1.28 In Which the Dark Lord Chews the Scenery

1.28 In Which the Dark Lord Chews the Scenery

Being pursued by people who wish you harm is obviously stressful. However, if youre being pursued at a sedate walk through an idyllic countryside (weird alien plant life notwithstanding) on a sunny morning, with a miniature oracle who obviates the need to check over your shoulder, it becomes an amazingly laid-back experience. You know, considering the constant potential for violence. If anything, the tension added just the right pinch of spice to what wouldve otherwise been just a long tedious stroll. Had it not been for the lingering fatigue from our overnight activities, this might have actually been fun.

As it was, we got over being tense and worried surprisingly fast, and even fell into conversation while Biribo magically kept watch on our pursuers.

No, look. If its a one in ten chance, its ten percent! So its nine times more likely to have gone the other way.

Yeah, but a single person is one or the other, right? So its a binary choice.

A binary choice with one in ten odds! Listen, if youve got ten people, and only one is

Yeah, but you dont have ten people, you only have the one, so its a coin toss.

That is not how statistics works! Biribo, considering Im dependent on you for information it is really disturbing that you misunderstand math on a basic level!

Assuming for the sake of argument that youre right, and thats not a concession, math has nothing to do with tactical data or general Ephemera knowledge, boss.

I fucking know. Ive been told about the coins.

So, Aster interrupted, I gather one of your reasons for recruiting an army of whores is so you can use that Enjoin to strengthen them? Cos, lets face it, they arent all lookers but enough of em are passably pretty

I considered that, but there doesnt seem much point, I said, glad enough to drop the argument. The Blessing of Wisdom does nothing without a familiar, and we have no way of getting you one, much less anybody else. The other two are dependent on scrolls and artifacts to be any use, which I already havent found a way to get more of, and if I do Im going to need them for myself. So, no real use in Enjoining anybody else when I cant equip them to get anything out of it. To be honest, I only made that spell to test out how spell combination works; I thought at the time it was pretty useless. You were a supremely lucky find, Aster.

Thats the nicest thing anybodys said about me in years. Truly. And isnt that depressing as hell.

If it helps, I only cast it on you to see whether it worked.

Why would that help? Why would you even bother to say that? Not every thought that drifts through your consciousness needs to come out of your mouth!

I cleared my throat. Howre our friends back there doing, Biribo?

Oh, sure, discussion over, I take it, Aster grumbled.

Theyre keeping pace, boss. Cutting through that stretch of khora slowed them down, but theyre staying with us.

I wondered if that would throw them off Visibility in there was practically nil and we stopped talking for the duration. Howd they follow us?

The old-fashioned way; I think the third guy is a tracker. The other two are the pair who approached you outside the Alley Cat.

Are we close to the waystation?

Its hard to tell, sticking to remote trails like we have been, but we should be in the vicinity by now, said Aster.

I think so, Biribo added. Theres a big concentration of people off to our northeast. At this range I cant sense more detail than that, but thatd be the most likely source of it.

Mm Well, keep me posted. On another note, Ive been meaning to ask you: What the hell is Yoshi doing here?

Uh, that seems like something youd need to ask him, boss. Im not a mind-reader, unless you empower me the right way. Which you are nowhere near being able to do, incidentally.

I mean, on Dount.

Didnt you hire Maugro to find that out? Aster asked innocently.

I drew in a deep, slow breath, as if I could absorb patience along with the musty-spicy scent of khora. Okay, let me back up. Virya said this whole Good versus Evil bit is a game to them, right? Well, where Im from, we have lots of games and stories like that, only not using real peoples lives as playing pieces. Theres a certainrhythm to them. Usually you only start seeing a Hero when the Dark Lord is well established, has conquered a lot of territory and is threatening the remainder of the world. Meanwhile, here I am, lord of a broken-down old fortress and a handful of bandits. Whys the fucking Hero sniffing around my own backyard already?

Ah, said Biribo. I dunno what to tell you, boss. You gotta understand, this cycle has been going for a long time, and thereve been a lot of variations. For one thing, a round of the great game only ends when the Dark Lord dies; if the Hero gets murked instead, another ones called. So, lots of Dark Lords have ruled huge empires by the time they bought it. A few honestly just got tired of it all and quit. Or died of anything from natural causes to suicide. Three that I know of retired, handed the keys to power to a lieutenant and went off by themselves to relax; two of those were still alive and enjoying their sunset years well after a Hero toppled their former dominion.

Virya didnt give me the impression that was going to be an option.

If you gave her the same impression you give most people, boss, she was probably not dealing with you gently. Take out a few Heroes and shell be a lot more lenient with you. But besides that, thereve been a bunch of permutations over the centuries. Heroes and Dark Lords might be called decades apart, or at opposite ends of the archipelagos, or right there cheek to cheek from the beginning, like you were. Sometimes theyre complete strangers, or best friends, or lovers. A few times the goddesses deliberately pushed them together to become friends before arranging circumstances to force them to fight. Some real good drama that way, you see. Its all about the spectacle for the goddesses.

Thats just twisted, Aster murmured.

So, yeah, theres not really some profound answer, if thats what you were wondering, boss, Biribo continued. The reason you and Yoshi ended up starting in the same country at the same time is just Thats how they decided to do it this time. Heads up, were close enough now Im picking up some details. Some of that big group of people I sense is a smaller group, a lot closer to us. About ten.

Aha. Our bandit camp?

Most likely. Theyre deep in the khora, and this is too close to Fflyr territory to be a beastfolk encampment.

We were now on what looked like a game trail that ran through a kind of long, narrow valley, carpeted in fieldgrass and wildflowers, with stands of khora up on ridges to either side.

And our friends back there?

A little closer, but within what Id consider normal variation of distance for tailing somebody. They dont seem to be trying to close.

All right, kids, thats our cue. This is gonna be delicate; we have to move quickly and navigate precisely. Biribo, well need you to be the eyes and ears.

Thats what I do, boss! Whats the plan?

The theme of the day so far was tense but boring, and adding delicate to the mix didnt change the atmosphere very much. Aster and I stepped as quietly as we could manage through the khora, though I did look behind us to take note that we were leaving a trail even I could follow. With no voices except for Biribo guiding us in a whisper barely audible above the buzz of his wings, we passed by the bandit camp as closely as we could manage without coming within range of whatever sentries they had posted. We never saw them, though we passed near enough that even Aster and I could hear voices in the near distance. This would never have been possible if wed gone in blind, but Biribos senses made it downright easy. He even updated their numbers to a firm count of twelve as we passed by.

You never, ever pull out the foreign object impaling your body, unless you want to bleed to death. Or unless you have ridiculous overpowered healing magic.

The buzz of adrenaline was all that kept me from collapsing or throwing up as I ripped the arrow out of my diaphragm. I felt muscle tear, felt pain spike through me abruptly; it hadnt actually hurt until that point, weirdly enough. The arrow came free cleanly, absolutely soaked crimson. I checked that I had the whole thing out and didnt have an arrowhead still in my flesh, but no, it was there at the end of the shaft. Along with a small chunk of unidentifiable meat which I looked away from and refused to think about, throwing the shaft to the side.

The blood had become a fountain. I could feel myself bleeding out.

Heal.

Gasps, curses, and a couple of shouts reacted to the burst of pink light around me.

Yeah, I told you, the Gwyllthean thug with the crossbow said resignedly.

Know this, my child, I intoned, holding out one bloodstained hand toward the bowman who was now gaping at me in shock. I forgive you your transgression. For I know it was born of fear and pain, not malice.

Oh, fuck that and fuck you, he growled, drawing another arrow.

Rugin, dont you fucking dare, the bandit leader snarled. I decide who gets jibbed in this outfit! Pop off without my orders again and your ass is next!

Peace! I boomed. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

Okay, listen up, weirdo, the boss retorted, turning back to me. Thats some impressive mojo, but

Ask yourself: what pain causes your man to lash out so? I was actually starting to enjoy this; Heal hadnt done anything about the adrenaline still surging in me, and I felt borderline manic at this point now that I wasnt even injured. I raised both my arms skyward, really losing myself in my messianic performance. What torment of the spirit so erodes the bond between mortal souls? What sickness of the mind assails him? Ask yourself this, but fear not! For I have come, and with me I bring healing!

Uh The bandit glanced at me, at the now shaken-looking archer, and at the Gwyllthean thugs, who were slowly trying to back up into the khora. Sure, buddy. How about you settle down for a second while I deal with these townie assholes and then we can talk?

Behold! I struck another pose, throwing forward my hand with such enthusiasm that droplets of blood sprayed from my fingertips in the direction of the man whod shot me. Your travails end, my brother, for I bring you healing!

Immolate.

Im afraid poor Rugin dropped his bow, and that was the least of his worries.

Everybody yelled and backpedaled; somebody fired an arrow, but it flew wild into the khora way over our heads. Rugins scream of utter anguish and terror seemed to fill the clearing with a physical weight, along with the blaze of light from the inferno which consumed him from the inside out.

Two of the bandits broke and ran, as did the third guy from Gwyllthean, the tracker. Both of his companions tried to, but they both tripped over obstructions on the ground; one went sprawling while the crossbowman landed on his butt, accidentally discharging his bolt into the khora foliage above us. The rest of the bandits retreated from Rugin, as any sensible person did from a fire.

None of the rest ran, though, after the first shock, and the entire audience stared in horrified shock, seemingly frozen, as the spell ran its course. The bandits voice gave out as the flesh which enabled it was reduced to charcoal; that period of silence in the middle there was almost the worst part before the healing magic began to take over and he recovered the ability to gasp and wail.

It ended, though, as it always finally did: with the victim curled up on the ground, struggling to breath and whimpering. In better physical health than hed likely ever been in his life, and with a new set of nightmares that wasnt going to go away any time soon.

Also, by the smell, this one appeared to have shat himself. Poor guy. After all that, I actually was ready to forgive him for shooting me. I had definitely come out the better for the confrontation.

Alas, I said solemnly into the terrified silence which fell, it seems he had not paid the price. But it is done now, my child. You are cleansed by the fire, healed and born anew.

I raised my bloody hand in a gesture of grandiloquent benediction.

Go, and sin no more.

Rugin let out another high, shrill scream, scrambling backward until he managed to get to his feet and went crashing away through the khora, leaving his fallen bow behind.

Fuck this, Im out, the bandit leader announced, following suit. The rest of his men took that as their cue and went after him.

Hold it, I ordered as the two remaining Gwyllthean thugs started to get up to run themselves. They froze, staring at me in terror. You two are a long way from home. Should I even bother to ask what business brings you out here?

L-listen, man, the crossbowman stammered, weve got no issue with you, all right? Its just, its Lady Grays business. She wants to talk with you, thats all. Just talk.

And now they would live to report that I was not in league with the Olumnach-funded bandits, either. And also, just as crucially, that fucking with me was not a cost-effective proposition.

I am on no ones side but mine, I said clearly. I serve no master but myself. I have come to this land to heal, and so long as I am not interfered with, I shall do only that. You may tell your mistress this.

I, uh Sure, Healer. Ill tell her. But He swallowed heavily, and I couldnt help noticing that hed fitted another bolt into his crossbow and cocked the lever to prime it at some point during all the screaming. Listen, right now Lady Grays only curious about you. See? Somebody with your power and no attachments, thats big news. So, theres a reward out. Thats it, just a reward; shell pay whoever brings you to her. If you start doing shit like that around Gwyllthean, shes gonna end up issuing actual orders to deal with you.

Then for all our sakes, I hope no one around Gwyllthean does something so unwise as attempting to stop me. Dont you?

Uh

Very good, then, I said, making my voice exaggeratedly pleasant. Since we are still friends, Im sure you wont mind doing me the favor of spreading the word. The Healer should be left alone, by anyone who knows what is good for them.

Sure, I can do that, he said, nodding frantically.

I started to turn away, then suddenly paused and shifted back. Oh. And just one other thing.

Pleased with yourself? Aster inquired as we strolled down the road toward North Watch, enjoying the midmorning sunshine and the complete lack of anyone attempting to follow us.

Insufferably so, I said honestly, holding up my new crossbow to admire it.

Because I was gonna ask I mean, that thing looks like its built to take smaller ammunition than standard hunting arrows. Is there a reason you didnt think to have the guy hand over his quiver, too?

oh, goddammit.