|Innaya|
I stood dumbstruck as I watched Eshan opening the door wide for me to get inside. How did he come to know that I was outside? I didn't even knock. I didn't ring the doorbell either. Then, how? Did he have some sort of inner powers? I felt ridiculous even to have thought something like that. Inner powers? Seriously? I must be going insane with the number of absurd thoughts I was having lately.
"Get inside, Innaya. It's cold out there," Eshan spoke, curling his finger around the bag in my hand as he tugged at it. I noticed that he didn't touch me. His hesitant gesture caused a painful lump to form in my throat and broke the stunned desensitized form of mine. I loosened my grip on the bag. Eshan took it from me, turned, and walked inside, leaving me to make my own decision. I slowly followed the retreating back of my husband and shut the door behind me to block the cold wind.
After I entered inside, I stood at my place, not knowing where I was supposed to go. Eshan returned beside me after a while, and he draped something around my shoulders. I felt warm.
My eyes found the reason for the sudden warmness, and I found it was a brown shawl. If it hadn't been for his gesture, I didn't know for how long I would have stood there. I was surprised for I hadn't expected him to be as nice as he was being.
I didn't even realize that I was shivering until he wrapped that shawl around me. The heavy rainfall that had been greeting Mumbai every now and then had ceased, but it had left its chills in the air.
"Eshan," I mumbled, glancing at his figure moving away from me. Was he leaving me? I wrapped myself up in that shawl and crossed my hands around my stomach, feeling dejected.
Eshan stopped in his steps. Without turning back, he replied as if understanding my unsaid question, "I am getting you some tea. Have a sit."
"Eshan, wait. I don't want tea." I went closer to him as he stopped in his tracks, hearing me. I quickly reached in front of him. His gaze was stuck at the ground. My heart ached at the way he refused to look at me.
I missed the deep emotions with which his eyes would look at me, earlier.
I missed his loving staring sessions that would warm my heart.
I missed everything about him. I missed everything about us.
I missed the way we were - together, beautiful and content.
I gulped the lump in my throat. It wasn't time to dwell on those things. I had brought dinner for him, and indulging in past issues might result in him not having it. Thus it was better if he ate first. "I have brought dinner for you. Would you -"
"Get it on the dining table." He pointed to his right, as he strolled forward. I quickly nodded, ecstatic that he was willing to eat. I hadn't noticed the dining hall earlier because of the thick curtain separating the other side from the view. In the morning when I had been here we ate our lunch in the living room, and at that time the curtain was closed.
I rushed back to the couch where Eshan had kept the bag, grabbed it, and followed Eshan.
My eyes welled up as I reached the dining room. My eyes traced the wooden dining table. It was the copy of the one I had back in the Bangalore— brown, circular, with the only difference being the number of chairs. This one had only two chairs. I knew better than assume it as a coincidence.
I smiled at the attentiveness of my husband. My smile didn't fade even for a moment when I was arranging the plates for us. Two months. I was going to have dinner with him after the whole two months. I couldn't be happier than this.
Eshan was sitting on a chair, quietly all the while. I couldn't figure out much from his face except that he was subconsciously giving me a chance, and it was more than enough for me.
I opened the boxes and plated the food one by one in two plates. I slowly pushed the plate in front of him, anticipating his reaction to his favorite meal, but his expression acquired not the slightest change. It was his favorite meal, right? I questioned myself as I suddenly grew extremely unsure and conscious.
Eshan was staring at the plate for several seconds, and I had no clue, what was wrong if there was anything in the first place. Did he not want to eat the food I cooked?
"Take the Capsicum Fry and the Cabbage Paratha out of the plate," Eshan said after what felt like an eternity, but in fact, it was not more than a couple of minutes.
My heart sank as I heard him. He didn't wish to eat them. I looked at the plate filled with food. Wasn't they presentable enough? Did they not smell nice? Did they not look eatable? I had put in my heart in those dishes, and it hurt to know that he wasn't going to have them.
'At least he hasn't declined everything.' I reminded myself, and it was still a victory. A small one though, but I couldn't expect much from him. The fact that he was sitting in front of me and did not create a boundary between us had my heart. Maybe, he didn't feel like having those two dishes now.
I could never get tired of repeating how lucky I was to have him. None else could do what Eshan could. None else.
A part of my heart was still doleful to know that he wasn't even going to taste those two dishes. I held an empty plate and walked over to his side to take off what he denied to eat.
I commanded my hands to work faster for I needed an excuse to get away from him to conceal my woeful eyes. My eyes closed momentarily as I finally cleaned his plate the way he desired, and I turned to head towards the other side when he gripped my wrist.
Eshan. His touch was magically calming to my suffering heart, but no, I couldn't stay there at that moment. I needed to scram because if I didn't, he would come in sight of my wounded heart and tears of anguish only to end up holding himself accountable for the same.
I couldn't let him blame himself. Not anymore.
I shut my eyes hard and did my utmost to normalize my voice to make sure it wouldn't get him suspicious. "I'll just be back after keeping this in the refrigerator." I had spotted the kitchen when the curtain had been opened for it was the open kitchen. It was just ahead of me, a couple of steps away from the dining room.
But what I forgot was - it was Eshan I was talking about. He, out of everyone, would be the last person to fall for my pretense. I realized it once I was gently pulled back and turned around.
Eshan got his hand on the plate, and he had to use a little force to get it from me as I unconsciously tightened my hold around it.
"I am allergic to cabbage, and capsicum," Eshan plainly told me as if it was no big deal.
I couldn't move once his words sank in my system. He was... allergic to them?
"I get severe respiratory issues and lose consciousness even with the consumption of a small amount."