Chapter 168: Turning Point

Mom left shortly after that, a farewell smile on her face and her hand in a wave. True to her word, the kitchen sink had never glistened and shone with as much polish as it had after she had done her work upon it.

She might as well have converted it into a full-fledged mirror with how glossy and reflective it had become, and to top it off, she even reorganized and rearranged the entirety of the kitchen amenities exactly to her liking - looking at it now, it was like taking a quick glimpse of home.

Guess she must have done that on purpose, but I digress…

When she left, everybody was there at the porch-side to watch her go. I was the only one that waved back. 

Then after a minute or two, gone like the wind she was, disappearing into the far off horizon, as if she never even came over, to begin with, and yet although she had departed - that's only in the physical sense. 

I was the first out the porch, and I was the last to leave it too… Once I got back indoors, everybody - matters not Elf, Human or Succubus, everybody still felt her, her presence stayed to linger… and I doubt it'd be going away anytime soon.

The vibe of the living room was in a library mood, apparently… no one was interested in talking much after that. 

Amanda found the bean bag a comfortable spot to withdraw herself to, sipping a steamy hot mug, and scrolling through her phone… almost oblivious to the world around her. Guess that's her way of coping with things, then…

Irene was tending to her arm by the dining table, shifting it, twisting it, probably gauging how much she could push it before the pain became too unbearable… 

Maybe I could have asked Mom to help her with that, but then again… maybe not.

Always by my side, Ash trailed closely to my every step, her guard held forever high. Now with everything somewhat settled, I could finally focus on that one thing that's been bothering me all this time.

Ash. Loyal, devoted, Ash. Why do you refuse to go change into something worthy of your grace? It pains to see your clothes shredded the way they were, loose strands coming undone, and stained abhorrently with my dried crusty blood.

I suggested she go do just that at first… then a moment later, I was urging… by the end of it, I was pleading. Took all of that just to get her going up the stairs to get into some fresh non-tattered attire - even then, she did so quite reluctantly.

That girl's really into the bodyguard role, isn't she? Not that I dislike it, of course, it has its endearing moments. 

I just kinda needed to be alone for a moment… just a little sit-down on the couch with me, myself, and I, so that's what I did, hunched over, elbows perched atop my knees, and slanted hands pushing against my lips. 

Revel in chaos, smile at misery, bask in your hate… I suppose it wasn't exactly the worst advice I ever received - sure beats signing up for a pyramid scheme, but how the hell was I suppose to do any of that?

If I want to shortcut the training process, I just had to give in to those emotions… thing is, do I even have those emotions in the first place? I grew up knowing right from wrong, now I'm being told that the wrong way is right all along.

Heck was I supposed to think? 

Add into the fray long-lost siblings and the utter mess of moral conscience that is my mother and emotion-wise - I'm a downright mess.

Tried to funnel all these thoughts in one long sigh in a vain attempt to rid myself of it all, but all that ended up serving was to raise a pair of light-brown eyes away from the phone screen.

Amanda raised her brows. "You okay?"

I grunted. Didn't even know what grunt meant, I just grunted. Though Amanda seemed to understand it, gazing with eyes sympathetic.

"Irene told me what happened at the studio," She clicked her tongue. "Not a fun time from what I've heard."

A thought suddenly popped into my head. I lowered my hands, and gazed back at her. "Jay. Do you know who he - ?"

"Ah yes, this Jay fellow…" The way she said it, her low tone of voice already gave it away. "I don't know him. Irene said I should, but I don't. She said some kind of magic spell? Hid himself from certain people's memories?"

"Pretty much."

"So this guy, Jay… He's the one that's the cause of everything. He's the reason for the Blight, Ash's appearance, why my mom is…" She trailed her words, and when they returned again, they sounded with a vengeance. "Oh, I already don't like this guy…"

I looked at her, eyes furrowed. "You were friends with this guy."

"Not right now, he isn't." 

Good point.

"But right now… I'm more concerned about you."

I blinked. "Me?"

"Your plan. Sera Nas… you're gonna bring her over, another servant… I saw summonings in-game, usually, there are three or four sorcerers in the act and they don't come out of it looking their best. Over here, you only have you. I mean - can you?"

That's exactly what I'm mulling over about right now. By all accounts, I had everything set up for a sound success. My heritage, my blood, my nature… all I had to do was simply do it.

It was Subjugation all over again, all eyes on me, all trust, all hope on my scrawny shoulders… only this time, there's no fluke, there's no luck. I didn't have a 'just rain' to fall back onto anymore. 

If I mess up, then that's it.

Nobody's going to tell me that 'it's okay', nobody's going to assure me gently that 'I tried'.

It was all or nothing now.

Can I do it? That's really the wrong thing to be asking here… the right question was - do I think I can do it?

And you know what? 

I think I can. I know I can.

Ordinarily, If we're going by past experiences, past attempts… it's only common sense to think that I'm just setting myself up for my biggest failure yet. I couldn't control the weather, couldn't defend myself against Jay - hell, I couldn't even goddamn push a pencil.

Fuck common sense, man. After all, this is fantasy we're dealing with here - what right does common sense have to come up to my face and tell me I can't do it?

I long left the life of realism long ago, including all of its hindrances too… common sense was just this little string of toilet paper sticking to my shoes all this time… and it's about time it goes peeling right off.

Amanda stared at me unblinking, breath-bated, probably looking for some assurances. In a way, she's just like me - a normal girl so abruptly swept in the waves of the abnormal. 

Didn't ask for it, didn't even want for it, alas, there she was, stranded within bottomless depths, just clinging onto the pallid hope that a lifeboat would come and pull her out of these frightening waters.

That she'd be okay, that the world would be okay… that her mother will wake up - those hazel eyes pleaded with me for it. 

What kind of monster would I be to reject those pleads? 

"I can do it," I said, not muttering, not stuttering, no hesitation, I formed a smile. "I will do it."

Like a water dam breaking loose, all tension from her gaze immediately dissipated, and she let out a breath I don't think she even knew she was holding back.

"Okay," She said. Another one's hope riding on my back. "Thank you."

"Bold words, let's hope you can own up to it," sounded a weary voice from afar. 

I turned around… well then, it looked like Irene was done twisting and turning.

"You don't trust me?" I asked, raising a brow.

She blew a breath. "It's not really a matter of trust, and you know that. It all comes down to resolve."

"Then I guess we're in the clear, then," I sprung up from my seat. "Cause I'm going to get this done no matter what."

"You say that, but - "

"But what?" I walked on over towards her, leaning hands onto the table's flat surface. "Thought we were decided?"

"You're going to be under a lot of pressure."

I scoffed. "Like I ain't already."

"Training's not going to be a walk in the park."

"Nothing ever is."

"I'm going to be pushing you past every single one of your limits."

"Wouldn't want you to do it any other way."

She stared at me for a moment. "You're talking big."

I just shrugged in return. "I feel big."

"Not for long," She said. "You have to learn in days what ordinarily people learn in years, every waking moment, every second, you'll be doing absolutely nothing but exerting ounce of energy within you to perfecting this summoning… you won't sleep, because you can't, you won't eat, because you'll refuse, and you won't ever stop until you finally manage to pull it off."

This wasn't discouragement she was giving me, she didn't say this wanting me to walk away - from her eyes, from the fidgeting of her fingers… even when it comes to warnings, she's still as blunt as ever.

All those frightening words, she doesn't want me to put me through all of that if she thinks I couldn't. All that pain, all that struggle, for nothing… guess she doesn't want to see that.

It seems Amanda wasn't the only one that needed some assurance.

I looked back at her, in that one shared gaze between us, I tried to let her know that I knew what the road ahead would entail… the pain, the suffering, the struggle… that I've come to terms with it, that I've accepted it, and that I'll face it all head-on.

Irene blinked, her eyes narrowed, those hazel browns asked of me - why?

I blinked in return, smiled… because you trust me, you all trust me, and it's only fair that I reciprocate that trust.

"And I can't guarantee… that I'll be a good enough… teacher… for you..." She muttered, still trying to be blunt.

'Kay then, I'll be blunt too.

"Then what are we waiting for?" I said, jerking my head to the front door wide-open. "Let's go find that out then, shall we?"