CH 131

Eternal Madness

[Gray Buchanan.]

“Ha, ha…….that……”

[Yes. That’s your name.]

“Ahhh……! Ah ah ah ah ah!”

It wasn’t an illusion.  It wasn’t an illusion.  Gray knelt before the Legendary Lord. The memories of the past he thought he had forgotten bloomed like flowers.  He was correct that he was a living being.  It wasn’t an illusion.  No, that was pretty good.  Someone called his name. He had someone to talk to, and he was able to communicate.  He almost wanted to hug the legendary lord.

But the moment he saw his glassy eyes, Gray was terrified again.  He had no choice but to do so. If he goes against the will of the legend here again, he may never come to look at him again.

Gray quickly knelt to the floor.

“Please, please, here,…..please let me go…!”

The legend, ignoring Gray, looked around with languid and calm eyes.

[It’s like home to me. It might have been a little harsh for humans.]

He looked around indifferently, showing his side face at an angle, and somehow seemed a little lonely.

“please please……, save me, don’t go, I’ll be good, I’ll do anything……!”

Gray crawled on his knees to grab the legs of Sir Legend.  He wanted to feel the volume of something other than himself.  However, the legend took a step back, avoiding Gray’s hand.

[Because I have a weak stomach.]

“Uh-huh, uh…..!”

Gray fell to the floor. Lord Legend, with his cane, bent his waist slightly and looked down at Gray.

[Want to leave, Gray Buchanan?]

Gray raised his head. His face was already covered with tears and a runny nose.

“Yes Yes……!”

[Do you want to see the light again? The outside world, where there are four seasons and time, with pretty ladies and old bugs, and with the straw of poverty rotting under the scabbard of steel.]

That was exactly what Gray had longed for.

“I want to go out!  Please let me out!  I will do anything!  I’ll do anything you ask!  If you ask me to lick, I’ll lick, if you want me to die, I will die, please……!”

Gray nodded his head violently to further reveal his earnestness.  He had to show his piety so that the black god before his eyes would forsake him and never go back.

Lord Legend smiled faintly and straightened his bent back.

[Then you’ll have to take care of Buchanan.]

Gray, who he thought would be punished, widened his eyes.

[Be diligent so that Kyrie doesn’t have to worry about it, well. You know that kid’s eyes are high, right?  Guess the level.]

Lord Legend spoke with a cold attitude without change. Gray nodded vigorously as he changed his mind.

“No, of course!  I’ll do it!”

[When you wake up, your servant will be waiting for you. He seems to be smarter than you, so take him with you.  And if something happens in the sky, wait a day, then get on a carriage and go to the capital.]

“Yes, yes!  I will!”

[After that, Orewinbridge will take care of it.]

“Yes…..!”

Finally we can get out of here. Gray was so moved that he couldn’t even open his eyes properly and wept.

Nathaniel looked at Gray with indifferent and plain eyes and said.

[It would have been better to go crazy here.]

“Yes…..?”

Gray’s heart seemed to fall at the outrageous words. It’s ridiculous. Hell would be better than here.

[Don’t get me wrong.  This isn’t salvation, I didn’t release you.  Rather, you should have pledged all of your short life to me.]

After uttering an unfamiliar word, Lord Legend looked down at Gray’s trembling eyes and smiled coldly.  Then he stretched out his hand toward Gray’s face.

[Your mean nature is not at all unreliable, so I’ll leave a small present.]

***

After that, Gray woke up from a long sleep.  And he faithfully followed what the legendary Lord said. So, just as he had foretold, he came face to face with Kyrie.

“Of course you didn’t have a good time, did you?  haha……”

Gray greeted her a little awkwardly, but still a little savvy.

“Neve, closer.”

“Yes.”

Behind Gray, a large, muscular servant pushed Gray’s chair.  Kyrie’s gaze turned to Gray’s leg which  was covered with a blanket.

“Oh, this?”

Gray noticed her gaze and gently rubbed his knee.

“Well, it’s nothing. It’s because of a wagon accident. My muscles deteriorated from lying down.”

“A wagon accident?”

Kyrie’s eyes narrowed slightly. Gray casually shrugged his shoulders.

“You don’t know? I was unconscious because of a wagon accident.”

“……”

Kyrie stared at Gray quietly.  With an eye patch on one of his eyes, Gray naturally avoided her gaze and looked at Rubinia.

“I’m late to greet you, Your Majesty.”

“Yes. Are you okay?  Don’t worry about me, do you have a business?”

Rubinia waved her hand and picked up the teacup.

“Thank you.”

Gray smiled faintly and looked at Kyrie again.

“Did you hear the story from Her Majesty? I, I will inherit the family. Oh, of course, if you want to become a head of state, I will of course give in.”

“…….”

When Kyrie hardly answered, Gray’s expression softened slightly.

“Hey, Kyrie? I don’t mean to take your place……It means you don’t have to burden yourself with Buchanan’s name anymore.  Don’t worry, it’ll work just fine!  I also have to settle down now. Haha.”

Gray laughed softly.  It was the same smile as before, but there was a hint of humility.  After Gray paused for a moment, he said in a trembling voice.

“Excuse me…..”

Kyrie just stared at Gray the whole time he spoke. He opened his mouth, after Gray wiped his dry lips with his tongue.

“……I’m sorry for that.”

Kyrie’s head tilted slightly. Kyrie, who had been silent until now, asked her.

“Are you really buying a carriage?”

“Of course.”

Gray answered naturally.  As if Kyrie’s gaze pierced through, he turned one remaining eye.  Gray nodded, blinking his eyes and smiling.

“I understand that you don’t believe me, but is it true? Right, Neve?”

“That’s right.”

Behind her, Neveah nodded her head.  There was no sign of lying on either of their faces.

Kyrie, who was staring at the two as if searching, lowered her eyes.

“Okay….”

Silence fell again. Gray was restless. He was busy examining Kyrie with very sad eyes.

“Hey, Kyrie…?”

“What.”

“……Did you hear that our father passed away?”

“I heard.”

“funeral……, will you come?”

Gray quickly waved his hand.

“Of course! It isn’t compulsory.  You don’t have to come, but….. I thought it might be better for you to finish it properly.”

Finish. One of Gray’s words entered Kyrie’s mind. Kyrie slowly turned her head.

“Yes. Finish……”

A shadow was cast along the shape of the window frame under the window hit by sunlight. It was quite hot now to say it was spring. Time passed like this before I knew it. It was a winter like a lie. Kyrie’s eyes became distant. She got up from her seat a long time later.

“Okay.  See you at the funeral.”

***

키리에가 방을 나서자마자 그레이의 미소가 순식간에 무너졌다.

“나, 나 잘했지? 뭐 잘못 말한 거 없지? 키, 키리에가 날 미, 미워하진 않겠지?!”

공포에 질린 목소리였다. 그는 한순간에 30년도 더 늙어 버린 것 같았다.

“안 돼, 나, 난 거기로 다시 돌아가긴 싫어…… 싫다고……!”

그레이가 무릎을 쥐고서, 질린 얼굴의 루비니아도 아랑곳하지 않고 울부짖었다.

그 악몽 같던 공간에서 돌아온 뒤, 그레이의 하반신은 새까맣게 죽었다. 걷기는커녕 혼자 대소변을 처리할 수조차 없었다. 그게 굴욕이나 분노로 전환되지 않도록 막은 것은 다리의 혈관에서 피부를 뚫고 나올 것처럼 펄떡거리는 무언가였다.

괴사한 것처럼 푸르고 검게 죽은 다리에서, 누가 보아도 살아 있는 것처럼 꿈틀대는 새까만 색의 무언가. 다리가 그럴 때마다 심장 역시 불규칙적으로 과하게 뛰었다. 그리고 생살을 찢는 듯한 극도의 고통이 밀려들었다. 전설경이 남긴 무언가가 몸 안에 도사리고 있는 것이 확실했다.

“내가 어떻게, 거기서 벗어났는데…….”

그레이가 양손에 얼굴을 묻었다. 이미 전설경의 말을 어기면 어떻게 될지 모른다는 불안감에 불면증이 도졌다. 탈모와 섭식 장애, 강박적으로 몸을 씻는 버릇도 생겼다. 그뿐 아니라 정신을 차리고 보면 저도 모르게 비명을 지르며 날붙이로 다리를 미친 듯이 찔러대기도 했다. 남에게 말할 수 없는 이 상태를 제어하기 위해서라도 그는 느베야를 데리고 다녀야 했다.

모든 게 전설경의 손바닥 안이었다.

차라리 죽는 게 나을지도 모른다는 생각도 했다. 하지만 막상 세상을 마주하면, 그 공허 속에 있을 때와 달리 죽음이 턱없이 멀고 두려웠다. 그레이는 앞으로 그의 삶에 남아 있는 것이 끝없는 불안과 광기뿐이라는 것을 깨닫고 절망했다.

As soon as Kyrie left the room, Gray’s smile collapsed in an instant.

“I, did I do well?  What did I say wrong?  K, kyrie won’t hate me, she won’t, right?!”

It was a terrifying voice. He seemed to be thirty years older in an instant.

“No, I, I don’t want to go back there…..I don’t like it…!”

Gray grabbed his lap, and cried out, not even paying attention to Rubinia’s tired face.

After returning from that nightmare space, Gray’s lower body was completely blackened.  He couldn’t even walk and urinate on his own.  What kept him from turning into humiliation or anger was something pulsing as if piercing the skin from the veins in his legs.

From the dead legs that were blue and black as if they were necrotic, something of a black color wriggling as if it was alive no matter who saw them. Whenever the legs move, the heart also beats irregularly and excessively.  And the extreme pain that seemed to tear the flesh came rushing in.  It was certain that something left behind by the legend was lurking inside his body.

“How did I get out of there……”

Gray buried his face in his hands.  Already, insomnia was overshadowed by the anxiety of what would happen if he broke the word of the legend. He also developed a habit of baldness, eating disorders, and compulsive washing.  Not only that, but when he came to his senses, he screamed without realizing it and stabbed his leg like crazy with a knife.  In order to control this state of being unable to speak to others, he had to carry Nebeja with him.

Everything was in the palm of the legend.

He thought that it might be better for him to die.  But when he faced the world, he was far and afraid of death, unlike when he was in the void.  Gray was desperate, realizing that all that was left of his life ahead of him was endless anxiety and madness.