481. Res’ Woes

Name：Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story) Author：
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481. Res’ Woes

A boundless field of colorful flowers stretched endlessly. Soft petals reached up to the knees of a short girl, whose wolf-ears flapped to a gentle breeze. Pollen and the fragrance of the field washed over her as she scanned her surroundings.

A blue ring appeared within her crimson eyes. Several more rings overlapped as they twisted and contracted around her pupils, killing the red of her eyes temporarily.

< Conceptualizing Distance >

< ERROR >

< Point of reference not found >

< WARNING: CognitO Filters operating with 5% inaccuracy >

“5%.” A near silent whisper slipped past Res’ lips. “The blue-filters aren’t working anymore.”

She pulled her eyelids apart and tapped on her eye unflinchingly. It chimed like it was made from glass. The lenses she wore were like contact lenses. The last time they were taken out was more than a decade ago. The CognitO Filters were essential for her psyche, for they muted the colors of the world.

Aggravation filled her eyes when she noticed her tattered apparel. She had lost against the White Rabbit, and more than that, lost so many children in the fight. Res lamented her failure to keep them safe as she absently stared down at herself.

The blood that trickled from cuts was censored. A black bar with the bold words CENSORED – BLOOD ensured that she wouldn’t see it. When she looked down at the flowers all she could see was an amalgamation of black bars, each a word pertaining to what it covered.

The colorful meadow was covered in a black and white filter. The sanctity of her mind was preserved, for she feared the day that she’d be met with a terrible sight like that of so long ago.

Res didn’t know why she dabbled in these thoughts here of all places. Perhaps it was the loneliness that gnawed at her before it was the guilt. The only color that reached her was the color blue. The CognitO Filters struggled to hide it away from her. Red roses were shown incorrectly.

But she didn’t know any better.

“When was the last time you saw the color of a rose?”

The White Rabbit’s voice was accompanied by a subtle ticking. Her ears flattened instinctually to mute her voice but to no avail. Res refused to entertain the voice, choosing to march onwards into the unknown.

It began with a slow walk.

“Because there is a fine line between coping illusions and intentional ignorance. The latter of which is the worst kind.”

“So that’s it? You want to punish me? To pluck out my eyes and cut off my hands!? To put me in the center of it all again and make me watch it all from the safety of my mother’s arms!?”

< Warning: CognitO Filters operating on 30% inaccuracy >

“You say you know what you did.”

“Shut up! Please... SHUT UP!”

“So I will ask you again.”

The stuffed toys caught alight. Flames surrounded the field as her CognitO Filter continued to lose its power. It was being sabotaged, but by whom was none of her concern. All she wanted was to keep her head down and close her eyes, but her stubbornness told her to keep going forward.

What were once confident steps became reclusive. She trudged through the flower fields, appearing as if she would collapse at any moment. The muffled screams of terror originating from each stuffed toy eventually caused her to fall to her knees.

“Why do you blame yourself?”

“I have to! I... have to! Because I’m the one who brought that toy! I’m the one who got angry when Ber stole it! I wished to get it back! And I’m the only one... who survived in that cabin!” Res confessed, her paws grasping at the stems and petals of broken flowers.

Tears dropped onto the back of her fists. She refused to surrender to the overwhelming emotions as she screamed and yelled to regain control of herself.

< Warning: CognitO Filters operating on 70% inaccuracy >

“It was always me! I was always in the middle of it all! I couldn’t do anything to save them! Even to this day...”

She brought the petals to her face, her eyes peering at the colorless flowers in her hands. The petals fell, and she closed her eyes again, knowing that soon there would be no filter to hide the world.

“... so many people have slipped past my fingers. When have I succeeded in saving someone? Why haven’t I been punished? I failed. I’ve always been failing. But they saw me as reliable. More valuable than Ber who worked harder than anyone I know!”

< Warning: CognitO Filters operating on 80% inaccuracy >

Res was on the brink of losing herself to the swirling emotions. Her heart couldn’t handle everything being unearthed at once.