Meng Renshu's explanation was detailed and not as fast as before. He was clearly trying to match her learning pace, and Li Caiyi felt conflicted again because he was so considerate of her.
Since they were currently in the library, they couldn't be too noisy, so Meng Renshu scooted closer as he explained things in a low tone. Li Caiyi, who initially regretted her choice, gradually forgot about their distance and focused on the lesson instead. Unfortunately, that focus didn't last long.
"I still don't understand this part…."
"Which one?" Meng Renshu leaned in to take a closer look. A waft of sandalwood faintly emanating from him distracted Li Caiyi. The distance between them was less than a hand span, making their shoulders and upper arms occasionally brush against each other. It made her feel self-conscious.
Moreover, his voice was very soothing to hear, and it almost lulled Li Caiyi to sleep a few times. Li Caiyi discreetly pinched herself to collect her wits together and re-focused on the lesson.
As much as she hated to admit it, she couldn't deny that his explanation was really helpful for her to refresh her rusty memory. His teaching method wasn't as straightforward as Dai Zhiqiang, but he was very patient with her and didn't mind even if he had to re-explain everything again.
Li Caiyi kind of felt bad because she was so bad at this, despite having the upper hand in terms of the learning experience. She didn't like Meng Renshu, but that didn't mean she could take advantage of him.
"Brother Renshu, I'm sorry I'm so slow at this," she said sincerely.
"That's okay. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Just tell me where you got stuck again."
"No, I think we should stop for today. I can't have you waste any more time for me."
"Well, it would be a massive waste of time if you just give up now after everything I have explained to help you so far."
His words were like a stab to her conscience. She stopped gathering her things together, unsure of what to say.
"Xiaoyi, do you hate me so much that you can't even stand sitting beside me to study?"
"No, it's not that. I'm really thankful you are helping me…."
"You said you want to prepare for the midterm exam, right? Then you shouldn't waste your time thinking about anything unnecessary. If my explanation didn't help you in your study, I would obediently leave. You just need to say a word because I won't like it either if I get in the way of your study."
Li Caiyi felt like she was the most ungrateful person now. Meng Renshu was very calm throughout the lesson and only spoke regarding the math problems. She was the one at fault because she kept getting distracted.
"Brother Renshu, you are really helping me. It's my fault for not being able to focus at all."
"So, do you want to continue or stop now?" Meng Renshu asked again.
"C-continue, if you still want?" Li Caiyi looked up at him with a mixture of guilt and pleading in her expression.
It genuinely got Meng Renshu in the heart.
Actually, he wasn't angry in the first place. He just wanted to be with Li Caiyi longer, that was why he said those things, but he became weak when she stared at him with those doe-like eyes.
He awkwardly cleared his throat as if doing that could also clear his thoughts.
'.',
"Nevermind that. Let's focus on your lesson instead."
Li Caiyi sneaked a glance at his hardened face. It seemed she really had gone overboard with her attitude towards him. She promised to focus solely on the lesson now, so she actively asked him questions. After she finished with one problem, she immediately scooted closer to him to look at how he would evaluate her answer.
Unbeknownst to her, it was Meng Renshu who couldn't calm down this time.
'She is too close,' Meng Renshu thought inwardly when their knees were accidentally touching for the nth time that day.
She was so close that their heads would crash into each other if she looked up even once. Meng Renshu could vaguely sense her body heat and scent in this proximity. It made his head dizzy, with how fast his heart pumped blood throughout his body now.
Although he was secretly enjoying this situation, it also considerably reduced his concentration.
"Brother Renshu? What about this one?"
"Huh? Which one?"
Li Caiyi tilted her head in confusion. "Brother Renshu, do you feel tired right now? Shall we take a break?"
"I'm fine. I was just zoning out a bit." Meng Renshu chuckled.
"No, let's take a little break." Li Caiyi put down her book, and upon noticing their distance, she carefully scooted away from him. "Anyway, you have been so much of a help to me today. I think I have remembered—I mean, understand most of it now."
"Glad to hear that. If you still have some questions, ask Xiaohua to explain them again to you at home. Or you can ask Junjie too."
Li Caiyi most probably would ask for Li Chunhua's help, but definitely not her brother.
"Brother Renshu, why did you come to the library?" Li Caiyi just remembered that she had yet to ask him that.
"I was looking for you, then I heard you are currently in the library, so I thought I should go and check if there is anything I can help you with."
"Brother Renshu, are you going to keep doing this? I know this topic has nothing to do with our study session, but I can't help but feel bothered about it. Although I don't like you romantically, you are still my childhood friend, and I don't want you to waste your time on me."
Meng Renshu shook his head helplessly. "Xiaoyi, the thing is, human feeling is not something you can replace or erase just because you want it to be. I know you can't accept me, but what can I do if my heart refuses to give up on you?"
Li Caiyi lowered her head in embarrassment upon hearing that. She couldn't understand how Meng Renshu could say those lines without the slightest bit of hesitation?
She once held a one-sided feeling toward Meng Renshu for a long time, so she could understand where he was coming from. That was precisely why she hoped Meng Renshu could quickly forget about his fleeting attraction toward her and return to his original partner.