Chapter 85: Swirling Memories

Have I fallen into my slumber?

It seemed like this was the first time where I managed to rest this deeply.

Deeply into crack.

Deeper, yet deeper

Deepening into the abyss.

"Huh, everything feels so vivid for a dream."

Right, it had been a while since I ever experienced what it felt like to be roaming in a dream. Stay tuned for updates on m-vl-em,pyr

"And in this case, this dream must be the recollection of my psyche when I'm still a man with the name of Lothair."

No, perhaps, when I was still a boy.

"If I'm not wrong, I'm still seven years old when this scene happens."

The sky hung low and heavy over the field, its somber hue of deep gray casting a muted pall across the land. A soft breeze stirred the tall, untamed grasses, their silken heads bending in unison as if weighed down by the atmosphere itself.

The field, expansive and meticulously bordered by a finely crafted stone wall, bore the subtle elegance of wealth—a private estate where nature was allowed to breathe, yet never stray too far from refinement.

In the distance, the towering silhouette of the city loomed faintly, its spires barely visible through the thick clouds, while the manor stood quietly behind, nestled amidst the manicured gardens.

The air was cool, the kind that tasted of rain yet to fall, and the world seemed to pause under the melancholy of the sky, as if waiting for something that never came.

I'm currently somewhere near my grandparent's place.

"It seems like my greatest fear has come to haunt me once more."

A voice so silky, one would wonder if it was cast by a human. There, a tall figure approached my shrunken self.

It was my grandmother. She was old, but he looked as youthful as the newlywed neighbor. Her obsidian hair reminded me of the pale night sky, and her lifeless eyes reminded me of myself.

Despite her worried tone, her face was cold and solemn as a tombstone. Her complexion always appears strong yet so fragile, as if she could just die at any moment if she had just decided to stop her breath.

"Grandmother."

Ah right, it was at that time of the day where I stumbled upon a curious bird and grabbed it.

At that time, I was curious if this bird could still move if I were to detach its head from its body. In the end, I tore off the bird's head for such a meaningless reason.

Right now, my grandmother was currently watching her emotionless grandkid taking the life of a single wildlife without any remorse.

My grandmother sighed, "I was afraid that one of my lineage would inherit my curse. Out of everyone, it befell upon my lovely Lothair."

I was still young back then. I was still naive.

"What can I do to remove this curse, then?" I voiced so nonchalantly back then.

"The curse can't be removed. However, we can still live with it." She squatted down with her apparel that looked like a mourning dress. "Do you want to know more?"

"Tell me more."

My grandmother caressed my face as if she was taking pity at me. "Unlike many, you and I are structured differently than a normal person."

"Is it similar to how birds are different from frogs?"

"It is more similar to an inherently dumb bird and an inherently cautious bird," she answered. "Both are birds all the same, but there is a difference within something that processes their mind."

"Is this about why I'm able to nonchalantly kill this bird?"

"You're smart, Lothair."

"Lothar isn't smart, though. He can't get a perfect score on an exam."

"It just means that you are not smart in that field. This doesn't change that you're smarter than the average child."

"Is this because of the curse?"

"Yes." My grandmother then proceeded to hug me. "That is why, you need to know your limit and the extent of your capability. What can you do, what you want to do, and what needs to be kept in mind when enacting all of your action."

"What I need to keep in mind?"

"That we're still human, all the same." Her voice was soft and calm, as if she tried to assure me, "Despite the differences we have in our way of thinking with others, we're still a living, breathing, human being.

"And as a human being, we need to try our best to keep our humanity close to our heart." However, her voice started to become stern and weak, as if she was heartbroken. "One day, you will start to question whether you're a human, or if there is a meaning behind your thoughts and action.

"One day, you will start to crumble, wondering if you're a monster with human skin. One day, you will start to realize that you have nobody but yourself to rely on.

"And one day, you will reach out your hand to others, only to destroy their lives without a single remorse." She retracted herself from her hug, revealing a face full of concern and sadness, unlike the cold and calculated one that she wore before. "Remember, Lothair, humans are fragile, yet precious beings."

Those last words always echoed itself inside my mind as if it never left the very corner of my conscience.

Just what did my grandmother imply when she said that?

Before I could relinquish this dream with proper thought and ending, a vibrant wave of gold usurped my dream realm that transformed everything into a foreign view.

'What is this? Where am I?'

It was so sudden that I couldn't even keep up with what was happening. Before I knew it, I was inside the body of someone else, a noble young girl with vibrant golden hair so long, I could brush my hands with it without lifting my finger.

And then before me was a corrupted face of a man and a voice that I couldn't even discern.

"How many times have I told you to not call me father in front of someone else?"

A violent slap was unleashed upon my cheek. The strength was remorseless, as this horribly weak body was sent across the floor and to the office wall.

Yes, it appeared that I was in an office or some sort, while the angry man in front of me was wearing an apparel of nobility. Now that I look at it, I was also wearing some sort of dress, one that a rich historical noble daughter would wear.

If only that the pretty dress wasn't stained with my blood.

"Dare you not reflect on your mistake today, Daffodil—then I won't hesitate to put you in solitary confinement."

It was more likely that Daffodil would die of blood loss first before being sent to solitary confinement...

Wait.

Daffodil? This lass' name was Daffodil!?

"I-I'm sorry, your grace. The word slipped from my mouth. I promise you, I won't make the same mistake again…"

The words were forced to come out of my mouth.

Am I currently relieving Daffodil's past?

But which Daffodil?

Was it Narcissus, the body that I'm currently inhabiting right now?

Was it the Daffodil that I saw in my vision, the soon-to-be daughter of Yaria and Elisi?

Or was it the Daffodil that exists inside the realm of my soul? Then again, that name was suggested by Kuzunoha, and the void-faced entity did introduce herself as Narcissus at first.

"Don't ever show your false and imperfect face to me ever again."

But for some reason, that last statement left a great scar on my heart.

And then I woke up.

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I jolted awake, heart pounding in my chest like a drumbeat out of control, my body drenched in cold sweat.

For a moment, I couldn't tell if I had truly escaped the nightmare or if I was still caught in its clutches—the room around me felt unreal, the shadows sharper, the air heavier. My breath came in ragged gasps, each one shallow as though I had just run miles, yet my muscles ached with exhaustion, as if I had fought a battle.

The anxiety lingered, clinging to my skin like an invisible weight, my mind still replaying fragments of the foreign memory I had just witnessed.

"This isn't like me…"

The palpitations wouldn't stop, thudding painfully against my ribs, reminding me of the terror that had felt so real.

Even though I was awake, I felt trapped, unable to shake. It was suffocating, the kind of dread that made sleep feel like a distant, impossible relief.