Chapter 19

I don’t look back. “Jinzi,” I call his name gently, a bit of weakness within the tranquility.

"Let's go eat." The same words Jinfeng had said to Xiao Lu.

"Mn." I reply lightly.

He doesn't say anything more as he stands behind me.

During this season’s evenings, with the wind blowing against you, it’s a bit chilly.

It’s for that reason I always like to bring up wintertime flings. Have another living being warm up my whole winter, then split when spring comes.

Each and every time, the encounter is different, the process is refined, the person is special, the plot would be good enough for a joint performance in a movie or a novel, and the breakup is serene and somber.

I don't know what love is supposed to be, at the end of it all.

I’m very cold now. I really want to turn around and pull on his hand, fall into his arms, and ask with a calm expression and low voice, “Jinzi, can you not hate me?”

I restrain myself.

Jinzi, Jinzi.

I know that he's not the same towards me.

Maybe it’s because he was the first man I saw following my death and crossing of space and time into my second life; maybe it’s because he’s outstanding and been through all kinds of misery; maybe it’s because of my maternal instinct or whatnot; maybe I’m just lecherous… and admiring his youth, hm.

I deplore him.

Whenever I meet him, half of my proud rationality goes down the drain.

He loathes me.

He's waiting to kill me in three years.

My lashes hang down. Nothing was done, nothing was said.

Sometimes I sleep lightly with many disordered dreams, and at that point it’s very easy to wake me up with even the slightest movement.

In the middle of this night, however, there was no dream and no noise, yet I woke up for reasons unknown.

The curtains are half-drawn. Though the moon is bright, it illuminates the room weakly.

I looked at the pillowed head of the person next to me. He’s sleeping very peacefully, face shrouded in shadow. I found that only when he closed his eyes was his true age called to my mind.

It’s so harmonious, laying next to each other without lust… it seems that our sleeping habit has become that of a tired old married couple’s, very similar to friends or relatives of the same sex.

His breath is soft, light, and shallow. He suddenly frowned slightly, that arch steeped in stubborn restraint upon his smooth and clean face causing my heartbeat to quicken. I don’t know what he was dreaming about, but thinking about his age and all the things he’s experienced, I can’t help but feel some heartache.

At this time, I got the feeling that the moonlight outside the window became dark before becoming bright again, as if something was moving past at a high speed, but there was no silhouette or shadow of a person or anything.

I feel the hairs on my skin raise up a little. Is this my instinct of danger?

I mumble to myself on whether or not to wake up Yao Jinzi when he opens his eyes all of a sudden. His expression was clear and calm without the slightest hint of grogginess, and had me wondering if he had actually woken up when I had earlier.

“Jin-” I wanted to tell him about my discovery, but he puts a finger over his lips to tell me to keep quiet.

I obediently shut my mouth.

I’m not sure if it was a door or a window, but something suddenly burst open, a resplendent and cold rainbow streaking across the darkness and into my retinas. I can’t tell if it’s a frigid wind or a killing aura that’s poured into my warm bedroom.

My eyes are blinded, and I can only use my other senses to figure out what’s going on. Yao Jinzi seemed to jump up from his spot next to me, followed by the continuous sound of clashing blades, faint dark blue sparks splitting through the darkness as two vague silhouettes are coming and going like wind as they fight. I can’t tell who is who.

My heart stopped and body stiffened. My mouth was open but I was unable to make a sound, throat dry and constricted.

I had lived a pampered life in an era of peace, after all. I have no experience in facing this kind of overt and brutal threat to my life. It turns out I'd actually be afraid to this extent.

Call out. Call for people to come help. Why can’t I make a single sound?

My struggle may have only lasted a second. The two fighting figures abruptly separate, one of them staggering backwards…

“Jinzi!” I screamed, my own rough and mournful voice scaring me.

But I understood right away that it wasn’t him who was wounded, as the shadow of the one who recoiled turned their back and jumped out the window.

I ought to call for help straight away and have Tian Chun and Zhu Xianxi protect the courtyard and track down the assassin, but instead I did something completely stupid and threw myself at Yao Jinzi, embracing him tightly.

“Jinzi, how are you?” My whole body still faintly shaking, palms sweating.

He didn’t push me away, but rather grabbed my upper arms with both his hands. “It’s nothing.”

I felt something wet on his chest. My heart sank.

“Blood…” I gave everything I had to keep my voice steady. “You’re injured.”

He nonchalantly waved his hand, lighting up the green oil lamp.

Upon seeing the large spatter of blood on his chest, I felt dizzy, my body swaying.

Damn it, my haemophobia is intense.

He reached out to help steady me at long last. “It’s not my blood,” he said.

There were lights and the sound of people shouting coming from outside. Someone had found the assassin’s tracks. Another shouted “protect the master”, and Zhu Xianxi subsequently charged in, yelling “are you alright, Sir?!"

With someone else, I immediately revert to my normal state.

“I am unharmed. Jinzi is here. You all go to catch the assassin,” I instruct calmly.

Zhu Xianxi wasn’t relieved to see Jinzi, but he still rushed back out.

Hong Feng came in after that. I said, “You came just in time, Hong Feng. Go get some jinchuang[1] medicine and clean clothes for Jinzi.”

Hong Feng was somewhat startled, and asked, "Young Master Yao was actually injured?" After spotting the bloodstains on his chest and on the ground, her face paled.

“I’m not.” Yao Jinzi’s voice was gentle and indifferent, yet without impatience. He was staring at me with a strange look in his eyes.

“What’s this?” I pull on his scratched sleeve to reveal a small, shallow line on his left arm that’s oozing blood, my voice raising a bit uncontrollably.

Okay, I’ll admit that I’m making a mountain out of an anthill here, it’s only a tiny wound. If him being hurt actually made me lose my cool to this extent, then I’m done for.

A woman's IQ really does drop when she's in love.

Even though I… am currently not a woman.

Hong Feng brought the clothes and medicine and I had her go out after. I lead Jinzi to take a seat on his bed, then helped him to take off his bloodied robes, apply the medicine, and change into the clean clothes.

Jinzi is very compliant, allowing me to boss him around, and watching my busyness in a bit of a strange way, some discerning and thoughtfulness in his eyes. When I saw him looking at me, he lowered his eyes and didn’t look at me anymore. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

I bit off a strip of cloth and bind the wound with it. Raising my head, I see Yao Jinzi watching my face again. I wrinkled my brow. “Does it hurt?”

He shakes his head.

“What’s going on with you? Did you know that assassin?”

He shakes his head again.

“Then,” I smiled, “are you worried about me?”

He huffed, turning his head away.

The assassin wasn’t caught in the end. I’m not upset about it. There’s too many people that want to kill Zhang Qinglian, so it would be difficult to investigate. Moreover, I’ve been well aware for a while now that the reasons they’d want to kill him for are, for the most part, supremely tragic. I really wouldn’t know how to deal with the assassin if they did catch them.

I don’t want to offer my neck up for them, though, so I set Zhu Xianxi and Tian Chun up with the task of reinforcing security.

Hong Feng, Tian Chun, and Zhu Xianxi were very nervous. I thusly was the opposite, and didn’t take the assassination too seriously. They decided upon a strict nighttime watch, and it became difficult for even mosquitoes to enter the area around my water pavilion.

When I was having breakfast the next day, I told Xiao Lu that he doesn’t need to follow me around anymore, and that he should study hard with Yao Jinfeng as a study buddy.

Xiao Lu was shocked, then knelt down and wept, asking him if I didn’t want him anymore.

I’ve found that Xiao Lu is one of the few who don’t fear Zhang Qinglian as he firmly believes that “Mister Zhang is a good person”. Seeing that he’s normally very intelligent, I don’t know why he has such a biased view on this specific issue. It’s likely from the time when Qinglian bought him and then called for a doctor to help his parents.

“Xiao Lu, if you want to be a good official, you’re going to have to read a vast amount of books and comprehend a vast amount of things,” I said mildly.

There wasn’t a single person in the surrounding area who wasn’t astonished at my brainless words. They probably all thought I’d gone mad.

Xiao Lu stared at me with an open mouth. I blinked at him, then smiled a bit.

Xiao Lu wiped his nose forcefully, then shouted, “Yes, Sir!”

Because of Xiao Lu, I begin to think of an even smaller child; His Majesty the Emperor.

I promised to take him out on a plainclothes adventure and I can’t go back on that. Furthermore, if I’m going to want to do anything in the future, I also need to understand the real world here and the hardships in people’s lives. It seems that I should make arrangements for this matter.

[1] TCM term for wounds specifically caused by metal.