2.31 In Which the Dark Lord Battens Down the Hatches

2.31 In Which the Dark Lord Battens Down the Hatches

My intended blitzkrieg didnt go the way Id planned, but in a different way than how things usually didnt go the way I planned.

I was regrettably accustomed to my efforts falling flat or blowing up in my face, but having something more or less work out but just take forever was Well, actually, that was pretty much how my early campaign in Cat Alley had gone down, but this felt more visceral somehow. My intention had been to sweep through the bandit camps ringing Gwylltheans western border in a rush; based on the distances involved and how long I knew it took to walk from North Watch to the city, Id figured it would take two days, tops.

Well, in the end, it went smoothly enough, but that left me in control of the final bandit encampment far to the southwest a week after we set out from Caer Yviredh.

Sneak up on a bandit camp, ambush and neutralize them with our unconventional weaponry and stealth tactics, then showtime. Identify and purge the undesirables, then reassign the remainder: I rarely kept more than one or two along with the small groups I left to take over their territory, brought one or two with me, and sent any remaining back to North Watch. Clan Olumnach had stripped their numbers so much that none of the remaining gangs had more than six members, some as few as three. Then we took and divvied up what was useful from their supplies, provided them with any necessities from our own, and abandoned the campsites, leaving the new Seiji-aligned gangs to begin a patrol of their territory. With the guidance of whichever bandit my core group had absorbed, we would then locate the next camp. Rinse and repeat.

With the gwynnek riders making a constant circuitat a steady enough pace not to over-tire the beasts or riders, but still constantwe stayed in contact with the previously overtaken gangs, the field command post Id sent Goose to establish in Aurons old campsite near the waystation, and North Watch itself. It felt like painfully delayed contact to me, with my recent memories of the internet, but everyone with me seemed impressed by how quick our communications were. Rather than a loose and barely-controlled collection of criminals as Clan Olumnach had arranged them, I had made these groups part of a single organization, keeping in touch and moving as one.

Turns out, setting up and maintaining something like that is neither easy nor fast.

If only the delays were my worst problem.

I could not renege on the promise of vengeance to my core followers; I had made it too central to what bound them to me, and I was too reliant on their support to risk it. While I preferred to think that none of my girls would lay a false accusation against some random man out of spite, Aster had quietly warned me that in the aftermath of the battle of Cat Alley we had several burgeoning misandrists in the ranks. I couldnt entirely blame them, especially because all of this was my own fault. I had maliciously unleashed feminism on this country in much the same way the Yviredhs had been sponsoring bandits: barely understanding what that was or how it worked and with no plan at all to control it, and now people were getting hurt.

Not every gang required blood to be spilled. Two of the smaller ones were all-female already; those took one look at my assembled forces and clamored to join up faster than I could explain what they were joining up for. Of the rest, a couple had no members identified by any of my followers as problems.

But there was still vengeance to dispense. I learned that Freebie Guy and the Strangler werent isolated cases; several more idiots sealed their own doom because when accused of the beating, rape, and/or murder of prostitutes they seemed nonplussed that this was even worth talking about. In a sick way, the bone-deep rottenness of this country was helping to save my own conscience. Even when the abusers didnt blithely out themselves, they had often made enough of a pattern that multiple voices were raised against them, usually even among their own comrades. Not always, though.

Four more times that week I cut down men based on nothing but the tenuous evidence of an accusation.

Because that was what I needed to do to stay in control.

It was getting harder and harder to sleep. I let myself hope that would be easier back in my bed in North Watch, but the hard dirt and khora roots we camped on were not actually the problem.

A week after setting out from Caer Yviredh, I stood at the end of a trail of corpses, mentally exhausted and fully reliant on pure showmanship to keep up a good face for the troops. Wed had an unbroken string of easy victories and totally secured the ground needed for the next stage. Conquest was complete. It wouldve been nice if I could have felt good about it.

Aster and Nazralind joined me a short distance from the last camp, as requested; there was a nice little spot the bandits had been using as a lookout point from which we could watch our people sorting and packing everything without being directly in earshot.

Ladies, I said pensively, I believe I have fucked up.

What makes you think so, Lord Seiji? Aster said, her innocently solicitous tone giving away the game.

Thanks to my own cultural biases it had taken me a long time to catch on (and in the end Id needed Biribo to point it out), but once I did the pattern was inescapable: Fflyr sarcasm looked a lot like Japanese politeness. It turned out that when a lowborn was being vague, refusing to come out and openly voice something critical, they were making fun of me. I guess that made sense in a culture where talking back to your superiors could get you killed, especially if they were being moronic, which they often were.

I gave her a flat look, getting a bland smile in reply.

Nazralind, I said, breaking eye contact with Aster after a moment, do you know of any democratic countries near Fflyr Dlemathlys?

Democratic countries? Her eyebrows shot upward. What, you mean like beast tribes?

Um Why was that your first thought?

She shrugged. Well, because a nation-sized democracy is fairy tale nonsense. I believe smaller tribal cultures sometimes organize themselves that way. The beastfolk, for example. Ive read that orc tribes are like that, too, but the nearest orcs are way over on the other side of the Lancor Empire.

What is a democracy? Aster demanded.

Government by popular vote, I explained. People elect their leaders and usually set policy by public agreement.

Now it was her turn to raise her eyebrows. That sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

It sounds that way, yes, said Nazralind, but in practice that stops working if you have more than a hundred or so people to govern. Actual leadership is impossible since it takes so long to get anything done, and democracies arent so much prone to corruption as inherently riddled with it.

Well, that does sound pretty nasty, Aster murmured. Id hate to live in a corrupt country with bad leadership.

Was she being spicier than usual today, or had I just failed to notice how much of her commentary was full of underhanded jabs? To judge by her expression, Naz had caught that last one, too.

Governing is a skill, she tried to explain. Thats why none of us know anything about it; skills take training and practice, and innate talent helps. You dont want every peasant helping to set national policy for the same reason you wouldnt ask a baker to shoe your horse.

Aster gave her a very bland smile and I hastily interjected before she could say whatever she was about to.

I asked because I was hoping there were native Ephemeral examples of societies transitioning into democracies, but I guess not.

Transitioning? Naz wrinkled her nose. Governments transition all the time, usually through coup, conquest, or usurpation. As for democraciesno, Ive never heard of such a thing. The nearest analogue would be the few small republics scattered about, mostly governed by coalitions of noble houses or merchant syndicates. Even those rarely grow to be anything bigger than a city-state. What brought this on, Lord Seiji?

On Earth, most nations are democratic, I said. Both of them looked surprised, and Nazralind also skeptical. Wellat least in theory. And most of the stable ones transitioned from authoritarian to democratic rule slowly. Many of the successful states in the modern era still have figurehead monarchies but are actually governed democratically, including Japan. There have also been a lot of violent revolutions overthrowing tyrants to establish democratic governments, and thoseusually fail, especially if they succeed.

Well, of course they do, Nazralind said, shrugging again. Aster gave her another even look.

Because, I continued, as you pointed out, governance is a skill. It reliably leads to disaster if the people trying to govern dont know how to do anything but slaughter their enemies.

Both of them shifted to look down at the camp and our people working there, expressions clearing.

Ah, Aster said softly.

Yeah, so, I fucked up, I said, following their gaze. Every step seemed like the only step I could take at the time, but right now Im looking at the start of a pattern I recognize from lots of history, and it ends in fire and blood and nothing remotely constructive. I have to fix this before it gets any further out of hand, and Ive got absolutely no fucking clue how to do that.

You couldask the Yviredhs? Nazralind suggested with a hesitance which didnt suggest that she believed deeply in her own proposal. They do govern a fief.

The barmaids red eyes darted past me to give Aster the once-over, then she winked. Ill bet.

Also, I said hastily before Aster could register an opinion, I need to get a message to somebody in the tunnels. His names Maugro, I assume you know him?

A goblin? This may surprise you to learn, buddy, but in fact we do not all know each other.

This was delivered in such an earnest deadpan that I honestly couldnt tell whether she was being sarcastic or had had to explain this fact to people in seriousness often enough to not care anymore. Knowing what I did about Fflyr Dlemathlys, Id have believed either.

I mean, Maugros business brings him to the surface often enough, I figured youd be familiar with him just from working here. Can I get somebody to send a message?

She lifted her hands off the bar counter to shrug, her expression a masterpiece of mild-mannered bemusement. Dunno where youre from, stranger, but around here taverns dont tend to double as courier offices. If you know your friends address, you can probably get an actual messenger service to send somebody? Or go yourself.

Right, but its down in the tunnels.

Ah, yeah. She nodded, looking sympathetic. And I know how you humans feel about going down there. Sorry, man, cant help ya.

Im not asking for a favor. I matched her calm, noncommittal smile to the best of my ability. Two silver halos to carry a message.

The amount made her hesitate, an expression flicking across her face which convinced me I was being deliberately stonewalled and wasnt just barking up the wrong khora. Then the bland smile was back, accompanied by another shrug.

Must be important for you to be so generous, champ. You could try asking any bystander with tunnel business, but I really cant recommend handing that kinda coin over to a stranger without some assurances. Specially since, like I mentioned, this aint a messenger service here.

Well, of course. Payment on delivery.

Oh, sure, she said, deadpan serious again. Youll promise the moon glazed with sour sauce for a job, and will totally pay up once its all done. And Ill believe that, because my mom squirted me out this morning.

Ew, Aster muttered.

How about this, I countered, keeping my tone and face affable. Maugro will pay it, on my say-so. And since the message is just that I want him to meet Lord Seiji here, he can collect it from me when he does. I am that confident that hell vouch for my trustworthiness.

Did this Maugro tell you this was the place to get in touch with him? she asked sardonically.

Well, no.

Well, there ya go. Again the shrug, this time accompanied by another shark-toothed grin.

I turned to look behind me at the common room, where two thirds of the goblins present had silently vanished while wed been talking. One fellow I caught in the act of slipping out the door; he froze like a deer in the headlights, staring wide-eyed at me as if afraid of what I might do. I just turned back to the barmaid with a shrug.

Well, my mistake. Worth a shot. I guess just the room then.

And the blankets, Aster prompted.

And the blankets, yes.

Pleasure doin business, handsome. The barmaids countenance turned sunny as if on command. Thats seven black discs or equivalent!

Obviously, the first thing we did was secure the room. Thanks to Biribos ability to sense the details of physical surroundings and nearby people, all the spyholes were easily found. We plugged them all with slimes. Then we dragged the dresser over to block off the hidden entrance along one wall, and moved the bed so that one leg was pinning down the trapdoor concealed by the rugand since we couldnt use the furniture anyway, piled the chairs and table on the bed for extra weight. As a final bit of emphasis, I opened the rooms sole window and dropped a slime out of it, giving no sign I knew it had landed directly on the goblin crouched there trying to listen. He was good, didnt fall off or even yell, but clearly got the message and made himself scarce before I switched to sharp implements.

How did you know this place would be so full of peepholes? Aster demanded as soon as Biribo assured us we had a modicum of privacy. For that matter, why the hell is it full of peepholes?

Same way I knew I could get in touch with Maugro here. You said this is the place where the Kings Guild always starts its raids on the tunnels when they make them, right? Well, the Fflyr up here might believe goblins are too dense or desperate to move away from a location that gets raided all the time, but you and I have seen firsthand that theyre way too smart for that, unless theyre doing it deliberately.

You think itsa front? She frowned in consternation, clearly having never considered the possibility.

I dont know much about goblin culture, but its at the very least a place under a lot of eyes down there. Anything we let slip in here will make its way into the tunnels faster than we could get back to our usual contact point. Even if that girl didnt want to take my offer, somebody out there will seize on the opportunity to make some money. And if they dont, odds are good Maugro will find out anyway, considering what business hes in and how good he apparently is at it.

Are you sure he can actually do that fast enough to make a difference? Asters frown had not abated. We know his actual headquarters is way outyou know where.

Ive been thinking about this for a while, actually, I said, sitting down on the low bed next to the pile of chairs. Considering how fast hes kept abreast of our own movements, for example. I dunno what theyve got going on down in this tunnels, but somehow the goblins are passing information at least as quickly as the Fflyr could do it overland. At the very least theyre clearly a lot more organized than anybody up here suspects, and I bet theyve also got some kind of efficient travel system. Its not like they can build a subway, but I wonder Well, Ill just have to wonder. They dont want people poking into their business and I dont particularly wanna rile them up. Suffice it to say, yes, I am confident hell get the message and join us in time to give me a solid rundown on the situation in the Guttersand particularly, the gang movements that nobody else could lay out for us.

I dunno, she said doubtfully. I mean, I follow your reasoning, but it seems like a lot to hang on

Heads up, Biribo muttered, turning to stare at the rooms door. Aster cut off, following his gaze.

A second later there came a knock.

One person, Biribo said in a low voice right next to my ear, no lurkers, no obvious weapons. Doesnt look like an ambush.

I nodded and he slithered unpleasantly down into my coat.

Oh, come on, Aster protested. Even if you were right, weve been up here all of half an hour! Theres no waythats just the girl from the bar with more blankets or something.

It is not the girl from the bar, said a muffled voice from right outside. Open up, Lord Seiji. You wanted to talk, so lets talk.

Muffled or not, it was definitely a female voice. Well, Maugro was a busy goblin; maybe hed sent Mindzi. I gave Aster my smuggest grin as I crossed to the door and pulled it open to greet our visitor.

The sight wiped it from my face.

Uhoh. Wrong goblin.