart ache even more for her.

I meant every word of bear-hugging her until either I die or the world ended, that was until I took into account that we weren’t the only two people in the bedroom.

An all too familiar glint of gold was peering at me from the foot of the bed. Thanks in no part to more recent memories, I actually very nearly did die when I finally noticed it spying every moment of my existence, but thankfully it was no crimson-haired Elf with a warped sense of fidelity, but instead, it was a young Grim Reaper who probably took a look at the last color of the rainbow and really said, ‘Mine now’.

Seeing Sera again before me was like seeing an old friend who you haven’t talked to in eight or nine years, or instead of years, it was like eight or nine hours... albeit very long hours at that.

So for once, in that instance seeing her scowl lurking behind her hood and veil was like having a hearty handshake with that imaginary old friend of mine...

“Hey, good morning,” I said, adding some more spice to our already very engaging interaction. “You don’t look like you’re having a good morning...”

And indeed there was more life in cardboard than there was in her eyes at that particular moment. Though I suppose that’s what proactively using your magic overnight would do to you... if anything, I’m surprised she’s even still standing.

She responded with a low hum which I’m sure would have had very profound insight for me if I only spoke humidifier as proficient as her, but since I don’t, I gave the usual default nod.

Honestly, I wasn’t up for much conversation myself... not after what I’ve seen... still, just because I was a little moody doesn’t mean I’ve lost all sense of compassion, and seeing Sera standing there that diligent, weary figure she was, had my softer side springing forth-letting go of Ash, and throwing my legs over the bed.

“Won’t mean much coming from me, but seriously, thank you,” I said, forcing a small smile through my dampened spirits. “Again, means very little coming from me, so-what will it be? I’ll treat you. Must be starving, right? You got a favorite? Just say the word.”

Her sleeves wiggled a little, to which in all my ingenuity, I manage to interpret as, ‘I can’t speak, stupid’, and so I was forced to improvise a bit there.

“Cookies?” I suggested, and her eyes gave a rousing flicker-bullseye. “See, I knew you’d go for that. Listen I’m piling you a mountain’s worth, alright? It’s more than what you deserve for putting up with all my shit. It should be no problem... the cafe always has a surplus in stock freshly made, once I head on to work I’ll... I’ll...” I looked out the gap in the curtain windows, the sun brighter than the usual early morning I was accustomed to. I blinked. “Oh my God, I’m fired, aren’t I?”

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and in a lapse of early morning stupidity, I flash-banged my poor eyes with the brightness of the display, then wincing, squinting, I had a look at the time, affirming what I already knew-yep, it appears to be half past late o’clock.

Was late yesterday, and I got a thirty-minute lecture and a shift full of snark and snides to show for it. I show up today and Nick’s going to freaking piledrive me on the countertop and into the center of the earth, I just know it.

Then, ah! Speak of the devil-a text message from the giant-man himself sent two hours ago.

I braced myself, tapping the death sentence open, and instead, defying all odds, I have received a blessing from God himself, saying thus in the gospel of Nick, <<Cafe will be closed today. Hayley and I have plans with family. No one's there to manage. Normal schedule tomorrow."

I already would have whooped and hollered at this free day off, but then he snuck in that little snippet of family plans. What family plans? The good type of family plans? The mending of fractured relationships type of family plans? I'm tempted to ask for more, but I'll hold myself back. In the meantime, I'll be crossing my fingers here.

"Well, looks like I'll have to find your rewards elsewhere now," I mumbled, pocketing my phone and feeling my mood somewhat lighten. "And I got some free time, so I might as well start now."

I attempted to get off of the bed, but I just couldn't. I lifted my knees, tried pushing off the mattress, but still couldn't. I was stuck, my body didn't want to move. I was kept confined there against my will... by my own will.

It's quite strange, a little hilarious... and completely, utterly stupid.

Why won't you move, you idiot?

Sera made the same low hum again, staring at me in all my pathetic, paralyzed glory.

"Just gimme a sec," I said to her. "Pretty deep sleep, y'know? Sluggy motor functions and all that..."

I tried again, and it was like completely cuffed to the floor ball-and-chain style. This human psyche thing, I swear... no wonder Shrinks gets all the top dollars.

And again, Sera made that low humming of an idling car, skirting slightly closer with this particular look in her eyes, and that was when I finally understood what all the engine revving was all about.

I smiled at her again, feeling weirdly touched. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I'm alright, Sera. It's just... It's a lot to take in all at once, y'know? I'll get over it soon enough..."

My synapses must be firing backwards today because right immediately after saying that, I was whirling around towards Ash again, and that iron clamp on my ankles just got a whole lot tighter... the squeezing in my chest... a lot more so... and for some reason, I was elaborating.

"I knew it'd be bad, very bad... what I saw, what she and you showed me... I was expecting it, prepared for it, but I just... I don't know, I guess... I guess I was wrong thinking I could handle it. Yeah, it really is a lot to take in, seeing it-and me, I just watched it, but she, but Ash... she had to live through it... and I-I just don't know how she managed to even do that."

With a life of its own, my hand reached across the bed, reaching and slipping into Ash's, and much like before it completely refused to let go. It was like a riddle you get too invested trying to figure out, and now you're in way too deep for it to ever stop bothering you... and right then, Ash was seriously bothering me.

Why, though? Well, I think I finally figured that out... intertwining my fingers against hers, gently caressing the skin of her palm... it's 'cause of guilt, this weird sense of remorse I have stirring within me.

"Now knowing everything she's been through, dealt one of the worst hands you can get in life, all that pain, that suffering..." I sighed, feeling my hand go limp. "I just kinda wish I could have done more for her, I guess. After everything, it's the very least I could have done... and I know back then I didn't know anything, but still... looking back, seriously... I think I could have done so much more, y'know? I could have made her feel more welcomed, brought her to more things she could have enjoyed, I shouldn't have ignored her when she was feeling her lowest. Like really, so much more..."

So busy I was wallowing and monologuing in a world of regret, it took a couple of seconds for me to notice Sera had crept all the way in front of me. She let out another faint sound which luckily I didn't have to try and decipher-her slowly raising her hand out towards me immediately right after was an obvious sign enough.

Wasn't sure exactly what she was trying to do but asking wasn't going to get me anywhere far, so I did the next most obvious thing.

With my right hand still linked with Ash's, I extended my left and allowed her to completely engulf it inside her sleeve, feeling the stark cold of her skin against mine.

For the first few seconds-nothing... nothing but a shared silence and my sole confusion, and then the next-it was like having someone putting up photos right in front of my eyes.

Slowly, one after the other, like a slideshow presentation, I was glimpsing through memories again.

Except this time, I actually knew where they were from.

One moment, I was seeing an Elf popping up from inside a dumpster. The next, I was inviting her home, serving bowlfuls of cereal as dinner. Another memory came and suddenly I was teaching her how to approach a cashier. Then another, and I was pouring through a novel, with her hanging onto my every word, utterly captivated.

And it just kept going.

I saw countless smiles, and I watched as each one grew wider and wider than the last. I saw the first time I ever confessed to her, I never noticed just how fast her ears were quivering back then. Our first kiss, the euphoric sensation of her lips against mine, the way her eyes looked and shimmered back at me so tender.

For the rest of the slideshow, I noticed her eyes had stayed that way, with happier expressions outnumbering any other. With me, only with me, her smiles, her laughter, her tears, memory after memory, her true self showed.

Sera withdrew her hand away and the trip down memory lane came to an end. I was still sitting there, still soaking everything in, when she made another low noise again, cocking her head.

It was then I finally realized why she showed me all those things in the first place, and again, I've never felt more touched.

I smiled at her. "Was that you trying to prove me wrong? That I've done enough for her already?"

Sera didn't make any sound, made any movement. I took that as a 'yes', and y'know what? I felt loads better already.

"Again, won't mean much from me," I said to her. "But truly, thank you for that. I really needed that."

In response, she just batted her eyes, taking a step back with a small dismissive sounding grunt.

"Well then, cookies right?" I said, quickly springing up to my feet, my body, my smile, as light as a feather. "In the meantime, why don't we go looking for your Christmas lights too while we're at it?"