Chapter 230

Chapter 41. Whose son am I?(2)

Contradiction.

Does Cispanian know how selfishly contradictory humans are? Serenti.

Does Serenti know that?

“Unlike me, my brother went to the palace saying that he wanted me to be with him because he was a child who seemed likely to break at any moment. After that, all the letters from the palace were about worrying about the prince. But one day, the prince changed his person in an instant. “Rumors that he seemed to have it reached Siegfried. I also heard that he had taken the path of the sword. Until then, I didn’t have any doubts. Until yesterday, I thought it was just a talent.”

“Dmirea.”

“It’s a royal matter, so even if my brother was around, he would have somehow deceived the public, handled the sword, and hid it. That’s how everyone in the royal family has to survive. I just thought that way and passed it on.”

okay. I hid it. I tried to hide it.

I tried to hide the fact that the person I am now is clearly different from the old Calian. But on the other hand, I wanted everyone to know. I wanted everyone in the world to know. I just wanted you to know.

Whose son am I?

Why do I have to consciously realize that I have become my father’s son when I am no longer Devlan’s son and can no longer be Lemaine’s son? Why is that not natural, and since it is a natural fact that I am Alan Manasil’s son, why should we not just forget about it in everyday life, but why do we have to say it out loud and rejoice by reminding each other that I am your son.

Why do I suddenly feel suffocated when I am called by my name, as if I am receiving confirmation or permission from someone, and when I am not confirmed every moment with a title that is not even funny and proves that I am someone’s blood relative?

“If you have continued to use the sword to the point where you will become a sword master a year later, no matter how much poison you get, your muscles will not be damaged to the point where you cannot lift a single sword. Even if you have the blessing of Sispanian, your heart will stop before it becomes that damaged.”

Even though I tried to calm down, I couldn’t control the things that rose up, covered them up, raised their head, and even if I hid them, they exploded. I couldn’t control the extremely grateful feeling of walking once again with Sispanian’s attention, understanding, and comfort.

In fact, I am not that child, but I am no longer Bern, and I cannot be both. but.

I promised that I would never lose my son twice. I promised that if I was sick, I would tell him and get treatment. I promised to receive something that would protect me so that I would never be forgotten again. I promised to read a letter full of reflection on a gloomy day. We promised that we would go to that small beach someday and have a drink together. Now I promise that I too will have good dreams. As time goes by, we made a promise to measure who is taller.

So I made a promise on your behalf that I would live well.

So I can’t bear to give up.

I am the same child who twinkled as I looked at the red kaleidoscope handed to me as if I was throwing it away, and I am also Bern who cried at the sound of whales crying in the sea under the silver moonlight.

“It doesn’t make sense, but it sounds crazy. Unless it really was someone else, it couldn’t be true.”

I was that child and I was also Bern.

In the end, I am neither that child nor Bern.

Just Kalyan.

I wanted you to know that I was that kind of person. I just wanted you to know. And I didn’t want anyone to know.

Serenti.

Serenti.

Do you understand the contradiction? Do you know?

“I.”

Even though I know that I have to keep it a secret, I still reveal it all as if it’s all out in the open, but I still hope that people don’t know about this ridiculously selfish contradiction. Damn Serenti, who can’t even fathom the high meaning of why I keep my mouth shut when I tell the secret, knows. Are you there?

“I’ll explain... everything.”

“Yes. Please tell me.”

I answered with resignation, as if giving up.

I never once felt anxious or worried about Jan. But I wish I didn’t know. I tried not to know. Jan didn’t want to know.

Whether you remember it or not, whether you are the same person or not, whether you are my brother or not. In this world, I am the only one who will take revenge. Even though I know that he is the one who can take my life with a resentful heart, the person who said that he will live with a dead face may one day be needed, so I will keep him alive. I will save him, struggling like a crazy person. do. I cut myself off trying to pretend I didn’t hear the words of apology that I couldn’t forgive on behalf of a child who no longer exists. Even though I live like that every day. In the end, even though I live like that, I just do it.

“Let’s change seats. There are a lot of eyes watching.”

I felt sleepy when they told me they would bring me heated milk.

So I didn’t want you to know.

– Jeopuk.

however.

“...Leah.”

Jan came again.

Then, without asking for understanding, he joined the conversation and called Dmirea first.

So he was Siroian, not Jan.

* * *

It was a small box.

With a thud, a box wrapped in pale pink silk was placed on the table.

While Arsene was away to supervise the joint training of wizards and knights, Hina came in after the knocking sound, still hesitant, grew louder.

– Can you help me practice?

Lucy curled up and made a loud noise again. A quiet moment passed by at the sunny window.

* * *

It was approaching fall.

I feel that the wind blowing over the lake planted with bushes preparing to be colored by the sunset has become cooler.

Jan came and started talking to Dmirea. Calian, unable to hear what was being said, was sitting on a rock by the lakeside, watching the waves ripple in the wind.

‘I think it was similar weather. Was it spring at that time?’

It was LeMaine’s birthday, so it was probably like that. On the day I left Lemain alone for the first time, the wind blew on the lakeside. I suddenly remembered that.

That day, Jan met Lemain and told him to get some air because he was feeling upset. After hearing that, I went for a walk and saw Randel, who was sick, trimming roses. And that day, I also saw peas soaked in alcohol. no. Since I said I didn’t drink alcohol, should I say it was peas soaked in the smell of alcohol?

I didn’t know that day that I would end up like this with Randel and Plantz. So, I didn’t even know that day that I would care so much about Jan.

As the wind blew, the water on the lakeside swayed, and I felt like I was falling into it, and I was immersed in the memory.

I asked Jan about his family that day. At that time, I didn’t know what family Yan belonged to, so I gave an answer vaguely.

‘I should have wondered.’

If I had known this would happen, I should have been a little more curious.

In the past war, Duke Sleiman personally participated, but Duke Demirea did not participate. I should have wondered why. Siegfried’s eldest son, Siroian, also did not participate in the war. Looking at Yan now, it might be natural, but I should have wondered why.

What did the 3rd prince’s attendant do in the 10 years between the end of the 3rd prince’s short life and the day the war broke out? Was it okay? Was he alive? I should have been curious. I should have found out.

“How could I not know that one thing?”

While handling so many birds.

I suddenly regretted it and watched the ripples on the lake in silence.

– Please don’t let something like that happen again.

I should have asked properly about Jan’s older brother, who is said to have died. I should have asked properly and listened to the whole story.

“How can you not be so attentive?”

When I was caught in the midst of chaos where past and present mistakes were all mixed together.

Suddenly, Demirea’s footsteps were heard. It was different from the sound of Yan walking with his heels out of habit.

“Dmirea.”

Instead of asking what he said, he called Dmirea’s name again. Now I was going to tell him the whole story and ask him to keep it a secret. I thought of it as a baby elephant looking at me instead of my dead brother, and I was going to ask you to keep it a secret because I would tell it in person when the time came.

“Prince, you are tired. Seonghwa, please just go.”

But I was at a loss for words.

He came to Siroian and forcibly took Dmirea away, and then turned into Yan again and talked to her.

“...... ah.”

I laughed.

“You seem to be very tired and want to rest. It seems like you are having a hard time, so whatever you came to say, I ask you not to talk about it today and just leave.”

“... You know what we’re going to say.”

“I am.”

Demirea continued speaking while standing next to Calian, who was sitting, looking straight down into his red eyes without looking at Calian’s mouth.

“I am Siegfried’s Demirea. I am a person whose family’s beliefs are more important than myself. And my brother is more important than my family’s beliefs. I am that kind of person.”

Siegfried’s Demirea.

Instead of replying that he already knew very well what kind of person Dmirea was, Calian just nodded.

“I will go back without asking. I will pretend not to know what you were hiding and completely forget it, so prince, bury it. Bury it until you die. Bury it for the rest of your life as if you owe it to your brother.”

under.

“If I get caught, I will kill you with my own hands.”

After saying that, Demirea still looked down at Calian with a silent gaze and opened her mouth again.

“......Fiancé.”

I laughed.

I was really scared of my fiancé of the same age, who owed me a lifetime of debt.

“Okay. I promise.”

I’m kind of tired today, so I think I need to get some rest, so I thought I should just ask you to bring me a glass of warm milk.

“Thank you, fiancé.”

I’m so thankful for that.