Chapter 112: Sanctum XXXVII

Chapter 112: Sanctum XXXVII

Lillian haunted my thoughts. My mind sifted through all of it, looking for what I had missed. Every memory, every moment of usmemories that had once driven me, pushed me forwardexamined for cracks. And the cracks kept coming. If Xarmos hadnt realized that the beastmen had lieutenants in the back, constantly pushing them and driving them forward, Im not sure either of us would have made it.

You cant save everyone.

The final chamber was cold stone, the first half a flat empty plane lit with blue torches, comprised of nothing but our footsteps for company approaching a sheer wall with a slight incline. It was somehow worse than climbing the mountain. The hand and footholds were barely large enough to grab, spaced far enough apart that every move forward strained and challenged the muscles. During my first attempt I called on the air to lighten myself, but even with my additional stores from the sanctum and the potion Id crafted, I eventually ran out.

I slid down the wall, trying to avoid the jutting hand holds, picking up speed until I hit the ground hard enough that my knees jutted into my ribs, knocking the wind out of me.

I crumpled, struggling for breath. Dammit. I was still so weak. Too weak.

If youre certain.

Stupid. I was stupid, and overconfident, and foolish. How could I have been certain about anything back then? Hells, how could I be certain of anything now? The Everwood, where Id first committed to the idea of uniting Uskar against Thoth, felt worlds away. The over-arching goal was the same. I wanted to save my family. But more than anything else, I wanted to save Lillian. It felt so delusional now, trying to save someone who who

I thought to my friends. The ones who had taken me this far. Could they even make it through something this brutal? This cruel? Had I killed them too?

Why was I doing this?

There was a shuffling noise on the wall above and to the right of me. A body appeared as Xarmos landed from his slide with a grunt. He was saying something, my name, I think, but I was too exhausted, too deprived of air to hear him. Xarmos put my arm over his shoulder and strained, hoisting me upright.

Come on, friend Cairn. Youre not done yet.

You should have kept going, I wheezed out.

Stop trying to talk. Xarmos flicked my forehead. Then he opened my satchel and began to root through it. What was he doing?

My confusion was answered when he unrolled my apothecary bag.

I was beginning to suspect that who the trial put together was not nearly as simple as Xarmos believed. It was likely true that the person I was fighting with was truly Ralakoss son, pulled from another time, decades before my birth. He was simply too realand for that matter, too helpful to be some sort of malevolent construct in this place. But it tied in too cleanly with the lesson the Black Beast intended to teach me. As much I wanted to save my mentors son, as much as I liked him on his own merits, there was nothing I could do for him without sabotaging myself.

What a hero.

Poison, poison, paralytic, more poisons. You really do have a theme. OhI found the nice potions. Stamina, two of those, One for both of us as Im going to help myself if you dont mind.

I tried to say yes, then changed my mind and nodded.

Potion of expansion? Xarmoss eyebrow shot up as he held the spare potion that I had brewed, its amber liquid a dark green in the light. The ingredients are a schlackfei to find. Very nice. He had been practically tossing things aside, but the potion of expansion he cradled with both hands, placing it back in its pocket within the roll. More poisonahah! Xarmos dug his long black nails into the cork and popped the potion open, then shuffled to me, tipping the contents into my mouth. I nearly choked on it, recognizing the briny, unpleasant taste of iron-lung.

It took a while, but eventually, my breathing returned to me. I rested my head back against the wall, my body slowly relaxing from the seizing panic.

Ready? Xarmos asked.

My hands moved on their own, tried to push me up. But my body surrendered halfway through.

Theres no rush. Rest a bit.

He didnt have to tell me. Images flickered in front of my face, one after another.

Barion, wreathed in shadow, driving his rapier into my heart.

Kastramoth, and his terrible teeth.

The demons. Ozra.

The most logical, rational decision was to do nothing.

And yet.

Wasnt that exactly the kind of thinking that got us here? The kind of thinking that led the metamorphosis council to put the world in an endless loop of madness and misery? My mother would say that darkness only begets darkness. My father would insist that the darkness was necessary.

I had decided not so long ago that neither of them were wrong. There were no easy answers, no simple solutions. The road ahead was difficult, and I was certain I would have to do many things that would make my stomach churn.

The world was already so shrouded in shadow, wrought with cruelty and betrayal. And it would grow darker still.

Didnt that make it even more important to be kind?

I made the decision and committed to it before I could second-guess myself.

Xarmos?

The man turned, and he effortlessly raised one hand to catch the bottle I tossed to him. He stared at it, shocked. Then held it out and wiggled it at me. You jest.

My sense of humor is poor, not destitute.

What would you have done if I dropped it?

Felt particularly daft. I rubbed the back of my neck. But I knew you wouldnt.

Could your companions not use this?

There was enough for all of us.

And you are giving me the spare, He stated, as if not entirely believing it, aware what it is worth.

I shrugged. Theres hardly time for me to return to the heart on a merchants run. Thus, I have no one to sell it to before it expires, and no use for the gold even if I did.

Perhaps that is true. But you could leverage this to certain elders within the sanctum for the sorts of secrets they would never trade to the richest scion.

His reticence was exasperating, but was precisely the sort of thing Id expect from him.

Are you typically in the habit of beating a gift horse?

Xarmos laughed. I take your meaning, despite the mixed metaphor. He bowed deeply to me. I am sorry.

Xarmos-

It is terribly improper to ask for a favor after one has been given a gift, but I must ask it, His voice was full of dread. I know you are hiding things. The way you look at methe guilt in your eye. The fact alone that you are familiar with my family and did not know me it does not bode well. That is fine. My path is my path, my future, my future. But. My father. The Ralakos you know Xarmos struggled, his mouth working, constantly rephrasing a silent question before he finally raised his head and spoke. Is he a good man?

I smiled. Of anything he might have asked, this had the clearest, most definitive answer. The best I know.

Visible relief flooded Xarmos, and he put a hand to his temple. Thank you, friend.

May your path be clear, Xarmos, I said, despite knowing it wouldnt.

Using both hands to shove open the Xescalt doors, I entered the chamber of Infaris.

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