Chapter 83: You Can't Go Home Again

Chapter 83: You Can't Go Home Again

What, then, is a path? the priest cried. If every creation bends towards destruction in the end, what is the result save for despair?

To destroy is to create, replied the Great Sword.

To create is to destroy, replied the Great Shield. There is nothing that exists without purpose, and nothing that fails to leave its mark upon the skein of the world. With each footfall upon the path, the divine grows and learns.

But we shall not see the wisdom of the divine, the priest objected. We will live and die, contributing only a grain of sand to a greater work.

This is true, replied the Great Seer.

But the truth is more, replied the Great Seeker. For you are already the wisdom of the divine, lacking only the sight to appreciate it.

How cruel, then, is the spread of time? the priest asked. To deny us the sight of our own form?

Time cannot be otherwise, replied the Great Light.

Through time, we separate the unknowing divinity from the wise, and draw the path between them, replied the great Flame. This separation is a gift you provide, for the world knows all time and none, and cannot walk the distance without your guidance.

Then our lot is to suffer for the divine? the priest wailed. How, then, is the divine worthy of our devotion?

The divine cannot be otherwise, replied the Great Speaker.

You are the divine, replied the Great Caller. And the divine is you. Do not despair in your quiet moment of time, small and insignificant against the vast world. Have faith that the vaults of the sky shudder with each footstep you take, and the foundations of the land shudder beneath that grain of sand. You do not lack importance. You only lack vision to see your importance, and where vision fails faith may serve.

- The Book of Eight Verses, the Verse of Division. (New Kheman Edition, 542 PD)

There was really only one question that Michael needed to ask the mourners, acquaintances and various passers-by at the funeral, but it wore a different mask for each person. One was asked how they knew the missing man, another when they saw him last. When it came time to talk to the widow Michael simply asked if there was anything she needed.

Eventually, though, they all answered in their own way. Old Bachir had been a sometimes-fisherman, sometimes-salvager who made port in Rouns more often than not. He had four men in his crew, sometimes five. Yes, he had been known to take passengers on short trips. Yes, he had been seen talking to a strange young man with dark hair the day before setting off east across the bay.

Michael gave the widow his condolences and turned from the gathering, head strenuously protesting the effort of rising to his feet. As with those they had spoken with earlier, Spark had been close at hand for each conversation, smothering any distrust that Michaels Ardan features might have spurred.

He stumbled, his hand shooting out to grasp a corroded handrail on the quay; it crumpled under his grip. Flakes of rust fluttered down as he tried to slow his breathing, quiet his pounding heart. Touching the widows mind with his soul had been no harder than talking with the others, but when he did-

An echo of borrowed grief flashed through him again, buckling his knees. He knelt quietly at the quayside and imagined his souls entirely contained within him, deaf to the outside world; his mind drew and redrew the boundary between himself and the world until the feeling passed.

He opened his eyes to see Sobriquet crouched in front of him, looking on with no small concern.

Im fine, he panted. Not used to using Spark like that, it got - loud.

Sobriquet looked unconvinced. You can scarcely stand upright, she pointed out. How is that-

Im fine now, Michael amended, rising to his feet and brushing the dirt from his trousers. He reached out to touch the deformed handrail, pinching it experimentally between two fingers, then shook his head. Though I should probably be more cautious about my use of Spark. People dont normally come through that strongly

Unai stepped forward, looking Michael over. After a moment, he nodded. You seem to be in good health, he said. Although I concur with your assessment. Spark and souls like it are not to be used lightly.

It was necessary, in this case, Michael said. Or wed never have prised the time of day from them, much less the course of that poor fellows ship. He turned, peering to the east. East across the bay. To Ardalt - unless theres another likely port?

Hes hardly about to return to Leik, Sobriquet snorted. And everything past there is Mendiko waters. I doubt hed try to escape through the Strait.

Nor would he be successful if he tried, I have no doubt Lekubarri has people monitoring every ship crossing the locks. Unai shrugged. Of course he may do any manner of thing, but what we know strongly suggests that Luc has gone to Ardalt.

Michael pressed his lips together and nodded. To Ardalt, he repeated. Well. I suppose theres no avoiding it now.

Sobriquet punched him in the shoulder, not bothering to moderate the blow. Youre talking like its sewn up. How do you propose we get there?

The same way Luc did - talk to the captains in port, find one to take us across the sea. Michael frowned at her exasperated expression. You don't think that will work.

Michael, these are all Safid captains, she said. Theyre not going to agree to sail to Ardalt, theyd be shot as soon as they came portside.

Michael blinked. Wait, then how did - ah. He winced, his imagination supplying images hed rather not see. I hadnt thought that through. Youre sure theres not an Esroun captain somewhere close by, or one from some other neutral country?

I cant exactly inquire as to their parentage, Sobriquet muttered. But this was a Safid port until yesterday, and if Esrou wants to trade with Saf thered be little reason to come here instead of sailing down the north coast to Khem. Wed be better off returning to Leik, most of the captains sailing from there were accustomed to making that crossing; the fighting cant have driven them all away.

The suggestion prompted a flash of annoyance in Michael; he frowned. It feels like retracing our steps, he said. And I doubt the truck has enough fuel to reach the nearest Mendiko depot.

Sobriquet nodded towards the behemoth Mendiko battleships looming over the harbor. A ship like that probably has some landing craft, no? I bet they could spare enough fuel for one truck. She looked to Unai, who waggled his gloved fingers noncommittally.

They should be able to help us, he said, but theyll want to know why were requesting it, and our answers will inevitably filter back to Lekubarris ears.

Michael thought a moment, then shrugged. Its worth the risk, he said. Id rather risk Lekubarri finding Luc first than lose a week or more of distance while we walk back to Imes.

I concur, Unai said. But it merited a mention. He surveyed the harbor. We could likely find one of the captains willing to take us to the Mendiko ships, albeit for a substantial sum of money - but if its only the three of us, it would seem more expedient to steal one of the dinghies tied up at the pier.

Steal one? Michael asked, looking up at the slender anatomens with some surprise.

Sobriquet gave him a sly grin. Its not as though itd be your first time, she said.

That was - entirely a different scenario, Michael protested.

Technically they had all committed treason by allying with the Mendiko, and then with Michael, though it seemed unlikely that Ardan authorities would be on the lookout for these particular men. Some seemed almost eager at the prospect of returning to familiar shores, others closed and sullen.

Michael could sympathize with either case. Ardalt held little appeal for him, but nevertheless he felt his nerves sing with the thought of seeing it again. It was irrational, or perhaps just nostalgic-

He shook his head, clearing his spinning thoughts away and leaning against the railing as the water slid by. The evening air was chill over the bay, but he could not feel its bite. No fatigue gnawed at him from the busy day, no aches or pains from crouching through the cramped bulkhead doors.

The world was finding it hard to gain purchase on Michael Baumgart as of late, and he wasnt yet sure how he felt about that.

Soft waves against the hull didnt hide the tremor of approaching footsteps, and Michael turned to see Unai walking up along the rail. He nodded and shifted to the side, making space for the old man to join him. A span of time passed where the two men said nothing.

You know, Unai said, I hadnt realized how long it had been since I last sailed on the water, rather than over it. Traveling with Her Radiance meant that the airship served at our pleasure, and it was by far the easiest way to cross the strait when the need arose.

Michael chuckled. Wed find it hard to escape notice if we showed up in that beast, he said. Ottos ship is a meaner form of transport, but it shouldnt raise any eyebrows.

You could arrive on a raft and still attract notice. Unai nodded in Ardalts general direction, the horizon lost in golden haze. Well need to remain veiled for the duration of our stay. From what I know of your history with Sibyl, she is unlikely to overlook you.

Ghars bones, I had almost forgotten about her, Michael sighed - then frowned. But she knows Lucs face, or at least should. She had plenty of opportunity to sight him as a member of our party during the trip north. If youre right about her - and I think you are - then Luc will earn her attention almost as quickly as I would.

Unai nodded, leaning down to rest his elbows on the rail. I imagine Lucs whereabouts are already known to her, he said. But knowing and doing are two separate things. She may inform the authorities of his presence - or she may wait, and watch. Involving herself directly is a risk; letting your father stumble into it is a different sort of risk, and one more removed from what remains of her power.

Michael furrowed his brow, dredging up dusty memories of Assembly politics. She has no great love for my father, Id say, he muttered. And if Luc does mean to go after Sever - Father has little real relationship with him, but Friedrich is the core of the militarys image.

Just so, Unai agreed, a smile touching his lips. Ardan politics has always been a game of introducing knives to backs. Even during my time in the directorate we were warned not to involve ourselves; our local contacts had a nasty habit of subverting Mendiko intervention to wrest power in the Assembly.

His smile died. It never ends well. I fear this time will be no different. If she informs the Assembly of Lucs presence theres a chance they might prepare adequately to slow him, or at least mitigate the damage he would cause. If she leaves them unaware - then by the time she realizes the true danger he poses, it may be too late for the Ardans to mount an effective response.

Michaels mind unhelpfully supplied images of Leires light scything through stonework, only this time it was the sooty brick of Calmharbor melting under the relentless torrent of brilliance, clouds swirling around the Iron Bay, the Assembly building engulfed in flames-

She would tell them before it went too far, Michael murmured. Sofia - we have our disagreements, but shes not a monster.

Is she not? Unai asked. Hasnt Ardalt behaved monstrously under her watch? The attack on Leik, the abuse of their own soldiers, the pillaging of Daressa - she knew of those, and what did she do? Nothing, and I submit that she will do the same again.

Everyone is justified in their own mind. Sofias voice echoed in Michaels head, quiet and sad as they rode together. We cannot compromise the end in order to make the journey more pleasant.

Shit, he muttered. She might at that. To hamstring the Committee of War, to keep Ardalt isolated and peaceful - she would watch and say nothing if she believed it necessary.

Careful, even so, Unai warned. Predicting motivations is a trap; only actions reveal a persons true aims. Sibyl is embroiled in Assembly politics, by dint of her soul and family both. When she does something that gains her no advantage in that battleground, then you may presume ulterior motives.

She helped me, Michael said, feeling somewhat mutinous. Despite my father, not because of him. Im not defending her, I dont think shes some paragon, but neither is she a political animal like you seem to think. Shes a woman with a vast, cold soul, yes, and Id be worse than dead without her.

Unai nodded, keeping his eyes on the ocean. Theyre all humans, in the end, he said quietly. Even Sever, or your father. Even Her Radiance - Leire. But if they prized their humanity over their title then they would have given up the latter when conflict arose. He gestured behind them, his smile returning. Like the young mistress did, back in Imes. Leire would have loved to see that.

Really? Michael said, nonplussed. I find that surprising.

The smile left as quickly as it had come. There were times when she would have wished the same for herself, Unai said. But the Star doesnt permit abdication.

A chill finally made itself felt, worming its way beneath Michaels skin in a way that the sea air had not yet managed. I suppose I may understand her better, he said. In the fullness of time.

I wonder, Unai said. In many ways you are more trapped by your fate than she ever was, yet it has not managed to confine you. This time, the smile reached his eyes; it remained there. I dont believe wagering against you would be productive or wise, where your desires hold sway. You have been most singular in pursuing them.

Michael blinked, straightening up from the rail. I - thank you? he mumbled. I dont know that Ive ever considered myself to be a particularly driven individual.

Gharics, Unai laughed. I often wonder if it was you or the Safid that inflicted that particular malady upon the other; it seems a fitting curse either way. He turned to face Michael, laying one hand gently on his shoulder.

Do you know why an oak grows at the center of the Batzar? he asked. Not a statue of our great leaders, or the Stars from years past; only a tree. It has no grand ambition, it does not know or care about the nation of Mendian. It only seeks to be more of itself with every passing day. Rocks splinter beneath its roots, wind cannot topple it, winter passes each year leaving it renewed rather than defeated.

Unai let his hand drop from Michaels shoulder, taking a step back. It cannot be denied, slowed or stopped. It will be as it is meant to be, greater each morning it arises. Not all ambition manifests in men slain or commanded, columns of numbers increasing ceaselessly to no apparent end. Power exists, yes - but it is not the point.

His eyes twinkled for a moment before he sketched a shallow bow, turned and walked back inside.

Michael turned his eyes back to the water, watching the dark waves play with the reddening highlights of dusk. The light waned and shifted; stars began their dance over the ink-dark bay. He turned towards his cabin - the same one he had shared with Jeorg, a few months and a lifetime ago.

Sobriquet raised her head blearily as he walked in. You were out for a while, she said. Id have thought you would jump at the chance for some rest, with the day weve had.

Not really that tired, Michael admitted.

She levered herself the rest of the way upright. Anxious about going back home? she asked.

Michael sat down beside her on the bed, leaning in for a kiss. Not really, he said. Calling it home is a bit of a stretch. I have - memories, there, but not much else.

Mmm. Thats what home is, silly. She flicked her finger ineffectually at his forehead. The place where you build those memories.

He smiled. I recently heard an alternative theory, he said, leaning in closer. Would you like to hear it?

Id say Im all ears, but thats manifestly not - mmph. She broke off as Michael kissed her again. When she broke away, her cheeks were flushed, her voice low and soft.

I thought you had resigned yourself to living alone in a cold glass palace, she murmured. What changed?

Nothing. He smiled at her. I was just reminded of an old lesson about fools and chains.

Ghars blood, Im in love with a crazy man, she muttered. Stop talking nonsense and kiss me.

Michael laughed, and did as she asked.