CH 178

It’s dusk.

There were books scattered around on the desk that I hadn’t read yet.

As soon as I returned to my room after separating from Shizuku, I subconsciously took out a book from the bookshelf.

However, when I opened the book, I closed it immediately.

Earlier, it would have been my reading time until Kaede called me out.

I used to read anything ranging from light novels recommended on the Internet to classic literature that my father or mother had read in the past, without worrying about the time.

But now, I cannot even get a single sentence into my head.

It’s not like that I lack concentration or so, it’s just that most of my thought process is occupied with other things.

The conversation and scenes that I should have tried not to think about any longer keep appearing in my mind whenever I close my eyes.

“…Haa.”

I changed out of my uniform into appropriate clothes and left the room with only my wallet.

As I change into my shoes at the entrance, Kaede rushes to the door with a pleasant clatter of her slippers.

“Nii-san, are you going out?”

“I’m just going to the convenience store. …Need anything?”

“Coffee Jelly, then, then–!”

I opened the door with a wry smile at my sister, who placed her order without a pause, without a hint of hesitation.

Even at dusk, the intense summer heat is unforgiving.

I think I should go back in…

No, if I open the front door now, Kaede will receive me as a brother who has completely forgotten something.

If I go straight into the room, my sister will label me as a completely shut-in older brother.

Well, it’s too late to go in, I guess…

I continued through the residential area, passing next to the park, and waited for the traffic lights to turn green.

Then, as I crossed the road, a familiar convenience store with the number seven came into view.

A group of boys in nearby middle school boys with jerseys on were on the bicycle parking lot, sitting like yankees and chatting with their phones in hand.

How sweet …I should’ve bought a bottle of tea and stared at them with a candy bar in my mouth.

And the moment our gazes were about to meet, I turned away and operated my phone as if nothing had happened.

Yeah, let’s stop. I feel like a typical modest junior high school boy who was trying to look good around his house.

I walked through the automatic door and picked up a shounen magazine at the magazine corner.

I remembered that I didn’t have any manga subscriptions.

I bought some coffee jelly and green tea, as requested by Kaede, and went outside, not really looking for anything in particular.

Outside, students were still gathering as usual, but I saw a familiar uniform at the back of the crowd.

It was our high school uniform.

If it was the same uniform as me, I probably could narrow down the list of people who they might be.

Naturally, that person was someone I knew as well.

“…Yuu–“

“Hello, Ogiwara-senpai!”

One of the boys on the bicycle parking lot shouted at the top of his lungs.

Yuuto turned his gaze toward us and raised his hand in responded with a smile.

…Are you a watchdog?

Catching sight of me behind the group of junior high school students, Yuuto changes the direction of his steps toward me.

It was easy to imagine that the students would misunderstand and gather around him, so he stepped to a walk off the normal path.

Yuuto must have realized their intentions, because he just followed the group of students, brushing them off as he went along.

“Were you taking a detour?”

In this town, which is in the countryside, there are fields and rice paddies everywhere.

This time, I was sitting on a stone in a field and asked Yuuto.

Yuuto sat down next to me and shook his head in response to my question.

“No, now aren’t you’re deciding which competitions to compete in as a class, right…?”

“Ah, …that was an useless discussion.”

The purpose is completely the prizes, so their demand is completely the priority of Yuuto and the others’ participation.

Then there wouldn’t be any need for discussions.

They could fill in only the individual events as they saw fit, and then place Yuuto and the others at the important events.

Yuuto let out a sigh, as if he has read out my thoughts.

“I also refused at one point, but in that atmosphere, it seems like the overall opinion of the class takes precedence over the opinions of individuals.”

“I guess.”

That’s why I didn’t want to be there.

I don’t like that kind of troublesome things, that forced familiarity with others.

As if to push the disgust out of my mind, I quenched my thirst with a cup of green tea I had bought.

After taking a sip, I offered it to Yuuto and he took a sip as well, pouring it down his throat as if swallowing a similar mix of emotions.

“…Because both Kanazaki-san and Kirasaka-san left after Minato today, maybe the two of them won’t participate in the discussion without Minato.”

“I can think Shizuku doing it …but I don’t know about Kirasaka.”

Maybe she just excused herself out today, saying she had something to talk to me about.

I can’t say for sure until tomorrow.

I take another sip of the returned tea, and silence enveloped between us.

The only sounds are of the distant household and the crows.

“Hey, Minato, why don’t you join us at the sports festival?”

“…”

Those words were useless.

Except for the class event, in which all students must participate.

Students are free to participate or not.

But the option I choose isn’t going to happen.

Yuuto, who took the silence as a denial, continued.

“I’m in the same class with Minato and Kanazaki-san for the first time, next year may be different, so I’d like to participate with you all.”

“You’re in sports person anyways, there’s less merit for me to be in them in the first place.”

I don’t see any merit in it, heck, it’s even full of disadvantages, both for the individaul and as the consensus of the class.

When you think of school events in terms of profit and loss, you start thinking differently.

It’s a matter of disrupting the circle.

However, Yuuto is not one to back down.

“The sports festival, the cultural festival, and the school excursion will all be fun.”

“…”

He tries to do more than he should, but this guy doesn’t understand people’s feelings.

He tries to be correct in his own perspective.

That’s why he doesn’t understand.

The reverse is also true.

I don’t know how he feels either.

I have never been better than others.

I have always been average, and I have never known a place I’ve excelled at.

I will never be able to understand the position of an extraordinary person.

I will never be able to truly understand the situation I currently am in.

“…Are you stupid?”

“Stupid?”

“Have you enjoyed the events of your high school life so far?”

The events of his first year, starting with the ball games in his second year.

All in all, high school life has been enjoyable for him so far.

He is blessed with ability, popularity, and the opportunity to live under one roof in the same building with the person he loves.

These are the days that combines most of the best conditions imaginable.

It’s an extremely exciting and fulfilling course, and completely a hero’s route.

Rather, it is too much of a template for me to snicker at.

Otherwise, a brain happy person like Ogiwara Yuuto would not be born.

Rising from the stone wall where I was sitting, I lightly brushed the dust off my pants.

Putting his hands in his pockets, he rested the weight of his body on his back while sitting, waiting for a response.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? …The ball game, the festival, and even the amusement park–“

“I wasn’t having fun.”

I didn’t feel like I was having fun.

It was depressing at times, troublesome, and I was forced to go along halfway.

I don’t know what the point was in the rest of my life.

I’m sure I spent a lot of time doing things that didn’t make any sense.

But there was one thing I could say for sure.

Even if I thought it was pointless, at least I don’t think the time I spent with them… Yuuto, Shizuku, Kirasaka in particular was bad.

It was a monochrome life where I didn’t know what to do, where the world was boring and colorless, but I still didn’t think it was a waste of time.

But when I ask myself if I enjoyed it, I can’t quite nod along.

One option is to stay here, take Yuuto’s hand and blend in with the rest of the class.

But what awaits me is the most worthless time I can ever think of.

What a terrible thing to say, even I myself think so.

But I wanted to tell him with my true feelings, with words as they are.

Even if he hates me, I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to lie to him and keep my relationship superficial.

“After all, the events that await us in the future will only be fun for you guys, that’s a fact.”

Even if you don’t agree, it’s inevitable.

After all, this world is not equal.

To gain something, you have to give up on something.

If you want to have fun, you have to sacrifice something.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice your friends, your classmates, and even yourself.

I have weighed that and abandoned my time in class.

I decided to stick to my previous stance and just because we are friends doesn’t mean we have to stay together at school.

Even if this resulted in a boring high school life, it was my choice.

Even if I was wrong, it was my responsibility, and I don’t regret it because it was I chose.

I turned my back to my friend, who had stopped moving as if stiffened, with his mouth open, and muttered to him as I left.

“You should stick to your own way of thinking …and be the person you want to be, not the Ogiwara Yuuto that everyone around you wants you to be.”

These were the only words I could say to him.

The problem is that he has the habit to act falsely for the sake of others. And, it’s true that for the sake of those around him, acting was required.

To me, I don’t know what this guy wants.

In middle school, he was more understanding and straightforward.

He would step up to someone he liked more than others, and as a result, a relationship with me was born.

But now he pales in comparison.

Yuuto, who by nature was good with people and excelled above all at blending in with his surroundings, is now probably one of those who have been swallowed up by this high school trend of fitting in with those around us.

“Well then, …see you tomorrow.”

I parted ways with Yuuto and headed home.

He was still just sitting there.

Now both of us had a choice to make.

It is up to him to choose the path he wanted to take.

But for some reason, as I walked away from him, I felt something deep in my chest that I can’t describe in words.