CH 55

I stared at Lee, and Lee also stared back at me.

He and I were so familiar with each other that we could understand each other’s emotions.

I asked, “Is that part of my past not good?”

At the same time, Lee also asked, “If it’s a bad memory, do you want to get it back?”

We both spoke at the same time, and then fell into silence together.

My heart became very heavy, sinking quietly.

This was something I never expected.

I thought my life was already absurd enough. “Not good” was the norm, and under such a normal state I was in, to what extent was the “not good” that Lee didn’t want me to know of?

So what did I do in those years?

I pretended to be carefree and asked, “What heinous and terrible thing did I do? Was it that bad?”

Lee paused for a while and said, “Actually, you didn’t do anything that bad. You just encountered some bad luck.”

“Really?”

“Besides, will you believe and accept what others tell you when you’ve completely lost all memories?” Lee looked at me, “If you really want to, it’s very easy to convince you and make up your memories. How will you be able to tell the difference? Whether they’re real or fake?”

I was a little confused.

“So, have you ever thought about those things in the past? Perhaps, your focus is not on what others tell you what happened but rather on what you can accept.”

“…..”

“For example, if I tell you that I had an affair with Zhuo Wenyang, will you accept it?”

I immediately looked at him with a fierce glare.

Lee instantly said, “I’m just giving an example!”

“In this case, don’t you think it’s better to ignore what happened before?”

I stared at him, “So you really had an affair with Zhuo Wenyang?”

Lee bewilderedly raised his hands, showcasing his innocence, “I didn’t! I’m not interested in that frigid type!”

I still looked at him suspiciously.

Lee said, “Look, even if I tell you, you may not be willing to believe it. Then who else do you believe to be more credible than me?”

“…..”

“So it doesn’t make sense to spend so much energy on chasing the past. It’ll only ruin your trust in the people around you.”

“…..”

“I personally think that you’re good and very happy now. You should live like this and look forward without being disturbed by unhappy memories.”

The milk tea he was holding in his hand gradually lost its cool and pleasant temperature. It even became hot.

I asked him, “Is my memory really that bad?”

Lee paused for a while before replying, “Since I’m not personally involved, I am not qualified to be the judge for you. However, I do think that your memory loss may be due to you subconsciously not wanting to remember. You chose to block that memory. That is your self-protection mechanism.”

“…..”

“Since that’s the case, then why break it?”

“…..”

“I know,” Lee went on, “It’s impossible for people not to be curious. The more I discourage you, the more you want to find out the truth. Even if I refuse to tell you, you’ll seek other people. But I hope you understand, memories that others tell you may be wrong.”

“…..”

“Also, your present life is real.”

After hearing Lee’s side, I had this persistent, heavy feeling weighing down my heart.

I understood that whatever Lee said was correct.

Although Lee had unreliable moments, if he said that retrieving my memories was not good for me, then it must not be good for me.

But, could people truly stop thinking about things they were curious about just because it wasn’t good for them?

I picked out those wine and dine type of friends who were still part of my contact list, asking them a question. 

Unsurprisingly, their impression of my life at that time amounted to nothing more than eating, drinking, and having fun without worrying about work. As far as I could remember, my daily life from before held no difference day to day. 

Since this was the case, what unspeakable “bad” things were there?

Or else, were the only ones involved was Lee and Zhuo Wenyang? 

Laying low, they couldn’t really be together, could they?! 

The more calm the untouched surfaces were, the easier it was for people to determine the location of undercurrents beneath the surface of the water. 

While I was adamant on not mentioning the past to Lee and Zhuo Wenyang, I couldn’t help myself from asking around secretly. 

It was similar to Pandora guarding the magic box, fighting against his eager curiosity all day.

That night, I sneakily stood in front of the Narcissism entrance.

I lied to my family that I wanted to go to Xuankong Bridge with classmates to watch the fireworks ceremony and with that, I slipped out. Cheng Yichen didn’t get suspicious either. He simply reminded me to be careful when going out at night and to pay attention to my safety in crowded places.

After deliberating about this for a bit, I finally opened the door to step inside.

After going through security inspection and walking through a long, well-designed hallway, I was caught off guard by the overwhelming excitement and bright colors. It was if I was transported into a whole, new world in an instant.

As far as the eye could see, there were beauties and wines, the lights overhead were like stars, and everything was beautiful and intoxicating.

Amidst all the eccentricity, my eyes and ears felt slightly uncomfortable. I felt uneasy and restrained, with a budding and inexplicable timidness, urging me to escape instinctively. It was so strange that a frequent goer of nightclubs like me, akin to a fish in water back then, now had symptoms of unfamiliarity.

Was it because that I lived with Cheng Yichen and others for too long that I aged prematurely?

I walked to the bar uncomfortably and sat down. The bartender was a handsome young man, giving me a business smile, “What would you like to drink?”

I automatically thought of the healthy drinks I drank mostly at home – boiled water and goji berries in the thermostat bottles.

Actually, I wasn’t here to drink, nor was I here to hunt for a one night stand.

I merely thought that by coming here as a former and regular visitor to take a look, maybe I could find something I once forgot.

In fact, I heard that I was once a frequent visitor of Narcissism from my older friends. This wasn’t difficult to imagine. I also remembered that I had been eagerly thinking about getting in since a long time ago, but I couldn’t get in because of my age and connections. I still remembered that I pestered Lee for a long time, asking him to bring me here until he finally agree.

However, from the day Lee took me to Narcissism to the day of the car accident, I did not remember anything in between.

I heard that on the day of the car accident, it occurred after I got out of Narcissism. I probably drank too much and walked to the middle of the road in a drunken daze. It sounded a lot like what I would have done back in the day.

Thinking about it, the memory I lost was from Narcissism to Narcissism.

So much contained in my memories was related in opening this door had completely disappeared. It was weird.

Because of that, I thought this place may mean something to me. Perhaps, there were some key points here that I did not want to recall?

I ordered a glass of Long Island iced tea and took a small sip cautiously before taking a look around.

Some eyes in the club stayed on me for a while and others would come to strike up a conversation with me. I knew it was because I appeared quite decent but there was no sense of familiarity or deja vu felt.

Maybe it was because a few years passed by and the customers in this club changed. Or maybe, I didn’t have anything to impress them with back then?

I sat for a while, watching the time pass by later and later. My biological clock even had me yawning, and there was still nothing useful.

Just when I was about to give up and stood to leave, I vaguely noticed someone’s gaze was following me.

I turned my head to glance at a corner where the lights weren’t very bright, and our eyes met. The man didn’t dodge or avoid me, raising his glass at me and smiling.

I quickly scanned for his face in my mind and suddenly realized that this individual knew me.

This was the man we met when my family went on vacation to the island.

While my thoughts were spinning rapidly, the man smiled at me and asked, “Come for a drink?”

I hesitated briefly, but ended up walking over, pretending to be polite.

The man waved away a beautiful teenager who was sitting next to him, serving wine. I sat down opposite of him and he asked very kindly, “Why are you here?”

I replied, “Came here for a drink. Didn’t I used to come often?”

He smiled, “So, you remember?”

I wasn’t sure why, but alarm bells suddenly went off in my head.

I quietly asked, “What do you remember?”

He remained smiling, “It seems not.”

“…..”

“But now that you came here, does it mean that you want to know about the past?”

I didn’t answer him and asked, “Why, do you know a lot about my past?”

He said, “I knew you from before, but you obviously forgot.”

“Oh…”

“It’s more so that you seem to have forgotten some important matters,” he looked on sincerely, “If you have any questions, I can tell you everything and talk endlessly.”

I coldly refused, “It’s okay, I don’t have any strong desires. I’m living a good life now. Since some things are forgotten and they don’t affect my life, then it’s not that important. Besides, will anything you say must be the truth?”

He smiled, “It makes sense.”

Then he said, “Then, what if you remember and find out that the people around you are actually demons?”

“…..”

“I’m just hypothesizing,” he laughed. “What I say may not be true.”

“…..”

He straightened out his face, “Or you can go to Lu Feng to verify. I think with his self-esteem, he won’t bother to lie to you.”

My eyes instantly widened.

Again, he laughed, “I’m kidding, you don’t need to awaken the snake. It won’t do you any good.”

“…..”

“I suggest that you don’t mention this to anyone. It’s better for you and me.”

“…..”

“Come to me when you’re ready to trust me and I’ll do my best to help you,” he offered with a smile, “Of course, you may never trust me. But there’s a request, and that is, do not betray me. I don’t want to be murdered due to my good intentions. Also, that won’t only hurt me, but will hurt you too.”

Before I left, he forced a business card onto me and said with a kind smile, “You can keep it. Besides, I’m sincerely trying to befriend you.”