Chapter 198 - Doesn’t Sound Like A Good Person

Qiu Ling hugged Jing Yi back and leaned his forehead against his shoulder.

"I didn't know how to go on after that", he admitted after a while. "I hid in the hut for two weeks, not taking even a single step outside. Those two were still lying outside. Sometimes, I thought I heard her scream in the night."

Jing Yi rubbed Qiu Ling's back and silently pressed a kiss on his hair. "You were afraid. It's normal. You shouldn't have been alone."

"Yeah. But there was no one. I didn't know about her family and I honestly didn't want to know. And my father didn't have anyone. The person closest to him had been the one he loved and I couldn't go to him. I had known that person and I had always felt like he was the one who had destroyed our lives. Because of him, we had to leave the capital, leaving everything behind." He shook his head. His hands on Jing Yi's back were already shaking by now. He clearly remembered.

"When I think back I sometimes wonder if none of that would have happened if we stayed there. She clearly wouldn't have dared to kill him in the capital, would she? Back then, I was still a normal child. I had friends there, something I never found after that day. Ah, I guess I was pretty normal once."

"You're still normal."

"Mn …" Qiu Ling closed his eyes and just concentrated on Jing Yi's hand that was continuously stroking his back. If this was Jing He … How would he have reacted?

He turned his head and looked at the person in the blue robes, even though it was just an apparition and not the real one. Considering Jing He's gentle disposition he might have been the same. Showing him so much consideration, trying to calm him down and showing him his love.

"There were some more unpleasant things that happened. It just kept piling up. Until the day I met him."

Jing Yi's hands stopped for a moment before he continued to caress Qiu Ling's back. "Then he really is important to you. You must have been happy."

"I was. I was immensely happy. I hadn't felt so happy … for a long, long time." Qiu Ling took a shaking breath. Right. How long hadn't he felt that way before he found his Jing He? It was as if he had done something wrong in his last life and was being punished by the heavens now. He had just wanted it to stop but there had been nothing he could do.

"Jing He … It's a little strange. On one hand, he was the same as me. He hadn't experienced any bad things actually but he was unhappy deep down. He felt caged here and most of his time was filled with just as much pretending as I had to do. He smiled at people but when you looked closely enough then you could see that he seldom meant it."

Jing Yi pressed his lips together. That didn't sound like a nice person at all. How could Qiu Ling love him that much?

"But sometimes when you were quiet and just followed him then you could see a glimpse of his true self. He was … beautiful. Not just outwardly, though there isn't anyone that can rival his looks. No, it was … it was his inner self. Even though he was suffering he was still so gentle at heart. If you managed to get past those barriers he had erected around himself, then he would show you that other side of his.

His smile … was enough to calm me down in an instant. When being close to him I felt like everything else was unimportant. He was everything to me. Without him … I don't know how long I would have been able to go on living. But I feel like he was just the same. We saved each other."

"I see." Jing Yi stroked Qiu Ling's hair, his thoughts spinning. He didn't like hearing Qiu Ling compliment that man so much. But without him, Qiu Ling would be in an even worse state. He had already been imprisoned in his inner self without being able to get out alone. If he hadn't met that man before, then maybe it would have been even worse. That man had helped him heal to some degree at least.

"We were both cowards who didn't dare to look at the truth. He never told me why he suffered. I also never asked because … I didn't want him to ask me, after all. I didn't tell him anything about what happened." He lifted his head and looked at Jing Yi, smiling slightly. "You're the first person I'm telling this. I'm glad you stayed."

"We promised to stay together, didn't we?"

"Mn." Qiu Ling sighed. Actually, he had been the one who promised. Neither Jing Yi nor Jing He had ever promised something like that. But he knew that Jing He had thought about it. He was just too shy to say it out loud. Most likely he had been too afraid to be left behind. Just like he was.

Qiu Ling turned around and looked at that person clad in blue. Jing He … I'm sorry. I chased after you for ten years but I still didn't dare to tell you. I promise I'll tell you whatever I can in this mortal lifetime of yours. And when you wake up, I'll tell you everything I can't tell him. Even … about what my mother's blood did to me. I'll tell you everything.

Qiu Ling lifted Jing Yi from his lap and stood up. "Let's go." He gripped his hand, took one last look at Jing He's slender figure and then closed his eyes.

He had done what had to be done. It was time to leave.

"Ah —" Jing Yi wanted to say something but in the end, he just closed his eyes, too. He felt the same feeling of his soul being shaken that he had experienced when Yu Jin helped him enter Qiu Ling's inner self and then he already opened his eyes to reality again.