3.23 In Which the Dark Lord is Too Late

3.23 In Which the Dark Lord is Too Late

We got activity ahead, boss, Biribo reported as we marched, zipping up to my ear and just barely beating Radatina to making a similar announcement to Yoshi, to her visible annoyance. The tunnel opens up into a cavern with goblins all over it. One goblins in a high position at the tunnel entrance overlooking it, obviously a lookout. They dont seem to have a ranged weapon but thats a perfect snipers perch.

Okay, here we go. I inhaled and exhaled slowly, then turned my head to address those marching along behind me. Everybody remembers the Hoy Directives?

There was a chorus of agreement, the desultory tone of which I did not like.

Then repeat them to me.

Oh, come on! protested two different goblins in perfect unison, to the accompaniment of groanstwo of which belonged to our resident elvesand eyerolls from others. Even Aster shot me a skeptical look. Then again, it was Aster, her face might just be stuck that way.

I opened my mouth to deliver a retort, and happened to catch Zuis eye. She was giving me a particularly fierce stare, and when she saw she had my attention, shook her head once.

Right. Zui herself had taken the time to caution me that goblins would not respond well to a heavy-handed style of leadership. In truth, I didnt favor one for my human followers, either, but those at least were trained by Fflyr culture to obey when given orders. Goblins didnt feel compelled to do anything they were not contractually obligated to, and my volunteer force would resent being pushed around.

I know, I know, I said, deliberately moderating my tone. But you all saw what Hoy can do. This fucker fought both living Champions to a draw, and I dont intend to lose any more lives to his bullshit. So yeah, youre damn right Im gonna be paranoid and overly concerned about this. Humor me, please.

She was right, that got me results. The exasperated expressions were immediately replaced by thoughtful nods and downcast eyes. All the goblins with us save Zui and Maizo were recruits wed gained from Hoys own troops, whod turned on him after he turned on them first. Theyd all lost friends to him.

Still, it was Nazralind who piped up first. Hoy Directive One: Corner him! The limitation of Flicker is that he has to see his destination to teleport. We need to wedge him into a spot where he cant retreat, with walls behind and enemies in front.

Hoy Directive Two: keep up ranged pressure, said Kuriko, quiet and solemn as always. He was the first goblin whod turned his slingshot on Hoy, the one whod first spoken to me on the long walk back to Sneppits place, and I didnt know yet whether this grave demeanor was just his personality or the result of recent trauma. His Void power may be inexhaustible, but his Blessing of Magic is weak. The more we force his Repulsion Aura to react, the less hell be able to cast offensive spells or Flicker.

Hoy Directive Two Point Five! Press with kinetic attacks only! called Ritlit, whose name I was never going to forget because when Id tried to call her by it she had howled with laughter and spent the next five minutes running around introducing herself to people as Rito Twice. We hold munitions in reserve until we have him cornered someplace without a convenient tunnel he can scurry off through. Then we blow him right to hell, drop the walls and ceiling on his ass!

Good. Thanks for indulging me, guys.

I still say thats just Hoy Directive Three, Yoshi muttered.

Please dont start that up again, I begged. I agreed with him, personally, but it had become a whole thing with the goblins, who were culturally obsessed with laying out terms and conditions precisely, and after much debate had concluded that the third point was just a subset of the second. Id let them, because I didnt actually care how they classified it as long as they fucking did it.

Wed set out after a short resta rest because one was needed, and short because we didnt have the luxury of more. Id been able to check in with Madyn and Ydleth, who were thriving among the goblins as Aster had predicted, and in fact had somehow managed to find all our new recruits in just the short time we were in the planning session with Sneppit and company. Apparently theyd been shown right to our assigned quarters at their request and were sharing a meal when I found them. That had led to a bunch of them volunteering to join up with me when Id mentioned my intent to strike out against Jadraks forces as quickly as possible. Many had just wanted to rest and take on whatever quieter, safer work Sneppit found for them, but I now had a force of ten goblin volunteers backing me up.

It seemed this lot were somewhat suspicious of Sneppitunderstandable, reallyand more willing to align themselves with me than with her. I embraced this, remembering Gizmits advice about Maizo, who had decided to stick with me for similar reasons. It worked out particularly well as these goblins still had the explosive munitions I was planning to use to finish off Hoy, having been very reluctant to yield those to Sneppits engineers.

We were also stuck with Zui again, because Sneppit had wanted one of her ranking people to represent her interests on this mission and had assigned Gizmit elsewhere this time. Whichyeah, the organizations top spy probably wasnt best suited for a frontal assault. Still, I couldnt help wondering whether Sneppit suspected Gizmit was angling to get promoted over her head.

This whole topic worried me. It had been a while since Id had a flashback; Minfrits unconventional therapy really was helping, and here in Kzidnak the matter was more political than actually sexual, which helped me compartmentalize it. But sooner or later, either Sneppit or Gizmit or some other Goblin Queen candidatewould make a serious play for me, and thatwas probably going to cause some problems.

As discussed, we shifted formation as we drew up to the bend in the tunnel around which the opening would be found, with Yoshi and Aster taking point, me and Pashilyn right behind them. Neither I nor any of the Heros party particularly liked this arrangement, but the logic was irrefutable: they could take hits better than any of us, and better still with the aid of my healing and Pashilyns shields.

Up ahead, the tunnel did indeed open out into a cavernthe prettiest one Id seen in Kzidnak, from the slice of it visible from back here. It was downright lush, in fact, featuring some kind of hanging greenery andwas that a waterfall? I couldnt see it but something was making the characteristic roaring noise in the distance.

Closer, though, was the goblin Biribo had predicted would be on watch. At the sight of her, we relaxed.

Oh, hey, I said, stepping out from behind Yoshi and taking in the long brown coat, wide-brimmed hat, and bladed polearm. The purple bands were around her arms, not her hatband, so Arbiter ?

The names Fram, she said, grinning toothily and waving so hard I thought shed pitch herself off her narrow perch. And you must be the Dark Lord! And the Hero. Hot damn, what a day this is. Thatll teach me to think Ive seen it all just cos theres a Goblin King rising.

I take it Judge Rizz told you to expect us, Yoshi said warily.

That and more! Arbiter Fram flung herself carelessly off the ledge, which was a drop of at least five times her height, and hit the ground in a roll. She came up right in front of us, arms outstretched like a dismounting gymnast and brandishing her polearm. Welcome to the shitshow, citizens!

Yeah, Arbiters were clearly the younger apprentices. This one was also an adolescent; unlike Rhoka, she acted like one, too.

Wow, said Yoshi, youre not much like Rizz and Rhoka at all.

Fram snorted. Yeah, Ill bet. Rumor is Judge Rizz actually catches on fire if you can make her smile. Anyway, you lot didnt march down here to get the gossipcmon, you should talk with my boss.

Is everything okay here? I asked, falling into step behind her as she braced her polearm over her shoulder and went swaggering off into the cavern beyond. Any sign of Jadraks forces?

Yes and yes, Fram practically crowed. Its handled, Mister Dark Lord, sir. We goblins wont turn down your support if theres Void magic afoot, but were not helpless, either. You should really talk with Judge Gazmo, for the sole entire reason that hes the expert and in no way because hell blow my ears back if I brief you in a manner he considers incorrect, no sir.

By all means, lets not get you in trouble, I said solemnly. That is, I mean lets hear it directly from the expert.

She shot me a cheeky grin over her shoulder. Youre all right, Lord Senji.

Seiji.

Oop, sorry. I dunno what language that is, even.

Aster lightly touched the back of my shoulder, not that I needed the reminder. Id been in more than enough battles by now to recognize when one was not worth fighting.

The view was enough to distract me, anyway. This was another cavern open to the outside, with the far wall ending in a massive crack through which daylight streamed. We must be right up against the edge of the island, here. There was indeed a waterfall, pouring out of an aperture high up on the cavern wall to our right to thunder down into the pool which covered that entire half of the floor. From there, the water streamed away into four other tunnel mouthsat least, four above the waterline and who knew how many below. The left half of the caverns flooded floor from the entrance was a series of islands scattered around the surface of the water, on which grew the first khora I had seen since coming underground. In fact, the root systems of what had to be other khora poked through the walls, dangling down and crisscrossing the space, with actual leafy vines of some kind bedecking the khora roots and protrusions from the rocky walls, dangling in lush curtains wherever they had enough light from the opening to flourish. The air was cooler and more humid than the rest of Kzidnak, and even more windy. To walk in this cavern was to get lightly sprayed by the falls. It wasnt unpleasant.

Andyoure holding them? Successfully? Youre sure?

The Judge slowly tilted his head up so he could stare at me through narrowed eyes under the wide brim of his official hat. You think I dunno my business, tallboy?

Note to self: dont expect any Judges to be impressed by the Dark Lord.

Well, Im sorry to step on your toes. Let me put it this way, Judge Gazmo: when you go to a new place and meet new people, do you find it pays to blithely assume everyone is trustworthy and competent?

He stared at me a moment longer, and then finally I got a smile from him. It was just a brief shift of one side of his mouth, but I counted it.

All right, fair enough. Yeah, we dont deal with Blessed often, but the basic procedures are known. Weve got him tied hand and foot to disable gesturing and hes gagged. You may be able to cast silently with nothing but eye contact, but this chump is no Dark Lord. Immobilizing the hands and mouth is plenty for most sorcerers. Right, familiar?

Hes right, boss, Biribo agreed, upon being directly addressed. Itll be dangerous to assume that later, when we start dealing with more powerful Blessed, but for the kind of talent Jadrak is able to gather, it should be plenty.

Would that work on Hoy, I wonder?

What difference does it make? Yoshi asked. Its not like were taking that bastard alive.

Typical Sanorite bloodlust, Fram said piously. Ow!

Gazmo had whacked her on the back of the legs with the haft of his polearm. Is what we might ordinarily say, but we do not fuck around with Void witches. Hoy dies at the first opportunity, and anybody whos not down with it had better get outta the way.

Agreed, I said. All right. Youre Goggin, right? Since your cavern is secure, we can send a messenger back to Sneppit and shell send out personnel and materials to seal off the tunnel accesses to protect your Spirit. Free of charge; I talked her out of demanding any compensation. For the duration of the Goblin King crisis, that is.

Wow, you got a freebie out of Sneppit? Goggin was visibly impressed. You really are the Dark Lord. Ahem! I appreciate that very much, my lord. And, under the auspices of Judge Gazmo, here, I would like to make you an offer of business.

He stepped forward and presented the sheet of paper from before, which I accepted. I didnt know what they were making their paper or ink out of, but it was none the worse for wear for being damp from the spray.

Thisis a contract, I said, quickly reading over the terse paragraphs. Huh.

The terms arent to your liking, Lord Seiji? Goggin asked nervously.

He was basically offering me access to use his Spirit once, now, and again at my discretion for the duration of my reign as Dark Lord, provided I allowed him to continue carrying out business as he had been.

Im just surprised. Theres no legalese, no fine print

Were not Fflyr, Gazmo said with withering contempt. No goblin Judge would validate a contract that wasnt clear, concise, and readily comprehensible to any layperson. Contracts are the embodiment of the trust between people thats necessary for a society to exist, not mechanisms for assholes to exploit each other.

Funny how, after all this time, Id finally found people on this barbaric world whod worked out how to do something not only as well as the Japanese but arguably better, and they werent even human.

The contract I signed with Sneppit was more elaborate than this by far.

Sneppit likes to push limits to the very verge of breaking, Gazmo retorted, curling his lip. And Im willing to bet she wanted a more complex deal than this, too.

Whats this Spirit of yours do, exactly? I inquired. Sneppit didnt get around to mentioning it; we were in a hurry to organize and deploy. I note that your contract doesnt say.

Oh! Goggin perked up at the chance to brag. The Counter is one of the best spirits in Kzidnak! The best, in my opinion, not that Im unbiased. But ahem, yes, itll ask you to solve a puzzle and if you do, it will tell you one piece of information that will lead you toward whatever it is that you most need.

Typical Goddess bullshit. Completely open-ended and impossible to verify, enabling them to grant any given petitioner as perfect or as crappy a reward as they felt like. Well, considering that Champions tended to get better rewards from Spirits, this did indeed sound like it was worth my while.

Your terms are reasonable, I agreed. Id like to add something, however.

Of course, Goggin said, nodding. Either he knew better than to try screwing over the Dark Lord, or this was expected in goblin contract negotiations. Probably both.

In addition to me, Id like to let Yoshi have a go at your Spirit.

That caused a ripple of visible astonishment from everybody except the tallfolk Id brought down here with me. In particular, Pashilyns eyes felt like they were burning a hole through my head.

Really? Yoshi asked, blinking at me. Ironically, he seemed less surprised than his friends.

You wannahelp the Hero? Fram demanded, tilting her head so far to the left it looked like her neck must be in pain.

Yoshis good people, I said. Besides Look, I wouldnt say the Sanorites came down here with the best of intentions, but theyve been helpful and quite reasonable, once the situation was explained to them. I thought the reality on this world was that we all put aside our differences and cooperate when theres Void shit that needs to be put down, right?

Thats right, Gazmo said, nodding once.

Well, weve fought Hoy once and it was a draw. Thats me and the Hero both, and we didnt manage to finish him off. And thats just Hoywe havent seen this devil in person, and still have no idea what kind of Void craft Jadraks using, himself. Im not shy about wanting my strongest ally here to be as prepared as possible to finish this.

Mm Gazmo turned a long, skeptical look on Yoshi, eyeing him up and down, before nodding once more. Sensible. I think its a good idea, Goggin.

I mean, Goggin hedged, you know how it is with Spirits. I have to limit access, if it gets overworked itll start to

I think, Gazmo enunciated very precisely, turning his head in a slow arc to pin Goggin with his stare, it is a good idea. Goggin.

The Spirits owner opened his mouth, closed it, swallowed, and smiled weakly up at me. Ahawell. Let me just scribble that in, shall I? Pleasure doing business.