Volume 2 - CH 2

“Welcome to [The Ark]. You are Yoshi, aren’t you?” He said and opened his arms wide.

With the bright light of the stage in front of me, I had to narrow my eyes. I was like a believer being invited into the church by its priest. Or, it could be compared to an angel whispering into the ears of a praying artist. Maybe even a pigeon that came down from the heavens as it was showered in light—These ideas overlapped at this precise moment. However, I wasn’t given any time to bask in this feeling. Because the man was carrying a guitar case on his back, with none other than Nelina clinging to his arm.

*

Let’s rewind time a bit. The day after we encountered the work of [Z] for the first time, I was once again working at 8-Bit World. Since Christmas slowly closed in on us, a game shop like ours was fairly busy. I had my hands full interacting with the customers, and even our resident seat warmer Boudicia was busy taking care of the cash register. And since we’d worked together a whole lot up to this point, I realized that she’s actually pretty popular with the customers. She’s not exactly friendly, but she manages to figure out exactly what the people want. The cheeky children are especially super friendly when Boudicia is involved. Of course, when there’s specific knowledge needed, she usually calls for me, but it’s better than pretending or giving bad advice.

In reality, I should really be talking to Boudicia. During today, at least. However, as I was struggling to get used to the special Christmas wrapping, she had already finished her shift and left the store, leaving me no chance to say anything. I mean…if I really attempted anything, I might have found a chance. But I just wasn’t prepared enough…or rather, I lacked determination. And on my way home, as I cursed my negligence, a familiar shadow leaped at me when I arrived at the Manor Hall gate.

“You’re laaate!”

“Huh? Nelina-san? What are you doing here?”

“You live here, right? Nelina heard about that!”

Must have been Aeon. I cursed my own carelessness. She can’t even speak the language, and yet she came to visit her male friend overseas. If I was asked about that situation, I would have told her the location, too. It’s proper etiquette. And that would have been fine…if it wasn’t Nelina. No, thinking about it, not even Nelina should be that big of a problem…right?

“He set up a place for you to stay, right? Aeon-san, I mean.”

“Yes, Aeon! He’s so cool! Nelina really likes clever but kind and yet muscly men like him! And he can even speak a bit of Japanese! It’s so hype!”

“Good, good. Anyway, I’m busy.”

Looking at things, she managed to secure a place she could stay, which was just perfect for me. Because now I don’t need to look after her in my own room. I slipped past Elina, opened the door to the dorm using my student ID, waited for the lock to open on the wooden door, and then entered.

“Heeey! Nelina was waiting for you this whole time!”

If I listen to her even once, she’ll stick to me like glue. And then it’ll be morning and I will have had no sleep.

“But Nelina came here just for you!”

“I didn’t ask you for that.”

“And yet, you came to pick up Nelina!”

“Because I saw no other choice.”

“You say that, but your body is honest!”

“Can you not phrase things weirdly?!”

I wasn’t saying I was busy just as a pretense. It’s the truth. It was an important day, and although I felt bad for Nelina, I had to focus on what was ahead of me.

“I really can’t today. I just came to grab some stuff and then leave again.”

“Hmmm? What stuff?”

“Doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

I chose to not answer. I didn’t want to share any information with her. And I did my best to not meet eyes with Nelina as I walked up the stairs, opening the doors to walk down the hallway. Finally, I reached my room and opened it with my key—Wait, with my key?

“So this is your room? Not half bad, Yoshi!”

“Gaaaaaah?!”

I cursed my own carelessness yet again. As I thought, I was not rational enough whenever Nelina was involved. I cannot break free from her. She waltzed into my room like it was the hotel room she reserved and then jumped onto my bed. She even changed into my slippers, too. This is what they mean when the world is your plaything, huh?

They say you should do in Rome as the Romans do, but I couldn’t fight the tradition that was burned into me, so I would always take off my shoes in my own room. And since I don’t expect people to come by, I only have one pair of slippers. I sighed while I took off my own shoes and entered my own room while only wearing socks.

“So, where are you going? There can’t be anything more important than spending time with Nelina, right?” She flapped her legs and down while on my own bed, whispering like the devil’s temptation.

However, I cannot tell her. Especially not today, that’s for sure.

“That’s the case for a lot of things in this world. So, please, won’t you leave? I’m going to head out myself in a moment, too.” I put my guitar case on my back, packing the effector units into a separate bag that I carried.

That’s right. Today is an important day.

“Hmmm, oh, is that so.”

Seeing this, Nelina’s voice sounded cold and judgmental for a moment, and I could clearly hear that.

“Okay. Nelina will leave.”

“Thank you for understanding.” I sighed in relief.

She’s a musician like me, and she must know how important it is to me when I look like this.

“And Nelina will come with you.”

“You don’t understand a thing! No way.”

“Should you really be saying that, Yoshi? If you don’t take me with you, I’ll just stay here.”

“Then do that. It’s better than having you come with me.”

I don’t have a choice but to bring her with me. However, I also can’t afford to escort her back to where she stays. I’m more than just worried to leave her in my own room, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

“Nelina will make sure to wait for you naked, so hurry home, okay?”

“Nevermind, please do leave after all.”

Seeing Nelina snuggle under my blanket gave me a severe headache. Even the thought of just jumping out of the window to run crossed my mind for a moment.

“Might as well take a selfie while doing that and show it to that girl tomorrow. Aaah, so embarrassing! What’s her name again? That nasty doodle stray cat.”

“Boo-san…Do you mean Boudicia-san?”

“That’s her name? My, it sounds so fitting. So simplistic.”

That’s just nasty. If the person in question heard that, they might just beat each other to death. But, I had to think about it now. Today is an important day for me. Probably just as important as the day Boudicia wrote the graffiti with her left hand. Because of that injury on her right arm, she couldn’t write anymore. And the reason I couldn’t play the guitar anymore…for some reason was lying in my own bed right now. Why did she have to come to Bristol now of all times? But…maybe this is just perfect.

“…I understand. I don’t like to yield, but let’s go.”

“See, that’s the spirit! Yoshi, you’re always kind when it comes to Nelina! But wait, did Nelina just pass up on a crazy chance? Maybe she should have waited for you naked…Oh well, we can just do that after we get home! Gosh, Nelina is so greedy!”

“I will definitely drop you off at the inn once we get home.”

Soon enough, we were already outside my room, and I locked the door while listening to Nelina’s lines. Shortly after, we left the dorm, too. Nelina didn’t ask where we were going. Despite being like this, she could be extremely sharp at times. She probably figured out everything the second she saw me grabbing my ‘stuff.’ As I was making my way to my destination in silence, Nelina skipped after me. The Bristol streets at night were dark. I’m glad I didn’t send her home alone, after all, because if something were to happen to her, I would definitely feel bad.

“Hey, Yoshi. Are these drawings, too?”

Nelina stopped in front of a wall as she twirled around once, pointing at a certain part. On there was a roughly-written tag with spray. It’s pretty much like random doodles, yeah.

“It’s not just that. It’s graffiti.”

Even so, what Nelina said ticked me off, so I returned the favor.

“It’s just random drawings.”

“But the real deal is amazing.”

“Aeon showed Nelina some, yeah. From the Ghost or whatever. But, it doesn’t really make sense.”

“Make sense? The repetition of overwriting…?”

“Not that. Nelina doesn’t understand how people like that consider themselves to be artists.”

I wanted to refute that argument. However, before I could do so, something suddenly pulled on my body. Nelina’s hand held onto the string of my guitar case, tugging me closer to her. At a distance our heads were about to bump into each other, and she stared me in the eyes.

“And also, what any of that has to do with you, Yoshi.”

As she narrowed her eyes, her gaze felt cold as ice, and yet scorching hot like flames. That nonchalant attitude of hers had run off to nobody knows where. It always goes this way. Just when I thought we’d gotten closer, she suddenly moves away. When I think I could rely on her, she cuts me off. She pretends to not realize, but she’s moving everything the exact way she wants to. Her talent isn’t just her outlandish voice and its beauty, but everyone ends up under her control without even catching on. Be that the flow of the conversation, the air, the people, and…even myself. Just like the people who are led down unfamiliar paths by the spirit animal of the fox, everything goes her way without a single person catching on.

You have no soul—That day, she told me that. Her expression, voice, and the way she grasped my heart, as well as the frozen air around me, I could still remember it vividly. I had intended to run away from her…But whenever she stands in front of me, I’m once again caught in the fog. In reality, I know. I should ask her. This isn’t the time to dance to her tune. Why does she say that? Why did she say that? I should question her about that.

“C’mon, shouldn’t we hurry? You’ll be late, right? You’re gonna play the guitar, aren’t you?”

“…Yes.”

Nelina removed her hand, allowing me to breathe again. As her skirt fluttered, she ran on ahead, and I found myself chasing after her. Even though I’m the one who should know our destination. Am I…just going around in circles yet again?

*

We walked along the river when we reached the location in question. It was a rather vague place to meet, but I felt no hesitation. The reason is simple. The tall man with his hair and beard stood out quite a bit. The person I would meet was like a landmark.

“Yoshi, my dude…”

Before JF even greeted me, he looked at me and the mysterious follower I had and sighed.

“Did you ever even think of my own feelings?”

“Um?”

I didn’t know what he was talking about, forcing me to give a vague response.

“First it’s the Ghost, and now, who? A Fairy? What did I do wrong, huh?”

I knew how this looked, but it really wasn’t anything for JF to feel jealous over.

“Ah, he just said fairy, right? See, Nelina’s cuteness is equal all over the world! Yay, I’m a fairy! Right?”

“Just think of her as a bug and ignore her.”

Leaving aside Nelina, who played the jester while flapping her arms up and down, I spoke with JF in English.

“That’s what they all say.”

“Too much of a good thing, I say.”

JF shrugged and looked at the guitar case I carried.

“That’s all fine and dandy, but…You ready? They are not gonna hold back.”

I gulped when I heard that. The reason I was here…was to play the guitar. Or rather, it’s to have my ability judged. It all started with JF telling me that a musician he knew was starting up a new project, and since they constantly switched members, JF was part of it here and there. When he invited me to join as a trial run, I was incredibly happy. However, it also meant that I had to make up my mind already. Thanks to meeting Boudicia, I finally made it past my trauma and restarted my guitar practice. That being said, just because my fingers moved didn’t mean that I was back to playing music.

An electric guitar was especially an instrument for an ensemble. Especially as part of the rock genre that I mainly focused on. Of course, I could create the other parts with a sound program, but I wasn’t some genius who could turn everything into gold. But that’s when JF called out to me. It wasn’t anything official on the level of an audition. Rather, they wanted to hear me play, but it was clear that my performance then would decide if they’d let me in or not. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t too confident. However, when I thought of Boudicia, I had to take my ground here. And think about the possibility—of making music with someone again.

“Also, one more thing.”

“Yes?”

“Could you keep the fact that I’m writing graffiti a secret?”

“Sure, that’s okay with me…”

“He’s rather famous for despising graffiti.”

“…So I’ve heard.”

I was well aware. However, the fact that JF didn’t reveal his hobby despite being together so long as friends meant it was something very serious for the other person. I was slowly getting worried. What if they found out I’m in some way related to graffiti?

“Well, it won’t pop up anyway. Just play as you want, the rest is outta your control.”

“…I’ll do my best.”

He’s not wrong. Worrying I can always do it once everything is done. It’s important that they listen to my music. That’s your fate as someone who dedicates themselves to music.

“That’s right, Yoshi is the best!”

Since I used an English word, Nelina picked up on it and responded.

“Nelina-san…Please, you really have to keep quiet in there.”

“Okaaay! Like a cat you picked up, right? Meow!”

The graffiti was one thing, but something told me that this girl could cause even more trouble. Either way, Nelina and I followed after JF, who walked alongside the river for a while. The air on this winter night over on our harborside was a bit too cold for my taste.

“This is the place.”

“Right…here?”

I had assumed that we would be heading to a live house. However, JF instead pointed at a boat. It’s not rare to see ships at the harbor side of Bristol. There were a few ships passing through here, big or small. That being said, it looked quite fancy amidst the regular type. It wasn’t the size of a regular boat, you could actually refer to it as a ship. It could even qualify as those carrier ships. The deep area of the water was lit up by its lights, as red letters were written on a billboard. It’s like the ship alone was a different world.

“That’s right, it’s a ship. Told you it’s called [The Ark], remember?”

The Ark—I remember hearing about a live house like that before.

“So this ship…is a live house…!”

“Yeah. Feels very much like Bristol, right?” JF said so while laughing.

He probably kept it a secret on purpose. Thinking about it, we could have also met up right here, but he most likely wanted to surprise.

“Wow! Nelina’s never seen something like this! So glad she came with you!” Nelina jumped up in joy.

I still didn’t feel too happy that she tagged along, but in the face of this sight, I couldn’t lie that I was feeling pumped.

“Can this ship move?”

“Yeah. Not frequently, but for maintenance and such.”

A moving live house in the shape of a boat. I never would have imagined something like that existed. But at the same time, I could feel myself sweating buckets. I’m going to play in a place that was completely different from anything I had ever seen.

“They’re not doing a live concert today, so be sure to check in some time,” JF said and walked down the boarding bridge, which had a penguin painted on it.

Crossing the bridge, I realized that we were really above the water. The color of the water was black and dark. Like it reflected my endless anxiety, but also my excitement to jump in and see beneath the surface.

“Wow…”

Entering after JF, I was first greeted by a bar. The unique outer appearance completely contradicted its interior moody atmosphere. Bottles were lined up on shelves. Beyond the tables and chairs standing at the corner, you could see outside the window to watch the water. It became very obvious that we were inside a ship.

“It’s not open for business today, but this is like the reception area. Over there is the path to the second floor. You can watch the night scenery from the bridge, and you got seats there, too,” JF pointed at the stairs, as he himself walked deeper inside.

I immediately knew what was located there—the live house. Undoubtedly so, even. There was a low stage with speakers set up on both slights, as well as lights shining down on it. The only difference was that the second stage instead consisted of a passage made of simple iron bars. It wasn’t a large hall, either. However, the air in here made it clear that this live house had seen many performances and even more passionate visitors. Despite being far from Japan, the feeling wasn’t all too different. It was hard to believe we were inside a ship.

“Welcome to [The Ark]. You are Yoshi, aren’t you?”

He spoke with a gentle voice like it engulfed everything. I looked up in surprise, spotting a white silhouette standing on the stage. The peaceful gaze he gave off beneath his long eyelashes and the gentle smile on his lips reminded me of a sculpture or painting you’d seen in a museum. His white hair genuinely resembled more of a platinum blond, creating waves as it ran down his head. With his long limbs and white clothes, he gave off a divine air.

“Ah, Gabriel. As you requested, I brought him here.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Yoshi.”

Gabriel gently walked down the stage and stood in front of us.

“I’m Gabriel. It’s a pleasure.”

The smile he created was so enticing and warm. Hearing that he was part of the anti-graffiti faction, I had my own assumptions as to how we would look, but I was relieved that this was the exact opposite.

“And who might this be?”

“I don’t know. I know nothing.” JF shrugged, and I added on with a wry smile.

After all, I don’t know her either. It’s none of my business…or so I wished it to be the case, but alas, Nelina didn’t agree.

“Ah, it’s time for introductions, huh! Ne…li…na! Nelina!”

“Neliena, is it? What a beautiful name.”

“He just said beautiful! Right? Gabriel’s not half bad. He’s got good taste.”

“He’s not talking about your appearance.”

“Wait, really? Nelina thought he was talking about her face.”

Let me correct my previous statement. Nelina’s just utterly clueless, and I think there’s a different problem in the brewing here.

“Anyway, have you listened to my songs?”

“…Yes.”

Gabriel didn’t mind Nelina’s attitude and asked me straight away. I had JF send me all the raw song versions from Gabriel’s songs prior to this. When I listened to it for the first time, I genuinely felt like it fit Bristol quite well. JF taught me about Massive Attack and Portishead. Bristol’s music definitely isn’t cheerful or anything. It has heavy breakbeats, with a beautiful melody matching them, added with reggae, hip-hop, and even jazz elements, all mixing into oddly tranquil music. However, I hadn’t listened to his newest project yet, as secrecy was at the forefront this time…Or at least, it wasn’t shown before.

“For this project, JF will be my DJ. Drums and bass will be added digitally, whereas I will handle the keyboard and the vocals. You will be the candidate for the guitar player. Is that clear?” Gabriel said and I pointed at the musical instrument on my back. “You cannot recreate the distorted sound of an electric guitar with a computer. Usually, what I wanted so far is pureness, but this gig will require the special attribute of the guitar—The poignancy.”

“Poignancy…”

“Sadness is too wet. And rather than rage, it’s more like wrath. In a way, it is like a scream.”

That expression left me bewildered. I always held Gabriel as a cheerful person. However, I was still inexperienced, it seems.

“Now then, Yoshi. I’d like to listen to your music. Can you?”

“Yes, Gabriel-san.”

I was told to play my own song before focusing on Gabriel’s song. He’s probably planning on testing me. Seeing just what kind of music I would play here, right now. As for Gabriel himself, he sat down on a plastic chair, gently placing it on the ground. JF offered another one to Nelina, who accepted it immediately.

“I put down an amplifier just in case, but please let me know if you need anything else.”

I got up on the small stage, connected my guitar to the equipment I brought with me, connected my cable to the amplifier, and turned the knob. I took a deep breath, and then played a string. It’s the same sound it made in Japan. Granted, it’s my own guitar I brought with me, connected to the equipment I was used to, with the amplifier being of the same maker and the same setting, so it made sense that the sound would be identical. However…

I stopped playing for a long time. And I only started here in Bristol, so creating the same sound that I was used to in Japan was definitely special to me. I could feel Gabriel, JF, and Nelina all looking at me. And then, I closed my eyes. Through my shoulders, I could feel the heaviness of my own instrument. From the neck and strings at my left hand, I felt the wood and metal. In my right hand, I held the pick. My body is regaining the sensation I had forgotten.

I’ve returned—To music. It’s fine, I can play. I put the pick to the cord, and the slight vibration created an electric signal, blasting off from the guitar to the amplifier, and then the speaker created, as the air shook. That vibration made my eardrums. My brain was engulfed in the sound.

I opened my eyes. Elina was right there. ‘You have no soul,’ her words played back in my head. Back then, I thought that all of me was denied. But even so, I still play the guitar. I was struggling to breathe again, so I closed my eyes. What I saw then—was Boudicia’s profile. That’s right. If I’m here, I can do whatever I want. I loosened up a bit and let go with my hands. I can let my body move as it wills. Because I’ve created and played this song several times. My brain, my bones, my muscles, my whole body remembers it. And at this moment, I become the player.

—And before I realized it, my performance was already over. I could faintly hear Gabriel’s applause. JF seemed satisfied as he rubbed his chin, too. Gabriel then stood up and came up to the stage, with JF following. Nelina was still sitting on her chair. I can’t really read her expression too well.

“Yoshi, was it?”

I nodded. The gentle pressure he emitted made it impossible for me to say anything else.

“Let me start by stating this. What’s important is the question. Answers you can always think about. The difficult part is always the question, isn’t it?”

“The…question?”

“You’ll understand once I ask you. Because you are a serious and honest person. You can hear the sound of your guitar. And I can tell you’ve done a lot of studying. Your fingers move well, too. That’s why I want to ask you one thing.” Gabriel looked directly at me and then pointed.

“What meaning does music have to you?”

“Meaning…”

Unable to understand what I had just been asked, I just repeated the same word.

“You can’t answer right away. Why?”

“Um, I’m sorry, it was a complex question, so…”

“That’s not quite it.” He spoke with a gentle and warm tone, all the whilst not allowing any yes or no. “The reason you couldn’t answer my question…is because you haven’t thought about that.”

Those words sealed off my ability to breathe. What meaning…does this music have to me? I closed my eyes again…but even now, I couldn’t find an answer.

“All you did was play music. But beyond there…is nothing. Nothing is asked from you. That’s why there’s no place to go. You have no question to ask yourself. No intention. Your music is…Let’s see, it’s empty.”

It felt like I was dropped to the bottom of the ocean. I did manage to play my song. However…that was all. Nothing changed. My music has no soul…it’s empty. And the fact that I am this shaken by it…shows that I’m aware of that. I should have been a player here. And not just any player.

“Hey, Gabriel, that’s a bit…”

“JF.”

JF called out to us after seeing my reaction, but Gabriel pointed his palm toward him.

“What were you planning on doing? Stop me? And what after?” He threw this question at JF.

“Well…”

“See, you can’t answer. Your actions are the exact same. Why would you do that? You didn’t ask yourself. Those who don’t ask themselves can’t find an answer. Isn’t it?”

JF’s mouth opened like he wanted to say something, but no words followed.

“What do you think, JF? Do you think I am wrong?”

Finally, he dropped his shoulders and stepped back. Then, Gabriel turned toward me again.

“Yoshi. It pains me to say this, but I’m afraid that—”

I knew what he would say next. However, it wasn’t even that much of a shock. Honestly, it was a shame, but it showed my limit. In the end, I am one of those have-nots. Unlike those who have it, the gifted…Unlike Boudicia and Nelina, I don’t have it.

“Now wait a moment.”

The moment I put down my guitar and had my hand on the strap, I heard a voice. It came from afar, but it was very clear. She danced up on the stage, standing between me and Gabriel.

“You’re badmouthing Yoshi, aren’t you? Nelina can tell.”

Gabriel seemed bewildered as he glanced at JF. He was just as confused and then looked at me. But, I didn’t know what to do either.

“Nelina-san, that’s not what Gabriel-san is saying…”

I tried to explain myself, but Nelina never listened to me from the start. She had one leg on the speaker, looking up at Gabriel as she swung around an invisible microphone.

“You got a mic here?”

Gabriel saw that and smiled, to which he ordered JF to bring a microphone.

“Gabriel, are you serious?”

“It’s okay. I can tell. She has this image. She has something she wants to ask me. Don’t you, Neliena?”

JF just shrugged and handed Nelina the microphone.

“Ha. Ha. Hey. Tch, tch.”

Nelina checked the condition of the microphone. She’s dead serious.

“Yoshi, you know the deal, right?” Her black eyes looked directly at me.

Yeah, I knew all too well. Or rather, I had it drilled into me. What she wanted to do now…and where this was heading. The mic picked up the faint sound of her breathing in. And then, her voice controlled space and time. I closed my eyes once more and listened to her voice. Even though this is my own song, it’s like she knows exactly what I have to play and when. I didn’t listen to anything and just followed her voice. Just that alone changed my performance.

I could tell myself. It’s the same song, played in the exact same way, and yet it felt like different music. My body is playing music that shouldn’t even be inside of me. Like a director at an orchestra, Nelina’s voice guided me and my instrument…Yeah, it’s always been like this. I was always behind her, pretending not to notice.

And soon after, the song ended. Like we rushed through it with the shortest possible distance. Before, it felt like an eternity, and yet now it ended in a heartbeat. Just by having Nelina with me, everything changes.

“That was amazing! You’re like a real fairy!”

“Ah, he’s praising Nelina! He must be! C’mon, praise her some more! No praise in the world could be enough!”

JF was visibly excited. When I first heard Nelina’s performance, I was the same. And yet, I was oddly calm right now as I observed him. Compared to JF, Gabriel was a lot calmer. However, I could tell that the color in his eyes changed to something stronger.

“I see. Yes, yes…I get it now. I guess my way of asking you was mistaken, perhaps. This is who you are. And yes, you may not hold a question yourself, but you answer the question from the outside. Your emptiness can be fulfilled.”

“Um, well…”

As always, I was unable to grasp what exactly he was saying. However, he seemed a lot more affirmative compared to before. And not even to Nelina, but to me instead. He must have realized that I had a conflicted expression because he cut off his monologue and declared.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I will be playing with you, all right?”

I doubted my ears. Does that mean I passed? For some reason, Gabriel changed his opinion.

“However, I have a few conditions.”

“Yes?”

“What do you think they are?”

“…I don’t know.”

So many things happened in this brief moment of time, and my head wouldn’t work properly. That’s why I just blurted out the first thing that went through my head.

“I see. That’s just fine. Don’t lie to yourself and keep taking the correct way. Pretending to know when you don’t isn’t good. And the other thing…” Gabriel cut himself off, placing his hand on the shoulder that carried my guitar strap. “You are an instrument.”

His voice, as well as his hand placed on my shoulder, felt heavy like feathers and gentle. And yet, to me, they felt like heavy lead pulling me down.

“From this moment on, your duty is to create wonderful music. Nothing else matters. In that way, you are no longer a person. The second you step on this ship, you are an instrument,” Gabriel said with an indifferent tone and continued.

But contradicting his tone, the contents were fierce.

“That’s right. I have no interest in anything that isn’t beautiful music. And anything other than that is not allowed. So, let me make myself clear. You are an instrument. I play you. And, you play music. Understand?”

It wasn’t something so complicated it would force me to say “Don’t know.” It was all about what role I was supposed to play. And right now, Gabriel was drilling his words into me. Like software being installed, he’s leaving me no other option but to forcefully update. I can’t say I don’t understand it. I just didn’t have any other choice.

“…Yes.”

“Wonderful. A good response. I’ll send you the track later. Looking forward to working with you, Yoshi.” Gabriel offered me his hand with a smile, and I took it.

“So, Yoshi. Where’s Nelina’s thanks?” She looked up at me diagonally, poking her finger at my chest.

But I couldn’t be angry at that. It was a fact, after all. She’s the one who turned around Gabriel’s evaluation.

“Um, well…Thank you, Nelina-san.”

“See! Nelina is your goddess of victory! Nothing goes well if you don’t have her around. So just forget about that dirty stray cat and her graffiti and let’s go back to Japan!”

“Graffiti? Did you just say graffiti?”

Gabriel picked up on that vocabulary amidst Nelina’s words, leaving me unable to respond immediately. And a prolonged silence acted the same as an affirmation.

“Yoshi, I would rather not ask you this, but you haven’t involved yourself with any graffiti business, have you?”

I immediately shook my head. Behind Gabriel, I could see JF doing some crazy acrobatics and gestures. Although I couldn’t quite grasp what they entailed, the message got through just fine—”Don’t let him find out,” he said.

“That’s good. If not, I would have been forced to wipe you off right here and now.”

Wipe off—I couldn’t ask what exactly he meant by that. However, Boudicia’s saddened expression popped up in the back of my head. Just who is [Z]? If Gabriel really despises graffiti to such a degree, maybe he would want to wipe it off altogether.

“Gabriel-san…Do you dislike graffiti?”

Before I even came to my senses, I had already asked that question. And yet, Gabriel’s expression didn’t change. Instead, he kept his pleasant smile and spoke up.

“Let’s start by considering why you have asked me that question. There are two possible answers. First, you are a graffiti writer, and you’re testing how great the danger could be if I were to ever find out. However, you’re not stupid. Asking that question could be taken as the confession that you are indeed a graffiti writer, and you should be able to realize that. If so…” His gray eyes looked into the distance. “Someone you know, or even a good friend of yours, is involved with graffiti. Isn’t it?”

“No, well…”

He was right. I missed my chance to correct him. And as before, it was plenty of an affirmation.

“Well, it’s fine. The sin of those around you doesn’t equal your own sin, after all. Though I suggest finding some better friends.”

Gabriel purposefully called it a sin. You’d usually never hear that word, especially not in this context. Looking over at JF, his face seemed painful, too.

“The question was why I don’t like graffiti, yes? It’s not just that I don’t like graffiti. I actively hate it. No, that is even lukewarm. I believe that graffiti is wrong.”

“Why…is that?”

It looked like he was burning. Like all hair stood on the edge of his body. His voice didn’t sound aggressive or violent, but I could tell that he was burning with rage.

“Let me ask you instead, Yoshi. Why is graffiti allowed to exist?”

“That’s…”

“Drawing on the walls of strangers…how could you consider that art? It’s nothing but destruction. It’s not creation. It’s not correct art. It can’t even be considered a question.”

Before I could speak up to argue, Gabriel continued.

“I cannot allow a culture such as graffiti to represent our beautiful town of Bristol. We have music, so…why?”

“But aren’t music and graffiti closely related?”

I remembered Boudicia’s words and threw in an argument.

“That’s right. Graffiti and music go hand in hand here in Bristol. There are live houses with art drawn on the walls. It is so regrettable. A degradation…Do you happen to know 3D?”

I nodded.

“He was once called Banksy.”

Hearing a name I didn’t expect to pop up, it felt like my heart was grasped. Banksy’s…identity?

“In reality, nobody knows. I personally respect him, and I was raised by his music. But even so, I don’t consider graffiti something that should be allowed.”

Massive Attack is one of the representative bands of Bristol. The albums they brought out in the 90s have reigned in the album charts for a long time, bringing the name of Bristol into the world. And the leader of Massive Attack is Robert Del Naja—also known as 3D. But who would have expected that people suspected him to be Banksy. If that rumor came out, then graffiti and music weren’t just connected. Here in Bristol, it would mean they were identical. And yet, Gabriel was actively trying to remove graffiti.

“And the main culprit…Ahh, I don’t even want to say the name. The one who put graffiti down in the art museum. Such a blasphemy…”

“…The Ghost of Bristol?”

“Please, don’t say that name.”

“…Well, it’s whatever. We all know you can’t stand graffiti, and that’s fine.”

Gabriel didn’t even try to hide his rage any further, as JF now stopped him. Gabriel returned to his senses and took a deep breath.

“Yes. I’m sorry for getting upset.”

A moment later, the flame burning inside Gabriel cooled down, turning to cold as ice.

“I want to create beautiful music. To give birth to something that will make people happy. That’s all there is to it.”

“Hey, hey, let Nelina join! Her singing was good, right?”

Gabriel heard Nelina’s Japanese and looked at JF. He then looked at me and shrugged. In truth, I didn’t want to translate Nelina’s words. I came to Bristol by myself. And I came to [The Ark] in order to play music on my own. But in the end, I was powerless by myself. I was aware of that. That’s why I couldn’t ignore Nelina. So, I told Gabriel what she had said. He nodded and then spoke up.

“Yoshi, please tell her what I’m about to say.”

“Yes.”

I took the role of interpreter, as Gabriel and Nelina faced each other.

“Neliena, you hold an excellent skill.”

“That’s right! Skill, right?”

Nelina could pick up a word she knew, which had me figure I wouldn’t have to translate this.

“But…you only think of yourself.”

I could feel ice running down my back. And even Nelina’s facial color changed. What does he mean by that? I listened carefully. I wanted to translate after hearing the whole context.

“If I asked what meaning your music holds, you’d probably answer in a heartbeat. You have the passion that drives you toward that answer. You have insatiable hunger. And I have respect for that. However, have you ever asked yourself, Neliena? Why do you sing?”

Nelina narrowed her eyes.

“Let me be honest with you. I don’t want to play with you. Why? It’s simple.” Gabriel put his large palm on his own chest. “You don’t have a soul.”

The one who was shocked the most was me. You have no soul…When Nelina told me that, my heart was broken, and I came here in an attempt to run away. And now, these same words were directed at Nelina. I wasn’t thrilled or anything. I simply never felt like Nelina’s music had no soul. In fact, whenever she was singing, it felt like she felt the whole world with her soul. And yet, she doesn’t have a soul? I couldn’t grasp what he meant. But asking that now wouldn’t benefit anybody, so I told Nelina what Gabriel said.

“Hm. Oh well, fine.”

She didn’t seem particularly shocked, as she just said that and turned her head away. Gabriel also didn’t seem too bothered by this reaction and just asked for my contact information, and then left the stage. Now it was just Nelina, JF, and me.

“Nelina needs to go to the toilet. Where is it?”

I asked JF for the bathroom, and Nelina then walked off in the direction JF pointed at. We watched after her for a while, and as I was trying to organize my thoughts about everything that had happened so far, there was one thing I had to tell JF.

“JF-san, thanks.”

“Hm? For what?”

“For helping me out.”

When Gabriel talked me down with my music, he was the one who tried to jump in. I was really happy about that.

“Hah, I didn’t help, though!” Seeing him play it off with a cheerful attitude, one doubt was in my mind.

“So…Why are you making music together with Gabriel-san?”

“Despite being a graffiti writer, you mean?”

“Yes. He seems to utterly despise graffiti, so…”

JF breathed in once and then responded.

“Because I’m flakey. I’m not a serious writer, but also not a serious musician either. Of course, I’m no serious barista either.”

“I don’t agree with that, though…”

That was my genuine sentiment. I saw JF’s graffiti before. I may not understand much about style and all that, and even if he wasn’t the second coming of Banksy, he had definite skill, and even I could tell. It was the same with music. He might seem nonchalant about his tracks and make it seem easy, but he took it quite seriously. And his coffee tasted so well because he knew what to do and when. He didn’t seem flakey at all. However, JF continued, as if my own evaluation didn’t matter much.

“Gabriel’s amazing. He makes me wanna work with him despite his hate for graffiti. He’s one of the younger musicians of Bristol to bring a new wind. And he’s the one bringing glory to [The Ark].”

It wasn’t anything surprising. Listening to his tracks, and the way he presented himself, I knew he had the skills to pay the bills.

“Well, his personality is just as you can see. Not many people stayed with him for long, even if they had the charisma.”

I could tell. Gabriel is very open-minded and big-hearted. He didn’t even judge me for knowing someone who was into graffiti. Deep down, he must be a kind soul. I was too busy to give it some thought just now, but now that I had a bit of leeway, there was something off about Gabriel’s attitude. He brought up the story of the Ghost of Bristol himself, yet didn’t want to hear that name like he had some special connection to that individual.

“Why does he despise the Ghost?”

“I don’t know that, either. He was always open about his distaste for graffiti, but it’s gotten extremely aggressive lately. Maybe right after he saw the news of the incident at the art museum, but that’s all I know.”

I thought about it for a moment and then asked another question.

“…JF-san, have you heard of [Z]?”

“Yeah. From the Captain. The Ghost’s graffiti fell victim to them, right?”

“What do you think?”

“I got no clue.”

“Is that so…”

“Man, I’ve been saying the same stuff for a hot minute now, huh? I don’t know a dang thing, haha!”

“I’m sorry, I keep asking these weird questions.”

“Well, if it was any ordinary writer, they’d just have overwritten it. I figured that maybe it was some personal attack against graffiti. And they have the advantage because we don’t know who.”

Yeah, if it was a writer’s work, they would have simply overwritten Boudicia’s work. At the very least, it seemed like this act wanted to convey some sort of message. And not being known would only demerit any regular writer.

“…Are you looking for the culprit?”

“I’d like to find them, at least.”

“For the sake of the Ghost?”

“Huh? No, um, I was curious.”

“I think I am kind of jealous.”

“Excuse me?”

A word I didn’t expect to pop up completely threw me off balance, so I was forced to return a question. Jealous?

“Y’know, it always feels like you’re going your own way.”

“Is that so?”

JF used both his hands to create the gesture of a path. But, if I was truly walking my own way, then I wouldn’t be this shaken by Nelina at every move.

“Even for me, it’s time that I decide which way to go…”

Right when I wanted to ask what exactly he meant by that, Nelina returned. And since we had no further reason to stay, we got off the ship and split up from JF. Time had already progressed quite a bit. Even if public safety in Bristol wasn’t particularly awful, I couldn’t let Nelina walk home all by herself while it was dark outside.

“…I’ll escort you home.”

“Ah, did you finally understand your job?”

“There’s nothing to understand. It’s necessary for your safety.”

“Hmph.”

Normally, she would be a lot more persistent with her teasing, but right now, she seemed a bit out of it. Her inn was in the direction of Cliffton, so we headed down west on the harbor side. I walked ahead, with Nelina following after. But that’s also why, when I heard a dull sound on this dark road, I was so surprised I thought my heart would leap out of my chest. Turning around, I saw a trash bin with the city’s sailing ship mark fallen to the side, as Nelina stood next to it, her leg raised.

“Aww man, Nelina’s leg slipped.”

“What?!”

“It’s no big deal. Nelina’s not angry at all. Not like she wanted to have some fun with Yoshi only to be interrupted by that nasty stray cat. Not like she’s bothered by the fact that she got rejected despite being the one to help Yoshi’s performance in the first place. Seriously, all of them are just so all over the place, Nelina can’t deal with it.”

Despite what she said and pretended, her tone and actions clearly showed she was furious. And kicking the garbage bin at the side of the road was just her way to vent out her anger. I fixed the poor garbage bin and flashed a wry smile. I’ve been the victim of her violence so many times I lost count. And what’s worse is that she always does it when nobody else is around. If I said that Nelina kicked a garbage bin, I doubt the people in our band would even believe me.

“You never change, do you?”

I meant to say this with light feelings, but my words came out sharper than I myself expected.

“Did you change, Yoshi?” Nelina’s eyes pierced me.

It tied me up, leaving me unable to move as she approached me.

“After coming here…did you change?”

Before today’s performance, I would have answered with a confident yes. But now…I’m not too sure anymore. Coming to Bristol, encountering graffiti, and meeting her…Surely, there must be something that has changed. But at the very least, my music has remained the same. I simply returned to my original position.

“…Nelina-san.”

“Yes?”

“Well…I didn’t tell you just now, but…Gabriel-san said that your singing has…no soul.”

Nelina’s movement stopped. However, she didn’t seem too shocked, either.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hide it. I just…”

I knew that making excuses here showed my guilt. But, I wanted to find out.

“Nelina-san. Back then, why did you…”

Why did you say that I have no soul? But before I could finish my sentence, I was forced to become silent. That was because Nelina placed her index finger on my lips.

“If there’s something you wanna ask, then Nelina would have the right to ask first, no?”

“What logic is that…” I pushed her hand away as I argued.

And yet, I knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Yoshi…why did you leave Nelina behind?”

“I didn’t leave you behind.”

“Because she told you that you had no soul?”

That’s right—is what I screamed in my head. But if I said that out loud, I thought she was grasping my weakness even further.

“Nelina isn’t angry. Because she’s kind. She’s not bothered by the fact that you left, so come back, okay?”

The translucent but determined tone of her voice felt sweet and burning at the same time. Just hearing that voice makes the inside of my brain slowly melt and dull my determination.

“Nelina’s pretty greedy, and you should know that, right? That’s why she wants whatever she’s hungry for. Nothing ever doesn’t go Nelina’s way.”

Shockingly enough, she held no doubt or concern toward the things she just said. It’s like she was just stating the facts.

“Surely, Gabriel-san’s gonna come back eventually and invite Nelina into his band.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Hehe, we’ll see.”

Even this small resistance I offered up was immediately erased by Nelina, disappearing into the night breeze that passed us. And as I looked at her back, I was thinking again. So many things don’t make sense. Who is [Z]? Why is Gabriel so concerned with the Ghost? Why did Nelina say that my music holds no soul? And…what did Boudicia want to tell me? I stopped in my tracks, looking at the pitch-black River Avon. All my thoughts felt like they sunk deeper into the river and eventually vanished.

*

The following day, I went to see Aeon. Since I heard he’d be heading off to Japan tomorrow, I hesitated about visiting him, but he stood at the cash register like during our first meeting. It almost surprised me to see him like that.

“Hello, Aeon-san.”

“Ah, Yoshi. What brings you here?”

“Sorry to have pushed Nelina-san onto you like that.”

I probably lowered my head while saying so because it was drilled into me through Japanese customs.

“Haha, I’m thankful, if anything. She told me quite a few interesting stories.”

“She didn’t give you much trouble, did she?”

“I did show her around town a bit, as well as the Ghost’s graffiti, but at least in front of me, she was always a polite lady. The Japanese pink, no? What was it…Yamato Nadeshiko, right.”

A Yamato Nadeshiko? I couldn’t help but show my confusion. That doesn’t fit with her at all. Nor does the Japanese Pink, either. It’s more like American Psycho with her.

“As long as she wasn’t too selfish…”

Aeon heard my words and then grinned brightly.

“I see, so she’s the selfish type when she’s in front of you.”

Nelina was exceptionally good when it came to putting on an act. I was just relieved to hear she didn’t make any trouble for Aeon, though.

“It’s tough. Why would she suddenly come to Bristol without being able to speak any English…”

“I suggest you give that some proper thought, Yoshi.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Put yourself into her shoes.”

“Her feet are bare. She relishes her freedom, and I haven’t the foggiest what’s on her mind.”

“It’s important to understand the feeling of the feet.”

“Feeling…”

Honestly, I never really thought about this. Nelina always lives freely. Rather than standing on solid ground, it’s like she is just running around on bare feet. She’s always teasing, always contradictory, almost like a fairy. As her feet are off the ground, does she even have any feeling in that regard?

“Aeon-san, have you heard of [Z]?”

I don’t want to think about Nelina when she’s not even with me, so I chose to change the topic. That’s also what I wanted to ask first and foremost.

“Yeah. Lara told me. Boudicia’s graffiti got sliced up, didn’t it?”

“Yes. And…I was wondering who it could have been. Plus, I heard that more people have been speaking against graffiti…”

“Gabriel, right.”

I wasn’t too shocked to hear Aeon mention that name.

“So you know him.”

“I’m quite fond of his music. That being said, I only heard the rumors about him, nothing more.”

“And…who did that to Boo-san’s graffiti, you think?”

“Hm…” Aeon crossed his arms in front of his thick chest plate and stared into the empty space through his sunglasses. “…Yoshi. Don’t you feel like this world is much more complicated than what we give it credit for?”

“Complicated?”

I returned the question.

“I personally like the concept that Buddhism is the middle way,” he now looked at me as he continued. “Sometimes, we have to fight. But, I personally like to stop and think before doing that. Maybe there is just something we hadn’t seen up to that point. Open, recognize, understand. When we reach a point where we can’t pick either choice, we are stuck in a conflict that forces us to create an option. What’s important is how we get away from the conflict.”

Something we don’t see…Another option…Moving away from conflict?

“I’m sorry, I…don’t really understand it.”

I chewed on his words for a moment, until I finally confessed that I drew a blank. However, Aeon still continued to smile.

“That’s okay. You can always grab that one book that it’s on the bookshelf. If you keep it stored somewhere in your mind, it’ll be of help for you eventually.”

Middle way. Option. Conflict. It feels like I could create some type of connection with just a bit more. But, he’s probably right when he’s saying that I can’t see something. But let alone revealing that, I’m lost in what context, even. I’ll just take his words to heart and remember them if the need for them ever arises.

“You’re leaving tomorrow, right? Sorry to rob you of your time like this.”

“Oh please, I’m not one to get caught up with lengthy preparations. I just leave when my heart desires. And it’s not my first time going to Japan, either…Well, it will be a first during the Christmas season. Anyway, it’s nothing you have to be worried about.”

Yeah, that does feel more like Aeon-san. He can express himself in Japanese, and he probably knows that he can get almost anything he needs over there.

“Thank you very much. I’ll give it some thought,” I said and left the paint shop.

I wonder how Japan is doing right now. It hasn’t even been that long, and yet it feels like I’ve been living in Bristol for years. Looking up at the sky, I could see a plane that probably just took off at Bristol Airport.