CH 69

Zhenya Hartwood

The woman in the carriage had bright blonde hair, glasses framing her pretty eyes, and a beauty spot at the corner of her full lips. She held a lit cigarette in one hand and a furred winter fan in the other. She was wearing a dress trimmed with martens fur that seemed just a bit scant for winter.

Kyrie’s mother, Zhenya Hartwood, smiled seductively.

“Can’t you greet your mother after a long time?”

Kyrie coldly lowered her gaze.

“You were in the capital.”

“I have only been in the capital for a few weeks. I was in Oldhelm, working in Trevereum’s largest research institute. You know that I am studying the apocalypse?”

“What can I do for you?”

“Oh, how cold hearted! How could you react the same way Cesar did?”

“How did you know I was here?”

“Hm?”

Zhenya giggled.

“I’ll give you 10 points, Kyrie. For your information, that’s a stupidity index”

“I’ll give you 10 points, too. For your information, it’s a common sense index.”

“Ahaha! What a joke.”

Zhenya grinned with her mouth wide open. Her smile held no sense of loss a mother might feel seeing her grown daughter. No, Kyrie didn’t even remember seeing it in her mother in the first place.

Zhenya was a narcissistic woman. She played the role of a “mother” only until Kyrie was ten years old and then returned to “Zhenya Hartwood.”

It used to hurt her when she was little. Kyrie quickly regained her calmness by mixing elegance and cynicism in half. Zhenya whistled.

“You really look like him. From appearance to behavior.”

“Please tell me what you need.”

“But you don’t need to take the trait of not having a good eye for a spouse as well, do you?”

Zhenya murmured. Kyrie took a deep breath and answered.

“I don’t have a spouse.”

“50 points.”

The carriage began to trot around the streets of Yuseong district, there seemed to be no intention of leaving.

Federica, who had been caught by surprise, shuddered and clung to Kyrie. Fortunately, Zhenya didn’t even glance at the little girl. She was that kind of woman. She was a genius who didn’t waste effort in things she deemed worthless, not even her child held any value to her.

So she was nervous. Her mother didn’t move for no reason.

“All right, here’s the thing. I mean…… Kyrie.”

Zhenya slowly broached the point.

“While in Oldhelm, I heard rumours that something interesting was happening in the capital. I, of course, could not miss it out. So I came to visit. I attended the ball….”

Kyrie’s breathing was disturbed by an ominous rush from the start of the conversation. Jenya watched Kyrie with indifference at first glance.

“But things weren’t as expected. So, I concluded that it was just a rumour. I stepped out into the garden for some fresh air, and found something quite ominous,”

Zhenya paused to take a drag of her cigarette

“’You must be Kyrie’s mother’, was what they said.”

Kyrie’s heart sank. Her hands were sweaty as she held Federica. Zhenya continued to look  disinterested as she tapped the end of her cigarette on the ashtray to dislodge the ash.

“I really want those words to disappear, neatly.”

Zhenya swept the loose locks of her blonde hair back. She had her trademark playful smile, but there was some discomfiture.

“At first, I did something, but later I understood. That means ‘you’re Kyrie’s mother, so I’ll let you off the hook’.”

When Kyrie didn’t answer, Zhenya soon smiled arrogantly, a characteristic of a highly intelligent person.

“So I’m here to see how far it’s allowed. It’s simple, isn’t it?

“Very simple.”

Kyrie was sarcastic without motivation. Zhenya giggled like it was a habit.

“Don’t be so mean. Cesar and I are the only people in Arellano who can do this to you. But he seemed rather happy now, huh?”

“…….”

“Kyrie.”

Zhenya’s tone sank low. Kirie could easily predict her next words.

“Do you really not know how the capital is running right now?  If that’s the case, your score of stupidity is 990.”

Kyrie’s gaze turned out of the window.  It was a street that she got used to after nearly a month.  The people were all kind. Incidents broke out every day, just like every slum, but it was always within the range that could be handled….

Kyrie’s body grew cold. Even when she wrapped her crouched torso to her knees with her arms, her trembling did not disappear.

The soldiers’ surveillance was released gradually.  While she had a sluggish escape from the capital.  People, children, appeared every time she tried to do something.  Her sorrow was always melted away by those innocent smiles.  

The snow kept falling.

Falling…..

“…..Is he waiting?”

Kyrie’s body trembled like a naked person in the snow. Zhenya looked at Kyrie with a little sympathy. But there wasn’t anything she could do.

“Yes.”

Zhenya looked over her shoulder out of the window of the carriage. In the distance, she could see the tip of the palace sticking out like an animal’s horn.

“Waiting for you to come back.”

***

‘No matter how sweet a dream is, it’s a dream. The way out is always in the real world.’

Zhenya rode away with those parting words.

Kyrie came back and ate. Federica also had dinner and talked about the rude guest she met during the day with Josephina. Federica, who had been silent from the carriage all along, looked frightened and said she would sleep with Josephina today.

It was the first time since Kyrie left the palace and came to live here that she had slept alone. It was quiet all around. She couldn’t sleep for a long time.

“Joey.”

Joey didn’t show up when she called his name. It was the first time. She let out a shaky breath as she laid like a corpse with her hands knotted over her stomach..

〔Nathaniel won’t let you go.〕

Leschaux’s words lingered in her head. The look of warning that Kyrie had seen throughout his speech was now acutely felt.

〔If necessary, he’ll take you back, even in a deal with death.〕

She realized she couldn’t erase Nathaniel from her life. Far from erasing him, every time she saw all kinds of blue, he came to her mind. His iris, which sometimes glistened as clear and beautifully as the sea in summer, but were usually as cold as freezing winter.

There was a rumble outside, Kyrie stilled. It sounded like so many people were walking over the cobblestones that she could feel it on the fourth floor. She didn’t look outside, but heard the wooden door outside the bedroom opening and closing.

Kyrie rose after a long time. She went out to the living room, and the kitchen, both rooms were empty. There was no sword hanging in its usual place. She looked troubled.

“Joey.”

Kyrie called his name again but he didn’t show up.

Kyrie abruptly opened the other bedroom door. Neither Josephina nor Federica were in bed, asleep. The only light in the desolate house was a lantern on the table that flickered as if it was seducing Kyrie.

Kyrie stood in the living room, unable to control the thoughts in her head. She could sense underneath it all, that evil, beautiful, ominous yet elegant being calling for her. With your own feet, come to me, [Kyrie].

‘No matter how sweet a dream is, it is only a dream.’

At last Kyrie picked up the lantern. She slowly went down the wooden stairs. The doors were open on each floor, but there were no people inside. Kyrie passed the whole scene with a blank face.

It wasn’t snowing. The night sky was clear, and the snow glittered blue under the street lamps. It should have looked beautiful, but it filled her with a sense of nauseating dread. 

She threw up, and looked at the street with dead sheep eyes, exhausted from the retching. She saw numerous footprints in the snow headed somewhere. She followed, barefoot, carrying the lantern.

Kyrie began to move barefoot, holding onto the lantern.

[I can’t give it to you]

‘Die, Noona.’

‘Live, Kyrie’

The voices of three people seemed to be controlling the entire body. Her pace gradually staggered. As she progressed, her fear grew in her mind, confusion grew, and something she couldn’t vomit was on the verge of bursting.

Kyrie’s slow pace arrived at the largest and widest lily square in the capital. After arriving at the square, Kirie vomited again.

The square was surrounded by carriages of nobles, and hundreds of people standing in the square stared at Kyrie on the way.  Joey, Josephina, Federica, Corey, Tess, Hesna, Antonio, Howard, Trevor…….  They were the faces she knew. Some people were just familiar with their eyes only.

‘Mom, I want to eat chicken saute for dinner!’

A child of over eight years old who always looked after her mother.

‘Clearance sale!’

A young merchant who used to raise his voice at a stand with a radish.

‘I heard Fort Ducaine brought in some strange objects from the North.’

Middle-aged man sitting outside the cafeteria wearing a beret.

‘Damn! It’s always ice here!’

A skinny messenger complaining in the corner of the street.

‘You said there was a wagon accident in the upper district.’

‘Oh, my God!’

The old women who stood in front of shops waiting for the mail coach with news from other districts….. All the people she had met and passed by. They made a path, as though they were making way for a royal procession, as she walked through them.

She stopped before a statue of the lily in the centre of the square. Face to face with the person who was waiting for her.

Nathaniel.

He smiled fondly and beautifully at Kyrie.

[Kyrie.]

The smile tore Kyrie’s heart.

“Ah, ah, ah…….”

Amidst the hundreds of people standing still like winter trees staring down at her, Kyrie collapsed to the floor like a puppet with a broken string.

“Ah… aaaaaah!”

The resentment and sadness that she had endured burst out at once.  Kyrie cried out like a newborn child, forgetting her face.  

She was no longer Kyrie Buchanan, not just Kyrie. She was now Nathaniel’s belongings. She ran, but she couldn’t. She wanted to run away, but in the end she came back.

How could he do that? How can a person do that? Did he enjoy it? 

Hundreds or thousands of people would have listened to him without knowing anything. 

Was it fun? 

If anyone didn’t listen, they would have been killed without mercy. 

I only have to do that? Isn’t this situation a play? From when was everything in his palm?

[Long time no see]

Nathaniel came one step closer.  His face shone with a gentle, compassionate smile.  Even the air around him seemed to flow slowly, and he was surrounded by a brilliant halo.  

The affection that was soaked in the dignified face had no limit to it’s benevolence.  Even the madness that she usually felt in Nathaniel decreased. He seemed to be waiting for Kyrie’s voice, as if he were an anglerfish that had fed on despair.

Tears dripped from Kyrie’s eyes as her head bowed.  Her fingernails were scratching the floor and she felt no pain, even though her blood was seeping through.

“Everyone…?” 

Even with a sentence that was not completed, Nathaniel understood the meaning.  He exhaled a deep, moonlit breath like a sigh.

[Everything.]

Kyrie slowly raised her head and looked up at Nathaniel, supporting herself with both hands.

“Do you want to see me….. broken….?”

Even though her cheeks were covered with tears, Nathaniel smiled as sweetly as a man who had fallen in love with her for the first time.  A smooth answer came out as if he was waiting.

[No. Of course it’s nice to have you broken, but that’s not the only thing I want to see]

“Th, then……?”

[Just all of you, if you will.]

He slowly sat on one knee in front of Kyrie. A long, pretty hand moved toward Kyrie at a slow pace as usual. When the tip of his finger touched her light purple hair, a strange sigh popped out of Nathaniel’s mouth.

[I like to have you in front of my eyes.]

“Why are you doing this to me……?”

[Well.  People say that I ‘like’ you.]

Nathaniel took off his coat and put it around Kyrie. The black robes swelled and sunk like darkness.

[But I also like it when you’re broken. I like it when you love me, and I like it when you hate me. Do you think this is what ‘liking a person’ is?]

“I, didn’t think so……, I…!”

[That’s right]

Nathaniel carefully tied the front of the cloak before leaning closer. So close that their lips almost touched. It tingled. He also looked like he really wanted to ‘eat’ her.

[I just want to have you]

Kyrie reached out and tried to push his face. Nathaniel sneaked away from it, the wind knocked Kyrie’s body to the ground.

Her body, wriggling in the snow with dirty feet, so fragile and vulnerable, looked lovely in the eyes of the beast who commanded the permafrost. His eyes were filled with more satisfaction as he reached out to her.

[You should be more careful.]

Kyrie slapped his hand away, it resounded in the eerie silence of the square

“Is this fun for you….?” 

Nathaniel took a light grip on the hand thrown down. 

[It doesn’t matter if it’s not fun. That was before I chose you. I’ve already chosen you, and whatever you do no longer affects that choice.]

“You don’t have to go this far, you don’t have to……!”

Kyrie stumbled, screaming, her blood pressure rising. She started to shed tears again. Nathaniel looked around at those words. People were still watching Kyrie Buchanan. As he commanded.

[That’s right. I didn’t have to go this far.]

Tak.

Nathaniel flicked his finger, and people turned in unison. At the sound, Kyrie recoiled. Nathaniel, who saw it, carefully grabbed Kyrie by the arm.

Kyrie struggled but to no avail. His thirst had already reached its limit. She was easily dragged into Nathaniel’s arms like a stabbed deer. Nathaniel buried his face in Kyrie’s hair like a fish looking for water.

[That’s why, actually, I just wanted to hear you cry.]

Kyrie, who paused for a moment, soon struggled with an animal-like cry. But Nathaniel did not let her go. He rather embraced her more strongly, and began patting her back as if she were a child.

[Kyrie Buchanan. You asked me if I was lonely, wondering what everyone was afraid of.]

In a flash, Nathaniel’s smile grew dizzyingly darker.

[How ridiculous your naivety was.]

“Ahhhhk! Ahhhhh!”

Kyrie cried out like a madman. She bit Nathaniel on the shoulder and scratched him on the back, but Nathaniel wouldn’t let her go. 

He just listened to her howling toward the sky, holding Kyrie’s waist in one hand and Kyrie’s neck in the other.

That was exactly what he wanted. It was what he was waiting for. It was as sweet as he waited, as lovely as he waited, and as much as he waited, everything was as good as it could be.

[As expected, you’re the best.]

[As expected, you’re the best.]

Nathaniel whispered in Kyrie’s ear. Kyrie called his name, bleeding from her throat, in a white blast of vision.

“Nathaniel, please, please……! No more……please…!”

[That’s enough. I’m a little thirsty because I’m not in front of you.]

“No, no, no……! No, please, stop…….”

[Shall we stop?]

“Stop…….”

Kyrie nodded slowly. Nathaniel laughed aloud at the sight of her nodding, still anticipating even in this situation. How can such a small, insignificant existence exist?

[No.]

As he whispered mischievously, and as expected, a lost, powerless cry erupted.

“Sob, sob…… Huh……!”

[Not yet, cry a little more, hope a little more, despair a little more.]

“No…!”

[So that at the end, you won’t even think about reaching out for real hope.]

“No, don’t……!”

[Don’t worry, Kyrie. I’ll have you all, and I’ll never abandon you. For example, if you cry, if you howl, or even if you try to kill me.]

“No…! I don’t want it! No, please, ahhk-!”

[Even if you’re crazy, disabled, get leprosy, or your skin becomes mushy and rotten.]

“Please……! No, let go, stop……! Stop, ahhhhhh!!”

Nathaniel buried her face in his ear, listening to Kyrie’s scream, who couldn’t even open her eyes for fear of people’s gaze.

[For example, even if you die, you are my possession forever.]

***

The color of Kyrie’s iris