CH 54

After our meal, I went up to my room and spent a little time there. However, it wasn’t long before I got up from my seat, feeling stuffy. I only intended to go out on a light walk, but I also entertained the idea of going out to ride my horse.

As I was about to leave through the entrance of the mansion to go to the garden, out of nowhere, Ciel suddenly appeared.

With somewhat of a flushed expression, he drew closer to me hesitantly. It felt strange to see him acting in a starkly different manner… He always had such a cold demeanor in the past.

The curiosity I’ve had since yesterday rose to the surface once more.

Exactly what was it that made him so certain it’s me?

Just because of my guiding?

Of course, it was also strange to me that something different from the novel’s plot had occurred. The saintess was supposed to be the only Guide in this world, yet another person had manifested as one. Still, I knew that it’s not impossible for something like this to happen.

A Guide was an Esper’s partner. There were Espers here, but no Guides. When I had read the novel, even to me, I found it absurd.

Bringing about a one-sided relationship like this, it felt like the world was made this way solely to emphasize the presence of the saintess.

As I thought about my past life where there were many Guides, I looked up at Ciel, who was still standing firmly in front of me. The moment our eyes met, his pupils shook wildly as if he didn’t know what to do.

You’re the one who’s looking at me so tenaciously, yet why are you so surprised that our eyes met for only a moment?

“Is there something you have to say to me?”

I didn’t mean to, but I had no choice but to ask him frankly. And I couldn’t control myself from being annoyed. After all, he snuck into my room like an assassin just last night, then here he was, blocking my way.

It suddenly occurred to me. If I had been my past self, this encounter wouldn’t have just made me delighted, it would have made me ecstatic.

Any semblance of interest from him, even the tiniest bit, would serve as sweet rain to the bidding sprout that was me, eyes sparkling while looking at only him.

This made my mood dampen. I just wanted to take a stroll outside, but this idea quickly disappeared from my mind. The only thought I had now was that I wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible.

“If you’re going out for a stroll, may I join you?”

Even the way he’s asking so cautiously was bothering me. Perhaps it’s because I recalled the past.

I couldn’t put a finger on what exactly I was feeling, but I knew one thing for sure.

I don’t want to be with him.

I don’t feel grateful that he recognized me, and I don’t want to be involved with him anymore.

“No. I’m going back in.”

At my cold response, I saw his broad shoulders flinch a little. However, as I already delivered my answer, I soon turned away from him.

Then, his hurried words followed.

“If only a moment— If only a very brief moment… Can we talk, please?”

Hearing him speak in a voice so small that it could be swept away by the breeze, I looked back at him. His clear blue eyes couldn’t have been more beautiful. In the past, I would get so lost in his eyes that I didn’t know how much time was passing by.

His dark hair as well, different from the typical black hue of Koreans, was so seductive. I had been very fond of watching him sweep his hair back indifferently.

And to contrast with his clear, pale complexion, underneath his angular nose were red lips that had no flaws at all. As I looked at him now, however, his features looked as if there was a fog blocking my sight, seeing only an unclear view.

I had no clue as to why he’s like this. I knew well enough that I had no regrets sacrificing my life for him because I had loved him that much. However, there was one thing I learned from the love and affection that my family had showered me with in this life.

That I’m a precious person.

So, the past me who wanted to devote my entire being to him… had already died when I had sacrificed my life like that.

No. In fact, it’s not just that version of me who died—I truly died. No matter where you look, no one here was named Yoo Seohyun.

As he was gazing upon me with such a desperate look in his eyes, I answered him tersely.

With words that I had longed to say even in the past.

“If you keep being this way, Your Grace, I will have no choice but to let my parents know what happened last night.”

Uttering these words, I felt the corners of my lips rising very slightly. I recalled the two people whose existences gave me strength even when they weren’t next to me.

If I can’t take a walk in the main garden out front, then I should just go to the rear garden. So I walked through the mansion and went exactly to that place, hoping that he would not come after me.

Walking fast along the path between the green trees, I thought,

I wish you’d just leave already.

* * *

Completely flabbergasted, Ciel could do nothing but watch her leave. He was so shocked that it felt like someone else had come up and restricted his movements with their powers. He couldn’t move at all.

He had continued to deny the fact that his wife had pushed him aside, so he tried to convince himself that Lady Closch actually wasn’t Seohyun.

However, when he confirmed it several times over—from her habit of drinking cold water first thing in the morning, to the way she naturally dipped the potatoes in the sugar he had prepared—he couldn’t deny it any longer.

Even more so, the smile she had just now, with the way the corners of her lips tugged up only ever so slightly… It was Seohyun’s rare smile.

He stood motionless like a tree that’s rooted to the floor. The only part of his body that moved were his eyes, which watched as her retreating back was no longer in sight.

Even if he tried to deny it, and deny it even more, he could not erase the assumption that the woman who was disappearing from his eyes was truly his wife