CH 82

Kou Chen laughed, and then he put his phone down.

He didn’t know what else to say, he didn’t need anything in the first place, since they spent the whole day together talking, so there really wasn’t much else. 

But despite that, he didn’t want to hold his phone. He was scared that his fingers would move on their own and type something he wasn’t ready to say yet.

So he put it down.

But Huo Ran probably couldn’t feel what he was going through, so it dinged again a few seconds later.

Kou Chen picked it up, and saw that Huo Ran sent a message. 

-?

He was gonna send a period back, but then he didn’t want Huo Ran to yell at him, so he snapped his fingers: “Shuai!”

Shuaishuai ran over to him, placing his paws on his legs.

Kou Chen started recording a video and pointed his phone at Shuaishuai: “Come, Shuaishuai, say hi to Ranran-gege.”

Shuaishuai barked twice at the camera.

“Good boy,” Kou Chen patted his head, “Now sing a song for Ranran-gege.”

Shuaishuai looked at him.

“Sing! Come on!” Kou Chen flicked his ear. 

Shuaishuai looked at him.

“Dumb dog.” Kou Chen tsked, then he raised his head, “Awoo—”

Shuaishuai immediately copied him and started howling.

Kou Xiao yelled from downstairs: “Shut up! You two are crazy! Is it the full moon or what?!” 

“Okay, go play now.” Kou Chen stopped the recording and rubbed Shuaishuai’s head.

Shuaishuai lept back onto the couch to watch TV, and he sent the video to Huo Ran.

-Shuaishuai’s little performance for you

-So cute 

not as cute as

Kou Chen clicked his tongue and deleted the message, sending a dog emoji instead.

To avoid the awkwardness of trying to find something to say when he didn’t have anything, he sent:

-going to bed, I’m so tired 

–goodnight

-goodnight

He didn’t know if Huo Ran was sleeping or not, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep.

He always slept late. It was a habit that started since he started living with his dad again. His world truly began only when he closed his bedroom door at night. He would play some games, and look around. Even if he was just staring off into space, he enjoyed it. 

So he usually never felt tired before midnight.

But today was different, probably because he used up too much energy today.

Or maybe it was because he didn’t have anything to do. The droning from the TV made him sleepy, and Shuaishuai had already fallen asleep on his bed, leg twitching occasionally.

Near midnight, he started yawning, and so he went to wash up for bed before he really felt tired. Then he pushed Shuaishuai over and got into bed, eyes already feeling heavy.

But even so, he still couldn’t fall asleep easily, so he scrolled through his Moments.

It was mostly pictures of The Seven of them, with some other random photos from other classmates.

And one from Lin Wuyu. 

Sleeping early today

That guy rarely posted, or maybe it was just for his close friends, so this was the first time Kou Chen saw a post from him.

Poor third years, even midnight was considered early.

Staring at the words, Kou Chen suddenly felt glum. 

He didn’t message Lin Wuyu earlier, and now he’s probably asleep!

But why would he message Lin Wuyu? What is he supposed to say?

Kou Chen frowned.

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But this Monday was a little different. Right as he stepped into school, Huo Ran could feel that the atmosphere was different. After he brought Kou Chen’s bike to his dorm, Jiang Lei called him. 

“Are you at school yet?” Jiang Lei yelled.

“I just got here, what happened?” Huo Ran asked.

“Come to the lab building!” Jiang Lei said. “We’re all here! A third year girl is trying to jump off the roof!”

“What?” Huo Ran froze, and then he started sprinting over. 

“The police are here too,” Jiang Lei said. “Fuck, what happened? Maybe the exam pressure got to her, but they’re still two months away…”

Probably only bad students would think two months is still a long time away from university entrance exams.

As Huo Ran ran over, he saw that everyone else around him were also running. 

“Over here!” Kou Chen and the others were standing by the rock garden, and he waved him over.

Huo Ran saw that there were a few moving figures standing on top of the building, and outside of the railings stood a short-haired girl. She had her hands on the railing, and was leaning forwards.

This building had just been completed the year he entered high school, and it was the tallest one in the entire school. The facilities were also the best in the city, and he always loved taking classes there.

There was no air cushion on the ground, apparently it wouldn’t be of any use for someone falling from that height. 

“Who is it? Do we know her?” Huo Ran asked.

“No, she’s in the Sciences.” Kou Chen said. “At least I don’t know her… This is way too extreme…”

“Is she really planning to jump? Or does she just want to scare her parents or something?” Wei Chaoren said. “Maybe her family is too strict?”

“Even so,” Xu Chan said. “She’d still have to be under a lot of pressure to resort to this…” 

The teachers and police officers on the roof were all speaking to her, but the girl didn’t have much of an expression on her face. She looked down at everyone from above, leaning forwards. If her hands slipped like this, she would fall for sure.

Huo Ran hadn’t felt the pressure of university entrance exams yet. More specifically, none of them had even thought about it. Even Xu Zhifan who had the best grades of them all had basically never brought it up.

But in the end, they’re still at a top school. People like them are in the minority, and most people already had their goals since middle school. The closer exams got, the more pressure they would be under.

Pressure from their parents, pressure from the school, and pressure from themselves. 

Last year there was a third year that left school because the pressure was too much. They were supposed to come back and repeat the year, but he didn’t see them again. He didn’t know if they got better, or if they gave up.

There was the other high school in the city that rivalled Fuzhong’s admission rates, and he heard that someone went completely bald due to stress, and it still didn’t grow back after exams. Good thing they got into a pretty good university, and his hair finally started growing back when they got the admission letter. The guy even went back to school to prove that he wasn’t bald anymore.

A few teachers came running over with a group of girls. They stood at the foot of the building, and one of the teachers was calling someone, probably communicating with the people on the roof. 

He discussed something with the group of girls, and then one of them looked up and screamed: “Zhenzhen—! It’s me! All of our roommates are here, do you see us!”

The girls all waved their hands, yelling: “Zhenzhen!”

“What are you doing? Zhen!” The girl at the front continued. “Are you just gonna leave us behind?! We promised to go travelling after graduation, we were going to take pictures together! We were gonna buy the sexiest dresses and go out to a bar right after exams! We were gonna have fun this summer! Are you just gonna throw that away?!”

“And—!” Another girl yelled, “You were going to confess after exams! Are you not gonna do that now? He’s never going to know you liked him— Is that what you want? We’re not gonna tell him for you, you have to do it yourself!” 

Maybe that last line affected the girl, Zhenzhen. She trembled, like she was crying.

“Keep going.” A teacher nodded. “Don’t stop, she’s hesitating!”

“Did you forget what you said?!” Another girl followed up, choked with sobs, “You haven’t lived until you confess to someone without a care in the world!”

“Damn,” Jiang Lei sniffed. “What is this chicken soup for the soul kinda speech? It’s actually a little moving, am I just crying too easily today?” 

“It’s too much, I’m scared…” Zhenzhen yelled, crying. They couldn’t hear what she said after that.

Huo Ran could see the officers behind her move closer as she cried with her head down.

He immediately felt nervous.

Kou Chen was probably nervous too, and he put an arm around his shoulders, saying in his ear: “Fuck, my palms are sweating.” 

“Me too.” Huo Ran grabbed Kou Chen’s hand.

Kou Chen squeezed his hand tightly.

As the girls below were still yelling, an officer took a big step forward and grabbed Zhenzhen’s wrist.

Everyone on the ground gasped. 

Another officer came up and held onto her, and the two of them successfully pulled her back from the other side of the railing.

It went quiet for a few seconds, and then everyone cheered and clapped.

They didn’t see what happened next, the teachers started shooing everyone away.

The Seven of them sighed as they headed towards their classroom.

“If I decided to do the same someday,” Wei Chaoren said, “You guys have to talk to me like that.”

“Like what?” Xu Zhifan asked.

“He didn’t confess yet,” Kou Chen said. “Chaoren! The girl from Shiyizhong you like! You haven’t told her how you feel yet! Like this?” 

“Yup.” Wei Chaoren nodded. “I think Zhenzhen and I are similar, I’ll hesitate at that. I haven’t confessed yet, so will it be a shame if I just die like that? I’ve never even been in a relationship…”

“That’s a bit far,” Xu Chuan said. “Think, nobody’s even rejected you yet.”

“That’s right! It’ll be such a shame, forget being in a relationship, nobody’s even rejected me yet.” Wei Chaoren tsked. “I have to find someone to reject me… No, I have to confess…”

“The clock’s ticking.” Hu Yi said. “It’s great now, but that fate can break any day. Fate is in the moment, right in front of you. It’ll be gone if you’re too late.” 

“Damn, Carrot!” Jiang Lei looked at him. “What’s going on with you? Everything you say shocks me lately.”

“He always liked to think about stuff like this,” Xu Zhifan said. “He’s just been talking more lately.”

Outside of the building, Huo Ran suddenly stopped: “I haven’t eaten breakfast yet…” 

“Kou Chen got it for you.” Xu Zhifan said as he walked up the stairs.

“Huh?” Huo Ran paused, and then turned to Kou Chen. He finally noticed that Kou Chen was holding a plastic bag.

“I told you to come earlier so we can eat together.” Kou Chen clicked his tongue, taking a container out of the bag. “We were all at the cafeteria when it happened so we rushed over together, and then we had to pack your food up too…”

“Thank you.” Huo Ran took the container. There were a few pieces of neatly packed shumai, and a couple of chicken wings. 

He suddenly felt an emotion he couldn’t quite name. He didn’t know if he was moved, satisfied, or something else.

Kou Chen took the container away again.

Huo Ran looked at him. He was frowning.

“Oh, no thank yous.” Huo Ran nodded. “It’s what you should do.” 

Kou Chen smiled and raised an eyebrow, giving the food back.

Kou Chen had completely taken over Xu Zhifan’s spot. They changed seats every week, from front to back, from left to right. No matter where he ended up, Kou Chen would always be beside him.

Sometimes they would be separated from the others, but Kou Chen was always there. 

Huo Ran leaned forwards with his forehead against the edge of the table. The container of food was in his lap, and he ate his shumai happily.

The shumai was made with cornmeal in a pretty yellow shade, and it tasted great too…

“Your card’s with me,” Huo Ran suddenly remembered, and he whispered to Kou Chen, “How did you buy breakfast?”

“Am I just gonna starve without it?” Kou Chen put his wrist in his face, waving the THXD bracelet. “There’s five other people, who couldn’t buy breakfast for me? Are you looking down at us Operation: Lick the Sea bunch?” 

Huo Ran laughed, not saying anything else, only continuing to eat his shumai.

He wasn’t looking down on them, his brain probably wasn’t working properly.

He should eat more walnuts from now on. Just a container of breakfast disoriented him so much like this.

Old Yuan didn’t come to check on them during morning self-study, and nobody was studying anyways. They were all talking about what just happened.

Huo Ran listened to bits and pieces of the conversations as he ate.

Everyone focused on pretty much the same points. First they lamented over how much pressure the third years had to be under, and then the topic moved to confessing before you die. Wu Xiaochen even sighed: “I really wanted to say something, but I didn’t know if it would be appropriate. Look at me, I still have a bunch of secret stuff on my computer, on my shelves. I think it’s not that I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to die so casually, my innocence…”

That made everyone laugh. 

Huo Ran laughed too.

But what the group of girls yelled out was what was going through his head.

He doesn’t want to die, and he’s not under any pressure, nor is he likely to be under any in the future, but for some reason, he felt restless.

It felt like there was no time. 

It’s gonna be too late.

Fate is in the moment, right in front of you. It’ll be gone if you’re too late

He couldn’t help but look up at Hu Yi.

That guy, it was like he was suddenly enlightened. He actually said something like that. 

The bell signaling the end of morning self-study rang, and the chatter in the classroom became louder.

Huo Ran stood up.

“Where are you going?” Kou Chen stood up as well. 

“Nowhere.” Huo Ran pushed him back down into his seat, walking out of the room alone.

Then he sent Xu Zhifan a text.

-the old equipment room

None of them usually went to the old equipment room. As Huo Ran stood there, he remembered how they all sat on the roof of the building during the rooftop confession event.

He still remembered the yells and applause when Lin Wuyu spoke.

And how Kou Chen gave him a thumbs up and said: “Nice.”

Huo Ran sighed softly. 

When Xu Zhifan arrived, he suddenly felt timid again.

“What is it?” Xu Zhifan said before he even walked to him.

Huo Ran opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Xu Zhifan looked around. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at him. 

“That, Zhifan,” Huo Ran held it in, and then he stammered out, “Just… I want to, there’s something, I…”

Xu Zhifan sighed, but he didn’t interrupt him.

“Are you homophobic?” Huo Ran grit his teeth, and borrowed the words that Kou Chen asked him before.

“No.” Xu Zhifan wasn’t as surprised as he was then. He replied quickly and calmly. 

Huo Ran looked at him.

“Go on.” Xu Zhifan said.

“You said before that you had something to ask me?” Huo Ran said.

“Mhm.” Xu Zhifan nodded. “I said I’ll ask in a couple days, it’s only been one.” 

“You can ask.” Huo Ran cleared his throat.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to make it that long.” Xu Zhifan said. “Then, I’m gonna ask.”

“Mhm.” Huo Ran almost couldn’t breathe, his heart beat wildly, and it felt like he was gonna vibrate away if he didn’t hold onto something.

So he grabbed onto a small sapling nearby. 

Xu Zhifan glanced at that hand, and then he said quietly: “Do you… feel something towards Kou Chen?”

Huo Ran jerked his head up at him.

“You like him?” Xu Zhifan tested.

Those two words were like a cut wire. It crackled and spit electricity across his mind. 

A second earlier, Huo Ran wasn’t even sure what was wrong with him.

And he didn’t dare to be sure.

He almost didn’t even know what he called Xu Zhifan out here for.

But hearing Xu Zhifan say those three words, everything became clear. 

“I think… no, not that.” His own voice sounded like it was from three hundred metres away, “I do, I do…”

Xu Zhifan stayed quiet, all sorts of shock evident beneath his calm expression. He could tell that he suspected something, but wasn’t completely sure.

Huo Ran had the childish thought that they were even now.

He flicked the sapling with a finger, then cleared his throat again: “I like Kou Chen.”