Chapter 126

He Yan never thought that life would be so difficult that he could not take a step forward.

She hasn't seen the moon for a long time.

Since her blindness, she has been living in a muddle. Xu Zhiheng comforts her and will always be with her. Heyan also says with a smile that he can be at a loss and afraid even though she is calm. In her life, she faced many difficulties. Most of the time, she just got up with a gas station and told herself that it would be good to take this step. Unknowingly, when looking back again, many steps have already been taken.

Only this step, she can not cross, do not know how to cross.

He Yan is no longer general Feihong, but he Yan is just an ordinary woman. An ordinary woman is suddenly blind. Although her husband still treats her well, this kind of flower is like a flower in the water, with a kind of illusory perfunctory. She couldn't feel it.

On the Chinese Valentine's day, she sat in the mansion until late at night, and did not wait for Xu Zhiheng to come back. I thought it was because there was something wrong with the imperial court. The next day, Xu Zhiheng accompanied him to the temple fair. She groped for a seat under the window of the room, listening quietly to the gossip of the maid outside.

"Yesterday, I quarreled with my wife, and the master knew it. The master is in a bad mood. We servants are in a bad mood. It's not all because of the east courtyard. "

"If you want me to say that, you are too soft-hearted. Dongyuan is now a blind man. How can our great grandmother of the Xu family be blind? It's not funny. Madame has even pushed the banquet appointment outside these days. She just doesn't want to be asked about it. "

There is a little servant girl to see but speak for her: "granny is not born blind, suddenly like this, already very pitiful."

"Poor? What's wrong with her? Even if she is blind, she can stay in the house day by day and be served. At least she doesn't lack food and clothing, which is different from the pet. The poor man is the old man. He will be tied with the blind man all his life. What kind of woman can't be found? You're looking for something like this? "

"Yes! I'm sorry

Such words like with sharp hooks, a sentence to her heart drill, drill her blood dripping.

At night, she sat in the room, waiting for Xu Zhiheng to come back, and said to him, "let's leave."

Xu Zhiheng was stunned and asked in a warm voice, "how can you say such a thing?"

"Or you can quit me." She doesn't like to beat around the bush. To be honest, "I can't see now. There's no need to drag you down."

"You and I are husband and wife," Xu Zhiheng held her hand and said, "don't mention these any more. Have a rest earlier."

He turned the subject aside, but did not deny the word "drag" by Heyan.

He Yan's heart sank gradually.

Every day after that, she would wear clothes to open her mouth and stretch out her hand every day. She often heard the underground ridicule of the servants in the mansion. Mrs. Xu talked to her with a gun and a stick. He Yan dragged down the Xu family.

Xu Zhiheng still treats her gently, but there is nothing else but gentleness.

He Yan felt very tired.

She seemed to be walking on a dark night road with no passers-by. She couldn't see the light in front of her, and there was no place to retreat behind her. She didn't know when she would come to the end of her tormenting life.

A few days before the mid autumn night, she said to Xu Zhiheng: "I know that there is a fairy tree in the Yuhua temple on the Lianxue mountain. In the Mid Autumn Festival, can we go to the mountain area? I want to make a wish on the tree with silk. Maybe my eyes can be cured."

Since she was blind, she almost never asked for Xu Zhiheng. Xu Zhiheng was shocked for a moment and finally agreed. He said, "good."

Maybe people in bad times, drink cold water all plug teeth. In the past, the Mid Autumn Festival was sunny, but this year, it rained. When the carriage reached the top of the mountain, the sky was so gloomy that it was impossible to go down that afternoon. Maybe one more night in the mountains.

Xu Zhiheng helped her to the temple. A monk put a piece of red silk into her hand and told her the location of the immortal tree behind the temple. He Yan rubbed the red silk to thank the man.

The monks clapped their hands together and said in a kind voice, "if there are hundreds of robberies, the work will not die. When fate meets, the fruit will be returned to you."

She doesn't understand the Buddhist scriptures. She will ask again later. The other party has gone far away.

Under the rain, Xu Zhiheng accompanied Heyan to the fairy tree.

There are stone tables and benches beside the immortal trees for the ordinary pilgrims who come to hang red silk to write. Xu Zhiheng paved the red silk for her, put the pen into her hand, and said, "write it."

He Yan with the feeling, slowly write: hope to see the moon.

You don't have to think about it. The handwriting must be crooked and ugly.

After writing, she handed the red silk to Xu Zhiheng, who hung the immortal tree for her. Heyan couldn't see anything, so he didn't see it. Her husband stood up and hung the red silk on a branch beside his elbow. He didn't even bother to tie the red silk up and just set it up at will. There was no shelter from the rain on the tree, but for a moment, the red silk was wet by the rain, and the handwriting on it quickly became a blur of ink, and it was difficult to see what was written."Let's go." Xu Zhiheng comes to help Heyan leave.

"Boom" a sound, a broken thunder sounded, suddenly blowing a cool wind, blowing the branches rustle, the red silk was not tied down by the wind, hit in the water pit, splashed with mud.

He Yan seemed to be aware of it and asked anxiously, "the wind is so strong, won't it blow away the silk?"

"How?" Xu Zhiheng smiles and comforts: "the tie is very tight." Said, as if did not see the general, raised his feet from the red silk.

……

There is no sign that the rain will stop. I have to stay in the mountains tonight.

Xu Zhiheng went to the master of Yuhua temple to discuss the Scriptures. It was already evening. He Yan sat quietly with the light on in the room.

At this time, she should have been on the floor - a blind man who had nothing to do but sleep and eat. But tonight the rain was sparse and she couldn't sleep. She didn't know when it was. She called the maid's name twice. No one answered. She held the wall and walked out slowly, intending to call someone.

When he got to the door, he heard two maids talking.

"It seems that you heard grandma calling for someone just now?"

"Did you? Call as you please. Don't worry. It's so late. What do you have to do. I'm a blind man, and I'm confused. I really think I'm a big grandmother. "

He Yan was stunned.

These two maids are not her personal maids, but Xu Zhiheng's house. They are usually gentle and gentle. Because of Xu Zhiheng's relationship, they have always treated her with respect and respect, but I don't know that's what they say about her in private.

"If she doesn't want to go up the mountain today, we don't have to spend the Mid Autumn Festival here. It's raining outside. It's really bad luck. I'm so kind-hearted that I don't feel annoyed with such a drain bottle. "

"It's not that you don't know your temper. On the surface, you're not upset. You always have a grudge in your heart. Our Xu family is now a joke in Beijing. My uncle has always been arrogant and arrogant. I think it's hard for me. If I were her, I would hang on a rope to save the burden of others

"Hush! That's nonsense

The maid who spoke did not think so, "it is, like an animal, waiting for people to feed them every day. When they are full, they will sleep, and they will be served forever. I can't go out of the house, I can't see it. I've been living for a year or two. I'll do it all my life. What's the meaning of living? It's better to die early and get rid of it, and make a good birth for the rest of your life, and you can see it. "

"Stop it. There's hot water outside. Let's get some hot water first."

The sound of footsteps faded away.

He Yan's back to the door, slowly slide and sit down.

Yes, a year or two is enough. What's the meaning of living?

The servant girl in the master's house, who the master looks up to, dare not trample on. Since these two people can talk about her as if nothing happened, we can see that Xu Zhiheng in the house is not as complacent as in front of her.

However, in this world, there are several people who can achieve no regrets.

He Yan didn't know if there was a light in the room. For her, it was the same darkness. All of a sudden, there was a feeling of despair. He practiced martial arts when he was young and studied when he was young. Later, he went to the battlefield to fight for military merits. He spent his whole life making wedding clothes for others. Finally, he took off his mask and thought that everything could start all over again, but at this time he fell into darkness, and he would be trapped in a house with four corners all his life, and he had to be followed every step of the way.

People's despair is not accumulated overnight. Those small things in daily life, the enthusiasm of eating whale swallowing people, enthusiasm is gradually exhausted, disappointment and heavy layer up, the last straw gently falling, crash, hope to sink to the bottom.

Despair is overwhelming.

She groped and slowly stood up.

There was a belt left in the room. She picked up her clothes and put them on. She picked up the bamboo pole used when she was blind and walked out of the door.

There were few people in the mountain temple. Because of the dark and rainy outside, the monks had already entered the Buddhist temple. She walked all the way in a disorderly way without bumping into anyone else.

Thanks to the fact that when young people joined the army, they barely developed the habit of amazing memory of the journey. She still remembered that Xu Zhiheng told her when she went up the mountain that there was a dense forest in the mountain stream not far from the temple. Suspended waterfall, such as pearls and jade falling plate, is magnificent and beautiful.

It's good to have mountains, water and trees, but it's a pity that it rains tonight, and there is no moon she likes.

It is always inconvenient for a blind man to go out, especially on the muddy mountain road. She didn't know how many times she had fallen, how many times she had tripped over a stone. I just felt my clothes were wet and my hair was scattered. In the end, panting, I didn't know where I was.

She fell in front of a tree and hit her head against the trunk. Heyan reached out and groped for it. The tree was very big and should be an old tree.

There are waterfalls in the dense forest. I can't find it here. She never cared much about foreign objects, and it took her a long time to move to a stone.

Exhausted, he Yan sat down on the stone.

The rain is small, continuous dense hit on the body. The young woman looked up at the sky as if she could see the moon. Only the rain ran down her cheek, and she wiped it on her face."Don't be a boat on the river. Don't make a river last month."

"The boat carries people to leave, and the moon shines on people to leave."

For this world, she has nothing to miss. The only thing is that there is no moon tonight.

He Yan slowly stood up and felt the cloth in hand. The cloth was tied tightly. She pulled it down, very stable, and should not be disconnected.

He kicked the stone away.

……

The cloth twisted into a rope broke in response.

He Yan was caught off guard and fell to the ground.

All over the mud splashed on her body, she was stunned for a moment, suddenly understood that the cloth was broken.

It's broken?

For a moment, her heart, unable to restrain the inexplicable grievance and pain, choked for a moment, then sobbed in a low voice, and then, lying down on the ground, burst into tears.

He Yan seldom shed tears.

As a general, to shed tears is an act that greatly affects the morale of a general. On the battlefield, she should always maintain her self-confidence and energetic appearance. It seems that no one or anything can affect her judgment. When I don't want to be a general, if I want to shed tears, I feel that I am sentimental.

But there are always times when people are vulnerable. When they are left out of the cold, when they are blind, when they hear the maid's ridicule and ridicule, when they are hinted by their mother-in-law, they can bear it.

But if she can't even find her way to death, and if she wants to cut off the cloth and silk, she will be unable to help it.

Tears boiling hot, big drops along the cheek did not enter the soil under the body, which is not clear which is rain, which is tears.

She cried heartrending, suddenly, heard a strange voice ring.

It was a man's voice. In the wind and rain, the voice was deep and pleasant, with a little impatience. He asked, "what are you crying for?"

He Yan's cry stopped suddenly.

Xiao Jue looks at the woman in front of her.

This is a woman who is trying to die. She is in a mess all over her body. He was wearing a white inner garment, but he took a red outer garment. The outer dress was even tied with the belt. He might have fallen a lot on the road, and his clothes had been torn. Her face was dirty, like a cat, covered with mud.

Xiao Jue came to love Jie, but she felt that the scene was very dazzling. She could not help but take out a white handkerchief and pass it to her.

But the woman didn't answer. She made a defensive gesture and asked, "who are you?"

He was surprised for a moment, noticed that the other side's eyes were a little free, thought for a moment, put away his veil, squatted down and asked, "can't you see?"

The woman was stunned for a moment, and replied fiercely: "yes! I am blind

It's very high.

Feinu stood behind him and was about to move forward. Xiao Jue shook his head gently.

He Yan is warily holding his fist.

But I want to hang quietly. Now, the cloth is broken, and I'm embarrassed by strangers. Why did god treat her so unexpectedly?

Xiao Jue looked at her faintly and bent down to pick up the flying knife on the ground. Just now, it was he who used this to wipe off the cloth on the tree.

"What do you want to do?" He Yan asked.

Xiao Jue: "passing by."

He is really not a good man who is nosy.

To do this, we have done our utmost. Xiao Jue stood up, turned around and walked. After a few steps, feinu approached and whispered, "today, there are only Hanlin scholar Xu Zhiheng and his wife in Yuhua temple. This daughter should be the blind grand grandmother Xu, Heyan, some days ago."

He Yan? He picked his eyebrows. He Rufei's sister?

Xiao Jue turned to look.

The woman has been groping to find a piece of cloth that has been cut in two. The cloth is not long, but it can still be used if it is broken in two. She first used half of the cloth on her neck two times, to determine that it can still be used, then trembling with the cloth to tie a knot.

She wanted to hang herself again.

Xiao Jue was a bit of a stranger, and later he wanted to laugh.

This kind of persistent to almost stupid strength, and her cousin is very similar.

Most people want to die, but only for a moment, with one breath hanging into the lake jump cliff, as for the moment, more than half of the people will regret, but regret is already late.

Since the woman has tasted the taste of dying, she will not seek death again. She did not expect to be so persistent that she will continue to break the rope.

He should have left it alone. No one can stop a man who wants to die.

But in Xiao Jue's mind, it suddenly appeared that many years ago, it was such a mid autumn festival night that the young man was uneasily returning to his house. What he was waiting for was the cold corpse of his mother.

The scene before him seemed to coincide with the past. For a moment, he couldn't tell what was going on.

Feinu in the back, puzzled looking at him.

Xiao Jue took a deep breath and finally compromised. She went to the woman and asked, "why do you want to die?"

He Yan was startled.

She has clearly heard the other side's footsteps, how can she suddenly turn back? All her life, she has been torturing and being manipulated by others. Now that she is on the head, she no longer wants to think about others. She is displeased by this man's meddling, so she sends all her anger on the other side.She almost roared back: "I want you to take care of it!"

The young man took her arm and pulled her up from the ground.

He Yan was shocked and struggled for two times. However, she was stumbling and stumbling. She was unable to see. She was dragged away for a moment and walked two steps. She was left behind and sat on the ground.

The ground is soft, it's a meadow.

The man seemed to be standing by her side, bending down to her, with a cold voice: "why do you want to die?"

He Yan's heart also held back a stomach gas, high voice way: "I said to you tube! There is no moon today, so I want to die! The road up the mountain is too slippery, so I want to die! I'm going to break a rope, so I want to die! I met a meddler like you here, so I want to die! Is that all right? "

Her fierce cry, but tears rolling down, this is a fierce tiger, looks more like a wet, nowhere to go wild cat.

Feinu stands nervously behind Xiao Jue.

It's very rare that Mr. Xiao is willing to bear to interfere in this kind of business, and the woman is still so fierce, which is rare in the world.

After he Yan roared, he suddenly felt what was wiping on his face. Soft and dense as clouds pulled down in spring.

Indifferent, with a trace of imperceptible, inclusive warm comfort sound sounded.

"If you really want to be strong, why not be blind? Even if you are blind, you can be the most different one among the blind."

Her rage stopped abruptly.

All the embarrassment and weakness have no escape, all exposed in front of people.

"Nothing. Although I can't see, I can still hear. It's OK to have you with me." She said this to Xu Zhiheng with a smile.

How can it be ok?

How could it not matter?

She traced her eyes over and over with her fingers in the night, praying that heaven would pity her and see light again the next day. Those tossing and turning nights, biting their teeth to say it's OK with the night, pretending that nothing has happened and can't be by themselves, they don't know.

They don't understand anything.

A stranger passing by understood.

You can't cry, you can't be seen, you can't complain, you can't lose your temper. Time is too long, long to these emotions such as silkworms spinning, one layer of her around a solid cocoon. She sat alone in the cocoon, isolated from the outside world.

He Yan outside the cocoon is gentle, optimistic and always smiling for others. The cocoon of Heyan, pain, grievance, the cry for help are all suppressed.

Over the years, from "he Rufei" to "Heyan", her mask has never been taken off.

Until tonight, a passing stranger, seeing through everything, took off her mask and found her tears.

All her defenses and vigilance instantly frustrated, slowly lowered her head, tears more big hit down.

Originally thought that finished this sentence, Heyan will not cry again, did not expect her to cry even louder. There is no sign of rain to stop. The grass under me has been soaked by rain.

Xiao Jue hooked his finger, and feinu stepped forward. He took the umbrella from Fei Nu's hand and held it on Heyan's head.

He Yan still did not stop.

He had never seen a woman so ferocious, bad tempered and especially able to cry. It was hard to imagine he Rufei's silly and happy disposition to have such a different sister.

Xiao Jue was so confused that she could not bear to cry. Finally she said, "don't cry."

"Why can't I cry," she said, like an ungrateful wild cat, showing her claws to the feeders. Her voice was hoarse, and she also argued, "I not only cry, I also want to die. I've already done this. What's the meaning of living? Wuwuwuwu..."

Xiao Jue:

He never coax a woman, the first time coax a woman is such a result? So oil and salt will not enter?

"What is it that you don't cry?" He held back his anger, "will not continue hanging."

He Yan sobs and sobs. When she comes here, she has no idea to die. Sometimes people are just stuck at that juncture. The past is the past. If you can't pass it, you can't afford it. This passer-by came out inexplicably, that word also did not have much warmth, but

But she didn't want to die.

She said, "if you can give me a sugar now, I won't die."

When she was young, she liked to eat sweet things, but after she was five years old, Mrs. heta took strict care of her everything. He was afraid of being exposed to the sun, and his sweet habit like a girl should be changed. Later, when he joined the army, there was no sweet candy in the army, only coarse dry cakes. After he married, he Yan once felt sick. Xu Zhiheng went to see her and brought her a small box of preserves.

He Wanru took a sip of medicine, and Xu Zhiheng put a preserved fruit in her mouth. When he Yan passed by the window, he saw that for a moment, his heart was filled with bitterness. He didn't know whether he envied Xu Zhiheng as good as he was to he, or whether he was like eating a little bitterness, he could get a lot of sweetness.

He Yan has never been self willed, but I don't know why tonight, it seems that he wants to exert his willfulness to the extreme in this stranger.The young man was slightly stunned and looked at the people around him.

The woman's face was rubbed by her face, her cheek was still muddy, her eyes were slightly red and swollen, but her light was strange, and her stubborn expression seemed familiar.

It looks like some clumsy teenager.

He was silent for a moment, and his slender fingertips went to untie the sachet in his waist.

Feinu was surprised.

The dark blue bag was held in his hand. He pinched the bottom of the bag, and a sweet scented osmanthus candy wrapped in sugar paper was poured out.

After a long time, the sugar paper has been glued together with the sugar, and the original appearance can not be seen. After Mrs. Xiao died, Xiao Jue took the last sweet osmanthus candy with him. Over the years, this sugar has accompanied him through many difficult years. When you can't hold on, look at this sugar, it seems that you can taste a little sweet in the world.

This is the only sweetness in his life. Now, he wants to give it to a woman who is crying and wants to die. He thought, his life, no longer need sugar, that's it.

He Yan felt something was put into his hand.

She subconsciously clenched it and wanted to peel it off.

"You can't eat it." The man's voice rings around him.

"What?" "Are you lying to me?" she said? Find a stone and tell me it's sugar? "

He Yan heard each other's voice, with a touch of melancholy, "this sugar, there is only the last one in the world. It's sweet, but you can't eat it. "

"Are you sick?" He Yan never knew that he was such a pusher. She thought that he must have a good temper and a soft heart, so that he could tolerate his repeated mischief. She said, "it's very sweet and can't eat. There's only one in the world. Is this the gift of your majesty?"

She did not see, sitting next to her beautiful young man, bow head indifferent smile, way: "more precious than the imperial gift."

He Yan takes advantage of the other party does not pay attention, quickly opens the sugar paper, stuffed into the mouth.

"You..." He was shocked.

"I've eaten it, I've swallowed it!" He Yan plays a rogue.

There was no answer.

This is the first sugar she received in her life. The taste of sugar is very strange, mixed with her tears, so bitter, she thought, that's it.

"Has the rain stopped?" She didn't feel the rain falling on her body. She scratched at her hands and asked the people around her.

The young man on the side of his body has been kneeling on one knee, holding an umbrella for her. The umbrella surface is not big. Most of his body has been wet. His angular side face has been stained with fine water drops, and his eyes are filled with light and gentle.

"Stop."

"Is there a moon in the sky?"

The sky is deep and there is no star. Where is the moon?

He said, "yes."

"Outside What is it like? "

"The moon is like frost, the wind is like water, and the scenery is endless."

He Yan showed the first smile of the night, "really good."

She heard the man on her side ask, "don't you want to die?"

"No more."

"Go home if you don't want to die." He said, a pull He Yan up. He Yan subconsciously wants to grasp his hand, that bony, slender hand has been released very quickly.

Xiao Jue went to the flying slave and said in a low voice, "I'm a man, so I can't show up."

Feinu should go down.

To leave, suddenly added a sentence: "warning Xu Zhiheng, tell him not to do too much."

This means that he Yan should be the leader.

Feinu came to hold Heyan. He Yan seemed to feel that the other side was going to leave. He reached out to the man's direction. She said, "I'm sorry Thank you. Who are you

He did not speak, he Yan only had time to grasp the corner of a sleeve, slipped from her hand, cold and soft, like the moonlight.

Obviously, she could not see anything, but she saw the light in a trance, warm and cool, blazing and bright, without half blame. She was patient, tolerant, and saw through all her secrets at once, and wrapped her gently.

She didn't know who the other party was in the end.

It was the worst Mid Autumn Festival that he Yan had spent. She was covered with mud and dishevelled face, which was only a tiny drop away from the desperate situation. Fortunately, the moon was always by her side.

There was no moon that night, but the moon was beautiful that night. The thin and soft light kept her warm for many years.

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