Volume 1 - CH 32

My father’s hair was blond. My mother’s hair was red. When I was born, my hair was blond.

Was that why? When mother looked at me, my face wasn’t reflected in her eyes…….

I wonder when did it start……? When 『I』 became 『I』.

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Mother never told me that she loved me. When I first became aware of my surrounding, the oldest saying of mother that I remembered her saying to me was……『become a splendid king』.

Mother never smiled at me. Even though there was a smile in her face, to me it didn’t look like a “smile”.

Some kind of education had been instilled into me even before I became aware of my surrounding. Noble’s common sense, etiquette and manner, general education, the history of this country and continent, politic and economy, understanding human’s heart, self-defense, sorcery, and the way to kill your heart…….

Mother would smile when I was able to do things well. Even though I wasn’t reflected in her eyes, I only sought for mother’s warmth and continued to study while crying.

As the result, if the average people had 1 or 2 magic power, I managed to have 4. I was able to display powerful magic power and excellence in capability, but the immature me was unable to endure the burden of powerful magic power and magic stones in my heart. I lost the robust body that was necessary to become a king and mother too lost her interest for me.

Mother had father who was her most beloved and the position that she loved the most taken away from her at the same time. Taking away the throne from the child of the woman who stole them from her was the only way she could maintain the calm in her heart.

I lived in sorrow after my mother abandoned me. The one who consoled me at that time was the first prince, my brother who was born from a different mother, a former viscount daughter who mother hated, and the one who mother wanted to steal the throne from. My one year older brother was a very kind person. He approached the crying me and told me fun stories, brought me to a lot of new places, and showed a new world to the isolated me.

She was a very kind and lovely prince. Seeing such big brother, I had this thought.

『This person……what a “happy person” he is.』

In that instant, the incomprehensible “knowledge” that was simply accumulating pointlessly inside me intertwined with each other like the leaves and branches of a big tree, granting me “intelligence” unbefitting of my age.

By losing the qualification necessary to become a king, it became a certainty that this big brother would be chosen as the crown prince.

This big brother would become the next king? This big brother who didn’t even know anything about the heavy pressure and the meaning to become king? This big brother whose awareness was only at the level of the heir of a mid level noble or a third son of a count?

But, it would be unfair to only blame him. Because he didn’t even know the meaning of becoming the next king due to the fault of the first queen, the former viscount daughter who took away his chance for education for the reason of wanting to raise him freely. Because of the fault of the first queen who forced her will for that, this country got divided into the royal family faction and the noble faction that were in dispute with each other. The big brother’s kindness that tried to save his pitiful little sister couldn’t possibly become “strength” to consolidate that kind of unstable situation.

That was why I asked to have a meeting under absolute secrecy with my father the king, used the “knowledge” that I had to compile what I could do for this country and presented it to him.

Fortunately father wasn’t a fool. No, he was a foolish father who still loved the first queen and the prince despite regretting drowning in love and throwing the country’s internal condition into chaos. His only choice was to accept my suggestion.

And then, I even involved my grandparents the previous king and the queen dowager. For the sake of if my big brother was ascertained as unsuitable to become the next king, I even went as far as falsifying myself to trick my big brother and the nobles. And so the queen education for “me” that was kept secret from even my actual mother began.

I’m sorry oh pitiful Okaa-sama. I who obtained intelligence thanks to you couldn’t become your puppet. (TN: At the beginning Elena referred herself with watashi, but now she referred herself with watakushi. The “I/me” that I put in italic refer to watakushi)

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The power of the nobility was increasing rather than the royal family. For the noble faction that prioritized the profit from free trade with the neighboring countries rather than the domestic demand, I was someone who was suitable to be a convenient “puppet”.

For the young me, it was difficult to continue to refuse the invitation of high rank nobles from the noble faction who approached me with their silver tongue. That was why I pretended to be obsessed with my big brother to show that I was with the royal family faction. Seeing me adjusting the balance within the country in my age that was still less than seven years old, my father his majesty told me to take a rest under the pretense of recuperation. In fact I myself had been feeling tired mentally, so I agreed.

I was alone. Father and grandfather and grandfather were all kind to me, but in the end I believed that they only saw me as a useful royalty.

The handmaids and butlers who had been at my said since I was born were the few people who I could trust, but in the end my relationship with them was also nothing more than that of a royalty and servants.

My heart wasn’t connected with anyone. There was nobody who knew of the real 『me』. A person who could understand me in the truest sense of the word didn’t exist in this world.

But……a “girl” appeared before me then.

She was a maid apprentice who also doubled as maidservant, one among many who were gathered by Dandall and the palace for the sake of my recuperation. At first I wasn’t even aware of her. But, my cousin Clara who was one of my purposes for coming to this place had completely changed like she was a different person from before. That Clara turned a scared gaze toward this girl. I thought that if I put this girl at my side, I would be able to learn something.

However, I was surprised as I watched that girl from close by.

The portrait of my great grandmother, the queen of two generations before was still remaining in the palace of the royal capital even now. The hair color of that maid apprentice was the same with great grandmother, a blond hair that was tinged with pink color that I yearned for when I was small.

The girl’s name was Aria. This encounter would change her and me……and also a lot of people. She was a girl who made me felt a little bit of expectation and premonition for that.

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I was slightly forceful in order to put Aria at my side. By wearing my mask as 『the selfish princess』 and my status as royalty, I was able to appoint Aria as one of my attendant maids.

At first it was her appearance that I took a liking to. Aria’s face and figure looked even more well-featured than nobles who were born by gathering generally 『good blood』 in their lineage. Seeing that she was allowed to appear before the presence of a royalty although she was still an apprentice made me thought that she was at least ten years old, but she looked even more mature than ten years old because of her adorable looks that could be categorized as baby face and her lack of expression. I was slightly surprised when I heard later that her actual age was the same like me.

But what surprised me the most was Aria’s behavior. In the case of servant from commoner background, they would almost never appear before me, and even if they showed themselves in my presence, all of them would similarly shrink in fear and couldn’t hold a coherent conversation with me. Even some of maids who were related to nobility would also shrink in fear while the rest would act like sycophant. In the end the only people I could hold a proper conversation with were only nobles who managed to graduate from the royal sorcery academy that was exclusive for nobles.

But Aria was different. She didn’t act fearful or flattering toward me. I sensed a definite intelligence and “will” from her words that contained no emotion or amiability.

I never met a child like this. Even noble children who were raised with strict education couldn’t be like that.

Clara’s big brother and the prime minister’s grandson were quite mature even among the high ranked nobles, even so they were still within the category of children. Conversely the current Clara had lost her childishness from before, but I could see some glimpses of “fear” from her now, as though she was just a lower middle class commoner.

Drawing a line between oneself and other people, and choosing by one self of what one should do and then took action to carry it out.

There was no way such eerie child could exist. ……Other than us that is.

That must be why I was drawn to her. That was why we were drawn toward each other. Something like time didn’t matter. Aria’s existence was a “light” that appeared on the dark path of me who was continuing to fight against fate by myself.

When I got kidnapped by a thief who was hired by the noble faction, Aria fought with her life at stake and rescued me.

Seeing Aria fighting until she became battered all over, I wished that she would just abandon someone like me and escaped. Even though her opponent was someone that no child could possibly win against no matter you looked at it. ……And yet, she was risking her life to save me, someone who she had only known for several days. It was so stupid that I even felt irritated.

Even I had the resolve to kill myself rather than getting used by others. Even Aria, if she claimed that protecting me was her job, then she could just run away if it looked like she was going to die.

If was going to die for my duty as a royalty, at least I wanted to die for your sake. Aria who saved me from that saved not only my body, but even my “heart” too.

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No matter how great her existence had grown inside me, the day of our parting had finally arrived.

I was able to stay in this place only for one month. Any longer than that and I would be forced to return to the capital.

I also couldn’t meet with Aria who was seriously injured. Even though she was my maid who the dark side sent as my guard, my standing didn’t allow me to personally go just to visit a mere maid.

The dark side’s high ranked butler Grave also pointed out that to me. I could only stay obedient until the day I left this lakeshore castle arrived. But, the high ranked handmaid who was also from the dark side Sera secretly told me that Aria had recovered.

Surely Aria would never come to work under me, If I forcefully tried to bind her, one day she would tear off her chain and vanished to the unknown.

We weren’t equal. That was why there was a need for some kind of reason for the two of us to be together. While I was thinking of such thing, Sera whispered with a small voice that only I could hear.

「Does your highness wish to meet with that girl one last time?」

「…………」

One last time. ……She must mean to allow Aria and me to talk alone. Aria wouldn’t come under me. I just wanted to see her in a healthy condition. However I nodded pleadingly at Sera’s offer with my last wish filling it.

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「I’m here. Elena-sama.」

「You are right in time. Welcome, Aria.」

Aria lightly landed on the second floor’s terrace at the specified time of midnight. I felt relieved seeing her entrance because there was no after-effect from her wounds. I felt like I was going to cry seeing her looking slightly thinner, even so I put on a smile on my face.

「Aria, first thank you for saving me. Thanks to you, I was able to spend my time here till the end without falling sick.」

「No problem. It’s my job.」

「That’s……just like you.」

If it was Aria then she obviously would answer like that. She didn’t boast of her accomplishment. Her tone was the same when we talked with just the two of us. The distance between us had also shrunk. Even so I felt the distance between our standings from that. I headed toward the handrail to close that distance unconsciously and faced Aria.

「……Aria, who are you?」

I had wanted to ask her that question all this time. But I couldn’t ask. Because I got the feeling that you would vanish if I asked you.

「I’m just an orphan, just an adventurer, just Aria.」

「Right……」

I felt that was the way of living that Aria decided for herself. The two of us couldn’t be together. That was why words subconsciously slipped out from my mouth.

「Aria……. Won’t you work under me?」

「I have no intention of serving anyone.」

「……Even just as a guard?」

「I’m just an adventurer.」

For us to be together, one of us had to give up on our own path. But, we had chosen to walk on a thorny path even as young as we were. That was why we couldn’t get off from that path by our own will.

「Aria……we aren’t “friends”.」

「Yes.」

「I’m a princess, and you are just an adventurer. We can’t stand on the same standing no matter what.」

「I know.」

「Then-……」

I know. Even I know! We weren’t equal. We couldn’t stand on the same standing. We couldn’t become friend. It was painful just to say those words that I had already known. Even I know! But the 『seven years old me』 who I pushed to the bottom of my heart with my accumulated knowledge and covered up under the guise of princess was crying in loneliness.

「We are the same kind.」

Aria softly spoke out before the immature me could break my princess’s mask.

「Same kind……」

I digested the meaning of those words. We were continuing to walk bare footed on a thorny path that was leading into darkness where we couldn’t see what lie ahead. Even if the paths we walked were different, we weren’t alone by any means.

Once more Aria saved my heart that almost broke. That was why I……put on the mask of the 『princess』 who could stand on her own feet, at the very least when I was in front of her.

「Then, my fellow kind Aria. As the princess, I swear that no matter how your standing become in the future, I will become your “ally” with all the strength that I have just for once.」

If it was you then surely you would be able to oppose most difficulties. That’s why please……at least remember me when true difficulty is approaching you. Because 『I』 would protect you at the cost of my life.

「In that case, I swear to my fellow kind Elena, no matter who it is……even if it’s the “king”, I shall stake my life just once to “kill” who you asked me to.」

I gulped hearing those words. I never talked to her about my big brother or the precarious state of the royal family. However Aria swore an oath as though she had seen through that it would become like that in the worst case.

Both of us……weren’t “alone” anymore.

「Just tell me one thing……tell me your real name.」

It wasn’t that I had noticed the falsehood. I simply, wanted to know the real you.

「……If you allow me to call you without any honorific then」

「Asking that at this point.」

Really, it was pointless to ask that at this point that I smiled wryly.

「Alicia.」

Alicia……that was the true you. If you were living by hiding that name, then I would be the only one to remember the real you.

「……Farewell Aria. And my only Alicia.」

「Sayonara……Elena.」

This wasn’t an eternal parting. However those were words of determination where we would walk a different path. I turned my back toward Aria, because I wanted you to remember only the strong me.

This would be the last time I cried. I said farewell to the childish me together with this drop of tear. In order to save this country, I put on the cracked mask of princess once more.

Sayonara, Aria……until the day our thorny paths crossed once more…….