Chapter 101

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Usually, when I sleep as a ghost, I don’t dream. I can only feel the faint darkness seep into my mind as I am embraced by this cold and unforgiving obscurity. The nature of my very soul has changed greatly, and despite still having the ability to rest and calm my mind from its stress, I cannot possibly sleep the same way living beings can.

Of course, I can still rest and the next morning wake up energetically, but essentially, I cannot sleep normally, and therefore, dreams do not exist in my sleep.

I only feel as if I’ve fallen into complete silence and obscurity, although a part of my own self remains awake at all times, seeing and experiencing the world around me through the phantasmal capabilities of my very existence.

Being a ghost is rather interesting in many peculiar ways, which I had yet to delve into to its full extent. Despite this, I had realized many things by merely existing and developing my strength.

One of such things is the lack of dreams, as when I sleep, I only feel the darkness of my soul grow bigger and darker as if this endless abyss within me was… me.

I suppose I had become the abyss itself, and therefore, despite being embraced by the cold of obscurity, I do not feel uncomfortable.

Indeed, I have changed from my former self back on Earth, and probably I had also changed greatly from the Maria I used to be here.

I had become someone completely new through Existence Evolution and the absorption of Experience Points, boosting my own existence into greater heights of power.

But this continuous level up didn’t only bring with me a significant enhancement to my capabilities, but I’ve also changed as a being. My soul changed in nature as I evolved. It got darker and more cursed as I continued down the path.

Now that I’ve reached almost the peak of the levels that a Pandora can reach, this darkness, this chaotic and spiraling obscurity within me, is awakening and growing larger and denser by the second. It is becoming me.

I do not fear being taken over by the darkness because, as edgy as this might sound, I have become the darkness. Therefore, I am immune to mental disruption attacks, and if someone were to dare to peek into my soul and mind, they might be the ones being affected by this deathly obscurity.

I don’t know how much I am developing, but… I suppose this is for the best. Deep down, I desire to protect the little friends and allies I’ve made along the way since I’ve woken up as Maria, the ghost.

I still miss my world, my family, and all of that, but I’ve embraced this world, and I want to make the best out of it, despite how childish it might sound. I suppose I also had that desire back then, the desire to change my daily life and have an adventure, not simply be an NPC.

When you grow up, you realize that despite all the adventures you had reading comics, manga, books, seeing anime, cartoons, movies, and more, you’re not really the protagonist, you’re not really a hero having a journey either, you’re just the farmer you see in the RPG, an NPC stuck as a farmer for life.

You’re not bound for greatness, and you’re not bound to do anything important either… I had realized I was a mere NPC back then, and despite that, I strived to have fun and enjoy life as it was, despite how hopeless my existence was.

Every time I sleep, I feel like my true self resurges from the dorky Maria that everyone knows. That self is also my true self, but this self… is also me. I don’t have two selves, but simply put, I save these thoughts and emotions deep down to not seem unapproachable by others.

I suppose I did the same in my previous life. Alas, I died, crushed by books. The most pathetic way a person could ever die.

Now that I have so many friends and beloved people I want to protect, I must grow stronger and embrace this darkness within me even more. I must let my dark self grow more prominent and more monstrous. It is perhaps the only way that I can possibly survive the harshness of this world and finally be able to calm down this raging hatred inside of me.

As a ghost, I am cursed. The curse of a ghost is simple. To be a ghost, you must be cursed.

Souls don’t naturally evolve into ghosts; they remain as souls through and through. Only through the corruption of negative thoughts and mana do they become cursed.

This curse, where did it originate? Well, from my own self. Souls that curse themselves and absorb corrupted mana become ghosts, and this is how I became a ghost myself.

My own hatred to who else than myself? I hate myself, or well, I hated myself.

I hated how hopeless and weak I was, how I died so pathetically in my previous life, only to die even more pathetically in this new life.

I don’t remember the memories of Maria, but there’s something I do remember of her… Her hatred.

This hatred is blooming deep down, wanting me to improve myself and become the best version I can possibly be of my own self.

I require power and more experience points to keep improving myself and grow to even higher degrees of existence. Only this way I can truly find happiness, peace, and freedom with strength.

I have also a growing hatred for those that did this to me and all my family, and my strongest desire is to slaughter them and eat their souls. It’s the only way I can find some happiness and fulfillment in my wicked life.

But aside from that, I am also developing beautiful and loving feelings for those near me. They’re like the cure to this darkness, and I suppose they’re precious to me…

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