Chapter 206: Self-Recrimination

Chapter 206: Self-Recrimination

“I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Yes.”

“Why did I do that?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” Aila reminded her gently.

“But why?” Jay said in exasperation, flinging one hand towards the ceiling. “I know what I did was stupid. I knew as I was doing it that I was making a mistake. Why in the name of D’s delicious cookies did I chase after that asshole anyway?”

Aila’s response wasn’t immediate as she met Eir’s curious gaze. She mouthed the words “delicious cookies” at the priestess who could only shrug in response. Shaking her head, Aila turned her face back down towards Jay and resumed running her fingers through her hair.

“Well, that’s a good question. Some self-reflection could help. Stand apart from yourself. Why do you think you, as you see yourself, would dash off after a dangerous enemy into unknown territory when you know they have traps in the area, possible backup, and without any support of your own since you left all of us behind?”

The answer to that question did not take much soul searching. Jadis had enough self-awareness to recognize her flaws, even if she didn’t always have the will to overcome them.

“Because I’m reckless,” Syd said from where she lay on her stomach nearby, voice muffled by her face being buried in a pillow.

“Because I act before I think,” Dys sighed from the opposite side of the room where she sat cross-legged, her chin on her fists.Điscover new chapters at novelhall.com

“Because I’m an idiot,” Jay reiterated before rubbing her face vigorously with her hands.

“So, with those facts established,” Aila said as she combed Jay’s hair with her fingers, “we can work on doing better next time. Please. No one, least of all me, wants to see you hurt like that again.”

As bad as Jadis felt about how she’d fared against her first truly human opponents, the disappointment in Aila’s eyes felt worse. Running off alone like that had been a major fuck up on her part and she was lucky to have lived. If it wasn’t for her insanely high Vitality for her level, she wouldn’t have. If anything positive could have been said concerning the days events, it was that at least no one on her side of the battle had died. The same could not be said for the ambushers.

When Jadis had returned to the fort, aching all over and in a terrible mood since the party of bastards she’d been chasing had gotten away, her attitude had sobered up immediately upon seeing the results of the skirmish she’d left behind. The man she’d whacked with her hammer hadn’t survived. It wasn’t only his arms she’d broken, but his chest, back, and neck as well. He also wasn’t the only person she’d killed.

Early on, when the ambushers had first attacked and Jadis had swung wildly, Dys had felt her axe connect with something. As it turned out, she’d cleaved some poor fool in half, cutting straight through his chest. The mess of gore had not been pretty and if Jadis hadn’t gotten used to such sights by then from previous battles, she probably would have lost her lunch on seeing it without the dust cloud to obscure the bloody scene. Even then, thinking about it made her stomach twist. Killing a person was definitely not the same feeling as killing a demon...

No one else had seemed to have as much of a problem with it as her, though. Captain Willa and her two orc soldiers had also killed one of the assailants that had attacked them. A man with a pair of curved swords. Willa had lopped his head off while he’d tried to do the same to Jaxton, saving the orc’s life. Neither seemed too broken up about the fact that they’d had to defend themselves against the attacker, killing him in the process. Why should she?

Did she really feel that upset about it? Forcing herself to examine her reaction to the knowledge in more detail, Jadis found the answer was no. Not upset. Uncomfortable was a better word. A little regretful, maybe? Not that she’d defended herself, no regrets there. The idiots had attacked first and she’d done the right thing by fighting back, she was firm in her convictions as far as that went. She just felt somewhat morose at the necessity. She wished things had gone differently and the bastards hadn’t ambushed them or tried to kill them. She wished the fat fuck and his skinny accomplice and that weird mage bitch with the wand had tried talking to them first. Maybe they could have come to a peaceful solution?

“I’ll be right back,” Kerr mumbled, stepping around the edge of the room. “Forgot something in the wagon.”

Jadis watched Kerr go, a different kind of worry tugging at her. Kerr had been quiet ever since they’d gotten back to the fort. Far from her usual casual attitude, she’d been withdrawn and pensive. Jadis wasn’t sure what had prompted the change in demeanor, but she couldn’t help but worry that it had something to do with the unexpected shout Kerr had issued earlier in the day.

“Get the fuck off my girlfriend!”

Those had been Kerr’s exact words after she’d shot the murderous bastard off of Jay’s back. At the time, Jadis hadn’t had the wherewithal to focus on those rather significant half-dozen set of words. Now, though, she had the time and space to think about the moment. And while a lot of different things came to mind when she thought of Kerr, girlfriend wasn’t on the list.

“Give me a second,” Jay said as she sat up from where she lay with her head in Aila’s lap. “I need to go get something from the wagon, too.”

“Okay, hurry back,” Aila said with a nod and a half smile.

Before she quite got up, Jay quickly turned back and gave Aila a loving kiss.

“I will,” Jay assured her.

A few seconds later Jay was outside in the cold of the winter night. The wagon had been parked across from their building, forming a kind of barrier with the soldier’s wagon. The soldiers had commandeered one of the other nearby buildings that was still in good condition for their own sleeping quarters, but four of them were out on guard duty, two on the wall and two in the courtyard. Jadis didn’t pay any mind to them, though. Her sights were set on one woman.

Kerr had already reached the wagon and was rummaging around inside. Jay could see her through the open front door. Striding up to join her, Jay leapt up on the front seat and leaned in, looking at the therion who had her head buried in a wooden crate.

“Hey,” Jay called out, not entirely certain where to start. “Want to talk?”

A curse drifted out of the wagon interior, followed a moment later by Kerr herself carrying a corked glass bottle.

“Not really,” Kerr said, wiggling the bottle in one hand. “Kind of just wanted to see how fast I could down this shit.”

“Well I do want to talk,” Jay insisted, swiping the alcohol out of Kerr’s hand. “You can drink later.”

“Fuck,” Kerr moaned while looking down. She leaned her head against where her hand rested on the wagon’s doorframe. “You heard me, didn’t you.”

“I heard you,” Jay nodded somberly.

“Yeah, okay,” Kerr sighed. "Let’s talk.”