Two Hundred And Fifty-Four / Side Seventy-Eight – Shirohime, The White Princess

Two Hundred And Fifty-Four / Side Seventy-Eight – Shirohime, The White Princess

So, this is death, right? It’s... not as painful as I feared. Dying really sucks though. Her thoughts were starting to slip away from her, sinking into the dark mud of unconsciousness. Well shit. I suppose I did all right, for being born unlucky. To think, all those years of suffering, tests and consultations, my parents gradually growing colder and colder towards me, resenting the money it cost to keep me alive... and it turns out I’m a magical girl, born into a world without any damn magic. It’s enough to make anyone laugh, right? It was hard to concentrate, and the distracting noises from outside were echoing in her head, unpleasant and making her chest ache. How does my chest even hurt? I’m dying or dead... but... please, Aki, stop crying. This is for the best. I... well, sure, I wanted to live. Tan showed me I could be special like I wanted. But... you have so much more to live for.

Are you sure? Is that really true?

Tan? Is that... is that you? Sorry I guess... I ruined all your plans. But... leave it to Aki. He’ll take care of it. She laughed internally, bitter yet still a little happy. Aki, taking care of it. Never thought I’d say that, but... he’s changed. Hey, Tan, do you think it’s because he got powers too, or...

No. He is like you. Thirsty, deep inside. But his thirst is for the happiness of others.

So, you are saying I’m selfish, right? Way to make me feel bad when I’m already dying. That’s cold, Tan. I thought you liked me. But I get it. I dreamed of being a princess, loved and adored, the world shining, a bright future ahead of me. But like all dreams, we have to wake up don’t... if she could scream, she suddenly would have, as knifing pain tore through her, multiple points of agony flaring. Shit, come on, death! If I’m going to die just let me die painlessly. I had enough suffering when I was alive!

That fool of a man, he... is...

Tan, Tan? Are you still there? Am I alone? Ugh, she’s gone... quiet. More pain, as if something was being cut from her, her dim consciousness fading more. Still, I guess... the last few years weren’t so bad. Friends. For me. Hayato, the group leader, who welcomed me warmly, made me feel included. Shy Hina, who struggled to fit in with such an outgoing otaku group, despite her secret love of manga and gaming. Shugo, a bit introverted and with a thing for cheery, girl-next-door types... why the hell am I thinking about that now? Ugh, stop with the pain. And please stop crying Aki. It makes me regret this, and I shouldn’t... Now the stabbing pains had changed, and it was as if fire was flowing into her, burning through her body in unusual ways. To distract herself from the pain, continuing to wait for her inevitable death, she continued to reminisce, the happy memories easing her regrets. Aimi. Damn, she’s got a body on her. Totally unlike the usual image of a gamer girl. Wait, I’m even hotter and I’m a gamer girl, right? Well, she was funny, flirty, charming... to be honest, I modelled a lot of my own personality on her. After all, it isn’t like I had any girl friends growing up. Any friends at all... Yasu, poor foolish Yasu. Still, being the butt of all the jokes is an important role, and if push came to shove, he’d always be there. Yasu, if there’s an afterlife and I meet a god, I’ll ask them to send you a girlfriend... well, maybe I could have asked Tan? No, then what if she sent me to him? Ugh, sickening...

Inside her mind she managed a rusty chuckle, but it was tinged with shame. Tan? Are you there? I can’t believe you danced with my body in such a shameful state in front of Aki. I was so embarrassed I could just have died... oh wait, I guess I did.

Shiro...

Yes, Tan? I’m listening...

I do care for you. Believe me.

I know, I do. Though I have to wonder... did you brainwash me, like you tried to do to Aki? If so... was anything real?

I do not brainwash anyone. I allure. Only those with no desires at all, such as the Buddha, or single-minded desires too great to stoke can resist me. And him. Tan sounded stressed and pained, her voice echoing in her darkening mind. I simply free the desires you hold within. It works better on men, of course. But even so... your desires were pure and beautiful. I simply fuelled them. I cannot make anyone do what they do not wish to, only that which they secretly desire, well-hidden and buried deep within...

I see. Aki did keep saying I was stupid. Ugh, if I wasn’t dying I’d give him a piece of my mind. It all seemed perfectly logical to me at the time. But then I guess I had a lot pent up inside me for you to unleash, huh?

There was silence, only more pain flowing through her as Tan didn’t answer. Oh. I’m all alone again. just like before. Still, today... I wasn’t, was I? I can still feel it. Odd. It’s all I can feel, that and pain. The delicate petals on the ring were cool against her burning fingers, fingers she shouldn’t even be able to feel. Shit, I got engaged. I wonder what my worthless parents would say? Always complaining I was a bad daughter, saying I’d never give them grandkids or even get married. Well fuck you, guess who got engaged? Oh... but I guess I’m still not getting married, am I? Shit. Aki... I never meant to break my promise to you. But I’d rather die than you die. After all, Eri, Shaeula, the other girls you mentioned... they’d be heartbroken if you were gone, right? Tan, why couldn’t you listen to me? We could have worked something out...

My thirst for him was too great. You do not understand. The seeds from a World Tree Fruit... so precious. Every Pantheon has some closely guarded treasures... to think someone must have carried them down here... If I could consume them, I would surely be able to triumph here. And the blessing from Tyr, pristine and unused... well, can you blame a starving being for wishing to eat the meal in front of them?

You know what, I think I can! That’s no meal, that’s Aki! Shit, this was the best day of my life! I thought it was going to suck and make things real awkward with him from now on, so I started the day feeling just awful, and then it was one happy surprise after another. And I realised... I could totally love Aki, and see myself with him. Shit. At least I’m not a total loser, got a kiss before I died. Oh, and flashed him my tits. Thanks for embarrassing me there Tan...

Search your thoughts, your heart. You wanted to be special, a princess. Someone who mattered. You offer him your love, all of it, and in return he gives you... what, merely a seventh of his? Does that not ache your heart, leave you thirsty for more?

Oh, alluring me again huh? Well yes, you think I’m happy about it? Obviously not. But you think Eri loves sharing? I bet she doesn’t. Life... life isn’t perfect is it? I know that better than anyone, poor, helpless little Shirohime, a burden on everyone. He told me he loves me and... can’t you hear him wailing, crying out, Tan? Have a heart. Shit, this isn’t what I wanted at all...

But it is not fair, is it? He would cast you aside, force your death, by not giving up Shaeula. He must have known her but a fraction of the time he has spent with you, the time he professed mattered to him. If he loves you, surely he would choose you over her. Now... now you are dying. For him. Is he worthy of your sacrifice?

You know something, that’s a really nasty way to put it, Tan. I’m disappointed... oh shit, why does this hurt so much? Death should be calm and empty, right? Crap, well... anyway I think maybe before, I would have felt pretty bad about that, yeah. But... The ring was cold to her fading touch. Shit, Tan. Aki... you can’t tell me he doesn’t love me. And... just say he had agreed to betray Shaeula, abandon his childhood friend, toss aside the others, love only me... well, is that really even Aki at all? Aki is Aki precisely because he’s an idiot, a siscon, too stupid to know when a girl is clearly crushing on him. I mean, come on! He used to talk about his sister and Eri all the time when drunk, anyone with ears could tell Eri was into him! And to be honest, maybe I was a little too, though I didn’t even know it myself, disguising it with playful bullying and banter. Damn, I’m such a kid.

Search your feelings, my white princess. You must have such rage, such anger at him. He promised to make you happy, carry your burdens, instead you die for him, and he cannot...

Shup up, shut up, shut up! Shit, I hope I was red-haired then, that would have been apt. Look, Tan... how is any of this Aki’s fault? We made the deal, didn’t we? Sure, you may have had good reasons, but how can I fault Aki for that?

Because he...

Why are you trying so hard to make me turn on him? I don’t get it. When I die, you’ll be banished, right? Better run on home fast, because Aki sounded mad pissed at you. Best hope he doesn’t find you! Come on, listen to how he’s hurting, how angry he is with you, and try and tell me he doesn’t love me! Damn, I get it... she would have smiled, full of mirth, if she could control her body ...if he just wanted me for my looks, or because he felt sorry for me, or anything stupid like that, like I’ve always feared... why would he be going so far for me now? Why would he weep for me and rage? Aki has lots of cute girls who like him, he doesn’t need me. So... it must be love. Shit, I saw it too late. Now I feel bad...

... are you satisfied then? In the end? Can you pass on with no regrets?

Shit, no I’m not satisfied! I don’t... I don’t regret accepting you, Tan. It might have been wrong, selfish, maybe even evil, but... it was obviously what I wanted, what I needed, deep down. Else you wouldn’t have been able to allure me into it, right?

... ... ...

Well, who knows, without these events, maybe things would have been different. It seems like Aki was going to make his move regardless, but maybe I’d have turned him down, that seems like something I could have done. But I didn’t. I hardened my heart to reject him, and he slid in like a wolf, devouring me. Hah, is that why you are so pissed, Tan? Aki was the one who had a good meal. I guess... I’m sorry he couldn’t eat all of me! He really missed out. But today... for a few hours, it was everything I ever wanted. So I’ll have to be satisfied with that.

No, you are not satisfied. I know, I can feel your thirst. Give someone a drop of water in the desert and they are happy, relieved, exultant. But then... the craving for more of that sweet water consumes them. I know you lie to me, to yourself...

Of course I’m lying to myself. The pain in her heart was more agonising than the fiery sawing tortures that were savaging her body. How else can... can I handle this? I’m not scared of death, I told myself. It’s been my constant companion for as long as I can remember. I could faint and crack my skull, catch a bad cold and die from infection. My heart could just simply stop beating. So I had made my peace with that. But now... I find myself wanting to see what the future holds. Spend more time with Aki, hold hands, kiss. Maybe do something more. Finish my game, fight together, get married. Meet his sister, the other girls. Spend more time with Hayato, Aimi and the gang. Tell them I’m happy to be in love. I don’t get any of that now. Of course I fucking want more, Tan! How could I not? But we don’t always...

... fine. Be silent. Princess who is no longer white. A pale ghost with a thirst waiting to be quenched. Save your strength, and hope...

Hope... hope for what?

That the man you say you love has enough strength to overturn death itself, and the will, the thirst for you, to drive through impossibility...

********

“Shit!” I wailed, furious, my Eye blazing. “What the fuck do I do? How can I fix this? Kin Restoration and Bonding? No, she’s not bonded to me yet. Fuck... if my sister can be, why isn’t Shiro? No, look, calm down.” I told myself, Resilience slowly eroding the panic, bringing me back to an equilibrium, my rapid breathing slowing, heart calming, though tears still sprang from my eyes endlessly, obscuring my vision. Angrily, I dashed them away, my Eye examining every inch of the still Shiro.

Fuck, that network really is a travesty. But I know what a perfect one looks like. Still, there was the mess that was Tan attached. Her network was wildly different to anything I had seen before, numerous chakras in strange arrangements, concentrated whirlpools of adherence as well, and there was little hope of my making sense of it all. When I tried to examine Tan, all I ended up with was masses of question marks filling my vision.

“Right... maybe if I cut Tan away first...” I focused aether into a point close to Shiro’s root chakra, where Tan had one of her glittering capillaries twisted in, and with a slash I severed it. Moments later I wished I hadn’t, as Shiro spasmed and jerked in pain, her dying self weakening further. Even Tan was seemingly injured by it, as her voice came from Shiro’s body as though she was speaking from a great distance away, one eye popping open, looking at me dully, her red orb glowing.

“Fool. Do you wish to speed her passing? If you intend to grant her a merciful death, aim for the heart, do not slice away at her like some foolish butcher.”

“You do know, if she dies, I’ll try everything to kill you before you can leave this place.” I warned Tan, dashing away more tears. The hot flames of my mind were cooling now, Resilience finally having choked out the hysteria, leaving me abnormally calm, yet with a cold anger that threatened to spring back to flame at any moment.

`”Threats? How...” she began, but I cut her off.

“A promise. With Shiro gone, there’ll be no reason not to strike you down, will there? It’s what she’d want, too. After all, she’s giving her life so that I could survive. Foolish girl.” Ether Healing had healed my broken nose, but I must have looked dreadful, with flesh still pink from Tan’s fires, and my visage stained with silver and red blood. Tan remained silent, as I continued. “The only way you get out of this is if Shiro makes it. But she’s a real mess. Most of her chakra network isn’t even linked up to her chakras. Just at the root and the crown. The rest is... well, you. Then there’s all those damn chains tangled everywhere. So tell me, what can I do to save her?”

After a moment of waiting for her to answer, I shouted, furious. “Don’t ignore me, bitch! I’m barely holding in my rage right now, so...”

“Do be quiet. Taking out your anger on me will only shatter the tiny chance you have remaining.” Tan spoke. “The white princess, she... she is resolved, yet secretly hopes for a different outcome. She does not wish to die, though she would rather die than fight you, it seems. No, she told me... she wants to see what the future holds with you.”

At those words I let out a choked sob, before clamping shut my mouth hard enough to crack several teeth. No, there’s no time for panic. Every moment is sand running out of the hourglass of Shiro’s life.

“Fine. Now how do I untangle this fucking mess? Wait a second...” it looked like one of the chains had inflicted severe damage on her root, heart and crown chakras, but the chain had cracked, perhaps the contract starting to break. Even so, it isn’t gone... I started sawing away at the chains, concentrated aether hacking at it, but even so, it was to no avail.

“It is useless. The chains are a divine representation. Such efforts are ultimately futile.” Tan declared solemnly.

“Divine, huh? In that case...” I gathered my adherence as well, though manipulating it was fiendishly difficult, similar to ether when I first started out, and tried to slice the chain. Shit, it’s not working... Whether my adherence was too low, or I was too unskilled, it was failing, energy leaving Tan and fortifying the chain, which was slowly causing the cracks to heal and the chain to tighten further, shredding into Shiro’s fragile body. That body convulsed, blood splattering, and I had another worry. Fuck, Shiro’s actual material body is so fragile even the transferred damage must be killing her...

“Tan.” I said, shocked at the coldness of my voice. “I made myself clear, if she dies, I’ll strike you down, right?”

An eye slid open lazily. “I remember. I am not so senile as to forget your threats from a mere moment ago. But while you threaten me, she slips ever closer to death...”

“Shut up! I’m saying... you have a divine favour that governs these contracts, right? What happens if that is destroyed? Would the contracts break too?”

“Perhaps.” Tan admitted. “The gift of Sancus produces the chains. But...”

“But nothing. We break it, now.” I demanded.

“It is not so simple...” she tried to shake her head but couldn’t move, barely twitching.

********

What the fuck is Aki doing? Ugh, it’s like I’m being filled with a hive of angry wasps that keep stinging me from the inside, with no way to scratch the burning itch. And that’s not the worst of it. I can feel so much pain. My eye, my throat. My arm. Even... down below. Shit... I’m going insane here, I don’t know if I can...

... no, you must hold on.

Tan? You’re back. You’ve been gone for hours. Days? I don’t know...

Merely a minute, I promise. I had to talk to your man. Reach a deal.

A deal, with Aki? Wait a minute, it isn’t anything shady is it? He won’t let you eat him in exchange for saving me, will he? If so, I’ll just kill myself again, he must know that...

Nothing so foolish, I promise, thirsty one. Besides, if I could save you, would I not have done so, rather than this? Your man... he has talents. I admit to being rather impressed. In the time this world has been blessed the by the divine, he has made great strides. Is this the power of the Seeds, or...

So, what was this deal? And is it going to be over soon? I... I thought I was good with pain, but this... this is beyond what I can bear. I can barely hold on...

It seems nothing has changed, my white princess. No, we will be together a long time. And we shall still strive for victory.

No, I don’t want to fight against Aki. I mean, I do want to help my allies, even that dumb Raven who got me into this mess. I gave my word, you know. Arisu. Suzu. Bunta. Daizen. The Raven Knight. You. I want... I want to see your dreams realised. Because I never thought I’d get to see my own come true. And now... now I have a dream, know how joyous it is, I want it all the more. But I want Aki’s dream to come true too. What do we do when we have dreams that clash, that oppose each other? Shiro wanted to weep, pain and sorrow overspilling from her, but without eyes, she could not cry.

Simple. But first, hold on to the link between you and that man, cling tight and do not let go. The answer... it is surprisingly simple. Why, you merely have to...

********

Your skill, Adherence Manipulation has increased from Rank 1 to Rank 2. Your ability to control and utilise adherence has strengthened. You are more able to manipulate another’s adherence, should they allow it.

Your skill, Aetheric Chirurgeon has increased from Rank 7 to Rank 8 and has reached the second wall. Your understanding of adherence, divine sparks and other foundations of subtle bodies has increased and Chirurgery works significantly more effectively on beings who have a single, combined form. You can perform Chirurgery on divine sparks if the bearer of said spark is willing. [Class: Noble] [Type: Principle]

Your skill, Ether Healing has increased from Rank 6 to Rank 7. You can compress aether more densely, injecting it through damaged silver cords and capillaries. Your already great resistances to harmful substances and foreign matter increases further, and the speed at which you acclimatise to such contamination, rendering it harmless, has significantly increased. You can achieve greater feats with higher quality ether, and your aether when used to heal will slightly strengthen all attributes of the target.

Your skill, Crude Body Enhancement Rank 4 has become Body Enhancement Rank 4. Your body suffers significantly reduced damage from this ability, though as you still lack a suitable mediating element such as lightning or light, your brain and nervous system still suffers significant pain and injury. [Class: Powerful] [Type: Foundation]

A huge bounty of skills had been my reward for the arduous task I performed, but I didn’t care about that right now, no more than I cared about the fact I was a broken, shattered husk of a man, every part of my body injured, my brain a mess, hideous stabbing lights piercing my vision like the worst migraine imaginable. I had drained all the adherence I had, as well as most of my aether, and had shattered every Etherite I had on me without hesitation, as well as pulling what aether I could from my distant Territory. Even so... It was barely enough. But... did it work?

My Eye flared amber, causing a further wave of pain through me, blood trickling down from my eye socket. Even so, I blinked the gore away, focussing on the battered form lying still beneath me.

Shiratori Himeko, huh? That’s her real name? I guess I see where Shiro and Shirohime come from now... Oh thank the gods. With her survival confirmed, I slumped down, exhausted but victorious, though unfortunately, it was not a complete success, not by any means.

As I did so, I saw Shiro’s body twitch, and as she opened her eyes, black with just a hint of red within them, I saw a smile that made everything worthwhile, despite the... problems.

“I don’t believe it. You did it, Aki. I’m alive. Though ... ouch, what the hell. You did a pretty shoddy job, not going to lie.”

As Shiro cried out in agony, her body finally starting to send the pain signals her awakening had suppressed, her eyes turned red, and Tan... Taṇhā, I guess... took control, twisting Shiro’s tortured face into a grimace as she contested the agony.

“I think you do him a disservice. This was a work of art, princess. Though we cannot call you white anymore. Red perhaps. You are quite the fright.” Using aether she conjured a mirror for Shiro to see herself.

“Oh. Yeah. Shit.” Shiro hissed in a breath, and not from pain. “Well, uh... Aki. If you want to call off the wedding, I don’t suppose I’d...” I leapt to my feet, despite my savage injuries, and seized her in a tight hug. As Shiro leaked tears from one of her eyes, she put an arm around me. One arm.

“Don’t be a fool. You’re still wearing the ring, aren’t you?

“I guess? I can’t... feel it anymore.” Shiro said softly. “I can’t feel my left arm at all, or move it.”

I nodded, gloomy. “Yeah, the damage was too severe, what with the flames of thirst and famine ravaging your arm, to destroy the blessing there. I guess that’s the problem with sharing a body. Even my Ether Healing wasn’t up to it. as well as...”

“Yeah. My face. Not so princess-like anymore.” Shiro muttered. “I know that injuries here don’t go fully back to the body back on earth, but...”

I shook my head, unwilling to give her false hope. “You are probably even worse off there. I couldn’t get much energy down your crappy excuse for a silver cord until towards the end, so...”

“Hey, don’t call me crappy! I was born this way.” She pouted, one eye winking at me, the other a blinded mess of blood and scarring, just like her face, which was gouged deeply. As she trembled in my arms I could see she was putting a brave face on it. “I guess it’s my fault. I’d like to say I wasn’t going to regret it, that I’d rather die for you than have you die for me, and it’s true, and ... I’m glad to be alive, but... damn, I’m... pretty much ruined as a woman, aren’t I?”

I made to kiss her, but she pulled away. “I’m hideous, Aki. I look like some sort of Halloween monster. Don’t force...”

“I’M NOT!” I shouted, surprising her. “Don’t close up your heart, Himeko, or else everything is for nothing. If you wanted to pull away from me, you should just have let Tan fight me.”

“Himeko? How do you know that name? No, it doesn’t matter. What does is... I’m broken. I treasured my beauty, it made me feel special, and now...”

“You’re still special.” I promised, finally manging to kiss her. After a moment she pulled away, trembling. Tan was still suppressing her pain, but she could do nothing about the wounds to her emotions.

“Himeko. Or do you prefer Shiro?”

“I’m Shiro. I hate that name. No, I’m Shirohime... no. I’m not. Just... Shiro, I guess.” She looked down, vulnerable and hurting.

“Yes, just Shiro. My fiancée. The girl I moved heaven and earth, and bound a divine being to you to save.”

“He is right.” Tan declared. “Now dry those foolish tears. We did not suffer such agonies, merely to have you break now. Did you not want to see the world ahead with him?”

“I did, but...” Shiro protested.

“Then feel the truth. You have my Lovers’ Link, right? Surely you can feel my emotions?” I pressed. “And I’m just an Aki. How presumptuous would I be if I turned away from you because of a few imperfections?”

“A few?” she snorted, still shocked, but a brief spark of amusement flaring. “I look like a cyclops that went through an industrial grinder. So... was this Lovers’ Link the feeling I got when I was dying? Your warmth, your care?”

“Yeah. It’s a tangible proof I love you. and I always will. Trust me. I’ll work hard until I can heal you. I’ll call on people I know too. Selensha might have ideas. Normally injuries like this should be no problem, but... your body isn’t normal now. We had to take seriously drastic steps.”

“Yes, I gave up a little of my divine spark for you. Though this man will pay for it.” Tan declared.

“Seriously? Well thanks, Tan. Don’t... don’t price-gouge him, okay?” she said, suddenly seeing my ragged state for the first time. “Shit Aki, you look as bad as me!”

“I had to push past my limits a lot here. But there was no way I’d ever let you die. Shiro...” I reached down, removing the ring from her twisted, immobile arm, and slipped the ring on her other hand. “I love you. Still. Please marry me. Your face, your body, your arm... I hate that I wasn’t good enough to save them, but... even so, I love you and I’ll make you happy. Feel my love through my bond, see it in my eyes. Taste it in my kiss!”

This time when our lips touched, she didn’t pull away, tasting of sweat, blood, tears and salt. When we parted, a string of saliva between us, she nodded. “Fine. Aki, I love you too. But it’s going to be hard for me to adjust. What made me special is ruined now...”

“No it isn’t. Your heart made you special. And now you have other special properties.”

“Yes, you are a true manifester of the divine now.” Tan muttered. “For good or for ill. I know not which.”

“Yeah, but who gives a shit what skills you have? The only special property I care about is your love for me!” Our lips met again, and the trembling was slowly stopping, Shiro melting into my embrace. When she was done, she pulled away from me, giving me a brilliant smile, one full of pain but humour too, and a little sliver of hope.

“Well, yes, I’ll marry you Aki. Why else did I suffer this? Shit, it’s only an arm and an eye, I can still make my game so long as I can type and see. Ugh... but what do we tell the others? They are going to be heartbroken...”

Yes, that’s true. “That’s why I’ll never give up, not until you can truly smile from the heart again.” I knelt down and kissed her hand that wore my engagement ring. “Shiro. Let’s go home. All right?”

She nodded. “Yes. Aki, Tan. Let’s go. I’ve had enough of this shitty place...”