Chapter 48: Decision Point

Chapter 48: Decision Point

Until further notice all domestic project budgets are suspended unless directly supporting field assets. Affected teams shall report to their departmental heads for reassignment within Initiative Parasol. All non-medical leave is canceled.

The covert withdrawal of irreplaceable field assets from the continental theatre is less than ten per-cent complete. Priority focuses such as large troop concentrations and key northern-front outposts are thirty-two per-cent evacuated. Troop morale is a notable obstacle in proper movement of assets, with malingering and desertion present at increased rates across all fronts. Obruors have been moved to the last evacuation group in order to minimize morale decay during this phase of the operation.

Safid advances have begun in earnest along the impacted areas, but should not become problematic prior to the likely date of Mendiko action.

Initiative Lumberjack teams have prepared a briefing for Ravensday. This briefing is required for all Initiative Parasol personnel. Access to the Calmharbor campus will be limited on Ravensday; no outside service staff, contractors or guests are permitted. Truth-axis ensouled without Parasol clearance will be relocated to the Korbel campus for the duration of the project.

- Institute Circular #3502, 38 Bounty 693.

Michael pushed the heavy wooden door aside and entered the room, looking around as it swung closed behind him. It was a small office, richly-appointed with carpets and tapestries; the center was divided once again by the familiar crystal barrier he had seen in the large hall.

He took a chair and sat, meeting Leires eyes through the divider. It was an effort to hold his gaze steady. Her soul was less radiant than it had been the other day, calmer and settled like a comfortable fire. She cocked her head to the side as she stared back.

Ah, Leire said. At once, the glow of her soul vanished. My apologies. Im usually better at spotting the ones who can see souls. You hide it better than most, but the eyes tell. An unconscious reaction, reliable even for spectors. Even in a dim room such as this, the brain sees the light and contracts the pupils. She leaned forward. Did the sight come along with your soul, or did you have it before?

Michael shifted in his seat. From before, he said. Since I was young. Jeorg said it was likely because I kept watch for my fathers soul. When it manifested strongly, the results tended to be - unpleasant.

Yes, unpleasantness tends to be the culprit when someone so young has the sight, Leire sighed. For most it takes years of practice.

Can you see souls? Michael asked, curious.

Leire nodded. I can, she said. Although I have no natural talent for it. It took me more than twenty years to become anything approaching proficient, and even now I would wager your sight is clearer than my own. A useful tool, nevertheless, when ensouled control so many positions of power. It often reveals the nature of the person in question much more reliably than conversation; souls have no interest in keeping up appearances.

Michael made a vague noise of assent, only half-hearing her words; Leire smiled at the look on his face. You want to know what yours looks like? she asked.

I would, Michael said. Jeorg looked, but he wasnt able to give me a straight answer.

She laughed raspily, rubbing her fingers along the wrinkled skin of her cheek. That sounds like him, she said. Unfortunately, I dont see much from you. I can catch small glimpses of the Gardener from you, or the Sculptor - Stanza and Spark, as you say. Of the soul that is yours alone, however, I havent seen a trace. It may be that it is a quieter soul than most, or - and I consider this more likely - it may not show itself except when youre actively using it. If thats the case I expect that I shall see it no more than once, and shall be in no condition to speak of it afterward. She gave him a grim little smile, then shook her head.

Michael pressed his lips together, considering. The image of Jeorgs face as he lay dying flitted before his eyes, that brief flash of realization, of recognition - and then nothing. He looked back up to find Leires eyes still on him, watching.

I havent said that Ill accept yet, Michael pointed out. Thats why were speaking now.

Leire snorted. Youre going to accept, she said. You made up your mind yesterday.

He raised an eyebrow. Did I? he asked. I hadnt realized.

The mind is much better at making decisions than it is at accepting its own judgment, Leire said. When you meet a person, you know in moments if you will like them or not; it is often the same with large decisions like this. Your visceral reactions are immediate, and often entirely correct. The part of your mind that knows doubt is slower. She steepled her fingers in front of her. But nevertheless, you deserve to have your questions answered before formally accepting. What would you like to know?

Questions percolated through Michaels mind; he disregarded them and maintained eye contact with Leire. What should I know? he asked.

Hah! Leire barked, her face bending into a true smile. I hear Jeorg in those words. He always liked to answer a question with a question. Infuriating man. Her smile faltered for a moment, then returned softer, gentler. The Star of Mendian has gone to those outside of our borders many times throughout history. We have always found it during its bearers lifetime, and they have always come back willingly to Mendian. Do you know why?

Michael shook his head. I have a guess, he said. Your soul is dangerous. The barriers, the lead, the viewscreens - theyre to protect people from what it might do.

Yes, Leire said, holding up her hand. For a moment, her souls radiance returned to play about her fingers. I consider myself fortunate, having been born Mendiko. When I gained the soul I was prepared as well as anyone could be. When we find the Star outside of Mendian, we do it by looking for sickness and death. Their families, friends - often their entire town dies. They all come to Mendian to live here, in this place that protects others from what their soul might do.

Is the soul that hard to control? Michael asked.

Leire waggled her hand, grimacing. Yes and no, she said. Souls on the Matter and Electromagnetic axes operate with more autonomy than their Information and Mind counterparts. Your major souls require an effort of will to utilize, whereas your minor calorigens soul requires an effort of will to suppress. Does this match your experiences?

Michael nodded hesitantly, remembering his frantic attempts to quiet Vincents soul before Amira returned. I had to focus to stop Vincents soul, he said. I havent had too many issues since, though.

Fortunate for you, Leire said, her face looking suddenly drawn and tired. I also have nearly-complete control over the expression of my soul - I have for some time. She flexed one thin arm; the radiance of her soul leapt into being around her, then disappeared. Its likely that you could spend days in my presence and not notice any ill effects. But every so often there is a distraction, or I do not sleep well. My lunch disagrees with me, perhaps. Stress accrues, my mind wanders - and, pah! She snapped her fingers. Just for an instant, my grasp slips.

She lowered her hand, her mouth pressed into a thin line. But nobody notices a thing. I may not even notice anything. Our eyes can see only a small fraction of lights variety, after all, and the most dangerous types are the hardest to detect. A short while later, though, whoever was standing near me will feel ill. They wont be able to keep food down, or theyll have a dull headache that wont go away.

Leire leaned forward, her eyes locked on Michael. But then it clears up. Often they dont even think to mention the illness, assuming it was something they ate - until the pain comes back worse than before. Their skin begins to peel and blister, their hair falls out. They quickly become too weak to move. An anatomens can do nothing but dull the pain. Death follows - for the lucky, in days. For others, it takes weeks. It is easily the worst way to die that I have ever witnessed.

Michael swallowed, resisting the urge to shift farther away from her. The crystal stops the light? he asked.

It does, Leire confirmed. As do the lead walls. The viewscreens and the isolated location serve as additional protection - to keep Mendian safe from its protector. She looked up at the barrier for a moment, then back to Michael. You seem to be aware of the dangers of the souls you already bear. It speaks well of your control that youve harmed none of your companions - Spark, in particular, is a soul notorious for such things. But Im sure there have been - precarious moments. Instants where you saw harm was close, and pulled back just before.

Michael nodded. A few times, he said quietly. Vera and Isolde, the soldier just shy of the border - and Charles, just the other night. Michael felt his heart beat faster just thinking about it, and sat quietly while he tried to reclaim his calm.

Leire let him, looking on with an inscrutable expression until his attention returned to her. Then you understand what accepting this soul means, she said. A barrier between you and the world for the rest of your life.

You are not doing a very good job of convincing me to accept your offer, Michael said, managing a faint smile. I mean no offense by this, but it sounds awful.

Michaels impulse was to equivocate, to say that it wasnt possible to know until the moment came; the look in Leires eyes stilled his tongue. She wasnt asking after hypotheticals. The effort to free Daressa would inevitably run up against Friedrich and Sofia, Saleh and Amira. Uncounted thousands of men under their command, each seeking to rip away that comfortable warmth he felt in their company.

Avoiding those confrontations wasnt realistic. Changing their minds wasnt feasible. And though Michael had come to appreciate how much of a terror Sobriquet could be in a fight, Friedrich had shown that she was by no means invincible. Even together, they had lost to Friedrich twice now.

But Michaels soul was not at fault. His soul held all of the strength he needed; strength that could have saved Gerard and Clair. The limiting factor had always been Michael himself. His own lack of knowledge and will had left him unprepared. In the moment he had been helpless. His minds eye saw Charles, choking on his own blood. Vernon clutching at a wound in his belly, Emil staring sightlessly upward.

Sera, the blood dripping slowly from her outstretched hand. Michael felt his heart beat harder, his jaw clenching against the phantasmagoria swimming through his vision. It would happen unless someone stopped it. Perhaps not him, but - here was the chance, and who else did they have?

Who was he waiting for?

Nothing stays the same, Jeorg had said. Always changing. Better, usually, but not always. Best to see the change and move with intent.

Improve relentlessly, Michael murmured. Or risk the world changing you instead.

Leires eyes widened for a moment, then crinkled in a smile. I thought Jeorg had forgotten most of what I taught him, she said. But it seems he remembered the important parts, even if it took him some time.

I didnt realize what he meant, Michael said. I thought I had changed, but it was just accepting the change that came to me. I could have done so much more. I could have saved- His breath caught in his throat, and he shook his head.

Blame yourself when you fail to learn from a mistake, Leire said. Not when you make it. Ignorance is mans natural state. The only failing is in loving comfort over truth. She smiled, then shrugged. A failing were all guilty of occasionally.

I- Michael paused, his mouth feeling suddenly dry. I dont need to wait until Rimesday to decide, he said.

Leires face did not change, but her soul rippled with a blur of emotions that flitted past too quickly for Michael to parse. After a moment, she smiled; a tear wet her wrinkled cheek. Im sorry, she said. To have to ask this of you. You and your friends deserve a better world than this, and I - I, too, could have stepped in to help so many. Now my failings will be your burden, and this lonely house will watch another grow old within its walls.

Michael smiled back at her, the expression only half-forced. Growing old doesnt sound so bad, he said. At least, none of the alternatives seem appealing - and this past month has presented me with several.

She barked out a quick laugh, blotting at her eyes with a sleeve. It was the threat of unfinished business that bothered me more, she said. But perhaps now I can learn to enjoy it. She took a steadying breath, then looked up at Michael; some of the softness had gone from her face, but it lingered still in her eyes.

Thank you, she said. For easing an old womans worries. If you have more questions between now and Rimesday I will make time to answer them, but - for now, you should be with your friends. Enjoy their company while you can be among them. She stood from her chair.

Its rare that a Star has the advantage of foresight, she said. I wont be going anywhere in a hurry, so youll have some time. Enjoy your life before I rob it from you. I wont say you will be able to avoid regret, but you may be able to lessen the sting somewhat. She looked suddenly tired, her shoulders slumping.

Go, she said, making a shooing motion with her hand. And tell them everything.

Michael nodded, somewhat thrown by the abrupt dismissal. He thought of saying something more, but thanks didnt seem appropriate. In the end, he walked out of the room without another word, leaving Leire sitting pensively in her chair. He turned his sight to watch her as he left and saw her eyes tracking him until the door swung shut once more.

Unai was waiting outside; the valet led him down the halls to their suite - but paused just shy of the door. He turned to Michael with uncommon emotion etched into his face before bending down in a shallow bow.

Thank you, he said. It weighed on her greatly.

He turned without waiting for a response, striding to the suite door and holding it open. Michael managed to nod in acknowledgment as he entered, though Unais face had returned to its formal facade once more.

Vernon was the only one immediately visible as he entered, idly eating a piece of fruit at the dining table. The auditor turned his head to look as Michael entered, raising an eyebrow. Howd it go? he asked.

Well, Michael said, pausing a moment to order his words - and then a moment more. After a few seconds, he sighed and shook his head. Well.

Vernons other eyebrow went up. Well? he asked.

Michael stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. Im taking a nap, he said. If anyone asks, things are fine.

Hm, Vernon said. Cryptic. Are things actually fine?

Michael paused. Probably, he said. Ask me again at dinner. He tossed a wave in Vernons general direction and nearly ran into Charles emerging from one of the suites washrooms, shirtless and rubbing a towel through his hair.

Oh, hey, Charles said. Youre back sooner than I thought. Howd it-

Dinner, Mike said, opening the door to his room. He shut it on Charless confused face and fell into his bed. Sleep eluded him, despite the fatigue he felt. Thousands of faceless men crowded around him, protesting that they, too, had families and friends. Sparks high, thin, laughter cackled in the background, while blood dripped steadily from a womans hand onto the floor.

He knew he was dreaming when the blood vanished, replaced by the gentle breeze and sun of Jeorgs garden. Michael turned his head to see the old man sitting on a nearby rock.

Did I make a mistake? Michael asked.

Jeorg rubbed his chin, then shrugged. Everyone makes mistakes, he said. Cant know if it is or isnt until its too late to change.

Michaels eyes narrowed. Thats not very comforting.

Comfort isnt what you chose, Jeorg said.

A sigh escaped Michaels lips; when he looked back over Jeorg had gone. He sat back against a weathered, sturdy tree and looked up at the branches waving in the wind, felt the cool caress of the air on his face.

A few moments later, he closed his eyes and slept dreamlessly.