Book 6: Chapter 70: Boomstick

Book 6: Chapter 70: Boomstick

“We should retreat and regroup!” shouted Sadie, holding off the small army of armor. She used her greatsword more like a club than a blade, but with how large and heavy it was, it did a passable impression of a blunt weapon. However, it was obviously less effective than normal, and it wasn’t difficult to see why. Spells – like the one that Sadie used to enhance her attacks – were useless against the things.

“Not yet!” Elijah growled, his transformation into the form of the lamellar ape completing. Under the effects of that spell, he was more than a match – at least in terms of size – for the creatures. Even as Elijah shoulder tackled the nearest suit of armor, an explosion erupted among their ranks. Via One with Nature, Elijah felt Kurik lighting what seemed like a stick of dynamite and tossing it into the mass of metal. Another explosion sent them tumbling away, the metal of their armor twisted out of place.

The one Elijah had tackled went to the ground without issue, though when he brought his fists down, he found that the thing was incredibly durable.

Fortunately, he was also incredibly strong.

Scaly fists rained down on the thing, sending the sound of ringing metal out to join the cacophony of Kurik’s ongoing explosions and Sadie’s attempts to batter one of the suits of armor into submission.

“Go for their cores!” Kurik yelled.

“And where are those?” Elijah roared in response.

“In their chests, ya idjit!”

That made sense, especially considering that that was where the creatures’ armor was the thickest. Elijah battered the thing, and after the fourth blow, the damage was enough that he could hook his claws under one of the seams. He did just that, and once his grip was firm enough, he ripped the breastplate away, revealing a rotating sphere of solid ethera.

Elijah didn’t waste any time before reaching into the chest cavity of the flailing suit of armor, wrap his claws around the ball of ethera, and yank it free.

He regretted it immediately.

The second he touched the roiling sphere of energy, his scales blistered, melting through his Constitution instantly. Thankfully, a heal hit him just as he pulled the core free.

“Toss it!” shouted Kurik.

Elijah trusted the dwarf enough not to hesitate. He heaved it away, but it only got about six feet before it exploded. Everything on the street felt the shockwave. The suits of armor went sprawling, but Sadie managed to maintain her feet – that had to be a skill. Dat, Kurik, and Ron were the furthest away from the explosion, but even they were thrown aside by the shockwave.

As for Elijah, he went flying backward. More distressingly, he couldn’t feel anything on the entire front of his body – a sure sign of severe burns if there ever was one. He hit the ground, then tumbled into one of the buildings. It survived the impact unscathed, which was something that Elijah couldn’t say for himself.

A wave of dizziness and nausea swept through him as he tried to stand. He stumbled back into the wall, and he didn’t recover until a few seconds later when another of Ron’s heals suffused him with vitality. His mind cleared, and the burns covering most of his body began to mend.

“Ow,” he muttered to himself.

“You idjit!” Kurik shouted. “You don’t just go and grab an ethereal core with your bare hands!”

Elijah just looked at the dwarf, then shrugged. How in the world was he supposed to have known that? Sure, a roiling ball of magical energy probably didn’t scream that it wanted to be touched, but he never could have expected it to be quite so volatile. In truth, he hadn’t stopped to think at all.

Perhaps that was the problem.

Before he could give that issue the attention it deserved, he saw that the armor monsters had already recovered to swarm Sadie’s position. Her sword whirled as she defended herself, but with how many foes she faced, she could do little more than keep herself from being overwhelmed.

She battered the creatures away, but each one she attacked was soon replaced by another. What’s more, she was quickly becoming surrounded.

“Retreat!” Dat yelled, thinking the same thing Elijah was. They’d discovered what they could about the creatures. Now, they needed to regroup and plan.

Sadie glanced backward, which was a mistake. That brief instant of inattention was all the creatures needed to overwhelm her defenses. They piled onto her, pummeling her with their swords. She disappeared beneath a pile of armor.

Elijah activated Savage Might as he shot forward, covering the ground between them in barely a second before he rammed into the pile. A few went flying before the force of his momentum, and he lashed out with a backhand that took another out of the equation. Then, he latched onto a fifth and heaved.

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After that, the fight descended into a primal melee. He couldn’t concern himself with fancy techniques or plans. Instead, the whole of his attention was occupied by two things, both in an effort to rescue Sadie. First, trying his best to avoid taking a blow head-on. With Iron Scales being useless, that was likely the only reason the armor creatures’ swords hadn’t already hacked him to pieces, and if he let it drop for even a second, that would change.

“Boomsticks,” Elijah wheezed between chuckles. “God. Please don’t make me laugh like that when my body’s just one huge bruise.”

“What in all the hell’s the matter with you?” Kurik demanded.

“That’s the best name you could come up with?” Elijah asked.

“Bro. You know what that’s from, right?”

“Uh...”

“Shop smart. Shop S-Mart, bro.”

“Come on, Elijah. Even I know this one,” Sadie said.

“I’m drawing a complete blank,” he admitted.

“No class at all,” Sadie stated primly. Then, she promptly coughed up a little more blood. “I think I punctured both lungs.”

“Can you all stop treating this all like it’s a joke? Elijah nearly killed himself back there, and Sadie...well, those things are dangerous,” Ron chided.

Elijah couldn’t have agreed more, but a few jokes went a long way toward relieving the tension of a near-death experience. What’s more, there would never be a situation where he would pass up an opportunity to rile Kurik up. The dwarf clearly had no idea what they were talking about, which was precisely the point of it all.

Of course, he didn’t understand the reference either. He just thought boomstick was a silly name.

“Well, are you going to keep me in suspense?” Elijah asked.

“I thought you were cool, bro.”

“Clearly not,” Sadie muttered. “How could he be if he’s never seen Army of Darkness?”

“Is that a move? Or a –”

“Bro!”

“Seriously, Elijah. It’s a classic,” Sadie said.

“Couldn’t be that much of a classic if I haven’t even heard of it,” he maintained. “What’s it about?”

Dat grinned, then excitedly explained how it was a sequel to Evil Dead – which Elijah had heard of, but never seen – where the protagonist was transported through time to the middle ages. Apparently, it was a horror comedy.

“I don’t really do scary movies,” Elijah admitted. “My sister made me watch Creature of the Black Lagoon when I was really young, and I’ve had an aversion to horror movies ever since. I didn’t sleep right for a week.”

“That one’s not even scary, bro.”

“It was to a six-year-old,” Elijah said. “Anyway, I’m going to rest my eyes a little. Then, once you all figure out how to kill those suits of armor –”

“Sentry golems,” Dat said. “That’s what they’re called.”

“Oh. Right. That makes sense,” Elijah responded, though by that point, his eyelids had begun to droop. He gave one last chuckle before he said, “Boomstick.”

After that, he descended into blessed unconsciousness while his companions presumably made a plan.