CH 30

‘Just…’

He knew he had to hold Hari in his arms and comfort her, who was shaking as if she was about to collapse, but strangely enough, Kyle didn’t move. He wondered if the feeling he had been holding onto for so long was destroyed or weathered, but seeing that he was sad to see her crying, it didn’t seem like that.

‘Hari.’

‘Never mind, I’d rather not explain. Because I found a way.’

Hari suddenly lifted her face, her eyes shining with expectations and liberation.

‘Quetray Forest, I’m going to go there and erase my memories.’

‘Are you saying you’re going to forget Louis?’

Hari’s eyes trembled as she stayed quiet for a moment, and eventually, she burst into tears. She really wanted to get out of the pain of losing Louis, even if she had to do it that way.

‘I’ll forget you and Louis.’

Hari left the mansion and disappeared.

‘Quetray Forest’

The words that came out of Hari’s mouth weren’t unfamiliar. Every citizen of the Empire knew that place.

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It was a forest visited by those who had given up on their lives due to unrealistic and wondrous forces.

Aelle only knew that it was a place where one could erase their memories. Yes, Kyle thought the same thing. 

Until Hari, who disappeared one day, returned as a different person.

‘Louis?’

‘Hari.’

‘Louis, you’re back alive!’

Hari, who came back alive after going to the forest of Quetray, called Kyle ‘Louis.’ 

No matter how much he explained, she would only understand it at that time, but the oblivion would continue, making it impossible for the fragments of her memory to continue.

‘Louis, I love you.’

When he was young, he thought he wanted to be Louis. But why? Now, greed and affection were weathered, and all that was left was guilt that Louis sacrificed his life for his. 

‘Louis, you’re not going to leave me, right? Will you stay with me?’

Hari sometimes cried like a child, screamed, and even attempted suicide. Kyle, who thought it was a miracle just for Hari to return alive without dying, couldn’t leave her alone.

Following the doctor’s opinion, Kyle kept her employees in check and stayed at the mansion. If rumors spread that Hari had gone insane, the Count Harden’s title and all of his property would be passed on to his vassals.

Kyle shook off his thoughts and ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

“It will take time for Hari to fully recover.”

Knock, knock-.

At that moment, Laura knocked on the office door. When time passed and no one answered, she took it as approval and grabbed the doorknob. 

When Laura entered the room and approached Kyle, he saw her holding onto a wooden box as if it were a treasure.

“Madam told me to throw it away, but I just couldn’t…” Laura’s voice broke as she trailed off.

Laura placed the box on his desk, staring at it for a moment before stepping back and leaving.

Click–.

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Kyle only looked up after he heard the door shut. He picked up the box and opened it, seeing neatly laid-out clothes Aelle had touched.

Dull eyes swept through the clothes with boredom.

“Child.”

The child was a creature he hadn’t seen, touched, or embraced. So, even if the baby died, he certainly had nothing to lose. But instead, he felt as if he had lost something important to the unknown.

Kyle had to take it easy. 

He doubted and censored himself. The moment he found traces of his parents in himself, he distanced himself from Aelle. He was afraid of his bloodline, and he wasn’t confident that he would not become someone like his parents. 

At the same time, he was curious. What kind of child was the one he could no longer meet? Did the child resemble him or Aelle? Each time he found himself thinking that way, he couldn’t recognize himself.

“What the h*ll is a child?”

What did a child mean for him to feel this way? Why did he have to endure the feeling of loss and guilt and be crushed mentally and physically? 

Kyle gripped the box.

Kyle was used to loss. He had always lived his life like that. He lived to lose someone.

He had lost his parents, lost a close friend, and just when he thought Hari was the only thing he could lose, Aelle suddenly happened. Just as she used him, he used her as a shield to hide his feelings for Hari. But at some point, things became blurred.

“I don’t know. I just am.” [1]

She shed tears like a child abandoned in the rain.

“Let me call Your Grace by your name.” [2]

Her surprisingly greedy eyes were clear.

“Kyle.”

Sometimes when he’d look around, their eyes would meet, and he would see her smile. Whenever those gloomy and miserable eyes touched him, he felt as if he had the world.

Kyle turned away from her, illuminated by sunlight, and suddenly asked a question. Obviously, she desperately wanted something, but if it wasn’t money or power, what did she really want?

Unable to find an answer, Kyle rubbed his skin and furrowed his black eyebrows.

‘It was the first time I had seen Madam so angry.’

From that day on, Aelle woke up every night, curled into herself until dawn, or let out endless silent cries. One day, he went to visit Aelle after Laura’s brief report.

‘Baby… Baby…’

The mournful calls leaking out of the bedroom stopped Kyle in his tracks. Kyle couldn’t turn her away or comfort her but just stood outside her door until her voice faded.

Aelle lost her child and lamented over it all day long. She didn’t speak to Kyle, not unless she’d ask for a divorce, and she no longer waited for him.

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Kyle grabbed the clothes, his knuckles turning white. 

He thought of Aelle, who was so withered that it felt like she would die right away. No matter how hard he tried to water her, it didn’t work.

‘She only asks for one thing.’

‘Please divorce me.’

Kyle felt the ground collapse the moment he heard her request.

‘Why won’t you divorce me?’

He chuckled darkly at her question. Even if she said it a hundred times, she still wouldn’t be able to understand his feelings, which he didn’t even know himself. 

The only thing that Kyle knew was that Aelle, who came into his life, must not die and that he should prevent her from going to Quetray forest.

‘Then I’ll have to die.’[3]

Suddenly, a voice without a hint of regret rang through his mind. In the stillness, Kyle found her voice from far away. From the chilling sound of leaves from the window.

‘Kyle.’

Her voice was clear and sweet.

“The child said, ‘Sweetheart, I’m fine. Last night, I dreamed of my father, and tonight, my mother. They both patted my hair. So, I’m not alone.'”

I heard a monotonous voice in my sleep. As I listened without knowing who it was, I was able to concentrate. It was a quiet and lonely voice.

“The moon said, ‘The two are not by your side. So, go to the moon with me. You can’t dream when you go there, but there are so many fun things.'”

With a groan, I tossed and turned, and the voice stopped. Then, after a while, the voice continued.

“The child said, ‘If I can’t dream, I don’t want to go. If I can’t see my father and mother, I don’t need the moon. So will you take the grandmother from that red brick house? She’ll be lonely.”

I heard the sound of a page being turned.

“Then the moon lost its light and disappeared. Someday your dream will eat you away. It was like a curse. The child stared at the moon and said–”

“What are you doing?”

Silence prevailed. I opened my eyes and stared at Kyle, sitting on the bedside chair and reading a book. 

Without any hint of surprise, he put the book on the bedside table. 

“I just read the rest of the book you were reading.”

It was a story that I couldn’t tell my baby. No one would listen, so what’s the use? I smiled softly and shook my head. 

I didn’t want to speak with him, so I turned around.