Book 3: Chapter 36

The next day I got up to start training early.I began with some martial forms and calisthenics in my room before breakfast. I still had a lot on my mind, but the physical exertion worked as a welcome distraction to it all. I was still pondering what I had experienced with that entity within the crystal. What was it even? Some kind of combined spirit? A shattered soul of a planet?

I had so many questions.

Above them all though, was what I would do about her request to avenge them.

Or even if the request was truly for me.

Maybe it was something I would just have to ignore for now, I decided. I had more immediate situations to deal with. Like a fiancé who was about to become a mother in a few months and me needing to marry her before that. Or me just becoming a dad in general. It still sounded strange to even think like that, but that was to be my future.

The thought focused me and I felt a sudden reassurance as I realigned with my Path.

I finished up my routine and headed down for chow.

In the breakfast line I saw the other thing that was giving me mental heartburn.

Blue Rose.

I tried to make eye contact with her, but she turned her head sharply as soon as we did.

I had to admit it kind of hurt a little.

, I guessed and with some reason to be fair.

Leaving her behind would leave her with a cohort of people she didn’t know, or trust.

And I had gained hers.

Might have just broken it as well.

I sighed inwardly.

Maybe she would come around in time so we could have a proper conversation, but I was feeling nothing but ice from her at the moment. I decided to eat by myself and then headed to the library for my art lesson with Master Eiji. With what I had learned the night before, the name at the bottom of those pictures held all new meaning for me now.

Master Wi Chu Lou had to have been a Berserker like me.

There was no doubt.

And if he managed to survive—if not thrive—at the Academy, then so could I.

* * *

After my art lesson I spent some extra time digging into the histories of the sorties to the Hell Worlds. The entries were made by various platoon leaders of the legionnaire deployments. They mostly contained the base information, such as the location of the drop, what kind of resistance they encountered, where and how far they dug down to find aetherite and how much they brought back.

It appeared that the first few deployments to a Hell World were targeted at removing the gates. Those ones also seemed to have the lowest survival rates. There were several entries where only two or three legionnaires returned. But when they had taken out the gates within the vicinity, it cleared the way for later deployments to spend more time finding and harvesting aetherite crystals rather than fighting off hordes of demons.

Details beyond that were sparse, but there were some that identified unique or unusual demon sightings. One in particular mentioned a ‘Mountain Walker’, which seemed something like those giant demons with tentacles for eyes that I’d seen on the moon.

I was tempted to waste more time looking through the drawings to see if Master Wi Chu Lou had drawn a picture of one, but I had other things to attend to. Gaining secret knowledge was cool and all, but that wasn’t going to get me off this rock and back home.

I needed to advance to become a legionnaire and top on my list to do that was learning how to fly.

I grabbed the manuscript for my [Lightning Walk] technique that I had scribbled out the day before and headed towards the training grounds. A new cohort of Black Robes was already in place undergoing Phalanx instruction from the woman who reminded me of Threja. A few of the new Black Robes I recognized as former White Robes who were in my platoon from when I took down the Jolup. They smiled and offered me bows of respect as I passed by, which earned them a good scolding from their instructor.

I found a quiet corner away from the activity, both to give me some peace to focus as well as some privacy. I’d never attempted the technique before and who knew how bad my first few attempts might turn out.

I started by re-reading the meridian sequence again. There were a hell of a lot of steps and my spiritual muscle memory needed to be trained to carry them out in a heartbeat if I was going to make it all work.

When I was confident that I had it at least memorized, I when through the actual motions, slowly channeling Frenzy through each of them. It was difficult at first. Generating lightning was second nature and my spiritual muscle memory in that regard was well trained.

Several times I ended up just performing a [Frenzied Lightning] technique out of habit when I was trying to do something else. A good hour went by with nothing to speak of. I decided to switch up my method and start with the unfamiliar parts first, the parts related to the [Air Walk] technique.

Those came more slowly, but surprisingly more assuredly. In this case I was simply learning and not un-learning and learning as I had to do with the lightning. After another hour I finally went for a dry run with just the [Air Walk] by itself, channeling my Frenzy through the various meridians that ended at the balls of my feet.

When I did, nothing particularly happened, but I did feel a warming sensation.

I thought.

Maybe.

It was time to add some power to see if it really worked or not.

I went back to the meridian sequencing for my lightning technique and began combining it with the [Air Walk]. I went through all the sequences correctly but again nothing happened. It was too slow. The momentum of energy simply wasn’t there.

The timing was vital, I realized. I had to push this through fast to have any real effect. I tried again and again, getting slightly faster with each attempt. It was like trying to recite a twenty-word sentence in less than a second.

After half an hour my brain and spirit was frazzled and I wondered if it was this hard for Qi cultivators who used true flight. I was nearly on the cusp of rethinking my method and giving the other flight technique books another try, but flying around like that just didn’t suit my style.

I dug deep, thinking about how much this meant for me to achieve.

Fia and the Baby.

Master Hei Dong and his position.

And not to mention Kelsey and my people in the wild.

, I told myself.

I started through the sequences again when a spat of laughter came from behind.

I glanced over my shoulder to see Jei Su Long along with a handful of his cronies, all of them wearing stupid grins.

“Did I not tell you we’d find him here?” Jei Su long said. “Let’s see if it’s true or not.”

I turned slowly with a blank stare of [Indifference]. “What the hell you want Jei Su Long?”

The clown stepped forward slowly with his hands behind his back. “A little bird told me that you’re learning how to fly. So we all came to see if it’s true or not. So what do you think boys, can a bull fly?”

He broke into a mocking sarcastic laughter again and his mates followed suit.

Ire filled my gut, but I wasn’t taking the bait. “I have nothing to prove to you.”

“See!” he shouted, loud enough for everyone within the training ground to hear. “The Iron Bull Man is just that. A weight far too slow and too heavy to fly. An incompetent ground pounder is all you’ll ever be. You can forget ever becoming a legionnaire.”

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The Threja-like woman instructing Phalanx, sauntered across the grounds. “What’s wrong with being a ground pounder? Someone has to do the dirty work while you all fly away.”

“Watch your tongue, phalanx!” Jei Su Long snapped.

“I have faith in the Iron Bull!” someone said.

I turned at the familiar voice to see Tu’lok stepping from out of the crowd.

“Show these scoffers,” he said with genuine lemonade in his heart. “The Iron Bull already bested you without flight, Jei Su Long. Imagine what he would do with it.”

Jei Su Long threw his head back with a laugh. “Imagine is right! Because it will never happen! Go on and prove me wrong if you can, Bull!”

He continued to laugh while more of the lower ranked Black Robes got behind Tu’lok and began chanting to spur me on.

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… I thought.

What the hell had I gotten myself into now?

And how did I even get myself into this?

One minute I was practicing in peace and this asshole comes from nowhere to start some shit and now I’m on the grand stage with performance anxiety? And then I saw it. The orchestrator of this little display of power gone wrong.

Far to the back of the crowd and leaning against one of the courtyard pillars with folded arms was Blue Rose. A subtle smirk was on her lips. A look of satisfaction with malice in her heart.

She was the only one I had told about learning how to fly.

I thought I’d be angry. But I felt something worse.

Pain.

“Come on then!” Jei Su Long said. “Show us! Show us!”

“Show him, Master Iron Bull!” Tu’lok cheered me on. “Prove him wrong!”

Although I was certain he wasn’t part of Blue Rose’s little plan, Tu’lok wasn’t exactly helping me.

The guy genuinely believed in me, though.

All of these people did.

I sensed the room and felt everyone’s faith in me.

I couldn’t back out like a punk now.

Especially not in front of Jei Su Long.

, I thought.

Berserkers work best under pressure.

I cycled my Frenzy and ran through the meridian sequence again.

I didn’t need to do anything fancy, just hover in the air for a second.

Show him it was .

I cultivated the ire in my heart to fuel my technique.

I’d show him and Blue Rose.

As I shouted the name in my mind I busted through the meridian sequence in a flash, sending my Frenzy bouncing between my and back before redirecting via the [Air Walk] sequence to my toes.

A huge bang of thunder went off as a flash of lightning shot from my feet.

I wasn’t ready for the force that came with it.

It felt like I’d been shot from a cannon, but my feet took the lead, sailing over my head and twisting me into a lopsided somersault that sent me careening into one of the courtyard pillars with a

I fell to the ground, landing flat on my back.

A hushed and stunned silence filled the air as the heat of embarrassment filled my face.

And then, with perfect comedic timing, Jei Su Long and his crew let out a raucous mocking laugh. Half the assembly joined in with them and as I slowly and painfully got to my feet, I could see the looks of disappointment in the faces of my supporters.

Tu’lok gave me a halfhearted smile and a shrug as if to say, ‘you tried’.

“Well, I guess we have our answer now!” Jei Su Long shouted above the laughter. “It’s what we’ve all known since we were children. Bulls can not fly!”

That got another round of jeers and I suddenly found myself back in Foundation school all over again. Being teased and bullied by Yee kids who were better than me. Mocking me for my failures. Humiliating me for simply not knowing how to do something I’d never done before.

I wanted to be angry.

I was angry.

But none of that could help me now.

I looked for the source of all of this.

Blue Rose.

I expected to see her laughing right along with everyone else, mocking my failure.

But instead, I saw nothing but pain and hurt in her eyes.

Regret and shame.

Like she’d just done something she knew was wrong—something she shouldn’t have, but it was too late to take back now. I saw the beginning of tears forming before she quickly wiped her eyes and then dashed away.

I endured the painful, jeering laughter in silence.

Saying nothing.

And then I understood.

What it was that all cultivators hated worse than even death.

The loss of face.

* * *

I wasn’t sure for how long I remained there.

By the time everyone got called to their next lesson and moved on, I was still just sitting there in the courtyard, enduring the pain of both betrayal and humiliation. I still didn’t know how to process it all. I knew I’d hurt Blue Rose, but did it truly warrant this in retaliation?

And why the hell did I even care?

The thought frustrated me.

I should have used [Indifference].

I should have walked away with nothing to prove.

But that would have made me look weak.

And maybe that was the problem.

I let my ego get the better of me.

“Still here?”

I looked over my shoulder to see Chief Yora approaching.

I scrambled to my feet to give her a bow, but she simply gestured for me to not get up and surprisingly she came and plopped right down next to me.

“So, I understand you had quite the bad first flight,” she said, jutting her chin towards the crack in the pillar.

“So you heard, huh?”

“I believe the entire Academy has heard by this point.”

That made me feel even worse.

Damn, what a flop.

I sighed. “My own fault. I got egged into doing something I wasn’t ready for.”

“But you did it anyway?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Stupid, I know.”

She chuckled. “Does it make you want to give up?”

“Give up?” I shook my head. “No…but go back in time and choose to not do it…maybe.”

Yora laughed. “That’s the spirit. It’s something you must become accustomed to, you know?”

“What? Failure?”

“Public failure. It can happen. You’ve enjoyed quite a bit of public success. Every Yin must have its Yang after all.”

I thought about that a bit. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Although this one felt more forced than natural.

Or maybe it was just Karma.

“Do not let this setback deter you,” she said. “You have already proven yourself quite capable and valuable, but trust me, I will approve your next advancement until you can get off the ground when you need to.”

“Is learning to fly that important?”

“As I said, you are proving too valuable to lose on a stray demon surge that taxes you beyond your limits.” She then gazed out across the courtyard and by the distant look in her eyes I could tell she was already transported to someplace else. “The demon hordes of the Hell Worlds are vast like seas. Their surges like waves. No one can withstand them forever. To be able to extract yourself quickly before death is paramount.”

I nodded, taking that in, my understanding of the risks increasing.

A pause fell between us and I sensed a rare opportunity then. A chance to ask her anything. There were many things that I wanted to know. About the missions, the Hell Worlds, how we actually got to mining the crystals. But I knew all those would come in time, when the classes presented themselves.

I instead sought something a bit more abstract.

Esoteric

But perhaps crucial to what I was feeling in my soul.

“Chief Yora, have you ever had to make a choice between advancement and staying true to the ones you love?”

She turned to me, raising a brow at the odd question. “Do you find yourself at that crossroads now?”

I thought of Blue Rose and what she’d done as well as the entity within the crystal begging me to avenge her. “Kind of, sort of. I need to get back home within a few months to protect my family and marry the woman I love. Yet here, meeting that goal has sort of led me to leaving some people behind that I also kind of love. Well… not love, love. Like a friend love.”

“And this troubles you?” she asked.

“I’ve always been pretty certain of my path. Still am, I think. But being here. Within these ranks. I didn’t realize that advancement could come with consequences. It’s not in my nature to leave anyone behind, but more and more I think the universe is telling me that I have to, and that just rubs my soul the wrong way.”

Yora didn’t say anything for a while, perhaps digesting what I’d said.

“Every two weeks I become the last voice that over a thousand people will ever hear before their deaths. And after that, after many months or even years of training I challenge those same few survivors to face a fate that will likely see their demise all the same.”

I was now the one to look at her oddly.

“You asked if I ever had to make a choice between advancement and those I love. The reality is that few ever get that choice. What I must do every two weeks is a choice I make for those people. They have no choice but to advance. This is a blessing as much as it is a curse. The burden of such a choice is terrible, but in the end, there is only one correct answer.”

“What’s that?”

“You see me still here, don’t you?” she said. “I could have returned to my home world a champion. Married. Raised a family. Lived comfortably. Yet instead, I send thousands to their deaths every two weeks, all in the name of advancement. Is this the better choice?”

I didn’t know if she wanted a real answer or if it was a rhetorical question.

I merely shrugged.

“It’s not the best choice for me,” she said. “But it is for the empire. The enemy we face does not sleep. If we do not make the sacrifice to advance, to grow strong enough to push back against the Stars, all hope we have for a future will be lost.”

I nodded. “So you’re saying when you advanced there is no choice?”

“Yes, if you advance you have made the choice already,” she said. “Count it lucky if your choice still leads to some happiness and even more so, if it leads to love. It sounds like you may be lucky enough to have both.”

With that she patted me on my leg and stood.

“You’ll want to master this flying thing quickly if you want any hope of getting home to meet that deadline of yours. The best rotation for success will be two months from now. You’ll want to be able to pass your final exam before then.”

“What’s the final exam?” I asked.

“A night of survival under the Bloodmoon. Your platoon must stand by morning. But unless you have command of the air, it’s doubtful if you’ll survive.”

“I understand,” I said and then stood to give her a deep bow of respect. “Thank you, Chief Yora for your instruction and your words of wisdom.”

She smiled with a hint of lemonade. “I have high hopes for you, Iron Bull. Do what you must to stay true to your path, save your family, but always remember what you have learned here. The outside world has no idea of the terror that lurks in the darkness. And whether you choose to fight it here today or tomorrow, the truth is you fight it one day. Because once you are strong, you will be called to fight. The only difference is where that fight will take place.” She then chuckled. “For me, I choose to make the sacrifice, so that the fight remains on those Hell Worlds and not our own.”

Chief Yora then turned and walked away and a profound sense of resolution and revelation resonated within my soul. The world suddenly seemed both small and vast at the same time. I’d seen the unseen and no matter what I did, I couldn’t ignore what I knew to be the truth now.

I thought of Fia and getting back to her, freeing the Earth from the empire’s control.

But in the end, would we all just become like those lost voices in that crystal?

No matter what we did or what we accomplished, would we all just be doomed to become another world conquered by the Cursed Stars?

I couldn’t allow that to happen.

allow that to happen.

I got myself off the ground and focused my Frenzy.

That final fight might be decades or even centuries away, but as Yora had said, “Count it lucky if your choice still leads to some happiness and even more so, if it leads to love.”

I had to do both, but I wouldn’t be going anywhere without learning how to fly.

, I reminded myself.

And with that, I ran through the meridian sequences and again attempted to fly.