CH 13

In the past, there used to be an Imperial Examination, but nowadays, there is the University Entrance Exams. It wasn’t that Pi Xiu hadn’t thought of making money by selling exam questions and answers. After all, as a demon, he didn’t understand the efforts Humans had to go through when they diligently study for decades. 

At that time, he had just been scammed by the Taotie, and as a Pixiu, who was wrapped up in the uncertainty of having no money for the first time, he stole the questions of the Imperial Examinations. But in the end, he still placed them aside.

But it wasn’t because Pi Xiu had a conscience. It was simply because he heard that others had ferociously scolded a person who had leaked the exam questions, cursing him with the phrase ‘may your children be born without an anus1!’

Pi Xiu really wanted to kill the Humans for using that phrase as an insult, since it was a taboo topic for him.

‘After wandering around this world for thousands of years, I ended up meeting Jia Suzhen. Will I ever be able to escape the fate of having children born without an anus?’

Pi Xiu’s face quickly changed colors, looking like a traffic light. He forcefully pointed at the door, and said: “Go downstairs first and let me think about how to help you.”

Overjoyed, Jia Suzhen said: “Thank you for your great kindness, Benefactor.” She then bowed to Wen Xi and Pi Xiu in thanks, walked out through the beaded curtain, then joyfully walked down the stairs.

Pi Xiu’s face looked very bad, so Wen Xi hurriedly tried to calm him down. But then Wen Xi frowned and asked: “Why the ugly face?”

Pi Xiu shook his head and said: “You don’t understand.”

‘How could Humans understand the pain of being born with an incomplete digestive system?’

‘I’m really tired. So, so tired.’

Wen Xi sat next to Pi Xiu and said: “It’s not that hard to get first place in the University Entrance Exams. I also took a University Entrance Exam when I was bored here. But I only did Liberal Arts, and the score I got isn’t much worse than First Place.”

Pi Xiu bowed his head and remained silent, thinking about how to go about getting the University Entrance Exams: ‘By this point, the topics should have been decided and the  questions issued by the professors should already be released. Should I ask them one by one, or just hack the computer to see the exams?’

‘The only problem is that hacking a computer is technical work. In the restaurant, I only have a couple of cooks and waiters who only know how to collect money. There’s no one here who knows how to handle such technical work at all.’

‘It’s better to catch those professors. But nowadays, Humans are becoming more and more cunning than monsters. If a demon, like myself, is careless and does something that can harm Humans, they can smell it like a dog smells meat from a distance, and they will run away faster than anyone else.’

When Wen Xi saw that Pi Xiu was still frowning, and his body temperature was still rising, Wen Xi opened the fan, vigorously waving it: “Don’t worry so much. Why don’t you look at Wu Zu’s school performance first? If it’s good, then you don’t need to do much. If it’s not good, it’s still not too late to make plans.”

Stunned, Pi Xiu thought: ‘That’s right! If Wu Zu was reincarnated in this life as the star of literature and composition2, then I won’t need to do anything! I’ll just have to wait and see what happens.’

Pi Xiu quickly turned his head, only to meet Wen Xi’s smiling peach blossom eyes. At that moment, Pi Xiu couldn’t help but soften his face. The man’s slender white wrist swayed in the air as he waved the fan, shining as brightly as the gold engraving on the fan’s surface.

Pi Xiu reached out and held Wen Xi’s wrist, smiled, then said: “You’re right. I was overthinking.”

Although Mr. Pi is an auspicious beast, he was also the incarnation of a demonic beast. This old demon, who usually cuts his hair very short, doesn’t know how to communicate, and looks like an extremely violent Gate God3. When he smiles, he looks less vicious and much more handsome. Seeing him like this, Wen Xi couldn’t help but fall into a trance.

‘The Human Form of this old demon looks pretty handsome, actually.’

“I will ask the Monkey Spirits to find out what Wu Zu’s grades are later. If he studies Liberal Arts, you may have to help.” Pi Xiu leaned on Wen Xi to cool off, feeling more comfortable and calm.

Wen Xi nodded: “Naturally, I would be glad to help.”

As Pi Xiu leaned against Wen Xi, Pi Xiu’s body cooled down and his mind calmed down. ‘Anyway, different situations require different actions, everything will turn out for the best. At worst, I will really have a son born without an anus.’

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‘Anyway, it’s not like I can change my genetics. If I really have a son, he won’t be able to deny me as his father. Sigh, for the sake of getting the merits, I’m even willing to sacrifice my singleness.’

Pi Xiu hugged Wen Xi and said lightly: “Jia Suzhen better give me a lot of merits. By the way, if you hadn’t given me advice, I guess I would be on my way to kidnap a professor right now and get in trouble.”

Wen Xi was puzzled: “Are you guys not allowed to make a move on mortals?”

“In general, we can’t. If you get caught, you will be fined and re-educated. If the circumstances were serious, then you will be taken to Shanxi to dig coal.” Pi Xiu said lightly. “Qiu Fu was sent to dig coal in Shanxi once.”

Wen Xi was stupefied: “Him?”

‘The average-looking, but honest-looking, Qiu Fu?’

Pi Xiu lit a cigarette and took a puff. Surrounded by the smoke, the old man who withdrew from the Jianghu4 recalled the unruly past times. Pi Xiu said deeply: “Some people are not as simple as they seem.”

‘Who would have thought that underneath Qiu Fu’s homogeneous brown complexion, there would be a miscellaneous mottled fox?’

In recent days, the relationship between Wen Xi and Pi Xiu has relaxed a bit. However, the vigilance that Wen Xi had put down was raised high again upon hearing Pi Xiu’s words. As he leaned against the old monster, Wen Xi carefully asked: “What did he do to get sent out to dig coal?”

Pi Xiu exhaled a mouthful of smoke and faintly said. “At that time, we didn’t have money, so we did a business that we shouldn’t…..”

Wen Xi was feeling a bit nervous, to the point where he didn’t know if he should listen to it or not.

“Back then, there were some people who smuggled fur as well as collecting live animals to secretly process and sell their fur. In that year, for some crazy reason I don’t know, the mortal Emperor of you Humans sent many people in search of a black fox. I discussed the matter with Qiu Fu and told him to transform into his fox form. Then, I took him to the fur collector and sold him. After getting the money, Qiu Fu would run away.”

As he remembered such an experience, Pi Xiu’s face became nostalgic: “That was the first pot of gold5 we won. With that method, I was able to buy my first piece of land.”

Wen Xi: “…..Then what happened?”

“We were ready to do the last job and call it quits. But that was when something went wrong.” Pi Xiu exhaled another puff of smoke and continued: “We met an old son of a bitch, whose eyes were sharper than a dog’s. He was able to tell at a single glance that Qiu Fu’s black fur wasn’t normal, and that it was painted with coal dust.”

Wen Xi immediately raised his voice: “Were you guys tampering with the color of the fur?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Pi Xiu glanced at Wen Xi. “It’s just that no one with a brain would accept Qiu Fu’s mixture of yellowish-black fur, so we had to disguise it a little bit.”

Pi Xiu wiped the cigarette ashes from his fingertips and said nonchalantly: “That old son of a bitch threw Qiu Fu into a barrel and brushed his hair. Then he pointed at Qiu Fu and said that the black hair of the stray mongrel dogs were purer than Qiu Fu’s.”

The excitement, fear, and tension present in Wen Xi’s heart immediately disappeared, as he coldly asked: “And then what happened?”

Pi Xiu sighed: “Qiu Fu was still young and impulsive, so he bit the old bastard. When the Officials came and found out what we had done, they sent Qiu Fu to Shanxi to dig coal, to reform through labor.”

“Then why weren’t you sent there with him?” Wen Xi asked.

The room suddenly became silent, and Pi Xiu didn’t speak for a long time. After putting out the cigarette, he replied in a low voice: “Then, it took us a long time to save up money to redeem Qiu Fu from the coal mine in Shanxi…..”

Wen Xi: “…..”

‘You must have left him to repay the crime on his own while you ran away!’

Pi Xiu smiled and said: “But in the end, it is a lucky misfortune. Qiu Fu dug coal for so many years that his hair has finally been completely dyed black. Now he no longer needs to spend money to buy hair dye. He’s saving a lot of money.”

Wen Xi: “……”

Wen Xi looked at Pi Xiu with a complicated expression on his face, as if Wen Xi seemed to have understood why the Taotie had taken all of Pi Xiu’s money away.

…

At night, the Restaurant had fewer customers, so Pi Xiu sent two Monkey Spirits to infiltrate Wu Zu’s high school and steal his report card, in order to find out how smart the reincarnation of Scholar Wu was.

‘If the grades are good, then everyone will be happy. If the grades are poor, then we will have to resort to more extraordinary means.’

Pi Xiu had obeyed the law for many years now, so he really didn’t want to break his principles simply because of a University Entrance Exam.

After waiting for a while, the Monkeys finally came back: “Boss, we brought good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?”

Pi Xiu hit the table and said: “Say it at the same time. Good and bad can be balanced, giving an average as a result.” However, as a result, Pi Xiu was unable to hear them clearly, so he had to order the Monkeys to raise their hands and speak one at a time.

The good news was that Wu Zu studied Liberal Arts and had good grades.

The bad news was that although his grades were good, they weren’t enough to achieve the top score.

Since the two Monkeys had fulfilled their assigned task, they received two gold melon seeds6 each, and bravely prepared to go to the fruit stand to bargain over some peaches. On the other hand, their Boss was left alone with beer and cigarettes.

There is still one month left before the University Entrance Exams. Just one month. At these times, the grades of the students had become a certainty, so some people had even decided to skip the Entrance Exams and prepare for a happy summer vacation instead.

Although Pi Xiu was obviously not a high school senior, he empathized with the students. He understood the feeling of wanting to take the exam once and for all to stabilize one’s emotions.

When Ren Jiao saw Pi Xiu sitting in the hall, alone, smoking cigarettes with a bored expression on his face, Ren Jiao walked over and said: “Smoking is not allowed in the hall.”

“I’m worried.” Pi Xiu put out the cigarette and said: “What do I do? There’s only one month left before the University Entrance Exam.”

Ren Jiao was surprised: “What? You have a son who must take the Entrance Exam? Isn’t your son still in the stomach of the ghost upstairs? There are still more than a dozen years to go before your child has to take the University Entrance Exam.”

Pi Xiu explained to Ren Jiao about Jia Suzhen’s request with a dark face. Ren Jiao said: “A month is actually enough time. If you don’t waste time eating and drinking, you can study all day until you become a top Scholar.”

“He’s a Human being. Have you ever seen a Human being who can’t eat, drink or sleep without dying? Do you think that people who practice Qigong7 don’t have to worry about food and drinking water?” Pi Xiu slapped the table. “If he were a monster, why would I have to worry so much?!”

Ren Jiao ‘tsk-ed’ and said: “Then, when he goes to sleep, you can enter his dreams and make him study there. You can give him some treasures to nourish his body afterwards. We have to be prepared. If he can study well, then we will all be happy, but if he doesn’t make it, then we can only….”

Ren Jiao made a gesture and Pi Xiu understood instantly. Pi Xiu silently nodded, then said: “Actually, that’s quite a good idea.”

It’s just….it was a bit inappropriate.

But the situation is urgent. There was no time to discuss what was inhumane or not, or whether a balance between work and rest must be fulfilled. All of that was nonsense in the face of achievements. Only achievements are the absolute truth.

Pi Xiu reached out and patted Ren Jiao: “My good brother, although you sometimes don’t speak the Human Language, the words you just said do help.”

Ren Jiao was stupefied. It wasn’t until he watched Pi Xiu go upstairs that he finally reacted. ‘What does he mean? That since I’m a ‘fish’, I can’t speak the Human Language?’

Upstairs, Wen Xi was taking a look at Wu Zu’s report card. When he saw that the score in English was close to full, Wen Xi was relieved: “What do you want me to do? I think there shouldn’t be a problem for me to tutor him now that I’m not that weak.”

“There’s no need for you to go out.” Pi Xiu waved his hand. “All you have to do is go into his dream, and teach him while he sleeps.”

Wen Xi: “…..Ah?”

…

After Wu Zu was done with a busy day of studying, he took a shower, then laid in bed to finally get some rest and sleep for six hours. Maybe because he was too tired, Wu Zu quickly fell asleep, entering into the land of dreams.

However, this dream was completely blank, with only one man standing in the middle of nothingness. As soon as this man turned around, Wu Zu couldn’t help but take a step back.

‘This man is really good-looking!’

The man looked at Wu Zu and slowly asked: “What are the similarities and differences between the One Hundred Schools of Thought8 and the Socratic period in Ancient Greece?”

As soon as Wu Zu heard this question, he gasped and stepped back seven or eight steps. At that moment, he wanted to do nothing but to wake up on the spot.