Chapter 44: Is That How It Went?

Chapter 44: Is That How It Went?

Hey guys sorry if this Chapter has bad grammar and flow, most decent gen AI editing tools are down right now, because I think OpenAI crashed, so I haven't really been able to edit this properly.

—

The sun had yet to rise over the Clover Kingdom to signal the next day, yet Sebastian was already out and about in the humid summer morning.

He couldn't sleep much through the night, waking up at an ungodly 4am, and knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. When he woke up early, he was the type to stay up.

Not to mention that he slept through the day after falling unconscious during his fight with Mereoleona and his talk with Acier kept him up, his mind buzzing with many things.

Things that scared him, because the more he thought about them, the more bewildered he grew at how he could've previously ignored such glaring contradictions, coincidences, and obvious facts.

He needed a change of pace, so he got out of his bed, careful to not wake up Acier, and took a stroll through the Silva estate, passing through the fields with a particular destination in mind.

House Silva's private cemetery.

Acier's words and grievances from their talk on the beach occupied his mind.

Although you have problems with my Grandfather for what happened to your parents, my Father had nothing to do with it. Is it so much to fucking ask to pay your father-in-law a visit during his death anniversary!

That day wasn't today, but it was safe to say, a visit was long overdue. Moreover...

I-I'd b-be so d-disappointed in myself... ashamed... that I ever doubted your love. That I ever doubted Father's words...

Her words from yesterday, further fueled his inner turmoil. Sebastian could've sworn that just like her grandfather, Acier's father hated his guts, even before he showed his "true" face.

And that in itself was a contradiction. How on earth could've Sebastian Silva secured Acier's hand in marriage, and become Lord Silva, if the two previous Lord Silva's detested his very being?

Perhaps, Acier could've insisted on marrying him, sure. But that doesn't automatically make him the next Lord Silva, Acier could've been disowned and abandoned by her house if she was adamant on going against her grandfather's and father's wishes and marrying the "detestable" man that he was.

That was typical noble and royal protocol, to deal with disobedient children.

Though of course that wouldn't have been a possibility because Acier was adored by her grandfather as his pride and joy.

And although her father was a pretty unreadable man, from Sebastian's memories he was quite positive that he shared that feeling.

And then after marrying the eldest daughter Sebastian would be a shoe in for the next Lord Silva, as Aurelia married out of the house, and no matter how much Acier's family despised him, they would have no choice but to pass down the title of Patriarch to him, lest they want to give the branch families watching them like hawks some fuel for their dark ambitions, and incentive to try to usurp power.

That is a logical conclusion.

But the issue is, how did a nobody like Sebastian Silva even get approval as a suitor for Acier Silva in the first place?

How was he even alive today?

It's not uncommon for royalty and nobility to "eliminate" pests that try to seduce or approach their daughters, and by that extension bare their fangs and show their greed to take their power and influence for themselves.

Even if Acier was the one to initially approach Sebastian, her father, and grandfather would have had ample ways to rid this world of Sebastian with their influence, and not leave any traces behind.

Of course Acier was no idiot, and likely would suspect him, but there were other suitors from high nobility and even that bastard Lux who were all trying to court Acier, and naturally to win her over they would "narrow down" the competition.

Someone with no background like Sebastian, no influence, no subordinates, should have been easy pickings. He should have long been rotting beneath the Earth as a skeletal corpse.

Yet he ended up as the victor? Perfectly safe and healthy, today.

That's not possible... unless someone was secretly "looking out" for him from the shadows.

And that's a problem, Sebastian Silva is many things but not an idiot. He would eventually realize he had some secret "guardian angel" of sorts, or some undercurrents scheming, plotting, and arranging to bring him and Acier together.

And the fact that the current Sebastian has no recollection of the sorts... well that makes him very tempted to believe that it wasn't only his memories after Lucius took control of his body that were fuzzy.

Some things from before that, core memories, and facts, have been twisted and now the more he looks back on them, he begins to see some blinding incongruities.

In plain speak, it makes zero sense. How some things happened, how some things unfolded and led to other events in his memory, there are gaps that make them borderline illogical.

Rather than the missing memories from after Nozel was born, to Sebastian what seemed more problematic was the build up from how he and Acier met, became acquainted, turned to lovers, got engaged, married, and all leading up to the day Nozel was born.

Sebastian had concluded that certain happenings and momentous events (atleast to him) in his memory had been overwritten and lightly tweaked, causing an almost unnoticeable change in personality in him, and his feelings to certain people.

"Crunch"

Sebastian's dress shoes stomped on the lush green grass, making an imprint and crunch on a stray fallen leaf, as he passed through an archway eternity into the cemetery.

Few graves were present and constructed, because although it was known as the Silva Cemetery, the only people with the honour of being buried here were those of the main family.

And even then only those who were members of the main family till death did them part. When Aurelia died she would not be buried here, and that went the same for any main family members who married out of the house.

Through his memory Sebastian rounded a corner and walked to an open area where 3 tombs were neatly lined in a row.

Each constructed on an ornate, and luxurious silver pedestal, where a silver white large cross with golden trimming sat atop them.

In his hand Sebastian carried 3 white lilies, and began to scan the names as he walked past.

On the very left, and nearest to him, was Acier's grandmother's grave, and on the gravestone, it read:

Acyer Silva, 1528 - 1583.

Sebastian stopped at her grave first, and narrowed his eyes at it. He had no impression of this lady, except from some stories and tales, afterall she passed away before he was even born.

All he knew was that his wife, his Acier, was a spitting image of her, and thus was named after her.

He would never know the truth to that, Acier's grandfather was obsessed with his wife, especially after her passing. All portraits and mementos of her, were hoarded by him, and buried with him.

Sebastian nodded inwardly, I seem to remember that made the man project his ideals and vision and love of his wife on her lookalike, Acier. To the vast majority it was heartwarming, but only a select few and Acier herself understood how so very toxic and stifling that love was.

Sebastian put the lily at the gravestone, and walked to the next one, Acier's grandfather's:

Niklaus Silva, 1526 - 1603.

Just looking at that name, caused a bad memory to resurface in Sebastian's mind.

It was shortly after rumors of Acier's pregnancy spread like wildfire throughout the noble realm, courtesy of her mother.

Sebastian had been essentially all but arrested by House Silva, and "escorted", into the old master, Niklaus' room.

It was night out, a rainy day, to add to the solemn and depressing atmosphere, essentially Sebastian was just calling it to have the sickly, old, withered, and thin man tear into him for "defiling" his granddaughter, and precious Amethyst.

And he just stood there and took it. What could he do, say technically he was the one that was defiled. Would anyone even believe that?

Perhaps his silence pissed the older man off more, as he grabbed his cane from the side of the bed, and brought it down on Sebastian's head.

Sebastian didn't dodge, he wasn't even in the mood, too distracted by the sudden turn of events, and honestly half listening to Niklaus' rants and fury.

He was half minded, and probably this event wouldn't even have been memory worthy if it wasn't for the physical pain that came at the very end.

Well that's how I used to remember it. Sebastian narrowed his eyes, last night, in his very brief sleep, he had a "new" recollection of said event.

Where, a certain someone stepped up, caught the cane, protected him, told Niklaus off, and walked out of the room with Sebastian in tow.

Sebastian clutched the two remaining lilies in his hand, before begrudgingly putting one down at Niklaus' gravestone.

No point in holding some grudge with a deadman.

Then with a complicated look in his eyes, Sebastian shifted to the right, and stood in front of the last gravestone.

Acier's Father:

Nathaniel Silva, 1547 - 1608.

A gruff, seemingly emotionless, slightly broad, and tall, short silver-haired man, wearing a perpetual thin line visage, sporting tired lines on his face.

Sebastian's feelings towards Nathaniel were distant, a practical stranger, their relationship more like a reluctant master and disciple, after Acier's and his swift engagement, to quickly groom and train him into the next patriarch, as his age was catching up to him, and didn't have much time left.

Thankfully Nathaniel was able to hold on till Sebastian turned 21, so he could lawfully inherit and take over as Lord Silva, irrespective of the ambitions of the branch families.

That was pretty much as far as their relationship took them... but now the image of Nathaniel catching that cane was at the front of his mind.

Father, there are many things that I can accept and look past you doing, but striking my daughter's lover, and future grandchild's father, is not one of them.

Shortly after they left the room, he seemed to see the image of Nathaniel patting his head awkwardly and scratching his cheek with an uncharacteristic nervous display.

Sebastian, this might be shameless coming from me, as in some shape or form, I was arguably complicit in the injustice, madness, and greed that drove your parents to take their own lives... but please think of us as your new family... and me as your Father.

Then that image changed to about nine months later, when Sebastian returned home and met up with his "family", on that "fateful" day, where everything changed.

Acier went frozen stiff at her "beloved", unexpectedly tearing into her, with hurtful words, dismissing their child like some commodity, and filling her sister and mother with feelings of horror.

Then Nathaniel rose from his seat to stand up for his daughter, but Sebastian had struck first. He clamped the elderly man from the shoulder and forced him down on the seat, and pinched his nose in disgust as he looked down at his father-in-law.

Old thing, where do you get off acting like my father, just hurry up and die already so I can take this place for myself.

Sebastian's words had made Nathaniel turn immobile in shock, thinking back at that vision now, caused Sebastian's stomach to churn but more than anything it was the brief look of hurt and loss that flashed in Nathaniel eyes was what jaunted Sebastian awake so early in the morning.

Sebastian crouched down on his legs, bent forward, and carefully placed the last remaining lily on the tombstone.

Staying crouched he lightly brushed the name on the silver plaque and spoke in a soft whisper.

"Father, I really hope that dream was just a dream, and the cold and distant you in my memories was the real you."

"I don't know what I would do, how I would feel, or even want to think about how I would react, if I found out, you cared for me, loved me, and..."

I-I'd b-be so d-disappointed in myself... ashamed... that I ever doubted your love. That I ever doubted Father's words...

"...and never lost faith in me."

After a moment Sebastian stood up, and gave the tomb one last look before crossing his arms, behind his back, and walked away, leaving just another sentence.

"I'll come visit you again in the future... with Acier."

—

Hey, hey, why are we walking, huh? Why not just fly?

Sebastian didn't deign to give a response to the inner voice that sounded identical to him, yet different somehow, as he continued on his path.

Sebastian didn't head back to the main estate, rather he began walking through the vast acres of Silva land, to the edge of the estate.

Castle Kira, Castle Vermillion, and Castle Silva, amalgamate to form Clover Castle. The royal castle is where the main family of each royal family lives, along with some few other privileged or prominent folks, like head servants, possible in-laws, or branch family members that have made great contributions.

The "backyard" of each castle, which could be considered realms onto themself with how extraordinarily large they are, each follow a common housing pattern.

Branch families (vassals) higher up in the hierarchy and closer to the main family, live closer to the main estate.

In Nathaniel's time, Amara's family was said to be the closest family to the main branch, and lived a mere 2 or so acres from the main estate.

Sebastian's family which was so far removed, a branch of a branch family, to the point of not even having the honor to use the Silva name, nor wear the floral fitchy, lived at the very edge of the Silva land.

When Sebastian grew older he understood that was a great source of insecurity and pain for his parents, driving them to "push" him to be better, and make contributions so they can become official Silvas, and move closer to the main family.

Sebastian didn't particularly care as a child, he just thought it was benevolent enough for the Silva's to even let no names like them live on their land. But his parents always wanted more. They were never satisfied with what they had.

This was a point amongst many that resulted in them doing certain things to Sebastian, and spiraling in a series of haste decisions that ultimately ended in a dual suicide.

Well tuple, if you count that one. That voice spoke up again.

An image from his tween years popped up in Sebastian's mind, down a wooden floorboard hallway across from his room, a fairly decent nursery unfolded, with an expensive newly bought crib, toys, and clothes.

A crib that never got a chance to be slept in, toys that were never played with, and clothes that were never worn.

All because of those two fools.

Influenced by the inner voice, Sebastian grimaced in boiling frustration and complex lament, as another scene popped in his mind.

He was 13 then, he came home late from his private studying at the royal library, only to find the lights on and no one around.

He knew his parents were home, because his father's coat was laid out on the lobby hanger, and he never left home without it.

As for his mother, she never went anywhere without his father. Especially as she was pregnant back then.

He walked around the house calling his parents, but got no response in return, only to walk upstairs, and find his parent's door closed shut, but light trickling under beneath the gap from a flickering candle.

He knocked and banged on the door, but got no response, causing him to fill with worry. Shortly after he decided to force himself into the room, and worry about the impending consequences or "scolding" later.

That would never come, because one's parents have to be alive to "discipline" their child.

A father hanging lifelessly from the room ceiling with a rope by his throat, and a mother lying lifelessly on the bed under him, with drool, seeping from her mouth, and some strange remnants of some sort of drug in her hand, were incapable of such a thing.

Rather than outright sorrow or trauma, Sebastian had looked at his mother's rather large hump and lamented.

Couldn't you have chosen the same method as Father? At least that way this child could've been saved.

Sebastian had grown quite distant from his parents in the few years prior, a few tears of sorrow sprung from nostalgic feelings of a deceivingly happy and content childhood, was all they got, as he dug a hole and buried them beneath a nearby oak tree.

Many people misunderstood Sebastian, yes he hated Niklaus and at the time the entire main branch too for what happened, but after that accident he equally despised his parents.

It's just that he couldn't vent any of that rage on dead people, so Niklaus became the sole target for him to detest.

Sebastian wasn't seeking vengeance, nor "justice", for his parents, but his unborn sibling.

How dare they! What do they think life is?! That child's life was not yours to take! Because of them, she never even got a chance to live!

Sebastian went frozen stiff, stopping in his step as he rubbed his head in annoyance, suppressing this inner voice that has been growing louder since his dreams.

"Can you shut up?" Sebastian whispered to himself, after a moment the echo in his head ceased and he resumed his walk, ignoring the branch members that were looking at him, and waving off any who dared to try and approach him.

Sebastian didn't even know who or what he was talking to. Did that dream of his cause the consciousness and balance between his soul and the original Sebastian to tip more in the latter's favor?

Was this a sign of some preliminary awakening from the original?

Was those just his inner feelings and emotions, manifesting into some subconscious inner persona, of who he originally and truly was?

Acier smiled fondly at the ring as she seemed to hear a familiar voice, but years younger, speak into her ear.

This is proof of our friendship.

She gave the ring a kiss at the top, before setting it down on her lap, before pulling out another... ring.

This one seemed a bit more complex and expensive, consisting of a silver material, curved and shaped into a heart at the top, and filling the heart seemed to be a cut, amethyst jewel.

Smiling, Acier heard the voice, speaking into her mind once more.

This is the best I can do for you right now, this is a promise. A promise I won't back down, or shy away from these feelings of mine anymore, and a vow that I'm going to better myself, and become someone worthy of pursuing you as a suitor!

Acier also gave this ring a smooch, laying it in her lap before reaching into her little pouch and low and behold pulling out another ring.

This one was far more exquisite, intricately cut, and molded, laced with little sparkling gems around the ring, with a large ornate diamond on top.

It evidently cost a fortune, and would make many gush, and eyes sparkle, but Acier looked at it with a frown.

And that frown deepened as she looked down at her left hand, and twisted the plain gold ring she wore on her left finger.

These were her engagement and wedding rings.

Acier's mouth parted softly, "You didn't give me either of these two rings, society did, and perhaps because of that, I don't treasure either of them as much."

She chewed on her lips before smiling softly, "but I treasure the time that I got them with you. I was going through a very tough time, and you were the one that pulled me out of that darkness, and for that I still love them."

She brought her engagement ring to her lips and gave it a kiss before repeating it with her wedding ring.

Acier placed the engagement ring, in her lap, before pulling out the last item.

A plastic card, where a female silhouette appeared to be holding out half a heart in her left hand, at the center of the card.

At the top of the card, was the letter V, and at the bottom were the letters, L, O, and V.

Acier held the card, like it was the most precious thing to her, and gave it a kiss.

"And this is the sign of our love, a love, I'll never question again."

She channeled her mana lightly into the card and it began to surround itself in a pinkish hue, and Acier let go.

Instead of falling to the ground the card floated midair, and then it shot like a speeding bullet through the window, causing the curtains to riffle.

Acier smiled as it faded from view, as she could feel it darting towards its target.

After a moment she hopped off her bed, wearing her nightgown, in a chipper mood.

Typically she would be a bit disgruntled about being woken up so early, forget two days in a row, but she was in a very good mood today.

Acier slipped into her bed slippers, and walked across the room, rummaging through her walk-in closet, looking at different clothes before stopping in front of the mirror and checking herself out.

She put her hands on her hips and smiled.

"Maybe I should leave my hair down, loose, and untied. Sebby always loved that."

—

Seated on the water eagle high up in the sky, Sebastian's eyes shot up, as the familiar connection started growing rapidly closer and greater in a span of a few seconds.

He squinted his eyes and saw a projectile heading straight for him, normally he'd dodge, but he strangely felt at ease, as it neared him, and was unphased at it stopped right in front of him.

"The other half, huh?"

Taking a moment to study the card, Sebastian felt his wife's familiar and unmistakable mana coating it and smiled.

Sebastian instinctively let go of the card in his hand, as the two halves flew around each other, swirling like a vortex, before coming together.

A tiny beacon of white light momentarily blinded Sebastian, causing him to avert his gaze, after taking a second to collect himself, he looked back and paused.

Instead of two halves, there was now one single card.

On the left end was a woman's silhouette holding her left arm out, and on the right end was a male silhouette holding his right arm out.

The two arm's linked, and floating above it was a heart.

At the very top was the roman numeral VI, and at the bottom was the capitalised word, LOVERS.

Do you know what that is?

The inner voice asked Sebastian indifferently, as the latter nodded.

"A tarot card, number 6 of the major arcana, The Lovers."

The inner voice didn't deny or approve his answer, as it moved on to its next question.

Do you know where it comes from?

Sebastian's brows furrowed, before he shook his head.

The voice went silent, for a moment, before it spoke again.

Don't worry, all will be made clear very soon.

Sebastian showed no reaction to that, before pausing as in front of him, the card began to spin, counter clockwise.

Sebastian opened his mouth in questioning but the inner voice struck first.

It's giving you your divination, upright essentially means your love is looking up and you're in sync with your lover, while reversed or upside down is the opposite.

Sebastian's mouth closed as he saw the card continue to spin rapidly, before gradually slowing down, and then stopping. Perfectly upright, pointing to the sky.

A silent moment passed, as Sebastian's heart started to race. Over these past few days and very recent events, Sebastian hadn't doubted Acier's feelings for him, for a moment.

She couldn't have been more clear, but having some sort of external verification wasn't the worst feeling in the world.

But Sebastian had a suspicion that this wasn't about him, so he opened his mouth. "Are you satisfied now?"

Yes.

The inner voice replied, before continuing, its response growing a bit hoarse and emotional.

She still loves u-you.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes as he detected the mixed emotions in them, joy... and resignation. Perhaps a bit of bittersweet hurt.

Sebastian spoke aloud again, almost to himself. "She still loves me, but I may no longer be me."

The voice didn't respond.

Sebastian sighed, picked up the diary and opened it once again. Instead of reading from the start he flipped to the end and what he saw made his heart sink.

Signs of paper being ripped out was evident, that last entry intact from before that was the day he wanted to start with, but that was the only day he got.

August 3rd 1600:

Today Princess Acier approached me for some reason. I don't know what I did to attract her attention. Her motives aren't immediately discernible, has the main family sent her to snuff out my intentions? Have they discovered my hatred for that one?

Unlikely, Princess Acier is the pride and joy of House Silva, no one will risk her life, nor send her to deal with an invalid like me.

I need to consider how to act in the future, should she continue to approach me. I also need to take time to reevaluate what previous actions of mine could have led to this unexpected meeting.

Further inquiry and study will be required.

Sebastian - Signing off for the day.

Sebastian's eyebrow twitched, this sounds more like a military report. All he needed to do was add in starfleet and captain's logue, and Star Trek might sue for copyright.

Sebastian sighed, as he would never know what came after that.

"Well this is Lucius right, he wouldn't have left, such a glaring and obvious counter to his plans available. Maybe he had my body rip out and discard those pages, unbeknownst to me."

Maybe we did it ourselves.

The inner voice caused Sebastian to pause and narrow his eyes, opening his mouth after a second, and conceding.

"Maybe." Sebastian didn't deny the guess, but as for why he would do such a thing, he would never know until he confronted those memories.

Sebastian was just about to put down the diary in defeat and fly back to the castle, but the voice spoke up first.

Flip to October 1st, 1598, and read the next four entries.

Sebastian didn't even bother questioning it, and did as he was told, as he flipped, backwards, scanning the dates with his eyes, before stopping.

October 1st 1598:

It appears Father and Mother had finally had it with my incompetence and uselessness, today they declared my mother was pregnant.

They didn't outright disown me but the words: "you don't have to push yourself anymore Seb, we know all people aren't born equal, this child will take the load from your shoulders, and attain glory for our family in the future."

Can be interpreted as such after driving me till I hurled from my stomach and bled from my hands, despite evidently not being an attack mage.

On the plus side this supposed abuse should practically be over, on the downside I fear for that child if it can't meet expectations.

Decisions and further pondering must be made.

Sebastian - Signing off for the day.

Sebastian flipped the page to the next entry.

January 15th 1599:

Well this is not good, though not 100% supported. I have heard word of pregnant women craving sweets being a sign of a girl's birth.

And that's all Mother cares to eat these days. Through some roundabout probing I verified that during her pregnancy for me, all she devoured was spicy foods.

It is rare for a girl to become an heir despite ability and strength, and I won't delude myself with pinning my parents to be progressive or accepting people.

Who knows what extremes they will go to, should they discover they are bringing a girl into this world, instead of a boy, especially with their current unsteady mental state.

I must make a decision soon.

Sebastian - Signing off for the day.

Once again, Sebastian flipped to the next entry. He raised a brow as he read it, as he could sense emotion in this entry, and a foreboding feeling that caused his stomach churned.

March 6th, 1599

Today I arrived at the royal library with a decision made. After that girl's birth, should my parents love and care for her, like they once did me, all will be good.

Should not I will take her, and raise her as my own, elsewhere away from all things Silva.

Today I even perused texts looking at good names, and I believe I found a spectacular one.

Aurora, it symbolizes the dawn of a new day. A new Chapter in one's lives, in our lives, in the future it will be me Sebastian, and little Aurora against the world.

I must quickly secure a job, and start amassing funds. I also need to learn and research how to raise a child.

Sebastian - Signing off for the day!

Sebastian's stomach churned, as he forced himself to read the next entry.

March 7th, 1599

Unforgivable! All of them are absolutely unforgivable! My parents, the Silva's, that damn Niklaus, what do you take life for?!

Whatever problems, whatever issues, whatever stress or upsets you're going through, leave it between you two!

What did that child have to do with any of this?! When you're pregnant your life is no longer just your own, but also that child's, you should be doing everything in your power to pull through and protect that child's life, not proactively ending your own!

Is having a daughter truly such a sin?! Such a disappointment?! Women can be strong, women can be leaders, a girl can lead and empower a lowly branch family like ours!

I will settle my scores with the old lord in the future, but first I need to know just how on earth they discerned that child's gender!

Sebastian - Signing off for the day!

Sebastian closed the book and sighed, those memories of that damnable day rose up from within, and he had to suppress his urges to tear something apart.

Pulling and ruffling his hair to vent some tension he bit his lip and opened his mouth.

"What is it that you want to tell me?"

The inner voice responded, almost gently.

That name, does it mean anything to you? Remind you of anything?

Sebastian, raised a brow. "Aurora?"

Yes, Aurora.

Sebastian frowned and shook his head, "No can't say anything comes to mind-"

Sebastian cut himself off, and darted his eyes back to the name on the paper. He was imprinting it in his mind, and trying to compare it to another among many obvious coincidences that he's overlooked.

He read and reread it to make sure, before raising his head to the sky, his eyes began to water and he spat out almost hoarsely.

"Aurora is my sister's name, from Earth."

Sebastian could almost feel the inner and physically non existent voice, nodding its proverbial head in his mind.

Yes, it is.