CH 6

I complained to Lee that night.

“Why do you think he’s so nosy? He didn’t pay tuition fees. I won’t cause him any loss if I skip class! My father doesn’t care about me so why can’t he just turn a blind eye?”

Lee said, “I heard that Cheng Yichen was a top student when he was young, so he is a bit OCD about it.”

“Top student (xueba – can be used in a negative or positive connotation)?” I thought about the middle-aged man and his dull life, “I can’t tell.”

“He used to be the top student of X University, and his X University degree from 20 years ago is worth more now.”

“. . .”

Students admitted to X University in those days were indeed among the best. Yet speaking of it, it was quite a failure to start from there and end up here today, right? Cheng Yichen ran a bookstore with little incoming business and lived in this ordinary community far away from the center of the city. He spent only on daily necessities, thought about which supermarket have sales, and what time would have discounts. Although he was warmly dressed, would not starve to death, and wasn’t necessarily poor, he definitely wouldn’t be considered as someone that lived well.

In a sense, he was living a textbook example of a poor way of life.

If one studied so hard and it only amounted to this, then what else should I do?

Because of the existence of the demon-suppressing talisman, I couldn’t remain at home during class so I could only go out and find a place to pass the time.

Money was needed to pass time, but I didn’t have money so I had to go back to school. Classes similar to bible scriptures, incompatible classmates, the dull and depressing environment at home, and my empty wallet all made me restless and disgusted as I returned back to school.

Looking back to my past, I was good at messing around, very popular, and very lively. At that time, I always thought I could eat anywhere since I was so loved and got along with everyone. Only now did I realize that large part of my image and demeanor in those years was due to my finances. Money was a beautiful filter and life without it could only remain black and white. Right?

My father told me to ask Cheng Yichen for money if I lacked any, and I did ask. He took out all of his cash from his wallet and gave it to me, totaling to only 600 yuan. What would be enough for 600 yuan? It was not enough to buy new sneakers. Heck, it costed 648 yuan for a mobile game.

I was embarrassed to keep asking for money when he looked so poor.

Today, I managed to survive the obliteration from the storm of knowledge. I was dying to return home and hide in my small world of playing games. Gaming was the cheapest form of entertainment. Oh, but no, this excluded mobile games. I couldn’t afford to spend money on mobile games so I could only play on a PC. One could buy a combat game for 298 yuan and play it for a lifetime.

Gaming was not great tonight. Either I met a fellow comrade or an immortal with cheats. The more you fight, the more you lose, and the more you lose, the more unwilling you are. Originally, I intended to sleep after winning but I kept on losing until 5 AM.

I slept like the dead for almost an hour until I heard knocking on the door. My eyelids seemed to weigh almost a thousand pounds, and the knocks continued persistently as if to directly knock into my eardrums. When I finally awoken from the knocks, my irritation simmered and neared eruption. I climbed out of bed and opened the door, ready to pick a fight.

Being unable to read the room, Cheng Yichen continued to murmur, “Breakfast is ready. Come out to eat or it will be cold.”

I exclaimed, “Not eating!”

He asked, “What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

“No.”

“What’s the matter?”

I said, “I just don’t want to go to class.”

“…Why?”

“Why would I want to go to class?”

He seemed very surprised and said, “At your age, what will you do if you don’t want to go to school?”

“What’s the point of reading?”

He replied, “What’s the purpose of reading? Reading can make people…”

I didn’t have the patience to listen to his winding spiel. I interrupted impatiently, “You read so many books and you didn’t find any use in them!”

He stayed silent for a moment and stood there, seemingly at a loss.

I wasn’t sleepy anymore. I changed my clothes and grabbed my bag, squeezing past him to leave.

I walked aimlessly around the school and stopped by Starbucks to grab breakfast out of habit. I grabbed a box of salted tarts for 48 yuan, ham and cheese croissant for 25 yuan, and a caramel macchiato for 37 yuan. When I went to check out, I was stunned. The balance of my WeChat account only had 20-40 yuan. This was embarrassing.

Fortunately, I still had 100 yuan in cash given to me by Cheng Yichen. The clerk looked at me and I could only force out the words, “Pay separately, part in cash and the rest in scan code.”

Just Starbucks alone could bankrupt me from only having breakfast. I glared at the four miniature snacks that could be swallowed in one bite: tuna tomato tarts, spinach and bacon cheese pie, hand-shredded beef croissant, and a turkey truffle pie. Look, there wasn’t enough time to finish reading all their names.

In the past, when my balance account for my living expenses was around five or even six digits at all times, I did not pay any close attention to my spending habits. Now, breakfast could cause me sudden bankruptcy.

While chewing on the rest of my breakfast, I used my mobile phone to browse through rental apps. Relying on others was not a good long-term plan, and I even talked back to Cheng Yichen this morning. I was never good at getting along with my elders, and it would be more embarrassing to continue living under the same roof in the future. I had to seriously and quickly put together a plan to move out.

To move out, you must be able to rent a house. You’d also need money.

I looked at my balance account and sighed. Thinking about those previous years, I used to be sad all day long. Without even being sick, I moaned like I was one, whining that I was left with nothing but the money my father gave me. At that time, life with nothing but only money was extremely boring.

Now I couldn’t wait to give myself a big slap in the face. I didn’t know happiness when I was already living blissfully! Money was precious when you were poor! It didn’t matter what you lack as long as it wasn’t money. It could be anything, but it could not be money!

If I was willing to share a house with someone in a relatively city central location, the rent would be 2800 yuan a month. If I wanted to live alone, then the rent was at least 4000 yuan. If I wanted to live alone in a one-bedroom apartment, then the rent was 1500 yuan.

For someone who couldn’t receive living expenses from my father currently, it was difficult for me to make any commitments.

I was never as poor growing up as I was now.

If I didn’t make any money, I could not survive. My utmost priority was not to acquire more knowledge, but to earn money.

But how do I make money?

I never worked part-time so I had no way to start. After all, my family was considered well-off and I also had Lee helping me out. In other words, I had money whenever I needed it. I really never had to worry about it. Now I had fallen to the point where I had to ask Cheng Yichen for money to buy a bag. I felt miserable just thinking about it.

Reluctantly, I checked work-study opportunities online. Tutoring was 60 yuan an hour, teaching English to elementary students once a week, one hour at a time. A restaurant server, 7 days a week, was 15 yuan an hour and required a consistent schedule. Distributing leaflets paid 15 yuan an hour and required one to distribute 300 to 400 leaflets. Leaflets could not be lost and 5 yuan was subsidized as the daily fee. An upgraded version of leaflets was to help parents fill out reply forms of free trial classes of foreign teachers. 3 return forms were required per hour with a salary of 80 yuan with commission.

“. . .”

Was this what people actually do?

Was life really that hard?

I fell into deep contemplation about life.

After eating, I continued to swipe mindlessly on my mobile phone out of boredom. The morning day passed by quickly and I was finally too embarrassed to remain sitting here. I didn’t have enough money left to order another cup of coffee.

I resentfully pushed the door to my way outside. Leaving the cozy heat from Starbucks, the freezing wind ruthlessly blew onto these streets and raised goosebumps all over my body.

Suddenly, I was able to wake up a bit. For the first time in my life, I thought of a question that truly haunted me, “What can I do?”

I was 22 years old. I was ignorant and incapable of studying. Even if I didn’t lose my student status despite of a long sick leave, I would probably be dismissed soon because of my grades. Aside from spending money, eating, drinking, and having fun, I didn’t know anything else.

I froze for a while on the street. In this vast world, the sun was shining brilliantly and filled with bustling people. Yet, I was like a bubble that was lighter than a feather.