[Book Three] Chapter 08: The Truth

[Book Three] Chapter 08: The TruthChapter 08: The Truth

Jane Shepard was looking stoically at her brother’s form on the med-bay bed he was sleeping on. His face was uncovered, mostly as a breathing mask was covering his mouth and nose. To anyone around looking at her, meaning Mordin and Eve, the female krogan that the salarian has named so, she may have passed as pensive and disapproving. Nothing was further from the truth as Jane was experiencing all kinds of emotions. None of them were positive. Panic, fear, despair. She nearly lost the one person she loves the most, again, and by his own hands at that. Taking a deep breath she left the room, asked EDI to display the med-bay’s cam on her omni-tool and went to the meeting room one deck above. There she found her whole team, minus Javik, waiting for her.

“What the heck happened?” James started the conversation with.

“Rick...” began Jane but couldn’t say the words.

“He tried to kill himself.” Ashley said bluntly, coming to her rescue. She was not panicking anymore but angry. Very angry.

“Why?” asked the human male who got an answer from Garrus.

“Rick is a former colonist of Eden Prime. Three years ago when Saren and the geths attacked he not only lost his wife but also his unborn child.”

“Oh.” was the only sound James let out, understanding or not. “I get it now but... it’s been three years, shouldn’t he... have moved on? I mean, he’s...hmm... knocking boots with you LC... and Liara. No offense.” He quickly added.

“It’s complicated. He doesn’t deal with emotions, instead he compartmentalizes to an insane level. I guess whenever he’s with Liara or me, he’s in the now, not in the past. Same thing for when he’s working, too much focused on his task to think of anything else.” the brunette explained.

Keeping an eye on the display of her omni-tool, Jane looked at Liara who hadn’t spoken a word yet. She seemed so lost to her, with her eyes unfocused looking at something so far away.

“Liara?”

“Yes?” answered the asari as she was brought out of her thoughts.

“You’re the one he confided in the most, did he tell you anything?”

“No... he didn’t.”

“But you know something.” Jane insisted.

“It’s... private, Jane.”

“In normal times I would respect that but not now. Not in this situation, I need to know if he’ll do it again, I need to know of a way to prevent it.”

“I... He... that wasn’t out of grief.” answered Liara after relenting.

“Hard to imagine, what other reasons than grief would have push him to attempt suicide?” commented Garrus.

“Well, it’s part of it but not the main reason. It was guilt. Rick is... he...”

“Commander, he’s awake.” announced EDI.

That piece of news prompted Shepard to turn her head to look at her omni-tool to verify that statement. She saw his eyes open, looking at the ceiling in thoughts. Eve seemed to talk to him from the bed on the side as he reached for his breathing mask and removed it while still looking at the ceiling.

“EDI, give me the sound.” Jane ordered which the AI obeyed.

“... not your fault, Eve” she heard him say. “You lost children because of the genophage, because of others’ doing, not because of yours. You didn’t see from far away the geths dragged your pregnant mate. You didn’t run like mad to reach her, to save her and watch as the geths put her on a dragon tooth. You didn’t hold her in your arms, after slaughtering them all, as she was still alive when you got her down, the changed into a husk interrupted but already advanced enough that she was trying to bite your neck. You didn’t have to put her down...”

Everyone in the meeting room had been silent the moment EDI put the volume on but that last bit made some react.

““Damn...”” said Garrus and James in sync.

“It gets worse.” Liara said as she was looking down at her hands.

Jane couldn’t imagine what could be worse than failing to save the one you love and having to put them to rest yourself. She didn’t have to wait long to have an answer to that question.

“..You didn’t see, your own unborn child clawed his way out of her mother’s womb, half you half machine, with her bright blue eyes ablaze with a synthetic light, crawling to you, letting out two pitched deformed screams, still connected to her mothers via the umbilical cord. And you didn’t have to put her down either.”

It was too much for Ashley, who ran out of the room, clearly sick by what she heard and with tears in her eyes. The rest of the room was in the same state, horrified by what they had heard. Jane couldn’t even begin to comprehend what he was going through. How much pain, grief and guilt her baby brother must be in. She felt for him. She felt for her sister-in-law and her niece who she would never meet and had a gruesome end. Immediately something in her snapped. Something strong, powerful, and primal from her core. She didn't know what it was, she didn’t pay attention as she was busy listening to Rick but it made her stand up and rush to the med-bay.

“We may both have survived our children, Eve, but we’re not the same.” he said as he got off the bed and left the room, leaving an uncomfortable silence to the female krogan and Mordin who had been listening attentively as he was running some test.

As the door to the elevator opened, he barely had the time to see a red mop of hair that he found himself in a bone crushing bear hug. Immediately realizing who it was he tried to pry her off of him.

“Don’t touch me.” he said gravely.

“No.”

“Leave. Me. Alone.”

“Never. Not anymore.” she said as she pulled him inside the metallic cage and brought him to her cabin where she dragged him to her bed.

Had she been in better control of what she was feeling she would have noticed that despite his words he didn’t fight her to get away and instead just let himself be led. She removed his weapons and threw them on her couch then did the same for his long leather coat and his armored clothes leaving only in his pants and shirt. She took his hand and made him get on the bed where he laid down. Quickly she removed her own armor leaving her in her leggings that she now wore every time she geared up and her shirt.

She joined him in bed and embraced tightly trying to convey her support as much as she could. Finally after a moment he buried his head in her chest and gripped her shirt as hard as he could. Minutes later when his grip lessened she knew that he was asleep, lowering her head she kissed the top of his head and kept holding him.

I’m never letting you go again.

____________________________________________________________

She woke up alone at what now she considered her usual time. 4:45 am. Rick was gone and she cursed herself for not ordering EDI to not let him out but she knew that it would only have bitten her in the ass. Getting out of bed, she took a quick shower, dressed up and went to the Cargo Bay where she saw him putting back his gear in his locker, his helmet on. She wasn’t so insensitive as to ask if he was alright so she just started to stretch.

“Today we’re focusing on barriers. The area type which is way bigger.” he said as he came to her as if the previous day never happened.

“Honestly, if I wasn’t on the pill there is no way I wouldn’t be pregnant by now.” Ashley said as she cleaned himself thoroughly with help of the shower pommel.

“You’re the one that said and I’m quoting here: ‘Fill me up! I want it all! Give me every last drop!’, so don’t complain.” Rick replied as he was outside the water stream looking appreciative at the sight.

“I’m not complaining, I’m just stating. Getting pregnant is not in my short term plans.”

“Short terms?” he said, raising a brow.

“Not as long as we’re at war.” she specified.

“So you do want children.”

Ashley slowed down her movements, this conversation was entering a very dangerous minefield that she wasn’t sure she could navigate without setting one off. That was the kind of conversation that most of the time changed a relationship and with Rick’s past and very recent events it could affect him badly.

“Eventually.” she answered after a few seconds of silence.

“I guess I should prepare myself for the end of our intimate times, then. At least I have plenty of time for that.”

“You’re delusional if you think that I would let you go or that I would have anyone else's babies.”

“Ash... I’m not father material. Studies show that parents tend to emulate the behavior of their own parents. I don’t even know who my father is and let’s not talk about the Butcher or...”

“And yet you were going to be one.” she replied noting the ‘or’ he had let slip.

“Analysse insisted and I couldn’t tell her no. And she played on my impregnation kink too.” he replied trying to liven up the mood of the conversation and hoping to change the subject.

She turned around as she was done cleaning herself up, grabbed him and pulled home into the Shower with her. The space was a bit cramped but they had enough to move a bit. She raised her head and with both her hands on the side of his made him look down. Eye to eye, Ashley spoke with determination.

“You suck at the emotional side of things, true but I don’t. What you can do is be there for them, raise them to be independent, to be their own person and think for themselves; to protect them for anything and everything. I know you’ll be patient with them, that you will listen and do everything you can for them.”

“You’re wrong and I proved it.” his answer was, eyes full of guilt, which triggered the brunette.

“This wasn’t your fault! And it wasn’t her! The moment Analysse was put on the dragontooth, they were both gone.”

“Even if... even if that happened to be true.”

“IT IS!”

“Even then, I...”

“Look, let’s not talk about it further. We have a war to win before anything else and things could change a lot. I stand by what I said. Now let's clean you up and go down for dinner.” she said and gave him a kiss.

Rick went further using his hands to reach behind her and grab her ass. They were quickly slapped away.

“Nuh-huh. While I’m not exhausted at all and can go for much longer, I’m hungry, so no.”

“You can’t get me in there, talk about procreating while rubbing your wonderful tits against my chest, making me all hot and bothered, and expect me to behave.”

“No, but I can deal with that in another way.” she said with a smirk.

She quickly exited the shower while turning the hot water off and the cold water on. The scream he let out made her laugh as she dried her body in record time, not caring with her hair. With no time to dress in her own clothes, she put on one of his shirts. Picking up her discarded clothes and her boots, she left his quarters under the surprised gaze of Traynor and entered the elevator, laughing even more when she heard Rick shout what he would do to her in revenge. The only effect it had on her was to wish he would punish her now.

Arriving at the Crew Deck, she went to visit Liara to dress up. Entering the asari’s room her friend was there with Shepard, who both raised a brow at her sudden entrance.

“Is that... Rick’s shirt?” asked the blue woman.

“Yeah, I had to get out of there fast. My clothes would have taken too long, so I grabbed one and ran.”

“Not going commando on the CIC?” Jane joked.

“I’m sure Traynor would have loved that.” Liara added.

“She liked what she saw enough.” replied Ashley, displaying her body with her hand.

“How did it go? I don’t see the usual bruises nor bite marks.” Jane asked.

“Punched his perfect jaw for stater.”

“Ashley!”

“Don’t Ashley me! He deserved it and you know it. Anyway... Afterward we just cuddled.”

“No sex?”

“Oh, my pussy and his cock were definitely acquainted, why do you think I’m wearing his shirt, Skipper?”

“Hell if I know. I’m not aware what the two of you get on when you’re alone. Not anymore.”

“Do I sense a bit of bitterness and jealousy?” Liara commented with a knowing smirk.

“No.” denied Jane, caught.

“Sorry, Jane but this time it was just good old love making, nothing extravagant to share.”

“How... is he?”

“His usual self. Idiot compartmentalized everything. Wait, scratch that! He’s pissed as hell.” she answered, chuckling. “I turned the water to cold when he was under the shower. I’m in for harsh punishment apparently.”

“That will have to wait. We got a new mission. Traynor got a distress signal from Grissom Academy. Cerberus is sieging it and trying to get inside; I asked Joker to change course for there. It wasn’t far from our current position so we’ll be there in two days and I want you in top shape.”

“No problem. Now if you don’t mind girls, I’m dressing up.” she said as she went towards the bedroom area and began to put her clothes on, not bothering to close the curtain. “By the way, who’s on babysitting duty tonight?”

“Too scared to be tempted, so no second shift?” joked the redhead.

“No it’s just... our last conversation was about children and I put it on pause. I’d rather he takes some time to think, or not, without me around to put pressure on him.”

“You talked about children?!” exclaimed Liara.

“It wasn't on purpose, it just... came along.”

“Well, I guess Liara is out too since you’re sleeping with him.”

“I have no intention to speak about that particular topic, I told you I’m not ready for children.”

“It doesn’t matter, he’ll still think about it.” Ashley commented as she put her second boot on.

“Well... I guess that’s leaving me, which is fine. It might do him some good.”

“I’m also available.” came the voice of EDI.

“That’s true.” noted Liara.

“No offense EDI but I think it’s better that it’s me as he always has a good sleep when he does.”

“None taken.”

“You’ll have your turn. Why not with your organic body? Where is it stored by the way?”

“Noveria. The particularity of the planet’s situation allowed me to keep its development a secret from anyone.”

“It’s not far off either. I guess we can go after helping the academy.” thought aloud Jane.

“As long as there are no rachnis this time.” Ashley muttered.

“Speaking of rachnis...” began Jane to a paling brunette.

____________________________________________________________

Dinner went well, despite Rick glaring at Ash all along. He may have been wearing his helmet but everyone knew he was looking at the brunette intently. His inability to do anything to her was something she relished if her smug smile was any indication.

When dinner was over each member went back to their quarters. Liara, Garrus and Ashley’s being on the very deck they were already in, Jane was left alone with Rick as they entered the elevator.

“No one to watch me sleep? No more babysitting? I’m surprised or did you put EDI on it?”

“Oh no, you’re still under watch. It’s just my turn.” she replied smugly.

“No.”

“Yes, and we’re going to my cabin.”

“Not happening.”

“You had no problem last night.”

“I was out of it considering...”

“You had no problem for months when we were against the Collectors.” she revealed, cutting whatever he was saying off. That made him tense.

“...”

“Yes. I was awake and aware. Look, it helps you sleep well. You know it, I know it, so stop resisting and just get along with it.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“...”

“Well?” he insisted, not getting an answer.

“You won’t like the answer.”

“It’s for me to decide if I like it or not. Not you.” he replied with irritation in his tone.

“Because I was being embraced by the man I love who kept pushing me away. No way I was letting those opportunities slip by.”

“I won’t fall for your lies anymore.”

“See? I told you that you wouldn’t like my answer.”

That quieted him down for the rest of the night. When they entered her cabin she quickly began to remove her uniform and anything else she was wearing, leaving her stark naked. Not paying attention to him, she went under the sheets.

“No way in hell I’m...”

“Great, I didn’t put on your shirt to avoid a rant but I still got one.” she muttered. “Look, you did more than just see me naked. In that very bed in fact, so don’t act all prudish, it’s not the first time. Get in here, so we can sleep. I don’t care if you have your clothes on or not, just remove your boots.” she said in a no nonsense tone, knowing that no matter what he’d do, leaving the room was not an option he would take.

“...I hate you.” he said as he sat on the couch to remove his boots.

Hearing him say that hurt her quite a lot but she soldiers on; she was bound to hear it often as she will not relent on fixing their relationship. When he joined her in bed he was only wearing a shirt and his underwear and was maintaining a certain distance between them. That wasn’t to her liking and moved behind his back to spoon him.

“I know.” she had replied.

“What are you...” he began protesting at being embraced but was shut up immediately.

“Shhh.”

He did and Jane wondered once again why he was being so obedient. He complained, he talked a lot in an angry tone, but he did what he was asked.

Is he embarrassed because he wants it and just doesn’t want to admit it?

That was a question for another time. A few minutes later he turned around and buried his head into her chest, like he usually did. Jane just smiled at that as to her it was proof that her baby brother was still there, wanting to reconnect, wanting to go back as things were when they were children. Most importantly it was proof that Liara was right. He still loves her.