Chapter 164 I've Really Become A Craven



"So what do you think, Pascoe? Do you want to continue to the next exercise?" asked Wyncall, a Barkaley soldier who often accompanied Pascoe.

But Pascoe, lost in his thoughts, remained silent momentarily and lowered his gaze to the ground before him. Wyncall noticed the unusual behavior and quickly inquired,

"What's wrong Pascoe? Are you sick?"

Realizing his actions, Pascoe shook his head and apologized.

"Ah no! Sorry, it's just that I've been thinking about a lot of things," he explained. His mind was preoccupied with a host of thoughts and concerns that were weighing heavily on him.

Despite Wyncall telling him something that used to excite him, he could not fully grasp what Wyncall said due to his introspective musings; the look on his face betrayed a deeper sense of turmoil that he was finding difficult to shake off.

"If you daydream like that, you'll be left behind. Remember that many people in this world want to be soldiers."

"That's right! I need to practice a lot! I need to get stronger!"

"Then, let's do as I say."

Daydreaming, Pascoe didn't hear what Wyncall said.

"Yes? Do what?" asked Pascoe.

"You didn't hear me, did you? Well, that's okay, I'll repeat it.

Now you have to find a stray dog and give it to me. Can you do it?"

"Of course I can! Father once asked me to catch them! What are stray dogs for?"

"For you to kill, of course.

I'll hang the dog to a tree, and then after that you'll use this sword to stab its stomach many times; that way, it can be a helpful practice for you in the future!" Wyncall said with a mischievous grin lit up on his face.

Pascoe shuddered inwardly. He usually saw Wyncall as someone he admired, but now Wyncall looked scary. Pascoe felt Wyncall had suggested something that seemed wrong.

'This kid... his morals are so hard to control,' Wyncall thought as he saw Pascoe's fearful face.

"Aaaha... Sorry Mr. Wyncall. I'll do it next time; I'm in a hurry right now! Goodbye Mr. Wyncall!" he shouted, his feet propelling him away from Wyncall, and he immediately ran away from there.

"Sigh... This is not good. He's already a failed experiment."

'Though things like this would be better if we taught innocent children who still don't know anything. Pascoe is a bit different; it seems like his parents taught him morals well.'

"Mr. Wyncall!" this time, another child approached Wyncall.

'Well, since the previous one failed, I can try it with another child.'

...

"Mr. Wyncall has been looking scary lately," muttered Pascoe as he returned to his house.

"Why did I suddenly become this timid? Mr. Wyncall just wanted to teach me how to use a sword."

Ever since Pascoe met Wyncall at the end of last water month, he had felt his goal of becoming a knight come closer, and he had vowed at that time to fulfill whatever training he gave him.

But lately, Pascoe had begun to fear Wyncall, and now he often daydreamed. Not only when he was with Wyncall but also when he was helping his father in the garden.

The reason for his daydreams was none other than,

"Pascoe... You're back early again today. Have you finished playing?" was his mother, Iva.

"I-yeah, the other kids are busier because they help their parents!" Pascoe said, lying. From the beginning, he had no friends close enough to play with.

"I see..."

'I've really become a craven,' Pascoe thought as he looked at his mother, who was stroking her pregnant belly.

"Since I'm still unsatisfied playing, do you want to play with me?" asked Pascoe.

"Eh? Playing with you? But I can't move much."

"That's okay! I just want to play ring toss."

"Alright…But if I win, do you want to change your playtime to help Dad in the garden?"

"HAHAHA Don't underestimate me mom! How could I lose?! Mr. Wyncall praises my accuracy, and I can easily beat the other kids!"

Pascoe rushed towards the barn, his mind preoccupied with one single thought - finding the play. He was excited because he could be playing with his mother after a while. As he found the wooden play for ring toss, he returned to his mother. Sprinting, panting heavily, sweat streaming down to his forehead. The tiredness didn't matter, though, as he couldn't wait to play with his mother.

"Mother! I found it! Let's play-"

But as he went back to his mother, he saw Allen and Rodion walking on the way to the house. Pascoe could see his mother's determination to get fit and healthy, but his heart sank as he looked at them, indicating their game would have to wait.

"Ah, Pascoe. Let's play later; mom will do exercise first."

"O-okay..."

'I've really become a coward...'

The next day, Pascoe didn't even go to visit Wyncall; he was just at home, playing with his mother, telling stories, and collecting insects, sometimes he showed his mother the sword art moves that Wyncall had taught him, even though they were all lies.

The next day, the next day, and the next day, he became closer to family. He never played far away. Part of his day was spent playing with his mother, and the other part was helping his father.

"Mom! Now I'm going to show you the most difficult twisting style to do-"

Allen and Rodion came,

"Ah sorry Pascoe. Please show it next time,"

"Eh?! No way! I want to show you my spinning style!"

"Show it next time, mom will definitely see it later."

Pascoe puffed up his face, annoyed and angry.

"NO NEED! YOU DON'T NEED TO SEE IT AGAIN!" Pascoe threw down his wooden stick and ran away.

"What's wrong?" asked Rodion, who had just arrived.

"That... Pascoe has been getting spoiled lately. Not that I'm bothered, but over time he's become more and more selfish," said Iva.

"Yeah, that's not surprising; kids get more and more spoiled with their parents, especially when their parents' time is taken away like now."

Allen looked at Pascoe who was running away; seeing his expression, Allen realized it, it was the face of someone who was angry and getting scared.

"Allen, why stay still? Do your job,"

"Okay..."

Pascoe didn't run very far; he ran until he was behind the bushes beside his garden. From the beginning, he didn't intend to go anywhere. He wanted to cry, spend his time alone as usual, and see his mother behind the bushes.

"Why does mom have to exercise like that?! She should spend her time with me!" muttered Pascoe.

Pascoe peeked at his mother's activities behind the bushes.

As usual, he could see his mother trying to improve her stamina. Sweat was pouring down her shirt, her wrinkled face was always twitching with fatigue, but her eyes were always burning with enthusiasm.

It was ever since Allen promised them to save his mother.

Pascoe, who did not care about his family and only focused on his goal, had been so consumed by ambitions that he had seen his family as an obstacle in the way of his goals. However as Pascoe watched Iva's struggles to ensure the child in her belly, his heart began to soften and he slowly became spoiled and craven.

It had been several days since Pascoe had seen Iva's struggle, and Iva's efforts grew a sense of worry in Pascoe's heart.

Iva's efforts to give birth to the child in her womb normally make Pascoe think

'Was I also taken care of like that when I was in mom's belly?'

'Did mom use to rub her belly when I was in there too?'

The deep sense of trepidation within him echoed and hit him. He had never considered the pain and sacrifices his mother went through when she bore him in her womb. The ache, the nausea, the sleep deprivation. He was sure Iva also felt that when he was inside her belly.

He began to understand his mother's predicament and also how dear his mother was to him. And that is what created fear in his heart.

That cravenness was the fear of loss.

Pascoe had often heard that Iva could have died giving birth to the two children in her stomach. Although Allen promised Iva he could save her, Pascoe knew it was probably impossible. Because before going to bed, he always heard his father crying about it, which made his trust in Allen nonexistent.

He became spoiled because he felt that he had to spend more time with his mother.

He stopped playing with Wyncall because it would only shorten his time with his mother.

He wanted to spend all his time with his mother until she died. But Allen and Rodion keep stealing his time with his mother.

Suddenly, in the middle of her walk, Iva fell down.

"M-Mom!" Pascoe immediately stood out of the bushes, worried about his mother. But just then Allen was able to help her up.

"Is your stomach starting to hurt, Iva?"

"It's okay, Allen. I can still walk a little more,"

Pascoe couldn't hear them. He only saw them from afar.

'I've really become a craven.'