Chapter 38 - Don't Choke on Food or Words

After another dispirited bite at the samgak-kimbap, Ye Rim sighed.

She was almost choking on food and frustration.

The singer looked through the window of the convenience store where she was eating in, without really focusing on the images outside. It was almost time for Eun Ha to get off work, and she'd already texted her unnie. Ye Rim was waiting for her at convenience store near the dental office where unnie did her part-time job.

In the end, Ye Rim had simply left the radio unannounced, knowing she couldn't work there in those conditions.

But it wasn't over yet. The anguishing feeling still wasn't coming off her chest.

Evening arrived without notice and people rushed back to their homes, as she observed; and she felt she had thrown a good opportunity away. 'It was just a matter of persistence. I could make them acknowledge my ability regardless of gossips or whatever.' These were thoughts that crossed her mind. Ye Rim really wanted to believe that she still had the spirit to ignore what people said, but she was growing tired of it. The same way she'd fed up on Dr. Kim's attitude back in the cemetery, and how...

'Aish!' She actually choked on one more bite of the snack, and coughed for breath again, watery-eyed.

'Enough with this! I'm not going to die choked with food or whatever!' She threw the remaining piece in the bin and left the convenience store, picking up her cell phone from her bag.

She impatiently dialed Lee Dae Won's number, walking on the sidewalk to release some of her frustration while waiting him to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" The songwriter's soft, intrigued voice was heard. "Ye Rim-ssi?"

"Yes, it's me." She took a deep breath, deciding if she really wanted to do this. But she knew she needed to clarify things up.

"Why did you do that, oppa?!" Her voice sounded aggressive, but she just couldn't control the tone.

"I did… what did I do?!" he was taken aback, and by the defensive tone of his nervous laugh, he didn't seem to understand what he was being accused of.

"You recommended me to someone on the radio, didn't you?"

"Ah, well… that." This time the voice on the other end took a deep breath, sounding rather embarrassed to Ye Rim. "Well, I just…"

"I don't know what you wanted. I know what happened. You intruded on the life of a person you barely know, probably with great intentions. And you totally messed it up!"

"Ye Rim-ssi please listen. I can't ta…"

"Can't talk ?! And when can you talk? Actually, I don't wanna listen to you. I want you to listen to me very carefully." She was fully aware that she sounded extremely rude and disrespectful, but she wouldn't back down now that she'd called to let him know how she felt.

"Wait a minute, I'm going to find a better place..."

"Hnf." She snorted in response, until she heard his voice seconds later.

"What did I do? How did you know? I just thought there might be a lot of applicants, I wish they knew…"

"How dare you say that? What do you think I am? You don't even know my work! How can you meet me casually just once and feel entitled to recommend me to anyone else?! Are you a sort of genius so you have the ability to evaluate people only by the looks? And what about concede your endors.e.m.e.nt as a music producer on someone you are not sure has any talent or not? Have you heard me sing at least once? Or saw my acting? Have you ever heard me doing a voiceover? What do you think you know about me and my work?!"

"Ye Rim! Please listen to me! I'm sorry, you're right, I…"

The tongue and brain of an offended and wronged woman just wanted relief, and she spoke on the phone like a runaway truck:

"I don't know how cheap you think I am, but I assure you, I am not what you think! I'm not taking your recommendation. I don't mind looking ungrateful to your friends at the radio!" She paused for a breath, and the musician on the other side seemed to understand that she wasn't done yet, as he kept silent. "What do I look like to you, Mr. Lee?" Moving from the offensively informal to the absolutely formal tone, she continued. "Am I a charity case to you? I knew that Mr. Kim used to do charity work, now I know that his hyung also likes to be charitable to strangers. But I don't need your charity. I have talent. Don't tell me I don't have it, thinking you need to back me up to something."

"Ye Rim, please listen to me."

"I'm listening." She felt lighter now she had talked off in some part; and could hear what he had to say, if it was nothing too foolish or obvious. In fact, she needed to hear what he had to say. She wanted to understand.

"Let's talk in person. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, "he repeated, with emphasis the second time. "Have dinner with me today. You need to let me try to explain."

"Ha. No, thank you. A dinner will not appease me. I missed a chance I had hoped for a while, thanks to ...a charitable stranger's intrusion!" She practically yelled into the phone, catching the attention of passersby. A little embarrassed, she lowered her tone, realizing that her legitimate outburst and frustration was going too overboard. Even if she considered his silly proposal to take her on a dinner_ and the ridiculously belief that everything would be all right after it. 'Why are men all the same?' The singer wondered.

"Excuse me. But I'm very angry." She justified her outburst.

"Seems like I don't do anything other than repeatedly offend you unintentionally." His tone now seemed more still and even. "Can you hear me then, without yelling at me_ though I certainly deserve it?"

"Speak up."

"I don't know what they did there. I really did wrong while trying to help. But as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I was arrogant and shouldn't interfere in your affairs. You're right."

"Uh."

"Ye Rim." Dae Won addressed her informally again, and the singer got a little annoyed as she raised a wall between them seconds ago, but he had a sweet voice that called for attention.

"What?"

"I don't think of you as a charity case."

She took a deep breath, a little confused. Usually such a pause, with that tone, meant she most likely didn't want to hear what came after, even from a man like him. Because she was still hurt.

"You acted like you meant it. I felt like a beggar, who casually meets someone with some influence and benefits from it. I didn't do it. I didn't ask for your endors.e.m.e.nt." She felt she needed to make it clear, but didn't want her tone to sound slightly wailing as it did.

"I know you didn't. And I was an idiot for butt in. Did I want to feel like I was part of your success? Perhaps? Perhaps?" He said in a self mocking tone, and it eventually got a chuckle out of her.

"Do you need this?"

He quietly laughed, and said, "Apparently my actions speak for me."

She laughed again at the simple way he admitted his mistakes.

"Ye Rim, I did it on impulse. But what I did had bad consequences. Did you say something to them over there at the radio station?"

"No. After I found this out, I just left. I didn't wait to be interviewed or anything," she confessed. After a short pause, Dae Won asked,

"Would you go there again for another interview if there was another chance?"

"What do you mean ?! You said you were sorry and now you want to talk to someone to give me another chance ?!" she didn't even believe what she was hearing now.

"No! No! Aish, you're right! I'm a very stupid person."

"Uhn."

"Ye Rim. Will you forgive this stupid oppa?"

She took a deep breath. What good would it do by holding a grudge against a person like MP Lee, who was just proving to be a well-meaning but clumsy good guy?

"Uhn."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

"That's good. Ye Rim?"

"What?"

"I want to recommend you out to several things. Maybe I am this genius who sees talent stamped on people's faces. "

" Don't tell me. I'm serious."

"I feel like I will."

"Don't. Otherwise I'm going to hate you."

"Ye Rim?"

"What?"

"Then... show me your talent."

"Ah." She gaped. He was quite skilled on talking people round and she didn't even know what to think. "Well, why don't you come see me at the Pearl this week?"

"No, not like that. Officially."

"What do you mean, officially?"

"Ye Rim, have an audition here on HTN. I'll schedule an audition for you later this week."

"I don't get it."

"The HTN network does some auditions for staff backup or freelancer gigs, periodically. I am one of the people who evaluates candidates who are musicians or singers. Sometimes I do it with along with a choreographer or a drama director, or other MPs. These candidates will keep on a reserve pool for a wide range of shows. It's different from the dynamics of an open audition for music reality show applicants, but my secretary can give you the details later. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

"Ah… I've heard of that."

"Then it will be my chance to gauge your talent. I wonder if you can beat my high expectations about your talent."

She felt pressured, and laughed nervously,"Do you really want to do this?"

"Is it for real?"

"Yes, it's for real. But these gigs don't happen often. They don't pay very well either."

"Oh."

"But that's not the point."

"What's the point?"

"You, persuading me to use all my contacts to your advantage, by endorsing your talent, since I'll be absolutely devastated by your charisma and artistic ability."

"Why are you kidding me like that, oppa?" she complained. "For a moment I took you seriously, but it's just you kidding me."

"No, I am not." He changed his tone, from cheerful to serious. "You have two options: show me that I was wrong and that you are talented and don't need me or anyone else; but accept that I, as a professional and also as your friend, can refer you as a professional in every opportunity I feel you fit in. Or, as option two, leave me in everlasting doubt. In fact, in certainty: in the certainty that your pride may be greater than your common sense. And perhaps greater than your talent. And that you won't ever allow people who believe in you to support you as they can."

She felt hard hit by his words. Was she ungrateful to the people who had tried to help her so far? Like PD Kang, when she couldn't stand the girls' provocation, and ruined his every effort to make her debut to finally happen? PD Kang really believed in her talent back then…

"Right. Closed. Just make me an appointment, and I'll be there."

"Great!"

After he said his secretary would call her later, and hung up, Ye Rim was relieved. In fact, she now had the impression that the present day had crookedly brought a fresh perspective on things.