Chapter 17 - Cynophobia

|Eshan|

How was I going to explain things to my dear friends who were stuck on the only thing, that I did not tell them anything regarding my wife? Sure, they would understand but they wanted to know everything right at the moment.

I bought some time by walking away, but for how long? What if Innaya woke up by then and accompanied me? They wouldn't behave badly with her because of it, would they? Many questions swirled in my head. I reached the bedroom door I had managed to close on my way while Ayush was dragging me. Everything could take a backseat for a while. Currently, the woman behind the door was my priority. Letting out a sigh, I twisted the knob opening the door.

"Are you alright?" I asked, speeding up my steps towards the bed where Innaya was trying to get up. Supporting my hands around her shoulders, I made her sit comfortably, placing cushions behind her back.

"Hmm," she almost whispered.

I could see, she was emotionally so disturbed that it had snatched that infectious and genuine aura she always managed to create around herself.

Despite knowing, my friends were sitting right in the hall and could waltz anytime if wanted, I couldn't resist leaning forward and pressing my lips to her forehead.

"How long is this going to continue this way?" Pulling myself a little back I whispered, I still was close to her that I could smell faint smell of her moisturizer. "Every time, you are in this condition... I can't—" It was truth and though I did not want to confront her, I couldn't help when those words left my mouth. I had decided to give her the space she wanted and yet again, I messed up.

I guess, she caught it instantly from my slightly shaky voice that I wouldn't be able to say much when I felt her hand slowly lifting to my cheek.

"I know, you are concerned but I am fine, really."

'Lied! She has once again lied.' I understand she didn't want to trouble me but she did not understand this was a punishment to see her suffering and not being able to do anything. I wanted to help her to get off the things that were troubling her. From last one month, I had noticed the certain void and aloofness blanketing her sometimes. She always had tried to hide it, but how could I overlook her sudden withdrawal?

"You still don't trust me enough?" I found myself whispering but the way her eyes snapped towards mine, I knew she heard me. I did not mean to say that aloud but the way her eyes narrowed, I knew it was too late.

"Some things are best to not talk about, Eshan. You accepted me as I am. Now, you want to know my past. Has things changed between us? I do not need you to ask me about what has happened, I need you to tell me it doesn't matter. My past does not matter."

I was taken aback by hearing what way she had taken everything. The hurt in her voice, the accusatory tone had me flinching.

"I don't care about your past. I would never have asked you a word if it has not affected you the way it is, Innaya." I looked at her only to see the outer wall she had created around herself breaking, probably. Her eyes started shining with a thin layer of tears in them. As much as I wanted her to open up so that I could help, I just feared now— had I pushed her a lot?

*

Can you not let it out to me?

It is getting difficult for me your this condition to see,

I know, you are still not able to trust me enough,

I know, your life has been rough,

Rough enough to force you to build these walls around you,

Putting deep fears in your heart, making everything tough,

I just hope someday,

Someday, I will earn your enough trust,

Allowing your heart to share your insecurities with me,

And I promise, 'that' someday,

I will absorb your every pain,

Setting your soul free from every trouble!

*

"You want to talk about it? You'll feel better if you let it out. I will help you in letting it go," I asked with a caution. I did not want to push her more than I already have.

"It's not easy," she wiped her cheeks where the tears had fallen. Her nose had turned red and she shifted her eyes away from my face while I could not decipher the exact emotion in her eyes when they had met with mine for a brief moment.

"I know, it isn't," I said before I could stop myself.

"Don't interrupt me in middle. I won't be able to continue," she glared at me before sternly ordering me.

It was hard to believe that she was about to reveal what was bothering her. I could see her eyes swirling with myriads of emotions as she played with her fingers, she did that when she was nervous'.

"I have Cynophobia," she admitted in low voice, her eyes rapidly blinking in an attempt of not crying.

"Cynophobia?"

I have never heard that term. I sat in front of her beside her legs while she wiped the single tear that had fallen.

"Yes cynophobia, fear of dogs. In my childhood, golden retriever dog had attacked me. Today when that dog -" she choked on her words as she fisted her palms in an attempt to not break down.

"Hey, I am sorry. It's all right sweetheart. You are fine," I immediately held her hands gently opening her fists and rubbing the skin. I so wanted to take her in my arms, but the stupidity of pushing her I did earlier held me back. I sat there, mindlessly rubbing her palms with my thumb and I guessed that gesture helped her, as she seemed to relax.

"Why don't you freshen up? Then we all can have dinner," I suggested after the comfortable silence.

"Dinner? What time is it and what do you mean by all? Is there anyone else apart from us?" The baffled look on her face was so adorable that I found myself smiling at it.

"It's quarter past eight, Tesoro," I replied, chuckling as I added, "As much as I want us to be alone, yet I am sorry to say we are not. My friends are waiting downstairs for us."

"Oh!" There comes the pout. Did she realize how insanely adorable she looks with it?

"I am sorry for troubling you," she spoke breaking my train of haywire thoughts.

"La mia piccolo farfalla. You can never trouble me," I stated with the seriousness and that was one hundred percent true. She could never trouble me. I stood up from the bed, reluctantly removing her palms from my hold.

"Now go, we will continue this later," I added before I walked towards the wooden closet at the other end. She hummed in response before looking around the room. I could see the surprise as well as the appreciation in her eyes for the interior. That made me happy, knowing the efforts I took paid off by the beautiful smile that graced her lips.

"Innaya," I called her out after I found what I was looking in the closet. She was about to open the door of washroom when she turned towards me questioningly.

"Here," I handed her the cream and red color cotton suit with the simple embroidery work on it.

"This dress will look beautiful if you wear it," I tried being confident while stating, yet my voice betrayed me. Last Saturday this dress had captured my attention when I had gone to the mall and the wish to see her in it was too strong to ignore. I ended up buying half a dozen dresses for her from that shop but that knowledge was for some other time.

"Why thank you," surprised she took it from me before smiling at me. I stood there staring at the spot she was standing before disappearing into the washroom. Ruffling my hair, I took out my clothes and went to the other room for using the shower.

*