CH 16

At the end of the second period of the late afternoon study sessions, Zhang Man was called to the office by her homeroom teacher Liu Zhijun.

The reason was the letter of apology that Li Wei handed in a month ago.

When Liu Zhijun received that letter of apology signed by his parents, he didn’t care about it and just threw it in a drawer to keep it safe. However, recently there were more and more rumors about Li Wei, reaching even his ears as a form teacher and when he looked up the letter again, he felt that something was wrong.

In order to verify the rumors, he called the institution where Li Wei had been for seven years before. After checking, he confirmed that Li Wei’s mother, Lin Hui, had died in childbirth when he was born. Furthermore, the orphanage staff also told him something about Li Wei.

At first, he also thought that Li Wei just wrote her mother’s name casually in order to deal with him, but when combined with the things that the people in the institution said, the more he thought about it, the more wrong it was.

Liu Zhijun called Zhang Man here because he wanted to ask her if there was anything abnormal about Li Wei in general.

Zhang Man’s heart was a little wary, not knowing what he meant. After all, there was no such apology letter in her previous life, so even though the school had heard the rumor that Li Wei was suffering from schizophrenia it was never confirmed.

She shook her head, “I didn’t find anything abnormal about him.”

Liu Zhijun saw the wariness that appeared in her eyes, and was busy waving to her to sit down: “Don’t misunderstand. Only I know about this matter at present, and I won’t tell anyone else about it either. I didn’t ask Li Wei face to face, because I was worried that if he really had any psychological problems, it would cause him harm. Zhang Man, you are his seatmate and teacher can see that you usually take good care of him. If you find any psychological problems, you must try to help him and let me know.”

He added: “Many mental illnesses will eventually be cured through psychological guidance and medication, not to mention the fact that as far as I know, Li Wei this child has focused on learning Physics all day long, and usually does not have negative thoughts about anyone. However, after all, there are so many students in the class, if something happens, it will be hard for us to explain to his parents. You can’t blame me for treating him special and I certainly hope he can grow up healthily in the future.”

Zhang Man nodded her head and left the office.

Her heart was a bit heavy.

If medication and treatment are to be taken, the patient must first be aware that he or she has a mental illness and accept it in order to actively cooperate with the treatment.

Many psychiatric drugs are not only ineffective in suppressing delusions, but also cause a series of side effects, such as high blood pressure, lethargy, slow reaction time, forgetfulness, and even a certain mortality rate.

With Li Wei’s current condition, it is obviously unrealistic. Now the best way she can think of is to minimize the damage he suffered after realizing that he is suffering from a mental illness, and then slowly put him on the right track by psychological guidance.

People suffering from paranoia are often very paranoid and have difficulty in believing what others say so they can only find out by themselves.

Nobody knows why Li Wei suddenly found himself suffering from paranoia in his previous life. But the results were extremely serious, he suffered from severe depression after that because he couldn’t accept himself as he was, and eventually went step by step towards committing suicide.

She has yet to come up with a good way to make him aware of his paranoia without causing irreparable damage to his heart.

Zhang Man was leaning over the railing, calming her mind.

No one knew exactly what the cause of his paranoia was. But Zhang Man felt that for Li Wei, this illness might be the only salvation in his life for more than ten years.

Maybe it happened when he was hanging from a clothesline when he was seven years old, or when he was ostracized and ridiculed countless times after his father’s suicide, or when he was abandoned by his relatives and thrown into an orphanage.

He wanted so much to have someone who would be there for him when he needed it, to care for him, to love him, to give him a warm hug.

……

After returning home, Zhang Man took out a guitar that she had not touched for years.

This guitar was Zhang Huifang’s favorite when she was young and when Zhang Man was in kindergarten, Zhang Huifang went to the bar every night to sing.

A 5 or 6 year old girl who could not understand any music and was not as tall as the high stool was carried up by Huifang Zhang to sit on it for the whole night.

She still remembers one time when she drank too many drinks and wanted to go to the bathroom, but she couldn’t get down from her high stool, she waited until after Zhang Huifang finished her performance and found that her face was red and she had peed her pants.

Later, Zhang Huifang left the bar and gave the guitar to Zhang Man.

She would hide in her room on quiet afternoons, playing and singing to herself, singing about her youthful thoughts that she would not normally say, as well as about her 16- and 17-year-old’s ignorance and confusion about the future and life.

But after she went to H City in her previous life, she never touched it again.

For the National Day performance, Zhang Man chose an old English song that she knew before, “I will always love you”. The song’s music and lyrics were very much to her liking, and the firm and straightforward vow of love was what she wanted to sing to him.

The first few times she played it were awful and she forgot a few basic chords and stuttered through the song. As a result, Zhang Man stopped singing and concentrated on practicing until she had mastered the song over and over again.

The human body, like the brain, has a memory, and although it has not been practiced for so many years and gotten rusty, picking it up again is not difficult for her.

She played over and over again, the old wooden guitar resonating extremely well as the hardness of the wood increased over time. A piece of soulful melody spilled out from her fingertips, and she practiced until the sky was dark before she was satisfied to call it a night.

……

The next day, Zhang Man went to school with her guitar, and after the class ended at noon, she followed Dai Xi to the music classroom of the Arts and Literature Department. There were already several people in the classroom, and as soon as Zhang Man entered, she saw a student sitting next to the piano.

He was very tall, very handsome and had sharp features. However, unlike Li Wei’s “Do Not Approach” attitude, he was a sunny type with a gentle smile on his lips, giving people an impression similar to a spring breeze.

She knew this person, and was quite familiar with him. His name is Qin Shuai, a second year student and her senior.

Zhang Man saw him and was startled for a moment. In her previous life, she had heard that Qin Shuai was the head of the Arts and Literature Department of the First Middle School and that he was also a good pianist.

Qin Shuai came to the department early when he heard that there were several programs to be audited today. He was sitting at the piano, playing a song, when he saw Dai Xi bring someone in.

The girl was petite, with very pale skin and a face that was almost half covered with thick bangs. She was carrying a large guitar in her arms that hid her thin body from view.

She looked very quiet and entered the room without speaking, standing behind Dai Xi like a little follower.

Qin Shuai turned around and waved to her, his voice gentle: “Fellow schoolmate, I heard that you want to sign up for a performance by yourself but we have to do an audition before we can decide if you can be a part of the final show. You may start straight away.”

He looked at her small face and smiled again, reassuring her, “Don’t be nervous, just relax and play.”

Zhang Man nodded, sat down on a chair with her guitar, tuned the strings according to the standards and began to play and sing.

She sang a few lyrics before the guitar accompaniment slowly followed suit.

Zhang Man’s voice is soft, in the mezzo-soprano range, and her vocal cords are not fully constricted when she sings but are slightly airy.

She sang less straightforwardly and openly than the original, and her slightly husky voice was very warm, like lying on a plush carpet in the hot summer afternoon sunshine, murmuring softly in your ear in a gentle yet powerful way.

“And I will always love you

I will always love you

You, my darling you, hm”

The afternoon sun beat down on the girl’s thin figure, and the lattice-like window frame cast a flickering shadow on her cheeks.

Her head was bowed, and she sang softly, her thin body seemingly full of strength, as if she wanted to tell someone over and over again that she would always love him.

I will always love you, no matter where you are or what you become……

Standing by with her arms folded, Dai Xi had a mixed feeling.

Her original intent was to make things difficult for her, who had just signed up for the program and then been asked to do a public performance evaluation in one night’s time, which was certainly not enough for preparation.

However, she didn’t expect to be impressed by her voice.

In all fairness, she sang professionally, emotionally, and with a completely different feel than the original and it was far more impressive than the dance they had been rehearsing for weeks now.

At the end of the song, several people in the music classroom from the Arts and Literature Department were completely wide-eyed and remained silent for a long time. It was the head of the department, Qin Shuai who led the applause, looking at the lady in front of him with undisguised admiration.

“You sang very well! Junior, may I ask your name?” 

Zhang Man put her guitar back in its case, stood up and nodded politely, “Hello, senior. My name is Zhang Man.”

Qin Shuai closed his eyes and made a turn in his heart several times before he said, “It’s like this, Miss Zhang, since the National Day is tomorrow, you have already missed the registration time, so we are not in a position to put you up directly.”

Zhang Man frowned and looked at Dai Xi, who had not said that yesterday. Dai Xi spread her hands at her, expressing that she also did not know.

Qin Shuai thought for a while longer, as if he had thought of a good idea, he said, “Right, our department just happens to have another program slot, which was submitted long ago, but that student gave up in the end, if you join our Arts and Literature Department, you can directly replace it with your performance.”

He added, “Your performance is really outstanding, and it would be a pity if it doesn’t make it to the show.”

When she heard that she was only going to join the Arts and Literature Department, she agreed without much consideration. The so-called student organizations and clubs in high school are actually quite overrated, and after this performance, it doesn’t matter how little she has to participate in it.

After Zhang Man left, Qin Shuai stopped Dai Xi, who was also planning to leave, and winked at her: “Junior Dai, is this Zhang Man in your class? Do you have her contact information? Come, let me buy you dinner.”

Dai Xi looked upset and said, “I have no relationship with her. I don’t know how to say this, but I’m sure you’ll find that she has someone else she likes already.”

“I don’t care, it’s just a crush. As long as there is no boyfriend, it’s fine.”