"It was all a mistake...I-I was wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. I cannot see Yating's face. I don't want to see his face anymore..." she was looking down and murmuring to herself.
Then she suddenly jolted and grabbed Gu Rong's shirt. "Let's...let's not keep Yating with us. Y-you understand right? I cannot bear to see his face s-so..."
Gu Rong could only throw her a blank stare.
"...Not my son? What are you even talking about?"
"It was a mistake, Rong..." she shook hard. "I do-don't know why I did that. I really don't know! At first, it felt really being with you..." she tremblingly smiled, recalling the past days. "But th-then you married me but you had to throw away your family for that. I...I felt so guilty.
I didn't know what to do. Your father a-also interfered in your business and it-it was only because of me, right?"
She shook him hard as if trying to prove her point.
"He was so against me that he wanted to prove that I am n-not right for you. I felt even more guilty. You were working so hard yet nothing was working out because of your father. B-But it wasn't because of him. It was because of me! I was the villain in everybody's eyes!" Her hoarse voice quivered as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Then our financial situation be-became so bad at one point that I had to bear the expenses with my salary..."
She quickly followed it with, "But I was happy. Re-really! After all, we are husband and wife. We should support each other's tough times. But then..."
Luo Liuxian shuddered with her face growing paler. "Word w-went out in my office that I am running my house with my money. That my husband was actually a loafer just fooling around. E-everybody was mocking me. Everybody was pitying me. I-I did declare that they were wrong!" She exclaimed suddenly and breathlessly.
"Nobody judged me when I was with him...But I was always the villain in your family's eyes. I snatched their son for money. I fooled him into marrying me and n-now he was suffering because of me...I made him so helpless that he couldn't even set up his business a-and make a name for himself. I was the cause for all. But he...understood me through all that."
Luo Liuxian broke down.
"But you have to trust me, Rong! I felt terrible...I...I couldn't believe what I did. I couldn't believe I dropped to such a despicable level...I l-let my weakness overwhelm and betrayed you, but I felt guilty! Because I know...I always knew that whatever you were doing was for us...You were fighting so hard for my sake.
I understood it all b-but the circumstances...your father's hatred, the money problems, the mocking...everything was so hard...so hard to take..."
Her black irises turned glassy as she whispered. "And then I found out that I was pregnant...But I didn't know who the father was."
She clutched her head as if falling into an abyss. "I felt...so pathetic. So disgusting. To not know the father of my child...how much worse can I? But I held hope," she nervously laughed. "I mean f-fate cannot be so cruel on me, right?
It ha-has to be your child. Yes, yes. It was your child. It must be your child!
B-but I couldn't get it out of my head! The doubt, the suspicion...what would I do if I aborted but it turned out to be yours? So I had no choice but to wait...Wait till the child will be born and then I would secretly do a paternity test because o-only then I would be able to live guilt-free...It will prove that you are the father. Yes, it was supposed to be that way..."
She looked up at him, her face stained with tears.
"But I was wrong. Fate hates me so much, th-that's why this curse of a child turned out to be his and not yours! And su-suddenly, I couldn't start looking at Yating anymore. Even his sight disgusted me because h-he reminded me of my distasteful betrayal! The part of me falling weak, the part of me doubting your capabilities, the part of me lying to you..."
Tears plopped down on the floor as she clenched her fists. "So I thought that...I won't feel this way a-anymore if-if Yating is no more, right?"