Chapter 11: Tale as Old as Time...

Between moments of clarity and unconsciousness, Nobu had the distinct impression he was being tossed around like a ragdoll. It was an extremely annoying, and, at times, agonizing experience, as, every time he awoke, he would feel a range of pain, heat, cold, and moisture. He felt like someone had sent him through a powerwash before subsequently throwing him into a drier on its maximum setting.

By the time he managed to stay awake for more than a few seconds at a time, Nobu couldn't move so much as a single muscle in his body. All he could do was stare at the ceiling above, a rocky dome set with green gemstones that emitted a faint glow.

Though it took his mind a moment to process it, Nobu actually recognized the peculiar pattern. His 'Grandfather', Nanananamori, had brought him here several times. It was his hope that he would be able to remember this place, and, if something were to happen to him, he wanted his catatonic self to somehow seek refuge within.

"How the hell did I end up here...?"

The last thing Nobu could clearly recollect was the quarrel he had been having with the infuriating woman who had yet to give him her name. Everything after that had been a blur of lights, sounds, and, of course, pain. Now, he had somehow ended up in the exact spot he had intended to retreat to once he parted ways with the woman. After all, this was the location where his Grandfather had hidden most of their savings...

With things gradually clicking into place, much like the pieces of an extremely cliche puzzle, Nobu began to suspect that the unnamed woman was either a branch member of the Oda Clan or one of its many vassal families. The fact she had been searching for him, in the first place, was a pretty big giveaway. He just hadn't thought about it previously since every time he saw the woman, he was in extreme pain...

"Urrrrrrgh...!"

Gritting his teeth, Nobu forced himself to, at the very least, roll to his side. He had learned basic CPR and First Aid during his Senior Year in High School, so, while he didn't remember much, one of the things he recalled was the Recovery Position. This supposed made it easier to breathe, so, with every rise of his chest causing him pain and discomfort, he was hoping to alleviate the symptoms by adopting what was, essentially, just a fetal position.

"Haaa, haaa, huuuh? Oh, for fuck's sake..."

Though he managed to complete the maneuver, part of Nobu wished he had just remained lying on his back, as, situated with her back to the wall was a very beaten and bloodied young woman. Who else could this be if not the raven-haired nightmare that had unceremoniously entered his life a few days prior? Fate seemed to be forcing them together using various cliches, so, if he followed the logic present in most novels, he was, against all rhyme and reason, expected to save her.

"Let me guess...I save her here...and then she pledges to follow me until she can repay her debt...is that the shitty plot you bastards came up with? Next thing you know, we'll find out we were actually engaged to be married or some stupid shit like that. Right...!?"

Seemingly powered by his frustration, the tingling warmth in Nobu's stomach began to spread to the rest of his body. The pain he had been experiencing was gradually beginning to fade away, and, though he made no effort to move, he got the distinct impression he could make it to the woman's side if he really pushed himself.

"This...is...such...bullshit...!!"

Using the strength his rage gave him, Nobu rolled off the thatch mat he had been lying on and began crawling towards the unconscious woman. Don't misunderstand. He might not possess a heroic bone in his body, but, if he didn't at least try to save her, he would never be able to forgive himself. The last thing he needed was the vengeful ghost of his presumed fiancee haunting him in her afterlife.

After what felt like a marathon, Nobu collapsed near the side of the unconscious woman before muttering, "Okay...genius...you made it here...now what...?"

Though he has resolved himself to save the woman, there was a difference between wanting to do something and possessing the ability to actually follow through with it. His medical knowledge was limited to what could be crammed into a few hour-long lectures over the course of half a semester in High School. As for healing scrolls, precious treasures, and miracle elixirs, where the hell was he, a person who had just reincarnated, supposed to find such things?

With a bit of effort, Nobu managed to position himself so that he was sitting to the immediate left of the woman. In hindsight, this was a rather foolish decision as his right arm, while no longer in a cast, had swollen to the point it had black, purple, and yellow spots. While he didn't feel any actual pain, the small alone was enough to inform him there was something 'very' wrong.

"Well isn't this just fucking fantastic? How am I supposed to save this nameless bitch when I can't even stop my fucking hand from rotting!?"

Contributing to the many poor decisions he had made since his initial death, Nobu felt as though all the strength was fading from his body. Shouting at the top of his lungs had not only strained his throat, but it had also drained the last vestiges of what he presumed to be his Aura. He suddenly felt an extreme and overwhelming sense of helplessness, and, for a brief moment, darkness began to invade his senses until he instinctually used his left hand to smack the dark red area between his rotting right hand and the rest of his forearm.

"......!!!!"

For the umpteenth time since his arrival in this world, Nobu felt such intense pain that it was simply impossible to describe with words. He couldn't even scream. Instead, the only sound that came out of his mouth was an unnatural silence followed by a pained croaking sound, the result of his lungs trying, and failing, to exhale the vacuum that had formed within.

Fortunately, Nobu was so dehydrated that he couldn't cry even if he wanted to. He also managed to retain his consciousness, so, after trembling for the better part of three minutes, he began to shakily fumble around his pockets in search of the stone tablet. His efforts were rewarded by the sensation of a sudden weight in his left trouser pocket. This effectively confirmed his suspicions that the tablet could be called to his side whenever he needed it, but, putting that aside for the moment, Nobu did his best to stop shaking so that he could properly navigate the strange yet familiar device.

Though it might have been smarter to look around the grotto for treasures his Grandfather might have left behind, Nobu's instincts told him he could pass out at any moment. Thus, in the hopes of replenishing his reserves, he used the fact his left hand was trembling like an Eskimo in the buff to rapidly tap the screen. This was much slower than his normal pace, but, considering the state of his body, 5-7 clicks per second wasn't terrible.

"..."

Seeing several Achievements pop up in quick succession, a wry smile developed across Nobu's face despite the pain visible in his eyes. He was especially 'amused' by the one called 'Till Death Do Us Part'. He didn't know if it was alluding to his 'relationship' with the Clicker App or if it was because he was currently seated next to a half-dead, if not fully dead, beauty. Either way, it added insult to his many injuries, and, were it not for the fact this was his one and only lifeline, he might have used the last of his strength to smash the tablet against the wall...

.....

....

...

..

.

Stopping only to ascertain whether or not the woman had a pulse, Nobu continued to mindlessly click for the better part of five-hours. His gradual recovery had allowed him to up his pace, and, as a result, he had managed to accumulate an additional 119 Aura. He wasn't sure if this was a small or large amount, but, at the very least, it was enough to allow him to painstakingly force himself to his feet.

Making the most of his limited and likely temporary mobility, Nobu lumbered over to a small pool located near the far wall. His Grandfather had hidden his stash in a small chest located beneath a flat stone half-buried in soot. It was made to be watertight on its own, but, as an extra precaution, the content had been wrapped in several layers of wax paper and linens.

"Why does gold have to be so fucking heavy...?"

Though it was a little surreal to be lamenting the weight of gold, Nobu managed to extricate the shoebox-sized chest after a considerable amount of effort. His Grandfather had, fortunately, left the box unsecured, so, after fumbling around with the six metal clasps keeping it shut, Nobu extracted a few individually wrapped packages and parcels from the interior.

It might be because of his status as the first son, but Nobu's father had never completely given up hope that he would one day break free from his 'curse'. As a result, he had been sneaking a few rare herbs into the bi-annual care packages intended to ensure he was, at the very least, healthy.

"Of course I would get a BAMF for a father in the life where I waste nineteen years of my life as a fucking vegetable..."

Finding the herb he was looking for, a plant that resembled an emerald-green variant of cannabis, Nobu hobbled over to the unconscious woman's side before reiterating his words from five hours prior, "Okay genius...Now what...?"

Though his zombie self had seen the process a number of times, Nobu had no idea how to process medicinal herbs. Nananananamori had been an Apprentice Alchemist in his youth, so, while he was a far cry from the monsters who could exchange pills for entire countries, he might as well be a Pill God compared to the inexperienced Nobu...

After considering his options for the better part of ten minutes, Nobu completely dismissed the notion of transferring the herb's 'essence' via mouth-to-mouth. It had never really made sense to him why some people believed this was necessary. Unless they were using their tongues to literally force the medicine down their victim's throat, it made a lot more sense to create something like a funnel.

With this in mind, Nobu crushed the herb using a pestle and mortar before filling a large basin with water. He knew the final product needed to be both boiled and diluted, but, even if he understood the theory behind producing a fire, attempting to do so with a single hand was a waste of time. He had no idea how long the woman had been unconscious, but, if this situation were anything like the novels he read back on Earth, her time had 'conveniently' begun running out the moment he began his preparations.

As if responding to his words, a crashing sound could be heard as the woman slumped over and began to seize. This caused the already apathetic expression on Nobu's face to turn into a flawless deadpan, as, if she continued to thrash about, it would be impossible to use the funnel he spent a full ten minutes folding from wax paper. In other words, fate, or, far more like, an extremely bored Goddess, was doing everything in her power to make sure he stuck to conventions. Thus, without any hesitation whatsoever, Nobu 'diluted' the contents of the medicine by promptly emptying the basin into the pool. Then, after throwing in all the other herbs for good measure, he walked over, picked up the unconscious woman, and tossed her into the pool...

"Fuck your cliches..."

(A/N: The MC ain't no Prince Charming, that's for sure...)