CH 3

Four years had slipped through the fingers of Father Time since Iveca had first joined the Bureau of Investigation – and she remembered none of it. When she had come to her senses after the mind wipe it had transpired that the Third Prince Daniel, who she thought was as far from the throne as it was possible to be, had not only taken the crown but played a heavy part in the Empire’s civil war escalating from stone-throwing and heated arguments to something profoundly more serious. In addition, magic power had been severely reduced to an almost unrecognizable extent, with the focus on the new Bureau of Technology and its dabbling in electrics and machinery seemingly the new darling.

Iveca, in her mentally cleared state, had been forced to take all of this in stride. Though as much as she wanted to just let the past be the past, the thought kept niggling at the back of her mind, getting a little louder every day. Why did I move to the Judicial Affair Bureau, and even chose to have my memory erased if I was doing fine in the Bureau of Investigation? What happened?

The Judicial Affair Bureau was a slapdash sort of organization with very little actual structure. It had been assigned as a special subsidiary and was only ever made up of a small number of staff. The members of the Intelligence Bureau were usually chosen by the staff of the Bureau of Investigation, who subsequently got their memory erased – if that was the option they chose, of course. The more she thought about it, the less it made sense to her.

Just why did she move to the Judicial Affair Bureau if that was the price she had to pay?

The Bureau of Investigation had always held sway with her heart, so it made her quite sad that she had no memories of joining them. Time and time again the idea of the past played on her mind, but with no memory of it to speak of, it simply ran off and away like raindrops from a domed roof. And now, of course, she had even more to think about with Daniel’s proposal and the idea of dismissing Iak’s. The whole thing left her feeling dazed.

You have barely got a handle on another half of your life you don’t remember; how are you supposed to be a Queen? With the King that you saw for the first time today?

But she was hardly in a position to refuse, was she? Besides, there was no reason to resist, especially with the condition that she could continue working at the Judicial Affairs Bureau. Her fiancée (or at least one of her fiancées) Iak, told her that she had to quit the Bureau due to the offer of engagement. This was the biggest point on a long list of reasons she was not falling over to marry the man. She hated his insistence that she was his property and she didn’t like the man’s intentions of using her, but she hadn’t said anything when he had proposed.  She had all but given up marrying in the name of true love anyway.

As Daniel had said, if you were not in love, what did it matter that she was not going to marry Iak now?

And maybe… maybe the Esselburn family would finally accept her. Iveca sighed, unable to do anything with optimistic hopes that brutally swayed her feelings. Her father might have thought that she was fortunate to live as an Esselburn, thus she needed to pay the price for not being discarded. Maybe being a Queen would finally be enough for them to sit up and take notice.

Then there was Anriq. In her mind, Iveca could sense little pieces of the past with him. Not memories, but feelings, closer to nostalgia than seeing events as they happened. She wished desperately to know exactly what had happened, but all she was left with were the smallest snippets – snippets she wouldn’t have had if the power of magic had not been reducing all this time. At least some good came of it, she supposed.

“Anriq, I like you.”

If I were to become a Queen, Iveca thought, I would see Daniel’s personal escort in the Palace every day.

“You… you like me, too, right?”

Flashes came back to her in seemingly random order, but enough to piece together some things that she knew deep down were already true. Anriq had always been there. On her mind and in her heart. Her only friend and her first love, they had grown up and grown together. Giving up on him and accepting the wedding were two different matters.

“You are the Lady of Esselburn, and of course you have to marry the man that your family have decided on.”

During the lost four years, she did not know what happened between the two of them.

“Please don’t turn me into a person who doesn’t know how to be grateful.”

Any answer she could muster up about the why of where she was now was just so much cold space in her soul. However, her memories up to her 18th birthday, before she lost the next four years, was so clear that she couldn’t help but be bothered about it. She closed her eyes and sighed. Thinking about it all would only make it harder to remember.

That night, Count Esselburn had a visitor he couldn’t have possibly expected. On opening his door, Anriq greeted Count Esselburn and his wife, before asking Iveca’s permission to walk with him in the grounds. The night air was chilly as they walked slowly through the small garden.

“Are you allowed to come as you please like this, Anriq?”

“I took a small break from my duties.”

Iveca frowned. “I thought you only got one full day every ten days. You should have started it this morning, you’ve wasted most of the day now.”

Although Iveca said it as casually as possible, she could not help but feel awkward. But she knew as well as Anriq did that he was the only person in this house she could feel at ease with. Probably because he wasn’t one of the family too but was an orphan of the Countess. As she grinned to cover the awkwardness, Anriq spoke quietly.

“I can’t stay here for long. If I do, I’ll get caught by the Bureau of Investigation.”

Iveca blinked her surprise. “Pardon?”

“You are now a soon-to-be Queen, and the Bureau knows that you and I… have a history together. Of course, the King knows this as well.”

Her expression hardened. Anriq continued in a low voice.

“As a friend, I will give you some advice. It would be better for you if you refuse the King’s proposal.”

“How so?”

“I don’t think it’s a good position for you.”

“Those are brave words for the King’s personal guard.”

“That should tell you I mean it.”

Anriq’s expression was stony. Iveca paused, before seeking out and sitting down on a nearby lawn chair to provide her with some support. Anriq did not sit next to her, instead stood beside her, staring into the brisk night air. His mouth was firmly closed into a straight line. Iveca replied, letting her frustrations get the better of her.

“It was your opinion that I should marry the man that my family decided on. Though, naturally, my father would want me to be a Queen should the situation arise – which it has. Besides, the King is a good man. Kind, sweet, merciful…”

“You weren’t there, Iveca.”

Iveca jumped at the interruption. “I’m sorry?”

“My position lets me see much more than the average person. Since the power of magic has been declining, the King has… changed. It only got worse after they sent his sister away; you know of Princess Ashe, yes? Of course, he may look the same on the outside, but…”

Iveca didn’t reply. Everything Anriq was saying must have taken place in that four-year gap where her memory had been taken from her. She had no idea who Princess Ashe was or anything to do with why magic had been losing power. The most she knew was the rumours she’d heard about the Amenity, but she had no idea what either.

“He’s never going to be a nice person again, Iveca. I’ve seen him capable of things far more terrifying than King William before him. Tender, gentle, kind… these evaluations were given by people who fear him.”

“What you’re saying is treasonous, Anriq.”

“Daniel has never been vulnerable. He just didn’t care much about the throne when he was a prince. I don’t think anyone could tell the difference.”

Iveca thought for a moment. “Still… The royal place would be better than here. At least, I won’t be the only one with black hair there. Not an outsider anymore.”

Iveca meant that with all her heart. A father who always passed by coldly, a mother who turned away when she made eye contact, sisters who didn’t give anything other than the absolute minimum that was required, servants who would openly discriminate against her… she always had to be sorry for someone else with her presence when she was here. If there were any guests in the Count’s estate, she locked herself in her room saying she wasn’t feeling well. She didn’t belong here. Anywhere but here.

“Ive.”

It was a nickname he called her when they were children. She hadn’t heard it for so many years now. She turned to look at him and, despite the outward appearance of the stoic man he had become, that simple nickname transformed him back into the boy she had loved so much. She didn’t speak, instead letting Anriq continue.

“His Majesty called you Queen even though he knew you liked me. It’s not a normal situation. Using you…”

“Not normal? That’s for sure,” Iveca cut him off, “Well, His Highness can take me in as a charity case then, can’t he?”

Anriq’s face drastically darkened. “But…”

“No, Anriq, you know what? It’s okay if he wants to use me. Hell, I feel more relieved when I think that there’s finally a place where I can be useful.”

She spoke calmly, despite her words. For so long now, she thought it would be nice if her family could use her for something. It was better than being ignored in the corridors by your ‘parents’. Sitting on the Queen’s throne was probably the first ‘useful’ thing that she could prove to be able to do to the Esselburn family.

“There’s someone else.”

Iveca stopped speaking. Anriq hesitated for an exceptionally long time, then stooped to where she was sitting and whispered into her ear.

“There was a woman he used to cherish in the past.”

There was no change in Iveca’s expression. Anriq quickly spoke again.

“It was a deep, committed relationship. Then, she disappeared. No one knows where to, but he is still looking for her. You will be a Queen in name alone.”

Iveca remained silent.

“He is already figuring out the weaknesses he can exploit. Our history, for instance. There’s a chance… he calculated that into his plan.”

Iveca said nothing, but her face told Anriq everything. Her mind was flying, and she didn’t know what to do.

“It’s not a good place for you at all, Ive. Please refuse the proposal.”

Iveca finally moved, pushing her black hair over her shoulders. She thought silently. Of course, an opportunity like this couldn’t have suddenly appeared to her like a miracle. There was a chance that King Daniel only wanted to exploit her. What had Anriq said? Her weaknesses? No, she would show that she had no weaknesses to exploit.

“My father would prefer the King to Iak Telsey.”

Anriq looked horrified. “What?”

“If I refused… Father would be disappointed.”

Her purple eyes stared at him, unwavering. Anriq could see her heart breaking from those words. Father…. Count Esselburn never thought that the girl who looked nothing like him was his daughter. And yet here she was, fighting every impulse she had to fight for a family who didn’t care whether she lived or died. Anriq had no idea how to respond. Raised next to her, growing up with her; he knew her better than anyone but herself. He knew that if he didn’t talk her out of this, there might be no way to regret her mistake.

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“Ive, please. It’s your life, you have to live it in the way that’s best for you. What’s so important about the Count that you’d risk your happiness for him like that?”

“What came of me leaving the house to live my life?” Iveca replied coldly. “In the end, all I did was come crawling back. A failure. Back to this wretched place on my hands and knees; memory wiped, a failure at the Bureau and a failure as a daughter.” She stood from the chair as she spoke, fury ripping through her. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes.

“Ive…”

Her eyes burned through him. “This is my life. I will live it how I choose. That is the end of it.”

That was the end of it. Anriq held his sword tightly until his fingers were white, but said no more.