CH 50.2

tarararawr8-10 minutes 16.08.2022

Translator: tarararawr

Chapter 50 Part 2

“Mom, where did your mind go… I didn’t sleep with him, I’m not pregnant, and I don’t need to have an abortion.”

Zhang Huifang was surprised when she heard this. Her mood became better instantly and her voice brightened. “Then what are you afraid of? Nothing else matters. If he didn’t treat you well, then break up. What are you crying for? Silly girl. You’re still young. You don’t have your mother’s spirit at all.”

“Mom… I can’t find him.”

“He left me. I can’t find him.”

Zhang Man’s voice was hoarse and she was choked up with emotions. She rested on her mom’s shoulder and sobbed. She felt a deep sense of powerlessness surging in her heart.

She was too tired.

She really wanted to find him. But she was too tired.

Zhang Huifang was shocked when she heard this.

After a long silence, she put her arms around Zhang Man and stiffly said, “If you can’t find him, then you can’t. Think of him as if he has died.”

Think of him… as if he has died?

Will he die?

Zhang Man cried even more when she heard this.

“Mom, you don’t understand. I must find him.”

What should she do if he really died and she did not find him?

What should she do then?

Zhang Huifang patted her on the shoulder. Without any frustration, she said in her usual voice, “Zhang Man, if he wants to hide from you, then you may spend all your life unable to find him.”

She sighed.

There were many things that she did not want to remember in this life. But life was not like this. Some things could not be forgotten. Not all painful moments could be confronted and calmly reach a compromise.

Some things, like a mark or a scar, lasted forever. If they were not deeply hidden, they would bleed out.

After a long silence, Zhang Huifang said softly, “It was like that with your dad.”

She said it with a sudden sigh that seemed like she had released a heavy burden she had carried all her life.

Zhang Man heard what she said and controlled her sobbing.

She never thought Zhang Huifang would mention her biological father to her in this life.

She thought she would never say anything about him.

Zhang Huifang was silent for a long time. She was remembering those old memories that she had hidden for more than ten years.

“When I was around 18 years old, I met your dad. He was a popular guy in our school. He was handsome, confident, had good grades and was rich. But when we were sophomores in senior high school, he didn’t go to school for a long period of time. Later, the word spread, and we knew that he was ill.”

“Me, your mom, had always liked him back then. I was worried when I knew he was ill. So I sneaked into his house and threw pebbles at his window.”

“It was only when I saw him that I realized that he had leukemia and was in the advanced stages. Our lives back then were not like now, there were no ways to get better from it. You just stayed at home, waiting for death.”

She said this and smiled.

“I was deeply in love at the time. How could I be afraid? I wasn’t, and I thought, I must accompany him to the end. I want to give him the best memory in the world before he dies.”

After she said this, Zhang Huifang paused for a long time.

It was very difficult to be the one to speak up about the most difficult thing in your life.

“He also had feelings for me, so I gave myself to him.”

“But suddenly one day, he disappeared. His entire family disappeared, too. I couldn’t find him. For a while, I even thought he was dead and cried like a baby every day.”

“Later, I heard people say that the hospital had made a mistake. It was someone else who was sick, not him. And he moved to the US with his parents.”

“It was a long time before I realized that I had you. When I was young, I was anemic and thin. My period was abnormal and it would take a long time before I had my period. It was obvious that I was pregnant, and it was difficult to have an abortion. I could only give birth to you, and I never read any books about it.”

“Zhang Man, I, as your mom, have been a joke all my life.”

She finished remembering these difficult memories and let out a heavy sigh. “So, if someone wants to disappear, you need to let them disappear. Don’t waste your thoughts and time looking for him. You can’t find someone who wants to hide.”

Zhang Man was extremely shocked. 

The truth was beyond belief. It was so outrageous and heartbreaking.

No wonder she never mentioned it.

Zhang Man was a little distressed. She buried her head in her mom’s shoulder, but couldn’t say anything to comfort her.

Perhaps, after all these years, what she needed was not comfort.

Since she had just cried, her voice was a little muffled. “Mom… What happened later? Didn’t you think about asking him for an explanation?”

Zhang Huifang shook her head.

“It was too far, Man Man. For someone like me who had never left N City, the US was too far for me. It was impossible for me to find him. I got in touch with some classmates to pass on the news to him, but he didn’t respond. Later, I heard that he got married there and had his own children.”

Zhang Huifang said with a sigh, “It’s impossible now. I heard a classmate say that he died in a car accident in the United States a few years ago.”

Zhang Man’s heart ached when she heard this.

She felt cold and disappointed for Zhang Huifang. She never thought her biological dad would be such a selfish, cowardly and irresponsible person.

“Do you hate him?”

“Of course I did. But I don’t hate him now. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have you. Man Man, I didn’t regret giving birth to you. So, don’t cry for a terrible man now. Cheer up.”

Zhang Man shook her head.

The youth she loved was completely different from her weak dad.

He was a very good person.

When he was with her, he would take care of her carefully. He could spoil her infinitely under limited conditions.

He liked her, depended on her, and respected her.

The first day they spent the night together, he would rather sleep on the floor than touch her. Even later, he would never cross the line when he slept next to her.

When he hugged and kissed her, she could feel his restraint and how he silently endured it every time.

This youth, he really used his whole heart to treat her well. He looked at her with admiration. He treasured and cherished her.

He even tried his best to leave her because he was afraid of hurting her.

Zhang Man suddenly had a desire to speak.

She omitted the part about her rebirth and told Zhang Huifang all kinds of things between her and Li Wei, including his tragic past, his mental illness, his depression, and the reason why he left her.

She thought that if she told her mom, she might understand her.

After listening, Zhang Huifang took a deep breath.

She didn’t expect the boy who looked quiet and followed the rules had experienced so much misfortune. And after listening to Zhang Man, she really thought that he liked Zhang Man.

If she was listening to someone else tell their story, she would certainly encourage them to find him quickly.

But the words that were about to come out of her lips stopped.

She had her selfish motives. What’s more, this was her daughter.

“… Man Man, have you really thought it over? If you find him, do you intend to live with him all your life? You are still young now, and do not know what life is. It will be very hard for you to live with a person like him for the rest of your life.”

Hearing this, Zhang Man was dazed and wept.

She didn’t stay with him in her previous life. Didn’t she have a hard time during that life?

She cried and told the truth.

“Mom, all I know is that if I lose him, it will be very hard. I might not have any happiness in my life forever.”

Zhang Huifang hugged her and sighed.

She had been pursuing a simple love since she was young.

But she was doomed to not get it in this life. She had gone down the wrong road from the start.

She thought, if Zhang Man really feels that it has to be him, what else can I say?

“Man Man, I’m already at an age where I just want to live a steady life with you and Uncle Xu.”

She went on, “But you are still young. If you really want to try, then I will support you. If you are tired of it one day, then you can come back to me.”