Chapter 40: So I Crashed Out

A war party of gnolls had killed the remaining wulvers last night. Zarian could hardly believe the news while his remaining spectral spiders danced to tell the story.

Not all of them made it out of the massacre alive – a few powerful gnolls had noticed them and hunted them down for sport. In the end, only five spectral spiders survived out of the hundred he’d left yesterday.

Only one spider could tell the story decently after risking its life to watch the entire wulver lair massacre. Zarian watched every frantic movement of its dance.

There was plenty of proof.

The quest notification said the job was done:

<Congrats! You’ve completed an Uncommon Side Quest: Exterminate Big Forest Wulvers Den!>

Zarian didn’t receive another level. Bianca earned one, reaching Level 31. She looked satisfied while Zarian felt despondent, angered, and cheated.

He looked up at the twin-star sunshine beaming down at the healing section of the forest. He spotted new leafy green growths breaking through the blackened sickness that had once reigned supreme here.

“Are there any corpses left?” Zarian asked.

The spider answered no. The gnolls had taken everything.

Zarian had missed out on a chance to raise new skeletons out of the wulver bodies. Granted, he’d wanted to reserve that for the boss and its strongest wulvers. He’d thought he would get his pick of the litter after clearing the lair.

Zarian balled his trembling hands into tight, shaky fists. He felt very cheated. For himself, and for Bianca especially.

He wanted to see Bianca’s new abilities in action. A combination of Lesser Smite, Aura Charge, and her budding good +1 alignment would’ve led to a greater massacre.

They would’ve had a far easier lair run than yesterday. He would’ve seen more examples of good alignment’s inherent cheat power. And they could’ve gotten a nice bonus reward or something at the end.

Maybe even loot from a treasure chest or a new achievement.

“You’re upset,” Bianca said.

“The gnolls did that on purpose,” Zarian muttered. “I have no idea how, but I know deep down they took the lair to spite us. And it makes me sick to my stomach.”

“I’m not so upset,” Bianca admitted. “The wulvers are gone. The forest will be happier. The dire wolf puppies will grow strong and healthy.”

Zarian grimaced at Bianca’s optimism and found it too sickly sweet for him right now. He wanted to see her drill more laser beams through wulver skulls and hear their brains pop like deep-fried popcorn.

After today, they might be in town for a while, doing mundane things before setting off for a bigger adventure. How long would he have to wait for the laser cannon action?

After kicking at the loam-covered cobblestones under his boots, Zarian dialed up Tranquil Mind to help him relax and think clearer. He didn’t want to, but it was for the best.

That way, he could better question what the gnolls were trying to prove by eliminating the wulvers first.

Zarian’s eyes widened, his body tensing.

“What is it?” Bianca asked sharply, ready for action.

He scooped her up into his arms without asking and prepared to launch when a strange thing caught his attention. There was a dark treasure chest in the middle of the path behind him when it hadn’t been there before.

A shadowy haze wafted off the treasure chest’s frame, and a feeling of a grand shadow consuming them, along with the forest and all the world, pressed down on Zarian. For Bianca, her new confidence shattered, and she looked up gasping, her body shaking in his arms as she became panicky and uncertain.

Her good alignment dimmed and became unimportant.

Zarian held back from shivering or showing any emotion. He held Bianca to his chest and crept to the hazy, shadowy, evil treasure chest.

Para’s tendrils moved forward and flipped the chest open carefully, slowly. The hinges made a loud creaking sound before the top landed backward with a heavy, ground-rumbling thunk.

Inside were two items.

There was a written note using divine quality paper.

And a big can of coffee, which was common in quality.

Zarian easily switched Bianca to one arm and reached in, his hand brushing on the black, velvety felt lining the interior of the treasure chest. It pulsated with powerful magic. Again, he wanted to shiver, but he held back. He felt it was important to show no emotion or reaction.

He picked up the note and read it aloud. He felt a huge, authoritative, and godly impression of the evil goddess speaking directly over his words. She sounded as dark and somber as her name suggested:

Dear Zarian Darkrun and Companions,

I find you impressive. I will give unto you these boons:

When faced with your next impossible challenge, claim the name Ekri the Tailor as a friend of yours. It will help you in the short term until you find a more permanent solution. Second, enjoy the coffee. This world doesn’t have such.

Do not let Gilbert McDonald have any of the coffee, if you will. He will know why.

With care,

The one known as Young Corrupter, Sorrowful Child, The Evil Goddess Shadowfell.

“We shouldn’t, Zarian!” Bianca whined. “That’s so freaking evil. It’s obviously a trap. We should leave all of this alone.”

Zarian shrugged, feeling a twinge from the bullet in his back right shoulder. He ignored it. “Too late, Bianca. Shadowfell approved of me twice. And I gave her my thanks already.”

Zarian slipped the divine note into Para’s pocket dimension for safekeeping. The business card from Ekri the Tailor was in there.

He grabbed the can of coffee next. It was from a popular brand back in the old world. Somehow, the Evil Goddess Shadowfell had gotten it, just so she could give it as one of two boons.

Now that was a power move – Shadowfell chose a coffee brand they all would know.

With a nod, he packed the coffee away the same way he had done with the divine note. Then he let out a long but controlled breath before refastening his hold on Bianca with both arms and ensuring the last spectral spiders hitched a ride on his cloak.

He shot into the sky on twin jets of darkness.

“Zarian, what does this mean?” Bianca asked, still worried.

The gods were meddling.

Well, one god had meddled. And one goddess had responded in kind, which Zarian could see was still kind of meddlesome.

Since they weren’t in combat yet, Zarian made some quick preparations with his profile and his mentality. At this point, he and Bianca were pretty much dead. There was no surviving this if things played out normally.

Even if they survived, Zarian had an inkling survival would cost them more than he wanted to give if everything played out as expected. So, he went with the only play that mattered.

He laughed darkly. “Heh heh heh. Ha ha ha ha! Good, I wanted Killall to tell you.”

Zarian lowered his hood to show his face despite the painful touch of sunlight, his eyes two pits of darkness. He gave them a smug, villainous, egotistical sneer.

Then, on a whim, he had his Parasite Cloak shift into a cushioned chair with a tall back and armrests. Spikes and teeth sprouted from above his head before he sat down. He crossed one ankle over his knee, propping his leg up, and lazed about in comfort before beckoning for Bianca with his finger to stand beside him.

She took it a step further by sitting on the parasite armrest, tossing her hair over her shoulder with a flick of her hand, and smiling haughtily. She even used her new Refraction skill to bend the sunlight above them and shroud Zarian in dramatic darkness, adding extra flair.

Zarian nearly lost his concentration because he didn’t expect that from Bianca. She knew the assignment like she was born for it, apparently. Since she was going to ride the crazy train with him all the way, then he really had to play his role hardcore.

“All according to my plan,” Zarian said mysteriously.

The elder gnolls lost their smugness. Clearly, they were the smartest, wisest, and oldest of their tribe. They were all women and massively built, standing up to nine or ten feet. They were a collective force that could turn Zarian and Bianca into minced meat in a few seconds. Maybe in less time than that.

But they weren’t as brazen as their younger and weaker gnolls. They didn’t get to their position without being a little thoughtful.

“What plan?” asked the lead elder suspiciously.

“For you to come to me. For isn’t it part of your god’s nature for me to kill all my enemies? Your young gnolls attacked. I killed them. But I didn’t kill them to anger you. I did it because I wanted to show you that your youngsters are still too weak. And you don’t have much time before...”

Zarian paused, his hand to his mouth in thought. Then he lowered his hand and shook his head. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you.”

“Tell us!” barked the lead elder gnoll, her voice booming with such power it swayed the treetops. Zarian waited for them to calm a little, and for the elder gnolls to tense in anticipation.

“The Grimrock Warlock is preparing for war. And thinks the Blood Prairie Savages are weak. I was there, having a meal, when I learned of this. I didn’t think it was true until I came across your young and killed them all. The Grimrock Warlock might have a case.”

The lead elder snorted. “That corrupted goblin is only in the Level 60s when we’re in the Level 80s!”

“When was the last time you saw her?” Zarian shot back.

The elder didn’t answer right away. Clearly, it had been years. Things could’ve changed.

“You’ve grown soft. And you’re losing a grand opportunity. Why commit to treaties with humans when you can go to war against the goblins who think you weak and dumb? Why not slaughter them? Then Castle Grimrock and all its treasures will be yours. You can demand from the humans triple or quadruple the tributes for your stronger and richer young!”

Zarian held up four fingers as emphasis.

Despite the age and wisdom of the gnoll elders, they were still simple creatures. They were both savage and greedy while interested in the growth of their young. Hell, they even oh’d and awed from hearing his claim!

Zarian could nearly see the light bulbs flashing in their heads as their eyes glimmered. Had nobody thought of invading Castle Grimrock before or were they just set with doing the same thing again and again?

Once the elders regained their composure, the one elder at the front smiled vilely. “This is an interesting idea. So interesting ... we will take it after we kill you.”

“I’m disappointed. You’re missing out on an even bigger opportunity.” Zarian clucked his tongue. “I can make some of your rising gnolls better killers. I can make your tribe better. Here, taste a ‘fraction’ of my power.”

He hit the lead gnoll with his biggest attack, which he’d built up since the start of the conversation. He’d used multiple abilities in concert to make it happen: the alpha version of Straight Darkness +1, Basic Aura Manipulation, Aura Channeler, Black Fire, Tranquil Mind, Adrenaline Jolt, Fractured Mind, and, of course, his Overpower trait.

He cast his attack from the darkness under his seat since it was deeper and darker while Bianca refracted the sunlight. She enhanced the mood and enhanced Zarian’s darkness. Thus, he launched a highly dense rod with a sharpened point covered in black and gray flames, which was the strongest attack he’d ever made.

The flaming dark rod punctured the lead gnoll’s chest as her eyes opened wide with shock. With nothing to keep her grounded, the attack sent the Level 80-somethimg flying off her feet. The initial impact struck the entire area with a shockwave so powerful, Bianca tumbled backward off the armrest of Zarian’s parasite chair.

The lead gnoll disappeared from view faster than Zarian could track. The nearest tree tops swayed heavily. The stone on their walled trunks fell loose in a mighty cascade, crashing down like the world was falling apart all around them.

Even the ground where the rod had struck the lead gnoll became barren. The impact carved away much of the top layer. Dust, grit, and debris flew into the faces of the other gnolls as they stumbled about.

Then all became still except for a distant boom of something heavy landing in the forest quite far away. That was followed by the distinct groaning, pounding, splintering fall of towered trees also at a distance.

Finally, all became still in this section of the Bramble Wolf Forest.

Zarian snorted in the aftermath.

“Hm, good. She’s decent for someone in the Level 80s. To have survived one of my ‘weakest’ attacks means you show promise,” Zarian said, while Bianca retook her seat on the armrest. “You’ve passed my test. I shall give some of your rising gnolls special instructions to make them better killers. The rest will prepare for war against Castle Grimrock.”

A few minutes later, the lead gnoll returned from her flight and landing. The elders had a huddle. Then the lead gnoll rubbed at the blackened dent in the middle of her chest and turned fully to Zarian.

“We will need time to think about your offer. We will let our tribe know to end hostilities until we have a better understanding,” she said, sounding subdued.

“Fine then. You may go.” Zarian waved them away.

The elder gnolls left. They took with them the threat of raiding the kingdom. For now, at least.

Zarian waited on his throne with Bianca keeping her position on his armrest. Some time later, once the coast was cleared, he collapsed out of his chair, gasping for air.

“Oh shit, I didn’t think that would work,” Zarian grunted.

Bianca cried, falling onto the floor, throwing a tantrum. “ZARIAN, YOU’RE CRAZY!”

“I KNOW!” Zarian sat up. “I know, I know, I know.”

Bianca sat up, shaking both fists at him. “What about Ekri the Tailor? Why didn’t you mention him? That could’ve fixed everything!”

Zarian shook his head as Para returned to her usual form as a cloak. “Bianca! I have a Fractured Mind! I thought we were dead, so I crashed out!”

“Nooo, Zarian, noooo!” Bianca was letting it all out with her screaming, but she stopped when they both received a shared notification popping up in a blue box above their heads. The System had given them an achievement.

It was legendary.