CH 55

When was the first time I killed a living thing?

I don’t remember that.

Killing insects doesn’t make your heart hurt.

It’s the same when you’re dealing with a demon.

When I killed a goblin, I didn’t feel any pain in my heart.

But what if it was a human?

I had never thought about it.

Even though I had the power to kill people, I never expected such a possibility.

Katherina-sensei once said to me.

“Why are you studying magic, Owen-sama?”

What did I say then?

“I’ve never really thought about it. Can’t I just study magic ……purely because I want to?”

“That’s fine for now. Magic is useful, but it can also be a deadly weapon. Just keep that in mind.”

Katherina-sensei said with a gentle smile.

I always carry a weapon with me.

A weapon that can kill dozens or hundreds of people.

“Owen. What’s going on here?”

Chris-sensei asked, standing in front of me.

“Dominic …….”

Just as I was about to say that, I spewed my stomach onto the cobblestones.

I felt sick.

I couldn’t stop throwing up.

“Can you stand up?”

“Yes. ……”

“Let’s move to a different location. Farren, come with me.”

I followed Chris-sensei to a deserted alleyway.

She waited for me to calm down.

“How are you feeling?”

“Yes. I’m fine now.”

“Well, ……. Let me ask you straight out, what happened here?”

I explained to him in detail what had happened.

But when I arrived here, Dominic had turned into a monster and I had killed him.

That’s all there was to it.

After listening to the story, Chris-sensei nodded gravely.

“So Dominic, the demon, attacked you and you killed it, right?”

“…… Yes. Yes, that’s right.”

“Why did you come here? I thought I told you to stay out of this.”

Farren opened her mouth.

“Because I wanted to help Dominic.”

“Help? Don’t get carried away.”

Chris-sensei glared at Farren.

“I…!”

“Hey, Farren. You’re yourself. No one else.”

“That ……. I know that. I know that I …….”

Farren looked down in frustration.

“Owen. You defeated the demon, didn’t you?”

“I killed…… Dominic.”

“I don’t admire your reckless behavior. But some people have been saved by it. Don’t get so worked up about it.”

“What is…… magic?”

“A wish, I believe.”

“What did I wish for? I wished for…… Dominic’s death.”

“Owen. Take the rest of the day off.”

Chris-sensei put her hand on my shoulder.

“Go home and get some sleep.”

And then she left.

When the Sensei was out of sight, Farren looked at me.

“I’m sorry I blamed you for something that wasn’t your fault. ……”

“No, it’s okay.”

I smiled at her.

What the hell is okay?

“I couldn’t save you, Dominic.”

“You can’t try to save everything.”

There is a famous line from my favorite anime.

Saving someone means not saving someone.

“Save one person and kill many. Or kill one person for the sake of the many. What if that one person is a friend?　What if it’s your lover?　What if it’s a family member?　Or you need to kill either your lover or your family. What would Farren do?”

“I can’t make a …… decision.”

“I can’t either.”

There’s no way I can decide that.

But sometimes you have to choose, even if the choice is not that extreme.

“I’ll reach out to both.”

“It’s arrogant to help them all. One day you’ll have to let go of what really matters.”

Farren’s thoughts, and sense of justice, irritated me.

No, it’s not.

I’m annoyed at my own shallowness.

I was so excited to be able to use magic.

I had thought that I might be able to do something about Dominic.

As a result, I killed Dominic with my own hands.

I shouldn’t have gotten involved.

If there was a right answer for this time, it was to stay out of it from the beginning.

And then Dominic would be disposed of without my knowledge.

That was the right choice, the right answer.

“Owen ……”

Farren muttered.

I walked away from her.

Killing someone was a lot easier than I thought.

All you have to do is stick your index finger in the air, say “bullet” and release the magic.

Then, a beautiful hole would be made in the opponent’s chest.

I thought I had it contained, but something came rushing up from my stomach.

I put my hands up on the wall and looked down.

I feel sick.

I just want to throw it all up.

I thought I was a hero now that I could use magic.

But I’m not a hero.

I’m not a hero, but I can’t solve everything and have a happy ending like the heroes in the manga.

“Ahhhh, shit!”

I punched the wall with all the strength I had.