CH 53.1

Chapter 53 Part 1

Logic and emotion were always conflicting in human life.

When he left her, his logical thinking prevailed.

However, after struggling for so many days, he had none left the moment he saw her again.

He was driven by passionate emotions. His first instinct was exposed.

The youth kissed the girl of his heart crazily. He licked, bit, and sucked impatiently.

Her soft lips that he had dreamed of for more than ten consecutive days had turned into reality. It was so sweet that he could not stop.

Zhang Man was kissed so much by him that she was out of breath. She could only take off the hands covering her eyes and pushed him away. Then, she took deep breaths with her mouth.

Before she caught her breath, the youth with the dark eyes took advantage of her again. He confined her and knelt down on the sofa in a dangerous position.

Zhang Man put her hand up to separate their lips and looked at him.

There was a huge chandlier above their heads. They were on the mahogany sofa. She sat up as he continued to be on his knees. They stared at each other without moving.

The youth was embarrassed and looked haggard. His eyes were stubborn and slightly red, and his long eyelashes were slightly damp.

He was like a beast who was hiding himself in the corner of a cave. Bruised, but unwilling to give up.

He was crying just now.

Zhang Man’s heart trembled and reached out to touch his eyes.

The youth retreated prudently. She saw how he looked overwhelmed and could only turn his head.

Zhang Man’s heart had a needle in it.

That’s right, it was not easy for him to leave her. He must have struggled for a long time to make that decision.

How did he live when she was not around? What kind of life did he live that produced this kind of expression? She couldn’t even look at him. When she looked at him, her heart felt uncomfortable. She listened to him, followed him and loved him.

The youth she loves had really suffered too much.

But she couldn’t be soft hearted again. If she let him go, she wouldn’t want to experience the consequences again.

She knew that he was stubborn and fragile. Only he could solve the conflict and struggles in his heart.

Zhang Man hardened her heart and said sarcastically, “Why? I’m not your girlfriend now. Do you want to be rude to me, classmate Li Wei?”

“If you think we have nothing to do with each other, then from now on, don’t touch me. We will never see each other again.”

She tried hard to bear the pain of her heart and did not leave him a trace of affection or give him any way out.

Of course, questions with multiple choices never had just one answer.

For this reason, she offered a tempting answer.

“If you admit now that I am still your girlfriend, we will continue with that kiss just now.”

After listening to the two options, the youth was really silent.

The fireworks had just finished in N City. The place turned quiet. On the last day of the year, the villa area halfway up the mountain was like a far away paradise from the city.

They were the only ones breathing in the entire house.

It suddenly occurred to him that it had been a few days since he had left her.

He was living in this house for a while, and every day he was thinking of her. But, he was falling into endless delusions. It seemed like from that day on, the on switch for these delusions had been pressed and completely broke out.

He had no control over himself.

Sometimes, the delusion was Janet; sometimes, it was Nick. Sometimes, he turned around and found them standing behind him. They looked so clear and touchable.

He couldn’t distinguish between delusion and reality at all times. Occasionally, he even thought that he had been living in this house with Janet and Nick, so he never went out.

He even thought that school, Man Man, and everything in the outside world were his delusions.

When he woke up from the delusions, he would fall into an endless rage and self loathing.

He was a complete lunatic. 

How could he be qualified to have her again? What could he give her?

—Let’s choose the same choice as my first choice: Let’s never see each other again.

Never see her again. He didn’t want to hurt her in this life.

A moment later, the youth spoke with difficulty, “Man Man, I…”

His words were stuck in his throat like a stabbing fish bone. It could neither go down nor come up.

It was obvious what his choice was that day. Why was it that when he saw her again, he couldn’t say it?

“What’s your choice? Say it. Are we breaking up? You wrote in your email that we should break up. I want to hear you say it yourself. Say it again. What is our relationship right now? If you say that we have no relationship, that we are ordinary classmates, then I will leave now, and I will never care about you again.”

Zhang Man looked at the fierce struggle in his eyes and continued to press him. She never gave him another chance to avoid it.

The youth’s eyes became darker and darker, and his Adam’s apple rolled up and down.

The slight struggle left in his eyes was finally shattered after a long silence.

He could no longer deceive himself.

—There might be a sliver of logic in his heart that reminded him to leave her, but tens of trillions of cells were clamoring all over his body to tell him to admit it—that he wanted her and he wanted her to be next to him.

He was no match for that.

The youth’s heart twitched with pain. He sighed, held her weakly, and leaned his head against her neck.

He finally gave in.

Humans were selfish, and he was not a saint.

He had torn his heart in half and forced himself to leave her. However, she was persistant in finding him and demanded an answer from him, so how could he resist?

The youth’s voice was full of pain and hoarseness. It was like a rock in the Gobi Desert. After years of struggling, it had finally weathered into sand by the desert wind.

“Man Man, you are the most important person in my life.”

“Do you… still want me?”