CH 59

You Are Wrong, Aaron

Trigger warning: Suicide 

***

There was no time to mourn over someone’s death, and the night party was held again.

“You’re still beautiful today, Lady Buchanan!”

“A woman who is loved is more beautiful than anyone else. Lady Buchanan, what they said is absolutely right.”

The nobles asked Kyrie, who had lost nine pounds recently, for tips, saying she looked better and had smoother skin than before. Everyone praised her beauty with a contrived smile.

Kyrie did not answer. There was not even a polite smile. The nobles swore behind her back, but the nightlife was booming.

It was the man who took the place of Nathaniel, who was absent today.

〔I’m sorry.〕

“…….”

〔Hand.〕

Lore Leschaux, the Patriotic Lord, approached and reached out among the people filling the narrow hallway of the palace. Leschaux kissed Kyrie on the back of his hand in a clumsy and awkward move and raised his head.

〔Where is Nathaniel?〕

Kyrie tilted her head to the side instead of answering. Rather than pressuring for answers, Leschaux chose to broach another topic.

〔You have lost weight. Take care of your health.〕

“Is that what you’re going to say?”

〔There’s nothing I can’t say.〕

Kyrie was cynical. Wherever she looked at them, these immortals were arrogant. She looked around with heartless eyes at people wondering about this side of the conversation.

“You knew that, didn’t you? That’s how it’s gonna be.”

〔That’s right.〕

“You sat on the sidelines.”

〔That’s right.〕

The conversation had been cut off. The young noblemen danced along the corridor between the rooms, opening all the doors of the palace. 

As a huge crowd gathered, everyone was listening. Everyone greeted Kyrie, but no one approached her since they said their greetings. Kyrie sat in the middle of the stage like a decorative cake that no one touched.

〔Once again, take care of your health.〕

“I don’t feel the need to.”

〔You have to do it even if you don’t have the need to.〕

“That’s what you think. “

Kyrie stared at him head-to-head with an empty face. People were busy avoiding her gaze.

“It’s going to be hard to please everyone.”

〔It’ll be better than dying.〕

“Is that so?”

Leschaux looked down at Kyrier with deep eyes and added.

〔Please bear with it if you have any unpleasant thoughts. I don’t want to stop the crazy Nathaniel.〕

“I wouldn’t go crazy just because I was dying.”

Leschaux remained silent for a long time, then said, 〔Well.〕 and shut up.

Then, one side of the room became noisy.

“Oh, my God, Count Buchanan, no, you’re a duke now, aren’t you?”

“It’s really hard to see you these days, so I’m glad you came to the night party…….”

Kyrie, who saw light purple hair rolled back in the crowd, sprang up for the first time, looking a little lively.

“……Father.”

It was the first time she’d seen Cesar Buchanan since the kidnapping. Kyrie and Cesar’s eyes met. Cesar raised his hand to his daughter and began shaking hands with everyone around him.

It wasn’t until half an hour before Cesar approached Kyrier. Even though he did not greet Kyrie first.

“Isn’t it the Patriotic Lord? I’ve heard a lot about you. And you took care of my daughter.”

Leschaux glanced past the nervous-faced Kyrie and took a step back.

〔You’re here to talk to your daughter.〕

It was only then that Cesar looked at Kyrie. It was a very sweet, very rational look.

“Kyrie, how are you? I think you’ve gotten better.”

(T/N: this alone proves that he isn’t even worthy to be a human)

Kyrie, who was looking at Cesar so desperately that it could just be seen by her eyes, paused.

“Father, why are you asking me in the meantime…….”

“Boring stories at night don’t suit you, Kyrie.”

Cesar skillfully lifted two glasses from a waiter’s tray passing by.

“Let’s go to the balcony. It’s your nightlife, but I’m sure it’ll be good for a time of father-daughter reunion.”

Kyrie followed him with some anticipation.

As soon as Cesar entered the balcony, he said, showing his back.

“Kyrie, I heard the story of the guard. Never mind such a thing.”

Kyrie’s heart melted a little when she heard that. She felt like she was going to cry, but she clenched her teeth because she was sure she would hear a scolding. It reminded her of the past.

Kyrie’s mother, Zhenya Hartwood, divorced when Kyrie was ten and left home. Since then, Cesar has been Kyrie’s only family. Sometimes he threw things, slapped her in the face, and verbally abused her if she wasn’t good, but when Kyrier was good, he patted her head, and when she was very young, he read fairy tales by her bedside before going to bed.

“Father…….”

So she tried, and thought Cesar finally recognized her. 

Don’t mind what they’re saying, it’s bad, I’m on your side……. 

(T/N: these are the words Kyrie imagining that Cesar will say to her)

But Cesar, who turned around, said with an unheard-of smile.

“I need to have a son.”

Her melting heart froze again. It was as if it had been flowing down freely and had hardened and stabbed all over her body. Kyrie tightened her fingers to keep the glass from dropping.

“……Son?”

“Don’t worry about the outside. OldCiudad and Fort Ducane are a little noisy, but they won’t be a big deal.” 

“The Royal Family is now a toothless tiger.”

“Father….. Hold on.”

“Everything in this country is now circling around you. By the way, ask the Legendary Lord and the Patriotic Lord to lower the tax of some families. The list will be passed from person to person.”

“Father, I mean…….”

“Let me know if you need anything else. Don’t make the same mistake as me, Kyrie.”

Cesar put the glass down on the railing and grabbed Kyrie’s shoulders.

“Be cute, be adorable, be loveable. Okay? This is all for Buchanan.”

There was no concern for Kyrie in any of his words. Not a single one. Kyrie shook her head. She staggered back, her arms wrapped around her.

“Father…… I may not be able to get out of the room until I die.….”

“I’ve heard about that from the Legendary Lord, so that’s what it will be.”

“I was in charge of the housekeeping of Count, no, Duke Buchanan…….”

“I’ll do everything, so it’s okay. That is not a problem.”

“There are public gatherings I have attended as a Buchanan on behalf of father…….”

“Yeah, I’m actually thinking of stopping in bringing in your brother who has been abroad. You’ve been through a lot, so you can rest in the palace.”

“……Not being able to go outside without someone’s permission? With someone watching me all the time except for washing up?”

Cesar breathed out a long breath. He showed signs of displeasure after handling his empty hands with dignity.

“What do you want to say from before?”

She felt suffocated, and Kyrie began to tremble like a person thrown into the snow.

“Is that really all you have to say to me? It’s the first time you’ve seen me since I was kidnapped.….”

Cesar curled his eyebrows as he pleased.

“Kyrie, now you have the irreplaceable role of serving the Legendary Lord. I think I’ve taught you the ability to judge the gravity of your work.”

Her whole body went weak. Cesar must not have heard how Aaron died. Even after hearing it, he didn’t ask a single question, “Are you all right?”. Kyrie was fortunate not to shed tears and put strength in her hands wrapped around her arms.

“People…….”

“Stop it!”

Cesar yelled, interrupting Kyrie.

“Don’t be so emotional! You’re finally gonna get anything off the cushion! People are swearing at you because you have so much!”

(T/N: finally gonna get anything off the cushion- it means she will get anything and everything whatever she desire)

“…….”

“I taught you as the prestigious lady of Count Buchanan! It was all for a day like this. Now you have the opportunity to do your part, and you…….”

Cesar’s face distorted. Kyrie, who had been looking at his complexion for a long time and screaming at her, knew. He was really irritated.

“……You are really useless.”

Why did Aaron’s words come to mind at that time?

‘Just say it’s hard, Noona.’

Kyrie looked up at the sky. She smiled in vain at her weakness flowing with the Milky Way.

Kyrie thought she was the perpetrator. In the past, she thought, “If I hadn’t woken up Nathaniel,” even though there was no such thing. Everything that happened to her seemed to be her responsibility.

But selfish as well, she wanted to hear it from her family. It’s not your fault.

‘You are wrong, Aaron.’

She now realizes that it will never happen, and that she was only drunk on what Nathaniel called “self-projection”.

Realizing that, Kyrie soon became free. In everything.

Kyrie lowered her head, which had been slowly tilted. The tremor had already subsided.

“Father.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

Cesar raised one eyebrow.

“Do you understand now? This father educated you for a day like today.”

Kyrie smiled softly.

“……You’re still living in illusion.”

Cesar looked serious. His arms winced as if he was in the habit of throwing something, but Kyrie didn’t flinch now. She felt indescribably relaxed. She didn’t know she had a similar look to Aaron before he died, right now.

“Now…… I realize. I thought Father was loving me in his own way.”

Cesar, who listened to Kyrier, smiled contrivedly.

“Of course I love you. Aren’t you my daughter?”

Kyrie laughed out loud.

“But it wasn’t.”

She reached out and tapped Cesar’s glass, which had been placed on the railing. The long-necked glass fell into the darkness and broke with a small clink.

“It wasn’t…….”

It was a very trivial move, but Cesar felt a tremendous distance to Kyrie at that moment. Her soft voice, noble accent, a somewhat subdued and classy gesture, and a faintly arrogant and bored expression were clearly the Kyrie he taught.

However, Kyrie didn’t seem to be the one he knew. For the first time, Cesar saw Kyrie Buchanan, a human, not his daughter.

“Father’s eyes, which I felt as love, were just about the affection of seeing things I had left at home for a long time. If I lose it, my heart will be empty for a moment and say…….”

Kyrie’s smile no longer showed any emotion. Cesar’s spine became creepy.

“I tried to be the noble and proud Buchanan father so desired, but now I don’t feel the need to. Because it’s your Buchanan, not my Buchanan.”

After finishing her last words, Kyrie drew her shawl. She gazed at the grove of oak trees spreading over the railing as the wind blew from behind her back. It was a long way for spring to come, and the night air was still cold. Kyrie smiled.  

It really is winter, isn’t it?

“Be polite next time we meet, Duke Buchanan. As of today, you are not my father.”

***

The next day, Kyrie suffered from a fever. The only thing she could hear in a strange high fever was a tense voice that filled her surroundings.

[Recover.]

“Using……Mental……!”

[Then……  that’s all……  I have to do.]

“You have too much…. business……!”

[…… Leave it.]

“Nursing…… .”

(PR note: here, Kyrie is sick, and Nathaniel decided to use his mental powers to communicate and take care of her, and neglect his job)

Words whose context could not be grasped passed in fragments. The voice inside of her mind repeated and flickered like a dying flame.

[I can’t give it to you.]

And Kyrie felt nervous in Nathaniel’s voice for the first time.

Nataniel was looking down at her when she squinted her tearful eyes. He looked extremely sharp enough to wonder when she could see such a look again. Now he wasn’t even human, or at least a plaster statue. The ease of living alone in a different time was also gone.

Nathaniel whispered, putting his hand on Kyrie’s forehead.

[You’re so clever. You are always saved through death, leaving me at the end.]

Kyrie somehow thought she felt a faint sadness in his voice.

[No more. I won’t let you run away anymore.]

At the whispering words, Kyrie smiled faintly.

“…….”

She couldn’t figure out why she was laughing. But the thought that she should have done this before, that she had finally found the right direction, sparkled like a star in her mind.

Seeing the smile, Nathaniel showed his face again. It was the first intense anger she saw in him, who was all about madness, cynicism, or expressionlessness, or showing a slight displeasure.

[You want to run away?]

Nathaniel slowly moved his hand and squeezed Kyrie’s neck. It was very slow.  And it was very cold. Kyrie knew very well what he was going to do. She smiled gently and closed her eyes.

[…….]

Nathaniel held Kyrie’s neck like that for a very long time. However, he did not end up giving strength to his hand.

Kyrie closed her eyes, but she couldn’t see, but for the first time, she heard Nathaniel sigh heavily.

[You are too weak…..]

She couldn’t hear the backbiting. His cold hand soon fell off. Kyrie fell back down the cliff of sleep. She smiled at the light moving away from the darkness.

Yeah, I don’t mind dying now. I’m not welcomed by anyone anyway, and I can’t be anything. So that would be fine. It doesn’t matter…….

***

Kyrie had been sick for a long time. If Nathaniel hadn’t lowered the temperature of her body by force, it was clear that her brain function would have fallen. 

The doctor said she was originally vulnerable to the cold and suffered from cold winds for too long. But everyone knew it wasn’t just the problem. If it was really a physical problem, it should have been cured by MarryAnne’s treatment.

Awakened, Kyrie looked at the bed canopy and opened her mouth.

“I’m alive.”

It was a remark that was strangely calm and surprisingly regrettable.

“Miss……?”

MarryAnne, who was running near Kyrie’s knee and crying, opened her eyes wide to the gruesomeness of no reason. Kyrie smiled affectionately at MarryAnne.

“How are you, MarryAnne?”

It was such a clear greeting that it was not thought to be a person who had been ill for a long time. MarryAnne answered clumsily.

“MarryAnne’s doing fine…….”

“Good for you.”

“Miss, are you all right? Any inconvenience? You’ve been sick for two weeks…….”

“It’s refreshing. It’s light. Can you help me get up?”

Kyrie sat with a cushion on her back, coughed small and looked out of the window.

“It snowed a lot. It’s pretty.”

“Yes…….”

“I need to eat something.”

“Oh, yes! I’ll bring it to you.”

MarryAnne called another servant to bring her a meal. Meanwhile, Kyrie wiped her wet body with sweat and tied her hair together. She looked as pure and beautiful as a lily blooming in the snow, but MarryAnne felt uneasy as to why.

“Miss, are you okay?”

“Yes.”

Kyrie’s answer was light. Adding a little lie, she looked as light as if she would fly when the wind blew. As the meal arrived, Kyrie looked down at the table with a gentle and calm face.

“That’s a shame. “

“Yes. I haven’t eaten in a long time.”

Kyrie looked down at the statue with a distant smile, reminiscent of Nathaniel.

“I’m sorry, but …”

“What?”

It was a moment when MarryAnne asked again. Kyrie grabbed a fork decorated with gold thread. And without hesitation, she thrust it into her neck.

***

TL/rant: I first thought Nathaniel would break her, then when Aaron came, I thought he(Aaron) would finally break her but the person who broke her the most was neither Nathaniel or Aaron but her father, even though he wasn’t a good father Kyrie held her very last hope with him. After what he did, Kyrie really broke.