Chapter 22

–NSFW WARNING! MAJOR DUB-CON WARNING! There will be another warning, and a link to a safer-for-work summary, right before the problematic content begins, so anyone who doesn't want to read it can skip it!–

Nothing of major note happened for several days in a row, and it quietly slipped into February. I recently noticed that the willows have begun to sport small and fine bits of green, the air has gained some warmth and humidity, and, this afternoon, the cadence of rain could be heard falling outside.

I’m by myself in the study, looking through the carved railings and painted windows at the towering landscapes beyond blurred by the unending stream of rain.

Having nothing to do in ancient times sucks.

Fine, I guess it’s okay to “steal a half-day of leisure in this life floating by". [1]

The white sandalwood incense smoking from the Southern Pearl Golden Beast is gone, only its ashes remaining in the burner. I didn’t feel like calling for a maid, so I deigned to find a fragrance myself. It takes what seems like half a day of rummaging for me find a small and elegant redwood box tucked away into a recess in the room.

I sniffed at it. The fragrance is much stronger than the one that was just burning, but it’s not bad. Is this the ambergris that sly old fox Lin Guiquan gifted last time?

I threw it into the censer and lit it, boredom once again creeping up on me. I suddenly had a thought: after I arrived here, I never wrote anything out of fear that my different handwriting would expose me, but there’s going to be a day in the future when my pen can no longer remain motionless, and then it’ll be too late. It’d be good to take advantage of my present free time to find a piece of his handwriting and practice copying it. Furthermore, wouldn’t there be a lot for me to gain if I’m able to find his letters, confidential files, account books, notes, and so on?

Thinking of this, I hurriedly begin to overturn the room again.

I’ve searched every nook and cranny, turned over every book, and start to knock on the walls and floors, listening out for any hollow spots.

Jinzi came in at this moment, having just come back from checking on that little brat Yao Jinfeng’s martial arts progress. Due to the rain, his shining black hair and clothes were damp and stuck to his body. The originally too-long eyelashes, too-dark eyes, and too-beautiful shape of his eyes are now softened with water, making him more neutral than usual, and causing me to not be so jealous of them.

“What are you looking for?” He can’t help but stare blankly, walking in on me making such actions and poses.

“Well, I wanted to see if there were any letters of previous correspondence with Shao Qing. That person’s coming back soon, and I’m afraid that he’ll see through my amnesia, so I want to review them first.”

"Letters…?"

How annoying, where did Jinzi pick up that Yuan Qingyun bloke’s habit of prolonging his words? And why does he sound mocking, ending it with a sneer?

I climb up, unknowingly with a head full of dust, and look at him in light annoyance. “Yes, but I can’t find any.”

He sneers again. "Of course you can't find any."

"Why not?" I don't understand.

“Because, Sir Zhang Qinglian… you are of low origin, with no opportunity to learn to read and write in your childhood… but fortunately, the former emperor favored you, and you had the chance to learn for a while. The words you know aren’t more than a thousand, the ones you can write aren’t more than a hundred, and your handwriting is childish and ugly – why would you ever reveal this weak point?… Therefore, your secretary writes your letters for you. As for General Shao, don’t you burn every letter you receive from him?”

I’m so caught off-guard and speechless by his words, it’s like I got struck by lightning. I can’t think of anything to come back with.

For a powerful minister like Zhang Qinglian to actually be only semiliterate is nothing short of mind-blowing. This grand country has a half-learned chancellor in its employ!

What mud pit did the previous emperor drag Zhang Qinglian out of?

Yet, this sort of thing isn’t really rare. Like a few of Wu Zetian’s boytoys, there’s been many unwise rulers with a few favored ministers, some with very irregular backgrounds. Hey, speaking of Wu Zetian, the name of two of her boytoys is very similar to Zhang Qinglian’s. [2]

I'm jittery all of a sudden, so I plant my butt in a chair.

It’s hot, it’s so hot, why is the weather already so hot? I pull at my collar, feeling that my limbs have got soft and my body’s gone lazy. I fall on top of my book, which is the one made of yellow pear heartwood and engraved with jujube branches.

“Jinzi…” Eep, why is my voice so gentle and so far away, yet even more charming?

Jinzi took a breath, and his face suddenly changed. He looked at the censer in the corner of the room, immediately went up and snuffed it out, then turned to look at me and asked, “Who put this incense in?”

"Me…"

He stared, then watched me closely with eyes full of an even more oppressive force. “Do you know what this incense is?”

"…Am…ber?"

“This is ‘Harmony’. You commonly used it before to deal with disobedient, fiercely rebellious boys… like me."

Don’t talk so loud. My brain is rumbling.

“…Is… is it an aphrodisiac?”

"More or less."

"…If you don't have sex, will it kill you?…"

"It's not that bad, but it's not much better."

“Such a strong drug… then, Jinzi, why are you fine?”

“You used it on me too many times, so now it has no effect on me.”

……

"…Jinzi, why are you carrying me?"

"Going to bed."

I try with all my might to turn my head, trying to call back to my mind what little bit of rapidly dissipating consciousness I have left, but the effect is unclear.

"…Jinzi, I don't have any strength…"

“That’s because this incense causes numbness. It’s also very effective in dealing with martial artists.”

My clothes have apparently been opened up. There’s two hands roving across my upper body. Where they touch feels cooler, easing my hungering and aching body, but the fire burns even more fiercely after they move away.

Everything has started to become a blur. Only Jinzi is distinct. He’s very close, his voice very clear, his hands impossible to ignore, his face…

Ah, his pretty face, why is it so warped? His eyes are blazing, but is it with hatred or desire?

A sudden pain in my lower body snaps me back to reality, my mind recovering by more than half.

It’s Jinzi! When did he put his finger… there’s a delicate little box embedded with shells in his other hand, and it seems like… it’s filled with animal fat…

"Jinzi, what are you trying to do?" I'm beginning to get flustered.

Instead of answering, he tries to push his finger in deeper.

Ow!

It might not actually be that painful, but the psychological fear and rejection has made the pain unbearable.

"No, Jinzi, stop!"

There seems to be a cold and remote flame burning in his voice. “That’s the same thing I said to you then.”

I’m frightened by what’s in his voice for a second. Without waiting for me to analyze with my little remaining rational thought, he pulls out his finger.

Phew. I relax. A receiver’s body is not to be treated in such an excessively forceful manner, especially for a woman… though my body is currently male.

Jinzi… no! He’s undressing!

"Jinzi…" My voice is panicky.

“No, don’t… Jinzi!” I resisted the drug’s effects and sat up on the bed, trying to restore both his and my rationality.

He paid me no heed. After getting rid of my clothes, he grabbed my ankles and pulled me back. I struggle in vain; he pushes me onto the bed with ease. Now that Yao Jinzi’s martial arts have recovered and the martial arts in Zhang Qinglian’s body have been pretty much wasted by fucking ‘Harmony’, the power difference is incomparable.

My lower body is completely prevented from moving. I have to use both my arms to lash out and resist, twisting my waist away. He completely ignored them. He had no use for my upper body anyways.

……

It hurts! It hurts really bad this time!

It has to be bleeding already!

The finger and this thing can’t even be mentioned in the same sentence, on my first day here I never experienced his…

I start to struggle for my life. He pressed my waist downwards urgently, but because this activity requires relatively high operational skill and I am 100% uncooperative, he can only get a little bit in.

But the situation isn’t to my advantage. The one to lose this deadlock will be me. If he remembers to seal my acupoints, I won’t have any hope left.

I lose it.

The arm supporting Jinzi’s body is right beside my face. I can see the beautiful strain of his muscles and the veins under his skin. I react instantly, using all the strength in my body to ruthlessly bite down on it…

He was caught off guard, my bite drawing a long flow of blood. I’m caught off guard myself by the automatic backlash of power from his body, the shock causing my mouth to ache and filling it with the taste of blood.

He temporarily drew away from my body due to the pain. “What are you doing?” He said furiously.

I prop myself up, turning my face towards him. I can’t stop the tears from flowing for reasons I don’t understand. “Yao Jinzi, you may as well kill me now!” I say, full of hate.

He glared at me. Forcefully repressing the lust incited by the drug, I glare right back, not willing to show weakness.

At long last, he indignantly gets up and throws his clothes on. “If you think that I’ll let you touch me now… then you’re dead wrong!” He speaks coldly.

The crisis being averted, I fall back weakly onto the bed. The struggle just now sapped all of my strength, willpower, and abilities. Now that I've relaxed, the drug is back to torment me.

I bite my lip to prevent myself from groaning and assume the fetal position. "Get out. I'll solve this myself," I say in a low voice.

Yes, I can DIY, though I'm an unskilled worker.

He had walked a few steps out when he turned back and returned to the beside. Bowing his head to look at my naked form, he finally clenches his jaw, grabs my shoulder, and turns my whole body back over.

I had been lying on my side, curled up into a ball. Him turning me over to lie flat immediately had me feeling like a turtle on its back – extremely unsafe and insecure.

“You…” I want to protest, but his hands are more gentle and not at all like how they had been, so the protest goes unspoken.

He took hold of me. I shook, looking at him. He didn’t look back.

Though I’m not too willing, the two-front attack of the drugs in my body and his pleasant touches leave me unable to utter a “no”. Whatever, if I do it myself, I don’t know what shameful things will happen, so I’ll just… let him do it.

I gradually sink into the happiness. In addition to the tender blissful excitement, his palm gives me a sense of security, as if I can begin to look forward to having sweet dreams when the pitch-black gathering darkness pushes down on me…

I bury my face in my arms.

So embarrassing.

……

I seriously played myself so hard. Am I really what that author said a smart, rational modern career woman would be?

Moron. How humiliating.

……

But if I want to blame someone for my using this incense, then I can only blame…

Zhang Qinglian!

What the hell was that goddamn sex fiend thinking putting this crap in a study?!

[1] Reference to an ancient poem. .

[2] Talking about the Zhang brothers (same surname).

[-] While both male or female pronouns would technically be correct for the MC, I'm going to use male ones just because of the genre.