CH 66

“Kyle…” Hari swallowed hard and said what she had practiced. “It’s not your fault what happened with Louis or that I went to the forest, Kyle.”

“…”

“Louis died, but you shouldn’t let that hold you back.” Hari shook her head as if holding back her tears and closed her eyes. Her voice sounded stronger. “But I never thought it was your fault or wished you were in his place, really. Louis and I, I’m glad you’re alive.”

Only then did Kyle turn and stare at her.

“Kyle…”

Hari felt choked up to see the dullness in his eyes that had lost its life.

Hari knew those eyes. The sight of young Kyle flooded her mind–alone in the world after the former duke and his wife passed away, crouched in the corner.

She had forgotten that those who collapsed once could easily do so again, and that it wasn’t simply because of the guilt towards Louis.

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Hari intuitively recognized. A marriage without a heart for itself*. It was impossible to establish in the first place.

“Kyle.” 

Hari buried her face in her hands and cried. It was dangerous to see him crumbling after losing Aelle, but she couldn’t even hug or comfort him like she did when he was young.

She knew more than anyone else what it felt like to be left behind, but she couldn’t say anything. Kyle’s shoulder trembled, and he reflexively reached out his hand at the sight of Hari weeping.

But before long, he dropped his outstretched hand as crudely as a dry branch.

If he were his usual self, his first thought would be that he couldn’t stand her tears and wanted to wipe them away. But for some reason, that thought didn’t cross his mind.

No, on the contrary, the sight of her crying made him breathe a little easier. It’s as if she’s crying for Kyle, who couldn’t.

Kyle furrowed his brows. Why would he cry? His fears were over when he subconsciously acknowledged that Aelle was not coming back. The sense of loss that seemed to overwhelm him was more familiar than he thought, so he calmly accepted it. After all, the people by his side always left.

Instead, could Aelle’s arrow have struck his heart instead of the tree? He sometimes felt his chest ache, and it was difficult for him to breathe. Kyle felt the wind passing through his empty hand and slightly opened his fist.

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“Kyle.”

When Hari stopped crying and raised her face glistening with tears, Kyle cut off his thoughts. She took her handkerchief from her bosom and wiped away her tears.

Kyle’s eyes followed her handkerchief, Hari’s name engraved on the edge of the cloth evoking a sense of deja vu.

Hari smiled faintly and lowered her handkerchief, revealing her face swollen with emotion.

She took a deep breath and said, “You know what? Actually, I liked you when I was young, and there were engagement talks.”

Hari lowered her gaze and chuckled in embarrassment. Kyle’s eyes widened for a moment.

“But you didn’t have any interest in my, didn’t play with me every day because you were busy with succession classes, and I was so upset that I complained to Louis everyday, and then we fell for each other. Around that time, the former Duke and Duchess passed away.” As she approached the end, her voice grew heavier. 

Then Hari laughed again, replacing the sullen expression on her face. “When Louis and I had accidents, you would always take care of it, remember? You suffered a lot because of us. While arguing over such foolish things as saying that we would put friendship in a glass bottle, we broke a vase that my parents treasured and secretly brought back a counterfeit. It was so stupid.”

“Did I?”

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“Look, again, don’t say you don’t remember.” Reflecting on her memories, she shook her head with her faint smile. “Yeah, you did. But I’m always a step late. It’s not that Louis and I don’t show up*, we’re just one step late, like this.”

Tears welled up in Hari’s eyes. She looked up at Kyle, and her tears fell. Dark gray eyes and an emaciated face glimmered in her eyes.

“Kyle, I’m fine. Louis is, too. So don’t be tied down by us any longer…” Hari swallowed and exhaled as if trying to control her drumming emotions again. “Look back at you*.”

Harry hesitated, then backed away. Then she looked down at the handkerchief she held in her hand and twisted her eyes in agony.

For a moment, she had felt betrayed that Aelle, whom she thought of as a close friend, had deceived her. The fact that she couldn’t see her anymore made her heart feel like it’s being torn apart.

Kyle wasn’t calm but it didn’t show. It wasn’t that he was used to it.

Just like in his childhood, he would keep it to himself when he didn’t know how to express his sadness. 

Hari stared at the tears falling at her feet, turned right away, and left the office.

Kyle stared blankly at her tears.

He couldn’t remember his conversation with Hari. The day just ended as usual. It was dark outside the window, and the flower beds were no longer visible.

Even so, as he stood there staring out the window, he suddenly became curious about Aelle’s gaze. What did she see as she waited for him on her bedroom balcony? What was the view like?

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Turning around, Kyle left the office so agitated that anyone would get anxious if they saw him. His steps towards her bedroom accelerated as he left the office. Finally, after passing a long row of corridors toward the second floor, her bedroom appeared.

Unlike just a while ago, Kyle arrived in front of her bedroom with leisurely steps. He hesitated for a moment, then grabbed the doorknob and turned it, opening smoothly without force.

Cold air hit him when the door was fully open. The dark, desolate, chilly bedroom vividly revealed that no one had been there for a long time. Of course, the room was clean, so it wasn’t as if humans hadn’t touched it, but the mere fact that the owner wasn’t there gave the bedroom a distinct chill.

Kyle looked around the bedroom before closing the door and heading for the balcony. When he opened the window that blocked the passage, a cool spring breeze came in, and his hair fluttered.

Kyle’s gaze slid slowly from the front door to the garden, then the open path and round fountain. His gaze finally landed in front of the mansion.

There was a day, one he couldn’t even remember, when their eyes had met.

As he stood by the railing and stared at the view, it felt as if she were still alive and he’s waiting for her to return.

“Is this how you felt?”

He felt lonely, forlorn, and a little miserable. Finally, after staring outside for a while, he turned around.

After entering the bedroom again, he looked around and headed for the console.

‘Your Grace, actually, while I was cleaning Madam’s bedroom, I found a diary in the console drawer.’

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Following the voice echoing in his mind, Kyle opened the top drawer of the console, and his eyes widened as he found a neatly placed diary.

He hesitated for a moment before he reached for the diary. It was rough with geometric patterns embroidered with gold thread, but it didn’t slip that much, and he could easily hold it in his hand.

When Kyle opened the diary, the first sheet was revealed. His fingers dug through the paper and turned it over, showing the neat handwriting that reflected her personality. Gray eyes moved slowly.

「I’m sorry. If losing her one day is a sadness to you, it’s an opportunity for me.

I know it’s wicked to want your path to be thorny. 

There’s nothing wrong with despising me for being insidious.

My wish will be immortal.*」

After reading the first chapter, he stopped breathing as if he were dead. He wanted to figure out the meaning of her writing, and his eyes wandered over her handwriting, not knowing where to start. A while later, he finally turned to the next page. 

「The days I can’t see your face are increasing. Whenever I experience things that I haven’t experienced, I feel distant from you. From gorgeous dresses and jewelry to mouth-watering food. I’m solving a desire I didn’t know before, but I’m missing what I want most.」

Before he even realized it, he flipped through the next page. Then the next page, and the next. His hand trembled and gradually accelerated, gritting his teeth as if holding back a groan.

Then he spat out his breath as if letting go of her tear-stained diary.

「The truth is, I didn’t want to replace her.」

Kyle stared at the ink-smudged letters from her tears. Then, suddenly, tears fell over the traces of her old tears. He flipped the paper over with a trembling hand.