CH 222

As if realizing that I was about to be pushed into silence, the director’s words continued.

“There are many people who deliberately conceal their inner selves in their conversations, but no matter how flawless their presentation is, there’s always a small amount that leaks out. …But what about you?”

It would have been many times easier if I were to be told that I was an open and honest person.

But this person in front of me twisted his words as if he were analysing me from the feet up, little by little.

“Even if we could get an idea of the character from the words and actions, we would not be able to see any further. It is as if we are forced to watch a film without being able to understand the essence of the work.”

“…It’s pretty cruel to be told like that.”

“I tried to express myself in a straightforward and simple way, but if you were offended, I apologise.”

He expresses his refusal by shaking his head at my words, which do not convey the slightest sense of apology.

There is not a single bit of resentment.

I think I understand the essence of what he was trying to convey.

And the fact that he is Kirasaka’s father may be the reason why I did not feel offended by his sharp remarks.

It was unexpected that my cold response had any affect here in the first place.

‘But I don’t understand the essence of your nature.’

It seems that the president’s entire impression of me is packed into this single phrase.

…I guess I don’t understand myself properly in the first place.

What I have always been aware of is how others perceive me and my overall position.

How should I be seen and treated appropriately?

I avoid troublesome roles and do not take actions that I think are incorrect.　

That is the right choice for Shinra Minato, and he cannot remember a time when he has faced his inner self with sincerely.

I spend my days merely by sheer inertia.

There are no brilliant dreams or hopes.

All I have are the thoughts of me choosing the best solution for the situation at hand at the end of the day, which will only repeat itself in the future.

The boring days of ordinary people, different from the world of narratives.

I see people around me who emit a dazzling light, and never in my life did I want to be like them.

Even as a child, I understood that people could never be anything other than who they are.　

…That’s why I didn’t retort to the director’s words.

No matter who I was talking to, I was somewhere out of my mind, or perhaps I was talking right in front of them, but I was making judgments from a little further away, questioning the success or failure of my actions.

It had subconsciously become the norm for me to judge how I was doing objectively, rather than emotionally, as the criterion for judgement.

“It’s not something I can speak highly of, but you must be a very under-appreciated person, you know.”

“…I’m not a person that people around would appreciate anyway.”

Sarcasm was also at its height here.

The words I returned as usual came back to me again with a wry smile.

However, something akin to benevolence floated in his eyes.

…I hope it’s not the way he looks at poor people.

“Nowadays, people tend to evaluate people based on figures they can see and external factors. …Even outstanding talent is meaningless unless it is outside the scope of what society says is a general evaluation.”

Director stood up abruptly and walked around us.

The words that came out of his mouth had a low, dark tone, as if the dissatisfaction he himself felt was seeping out.

Indeed, in this day and age, there may be invisible standards.

Although they say they place importance on individuality and character, people with a great deal of individuality are conversely seen as floating above the rest and are looked at with cold eyes, and although they say they place importance on character, academic ability is the key.

It’s a really bad world we live in.

As far as academic ability is concerned, it is the result of a person’s achievements, so the only thing I can say is that academic ability or graduation is not a factor in the screening process, or that it should not be written about.

As for individuality, …honestly, I guess I would have to say find your vocation.

After all, people full of personality don’t fit in with the group and go their own way.

As a result, the number of online professions has increased.

However, such people are more at risk than the average person.

Words that are very normal to those around them can affect their lives if they unexpectedly leak out through the internet.

Hopefully, in the future I’ll win a lottery and spend my time in a quiet place out of sight…

While my thoughts are completely going in the opposite direction, the director’s story continues.

Wherever it goes, it goes on forever.

“Let’s change the question, nowadays, in the way we approach our work and our daily lives, there are many such situations where older people scorn, ‘This is why young people these days’, and young people sneer, ‘They are outdated.’ …What do you think?’

He stops right behind me and the president with a steady clack of the soles of his leather shoes.

The question thrown out of the top of my head made me pause and think for a bit.

Right or wrong, my answer came readily.

“…Neither of them are wrong.”

“Well… go on.”

With interest, the director urged me to continue.　

I let out a breath that had been stuffed up by the exchange of conversation so far, and told him the words that came to my mind.

“The common sense and environment of the two sides are different, …and it’s wrong to discuss what was then and what is now.”

It is true that young people these days are often told that they have no spirit, etc., mainly in terms of their mentality.

But this does not take into account the fact that the environment in which they were born and brought up was very different in the past compared to now.

They always put themselves at the center of their thinking and claim that negative opinions are wrong.

The common sense of the past does not apply today.

Nor will the common sense of today be applicable in the future.

Then it is wrong to consider such issues.

Both are correct as opinions.　

However, it is also human beings who cannot accept this fact.

As a result, we have repeatedly exchanged meaningless words about the modern generation.

And they all come to one conclusion.

“I think that the opinions of the two sides would be parallel lines forever…”

They will never cross.

Even if you know it, even if you understand it, somewhere in your heart you try to reject it.

“Not a bad answer.”

The president steps up to a position where he appears from behind and looks at me again with a sharp gaze.

Already, in my mind, the story of the festival was out of my consciousness.

The only thing that fills my brain is how I look in this person’s eyes and how I change with every exchange of these words.

We have only just met, and if I had to say it, he’s just a friend’s parent.

However, the person named Kirasaka Reiya had already made a strong impression on my mind.

I probably won’t be able to forget him for the rest of my life.

I was told to my face that I couldn’t see myself, so it was only natural.

I was told to my face that I don’t see myself, and rightly so.

“In recent years, the ability to think is getting lower, not only for adults but also for children. …The stares of those around us and the barrage of unfounded tips that make the consensus of others the right answer rather than our own, but we must not forget… Man’s greatest weapon is his ability to think.”

Listening to the answer to the question, the director tells me so.

“Your eyes belong to someone who doesn’t know himself. You look at who you are, what you should do, what fun is, and in various situations you look at your surroundings from a distance.”

When the President and Kirasaka gathered my attention again, a sigh spilled out, probably to change the tense atmosphere in the room.

“You’re a student, you may have a lot of romantic affairs, but you should think about having fun and putting your feelings before anything else. …And Rei and Akane are the ones who can teach you that and also people like your childhood friend who understand you.”

The gaze directed at Kirasaka and then at the President was that of a gentle father watching over his children.

I felt a warmth and confidence in him that I had never felt in my own home.

The last time he looked at me, his eyes were softer than ever.

“Shinra Minato, when I look at you, I see a very biased person, not like a child …but on the flip side you have learned to think, all you need now is to get to know yourself.”

Saying this, he left the sofa and sat down on the expensive-looking chair.

The one file left on the desk had a bus rental authorization form tucked into it.

While Kirasaka looks at the president as if she knew what was going on, and the President only looks at her in dismay, I was the only one who takes the time to understand the situation.

“Um, …what about the topic of renting the bus?”

The whole conversation with me was not about the festival from start to finish.

The only thing I remember is that he mainly talked about human nature and what could be called advice for the future.

In the end, when I asked him directly about it, he returned it to me saying that it was only natural.

“I decided to lend you such a thing right from the start. The only reason I intimidated you in the first place was to see how you’d react.”

“Oh …that’s what it was.”

After that, the director kept his mouth shut and the three of us sat down together.

The door, which felt heavy when entering the large room, was just as light when leaving.

Only a sense of security and liberation, and the remaining throbbing of the heartbeat in your chest, reached my ears.

But just a few moments before the door closed, he said, “We will have another chance to talk”.

To be honest, I don’t want to see him until I understand the words he told me today. I’m am satisfied with them in my own way, but it looks like that will be difficult.

Perhaps our reunion will be closer than I think.