Chapter 16: Big guys hit hard!

Chapter 16: Big guys hit hard!

So, as it turns out, Denard was strong. Denard was very, very strong.

I now knew this from personal experience. Because I was airborne. What? Me? In the air? How nifty! Had I somehow gained flight magic? Could this humble axe now traverse the skies, free forevermore from the chains of gravity? Was I now a free bird, much like the titular character of my favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd song, Free Bird, which Id always assumed was about some sort of bird who was very free? Possibly Jonathan Livingston Seagal?

No. Not at all. Denard had simply punched me was all. And as I had just mentioned, Denard was very strong.

I dont think Im going to get along with this guy. I dont think were going to click at all. Nope!

For one thing, hed smashed me through a wall. Being punched so hard that you fly soar through the air and smash through a wall is very unsettling. Walls arent supposed to be smashed through. They exist to mark the ending of a room, and to hang pictures on. Sometimes theyre loadbearing too. This wall had been!

Now I had a bunch of stuff from the ceiling caving in and landing on me. Also, my jaw hurts. Or it would hurt, if I could feel pain. This is a meat puppet after all, so its not as if hes actually beating me up. But if that were really my jaw, my jaw would hurt.

Denard was being a bully. Why do big men always feel compelled to throw their weight around?

It didnt take long to claw my way out of the rubble. But I had barely gotten to my feet when Denard was on me again, launching a nasty little left right combo. When his punches connected with my face, it sounded like two glass plates clacking together hard, just shy of breaking. Not exactly the sort of sound effect you want being piped into your ears!

Im starting to think you have a problem with me, man, I managed to get out before he brought his hands together and clubbed me to my knees. While I was down there, stunned, he lashed out with a booted foot and kicked me under my chin. He kicked me so flipping hard, I did an involuntary backwards somersault!

Okay, I actually felt that one. And let me tell you, I dont enjoy feeling things. Im not masochistic in the slightest! I much prefer inflicting pain over experiencing it. Not that this brute seemed to care! As I lay there on my back, he reached down and lifted me into the air by the neck.

Son of a gun! He was vadering me! This stupid bald bastaBoston Celtics fan was vadering me! You know, the classic onehanded neck lift and squeeze? He was doing that to me! Id always wanted to do that to someone else! And here he was, not only beating me to the punch, but using it as a means by which to keep punching me in the face! What a jerk!

Denard: I do not like you, sir! I do not like you!

Whyd you do it? he asked. Whyd you do it? Whyd you do it?

Whyd I do what? I asked him back.

Whyd you kill my men, you fucking bastard!

Am I under arrest? Have I been mirandized?

What? What the fuck are you talking about!

Your language is abusive! I have rights!

Shut your fucking mouth! he screamed as he shook me.

I thought you wanted me to talk! Pick a lane! Grow some hair, itll keep your brain warm!

Is this a fucking joke to you? Denard bellowed.

Why do you do that? I asked him.

Why do I do what?

All that cursing. It seems so forced! It really doesnt match your voice at all.

Huh?

I think youre code switching, man. Thats so class conscious! Hey, did you go to a nice school?

Uh--

You did, didnt you? Dont be embarrassed by it! Your parents worked hard for their money. Making yourself sound working class disrespects their efforts! You shouldnt be embarrassed by where you came from, Denard!

Shut up! he yelled, and then lawn darted me through another wall.

It really makes you wonder, right? Was he punishing me, or punishing himself?

Food for thought.

__

When Denard came stomping through the hole hed made using my face, I caught him in the belly with a good swing from my axe. He stopped and looked at his waist, stunned by the sudden appearance of this fine-looking piece of indestructible magic steel now embedded in his gut.

Hullo! I said brightly. Then I dragged the blade across his waist to open the wound even wider, before I pulled it free. Then I elbowed him in the gut as hard as I could! It made a sound like spletch! And Denard screamed like a man whod just had his stomach opened with an axe, which coincidentally was the effect I was going for, so, yay me! I did it! Hurrah for disembowelment and the heroes who work hard to make it happen!

Using the flat of my blade, I pounded my axe-head against the top of Denards skull, then kicked him in the face as hard as I could. I dont know the exact limits of my meat puppets physical strength, but [Troll Regeneration] was a skill I had that constantly healed my injuries at a superhuman rate of speed. Thanks to it, I could use my muscles without them ever fatiguing, or tearing if I tried to lift something that would ordinarily be too heavy for them. That basically meant I was strong as heck!

The flat side of the axe slammed into my face, shattering my teeth and breaking my nose.

Stop LYING! Denard yelled.

Whath? Buw how dith you know?

Another slap from the axe. Oh, he was a canny one!

You know what? I told him a few minutes later, when some new teeth had grown in. It doesnt matter. Do what you have to do.

This is your last chance, asshole.

You think so? I dont. I learn fast. I lay my head against the floor and took a deep breath.

You know something, Denard? I have way too much fun, and I think it occasionally gets in the way of making rational decisions. I mean, youre strong as heck, buddy! Why was I fighting you head on? Thats dumb. Thats me not taking things seriously."

"But I can learn from this. I can! I had fun! This was a great learning experience for me. Also, your friends are still dead, and youll never be able to avenge them, so choke on that for a while, okay?

You son of a he started to say as he lifted the axe up for a final strike. This guy! Always with the bad language! He'd even gotten me doing it for a little bit. I was so over this!

Before he finished me off, I activated [Earth Mastery] and used it to generate a powerful magnetic field that enveloped the axe. Then I inverted that field which caused it to repel the steel my axe was comprised of, which sent it flying far, far away. Railgun principal! Do you love it? Say hey, if you love magnets!

If we ever meet again, youre paste, Denard. Grats on your win, though. Byyyyyyye!

The further away the axe went, the harder it became to stay conscious. When the distance grew too great to maintain the connection, my meat puppet died.

And then, I was back in my axe body. And wow, I was soaring!

Hey, as it turns out I figured out a way to fly after all! Magnetic fields are awesome! This was traveling in style, guys! Seriously! It was so much fun, I wanted to sing!

Here I go! A magical axe! Flying through the sky, so fancy free~

Being an axe is awesome!

__

Denard yelled in frustration. His hands clenched so tightly into fists that he felt his tendons popping from the tension he was exerting.

This isnt over, he promised himself. This isnt over, this isnt over, this isnt over!

That creature had claimed it was a fast learner. Well, so was Denard! He was more than mere muscle. He was a good listener too. That thing had claimed its power came from that strange axe. And in the crucial moment, it was the axe it had chosen to preserve over its own life.

That meant it hadnt been lying!

It must be like a Liches phylactery. His soul must return to it when his bodies die

He nodded to himself. That was certainly what the evidence suggested. And he had a feeling in his gut that he was right! The axe was everything! Get rid of the axe, get rid of the demon!

So be it. His men would be avenged!

Fly away as far as you like, you coward! Denard yelled. It doesnt matter. Im the one wholl find you!

And when next we meetTHAT AXE WILL DIE!

__

What was happening in there? Nicollet asked with wide eyes, as she and Seras made their way through the woods, far from any open path. Why didnt we wait for my aunt?

She wasnt there, Seras said quietly. And if we had stayed there any longer, we would have been caught up in the fight between those two monsters.

Hey, what did you see in there? Why are you so pale?

I saw men turned into dog feed, you little idiot!I learned that not all demons are locked beyond the black gate! That was what Seras had been tempted to say. Instead, she said: Pray you never have occasion to learn, my lady.

So, what are we going to do now? Nicollet asked her.

Well have to head to Duskvale. To the last place your aunt was sighted before she vanished.

You dont mean

Yes. The dungeon.